Pregnancy after mc - part 5 the support we need - luck to all

[firststar]

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Hi friends and welcome Ladypanda. I am 5+3 after mc with complications last year. So we seem to be in a similar boat: too early to really know and start being confident...

I had a big collapse this morning. I have been trying to somehow detach myself from this pg, so that I won't be too devastated if it doesn't work out. (I didn't try to do this contiously, it just happened that way). I do not think this is really good for me because if I loose this one I WILL grieve no matter what. It makes really no sense. Today I discovered that I was so much in denial that I forgot to take my folic acid supplement for 5 days in a row (and the six week is crucial for neural tube defects!). I just had a breakdown and cried for three hours. I just do not know how I can ever make it through the first twelve weeks (unless everything will be over next week). I know I have no choice but to wait and see but would welcome any strategies how you coped in this difficult time. I am trying to just get through to Tuesday and not think about anythign afterwards. I am seeing three pregnant ladies every day and can barely bare it. I have considered not going for lunch/coffee any more or maybe to quite my job. Not a single person in RL has had any problems in their pregnancies and they don't even try to understand what I am going through. They are surprised that I am not over my loss yet (my god -- it has been months!) and they don't even know about my current fears. How did you ever get through this?

Glimmer - don't worry too much about the folic acid. Women have been having healthy, intelligent children for years without all the supplements that people take today. In fact, I discovered the other day that my mum took a thalomide (sp?) related drug during her pg with both me and my sister and we are (fortunately) both fine.

I know what you mean about denial. I didn't even test until I was almost 6 weeks. It was easier to hold off because my last period was earlier than usual so I was waiting to see whether it would arrive properly. I wanted to test earlier, but was petrified that it might be positive and petrified that it might be negative so just froze into a state of inaction. It's so emotionally hard, but you are not alone.

Surprised by your RL friends. I don't think people can really comprehend how devastating a m/c is, but even if you don't understand what a friend is going through, you should be patient and supportive in my mind. I know how hard the waiting is, but just focus on next Tuesday and it will be here before you know it. Only 4 sleeps away...

I think I can feel the baby moving... Didn't feel ds until 19 weeks so not sure, but I think it might be...

Oh my god Mumpbump - that's amazing!

Hi and welcome ladypanda!

Well I am definitely getting symptoms again after a lapse the other day. Feeling quiite nauseous but hungry at the same time. I've got my booking app this aft and am going to ask if they will use the thingy to hear the hb just to put my mind at rest.

DH being very supportive but have a friend staying with us who doesn't know and I am now finding it hard to hide the tiredness, nausea etc....she thinks I'm coming down with something!!! Worse still had another friend over for dinner last night and I had to go and crash out straight after eating! They were getting so concerned for me. Just really don't want to tell anyone in RL until 13/14 wks.

Glimmer - I can really empathise with what you're saying about trying to remain detached.. but struggling and ending up a hormonal wreck. I've been like that - particularly around 5-6 weeks. I'd howl that I couldn't cope with this and wish I wasn't pg. I'd go to the loo constantly to check for signs of stuff going wrong. For me, its just got a little easier week by weeek.

I recommend keeping occupied as much as possible - work has been a good distraction for me. Watch a lot of movies (I went to the pictures the night before my scan when I was just so wound up) It is very difficult but you will get through this time and all being well be able to relax and actually enjoy your pregnancy a little more later on, and look back on this time with enourmous relief.

Mumpbump - this is kind of why I'm preferring the cvs option over amnio - I will just know much sooner. I feel like I don't want to tell anyone I'm pg until I know that things are kind of OK (by that I mean not the 'incompatible with life' scenario) I really don't have the will or energy to invest more time than I already have in doomed pg. OK mostly I should have mc by now if that were to be the case, but my mom carries the same thing as me and she went full term and had sb - baby had horrific, multiple abnormalities - double sets of organs, missing organs, completely fused together spine with no gaps between at all.. I know that would be picked up on US now but that would still be later on - too late for surgical tx. Sorry if this is making anyone feel uncomfortable. I'm not exactly that comfortable with it either. My dh's family would be especially critical of any decision to tx and would probably disown us (they have strong religious beliefs).. all this makes cvs better option for us, despite the higher risks involved.

