Other Half told me he doesn't want me to have an epidural

[FirstNov2017]

Lets all laugh together...
I don't want an epidural but this is my first child and I have no idea what to expect. I'm aware of the pros and cons and see it as a last resort. After our antenatal class this week my partner said "I don't want you to have an epidural, it's not an option in my eyes". Anyone else had similar comments/demands from partners? My body my choice and my pain threshold!

Also, if you think you might need one, especially if you have to be induced, book it in early so they have an anaesthetist lined up.
Otherwise he may get his wish...

Ha ha I'd just tell him that's fine- they probably won't be offering him one anyway. You on the other hand will be keeping your options open!

I looked at him and laughed! Then I said "If I feel I need one, I will be having one! An epidural despite it's cons is an option for a reason and you'll do well to remember that it's my body, not ours"

He's not controlling or maybe he tries to be but I do what I feel is right regardless and tell him when he's obviously away with the fairies that he needs to reign in his nonsense!

I don't think that is one bit funny. You DH sounds like a complete prick!

He's being a twat.

Why is he against it?
Slowing labour down?
Harming the baby or you?
Something else?

He has no say in this.

Cross post!! I meant what HE said wasn't funny. I find men like that scary.

I laughed when I saw your thread title. Hopefully he's being naive rather than just being a controlling twat.

Haha my dh tried to say the same thing. He worried about everything and was convinced I was going to be paralysed the bloody div. I simply told him if I need one I'm having one. Gave birth six days ago and by 5cm I was screeching to have one. He didn't dare try and stop me. I don't think he could stand the screaming any longer.
Stand your ground when your in labour, if you want it then have it.

My dad narrowly avoided a punch in the face by midwives on many occasions (6 kids) as he told my mum "get it if you want, but I'm not looking after you when it goes wrong and you're paralysed"
He always told me "never have an epidural!" I didn't want one but I did have his voice in the back of my head when I was being asked.
Men

If he says it again, just tell him that when he is the one giving birth, then he gets an opinion, until that happens he should shut the fuck up about what he thinks about what will be happening with your body while you give birth.

Tell him that when he can carry a baby and give birth to it, then he gets a say.

I was adamant that I wasn't having any pain relief or an epidural with my 1st. 26 hours in, a drip at full pelt and monitor on baby's head, I lost the plot and BEGGED the midwife for an epidural. DH pipes up "but you told me to stop you from having one".....the look I gave him is one of legend now, and he said that he nearly ran from the room .
On a serious note, I think you need to explain to him that the decisions about your pain management are going to be made by you and you alone at the time, not him............. and the midwives will very much be led by you.

I hope you've put him in his place and told him since it's your body you'll be doing what you bloody well like.

That wouldn't make me laugh it would make me really angry. Is he controlling? Or is it just he's worded that really badly.

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What a dick!

Close friend's DH refused to call an ambulance when they had planned a home birth and accused her of being manipulative when she was scared and begged to go to the hospital.

Please think hard about your birth partner choices!

If we were to have one more child he wants me to have c-section. Its nice that he's thinking of me but I am not sure what I will plan if I decide to have one more child.

I dont think this is funny I think it's scary...it's bizarre he thinks he has the right to say that

Depending on what he's normally like I'd either laugh in his face or sit him down to explain exactly what role you want him to take in the labour room. I.e., totally supportive, encouraging, brow-mopping and providing drinks - etc.

I've done it with and without and I can highly recommend the epidural! The midwives will listen to you, not him but really I think he'll get it when he sees what you're going through

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Tell him he gets a choice when he has to push a watermelon out of his arse!
Then keep an eye open and stay on guard for other controlling attitudes creeping in.
Alternatively, if he has a vasectomy in future tell him he can have it done without any local anaesthetic.
My DH shared no such opinions during the pregnancy or birth of either of our daughters. Quite the contrary - he was disappointed I didn't get a chance to have an epidural as he hated seeing me in pain.

My DP hated the idea of me using a TENS machine - wouldn't help me stick the pads on, so I never found out if it would have helped.

I didn't hold it against him, it was the least of my worries, and I had alternatives. Had he suggested that I couldn't have an epidural/spinal/the gas/the morphine/the pethidine/diclofenac/codeine/any of the other pain reliefs I've had over 2 labours and breastfeeding then I would have had some words I think.

((((((((Hugs)))))))) OP. I'd laugh at him too.

Sorry - that would be a "and who says YOU have a say in what I am having done to my body!"

Ask him if he would like a vasectomy without an anaesthetic ...

Haha. But, more seriously, have a think about whether you want him there. One of the most important things is support - real support, not simply the person closest to you but the person who will be there for you and NOT bring judgment, disapproval, their own feelings into the room. If he's there 'supporting' but actually raising his eyebrows at things and radiating disapproval or unable to stop himself making 'helpful' suggestions and you end up screaming at him to get out - it's not good. And can actually slow your labour.

The absolute LAST thing you want is for him to have a negative effect on you mentally and you coming out of it thinking 'If he hadn't been there acting like x, I am sure y wouldn't have ended up happening'.

A friend had this. She ended up with a caesarean and she blames her DP. Who knows whether she would have progressed faster or whatever if he hadn't been there but she almost had a doula instead as she knew he would make it all about him. And he did. And it all went a bit wrong and whether or not it was actually partly due to lack of support doesn't matter, the issue is that she blames him - and it's really been a bad thing for them.

If you are not convinced of his support on your terms, simply don't have him in the room. Really.