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Original poster

Feeling really unwell & haven't felt baby move

401 replies

Quarksoundslikequack · 13/01/2017 13:07

It's been well over 12 hours since I last felt movement, 8 of those were me asleep.

Feeling like absolute shite, out of breath, light headed.....pounding head.....feeling sick.

27 weeks pregnant today

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Original poster
Quarksoundslikequack · 16/01/2017 17:07

Oh I fully agree with you. I have paid all of my debts to him so am no longer financially tied at all.

I am doing much better with money especially since last year, I wouldn't even mind if he loaned me the money & I paid it back over time!

I wonder what he may help with? Maybe furniture? As I will have absolutely nothing to move with except my bed.

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NameChange30 · 16/01/2017 17:52

Your best bet is to make a homelessness application, then you will be high priority on the housing register and should be able to get social housing relatively quickly. Social housing (council or housing association) will be much better than private renting because the rent is lower and your tenancy will be more secure.

When your immediate health and housing needs are sorted, talk to Citizens Advice about your debts. They are usually very good and many advisers have training on debt and mental health and the links between them.

Phoebefromfriends · 16/01/2017 17:53

OP you should give the housing benefit team a ring as I know some councils have a discretionary fund for people in your situation that you could access to cover the first month's rent and deposit etc.... It's there to prevent you from becoming homeless.

I'm shocked that your father won't help you out.

NameChange30 · 16/01/2017 17:55

Cross post. Citizens Advice can also help you apply for grants towards the cost of appliances, furniture etc.

Your father does sound very unsupportive in the circumstances, but as I said in a previous post, I think you need to focus on the people/organisations that can and will support you, rather than the unsupportive people in your life.

Good luck, you will get there!

Northernlurker · 16/01/2017 18:34

Can I advise caution in the discussion of your finances on this thread op?
That's for two reasons. Firstly Mumsnet has been plagued for years with posters who are looking for hand outs and consequently any post which makes reference to hardship can cause suspicion. Obviously that's beastly for genuine posters to be on the receiving end of and I wouldn't like to see that happen to you.
Secondly you've given a lot of specific details about your situation including your finances and that can make you more vulnerable as not everybody is what they seem.

Original poster
Quarksoundslikequack · 16/01/2017 20:38

Aw thank you for the heads up, I'm pretty internet smart.

I'm not broke nor have I got money laying around but no offence to anyone in financial hardship, I won't be handing out any money nor will I be asking anyone for any either.

I only struggle with finances because I can't afford £2k fees and what not.
However at no point have I discussed my finances for any amount of sympathy.

Thank you for saying that as I didn't realise things like that happen on here. Still slightly new

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Original poster
Quarksoundslikequack · 17/01/2017 00:13

Unfortunately my father is very ignorant to things....he doesn't understand much in regards to life's issues! He lives in his own world.

I am hoping and praying il be out of a hostel before the baby comes, I can't bear the thought of bringing my baby home to a place where men & women live who may have histories of drugs, violence & sex offences.

That is my worst nightmare!

OP posts:
MNHQ
KatherineMumsnet · 17/01/2017 12:12

Hi all,

While we aren't making any insinuations here, we just wanted to hop on to say that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ, OP Flowers

Original poster
Quarksoundslikequack · 17/01/2017 15:13

Thanks Mumsnet, not looking for a handout in the slightest at all.

Simply here for support emotionally.

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Namechangeemergency · 17/01/2017 16:50

Rather than me trying to explain the likelyhood of a newborn and new mum being placed in a hostel with sex offenders it would probably be more useful and reassuring for you to read this

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/homelessness/temporary_and_long-term_housing_offers_from_the_council/temporary_housing_after_the_council_has_made_a_decision

Good luck

SealSong · 17/01/2017 20:24

Hi Quark, please don't take MN's post personally, it's totally standard on threads when someone mentions money probs. You're clearly not fishing for handouts.

Did you get to speak to the mental health nurse today?

Original poster
Quarksoundslikequack · 17/01/2017 20:52

I saw the one from yesterday & also a doctor & another one today. They are doing a 24hr plan with me tomorrow before I leave.

Spoke to my support worker, I will go into a hostel for single people & then a hostel for mothers & babies

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jld128 · 17/01/2017 21:38

i hope all works put i am saddened to read your story, but you seem like a strong person and i have no doubt you will do the best for your son when he is eventually here just please don't be afraid to ask for what your entitled too these schemes are put in place to help

Namechangeemergency · 17/01/2017 21:51

quark is there no family you can stay with after the baby is born? Just for a while until you feel more stable?

Original poster
Quarksoundslikequack · 17/01/2017 21:53

It'll all get sorted eventually....whatever place I go, il have to do my own risk assessment.

Wish I could go back to April 2016 if I'm honest!

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SILfoundmyusername · 18/01/2017 17:18

It will be difficult having to move possibly several times, but you will look at your son and want to protect him no matter what, it sounds like you have a good support team around you.
Hopefully your dad will be more supportive down the line, but enjoy the freedom you'll feel not paying him rent and paying back debt to him.
You've got this.

Maudlinmaud · 18/01/2017 17:24

Evening Quark. How are things today?

Original poster
Quarksoundslikequack · 18/01/2017 21:16

Hi All,

I am now home from hospital, was discharged around 7:30pm today.

Have done a plan to help me cope whilst still going through all of this, given that my hormones are all over the place at the moment.

I feel a little deflated and down but I'm not letting it get to me, trying to ignore the thoughts of my life with him! I think I'd feel so so much better if I could just forget I ever knew him!

Looking forward to the safe arrival of my baby & making a life for both me & him.

It won't be an easy road but I will make it work for my son, he is priority.

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chatnanny · 18/01/2017 22:45

Just re-read the entire post. Just a thought, if your father would offer you the whole flat / house but the rent is too big would you consider getting a flat-mate? Possibly another lone mother or someone who is out a lot like a nurse or young doctor? I only thought of it as my DD lodged with a young couple and their new baby when she was working away from her usual place. They'd advertised and needed the money and she was out all day so it worked well. It would save you having to pay a deposit. Just a suggestion. Hope you get a good sleep.

Original poster
Quarksoundslikequack · 18/01/2017 22:55

I've considered this however it's a 3 bed & the spare room is tiny....it is 6ft by 6ft, probably smaller than a cupboard.

I don't think my dad would let me rent it, he'd be too worried he wouldn't get his rent

OP posts:
SpeakNoWords · 18/01/2017 23:11

He sounds a charmer Angry. Its such a shame he can't be more supportive of you.

SILfoundmyusername · 18/01/2017 23:48

Glad you stayed in hospital and had a plan sorted.
Maybe talk to your dad and ask about the rental thing, you'lol have baby in with you anyway for the first six months or so and he won't notice being n the small room. But understandable if you want to not share with anyone and would be happier in a one bedroom flat by yourselves with no new housemate to contend with,

Original poster
Quarksoundslikequack · 18/01/2017 23:56

My dad doesn't know anything about my life, we don't talk at all except about jobs & money.

He doesn't understand mental health at all.

I could ask him which would mean I could stay here on minimal rent until he decides to leave which would mean no upheaval for me!

The baby was going to be going in the box room anyway however I'd be very loathe getting a housemate with my baby as I'd be absolutely paranoid as to whether we were safe around said house mate! I know that sounds silly but it's things I worry about because of places I've lived in the past.

Annoyingly another single mother is out of the question due to having only 3 rooms.

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SpeakNoWords · 19/01/2017 00:01

He knows you're pregnant and that you're not with the father, and that you have no home to go to. It's not rocket science to work out the position you're in. Sorry, it's not helpful to point it out because you can't change it, but it's making me angry on your behalf.

NameChange30 · 19/01/2017 08:22

Not helpful no.

OP would be better off finding a place of her own where she doesn't depend on the goodwill of someone unsupportive who doesn't understand MH issues.

Let's help the OP focus on what she can control (clue: her father's attitude isn't one of those things) and stay as positive as possible.