ejb...can only imagine what you must be going through. Fingers and toes crossed for you.
Glimmer....Ladypanda...hang in there, it does get better. After my 2nd mc I was terrified and excited in equal measure and did the denial thing a bit too...I didn't stop smoking until after I'd had a scan at 6+3 that showed the heartbeat which made it seem that bit more real.
also, don't worry too much about the folic acid....if you've been taking it reasonably regularly and are eating a reasonable diet, then you shouldn't have any problems. My doc said it wouldn't hurt to have missed a few days.
I also had lots of odd twinges, and a bit of spotting, but I'm sure it's just because you are so vitally aware of everything that is happening cos you've been through it before. Still doing the knicker check (I'm now 28 wks) and the early worries have been replaced with other ones like not feeling the baby move.
It is hard, but it will get better and I wish you all well with much hope for the coming weeks.
congrats to all the successful scans....any news of firststar...hope it went well chuck, things'll feel a lot easier from here on in.
Take care

Thanks for your kind words. I have been a little better in the last hours. I know that th e folic acid thing is not such a big deal, it was just a trigger for all my fears. Am very angry today (sorry). It is wonderful to learn that most of you are doing so well and have sucessful pregancies after mc.
Ejb - I second daisbump. I can only guess how difficult it must be for you. I really hope you'll get good results on the 2nd and it seems that CVS is the right choce for you. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this time must be for you... All the best and a round of hugs from me, too.

Afternoon all - this thread is busy today!

ejb - great news about your scan - I really hope that the genetic problem isn't present this time. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult the whole pg 'thig' must be for you.

Rubles - fab news about your scan - here's to the rest of your pg being completely uneventful!

ladypanda - welcome to knicker checkers anonymous! Unfortunately, paranoia is an integral part of the whole pg after mc scenario - I hope you have a boring and uneventful pg this time round.

Mumpbump - really glad you had a good night's sleep - it makes all the difference!

Glimmer - as for how I cope - this thread is a large part of that! I also have friends who have suffered losses, and they have been a great source of support. As for the pg ladies around you - it sucks! After my 2nd mc last year, I went back to work, and there were 4 other members of staff pg at the same time - 2 of whom I'm particularly close to - I must admit that I didn't begrudge them their pgs - the people I wanted to slap were the women who stand outside the womens' unit at the hospital (where I had to go for a lot of follow-up treatment after the mc, due to complications) swigging cans of cider, ad chain-smoking. I often felt like slapping them - mind you, I often still do!

Firststar - I sing ok - although if I was to go for the BBC chorus, I'd go for some vocal training first - I'd feel a bit of a fraud otherwise!

Rehearsal went well last night, but was very intense - I'm absolutely wiped out today, and have been worse then useless! I have asked to be moved into the 2nd row of the choir from the front, as I tried on my 'costume' for tomorrow, and it's bleeding obvious that I'm up the duff! There are so many people who don't know yet - not telling most until after scan next week, that I didn't want it rubbed in!

Some good news - dh is on his way home, and should be home before dinner! Not so good for him, there were some problems at the site where he was working (they wouldn't shut off the machinery so he could complete the survery), but great as far as I'm concerned!

Right, going to collapse on the sofa again.

Probably won't post over the weekend - look out for me on tv tomorrow (end of the 2nd row of the altos - in the Blues choir)

Take care all!

Aw thankyou Glimmer and daisybump

And ejt - cross posted

We look like the same poster scanning down this thread! Least by the looks of things you didn't go for numbers of your birthyear! Your talk of costumes in your post and your username numbers has got me daydreaming about big powdered wigs, dangerous liasons etc.. Oh how the mind wanders! Arrgghh going to do some work now

1764 was a good year - I'm very well preserved!

Could just fancy one of those busty dresses and the wigs (don't fancy the corsets much right now ...)

The truth is actually a lot more mundane than that! I used to live at number 17 - and the first part of my postcode was 64! see, told you it was boring!

Glimmer
Sorry to hear you are so down, but sounds like good healthy hormones to me, upset by not taking your pills, how emotional is that , sounds very familiar. You will get through it, I also convined myself it was over before first scan, I guess it makes you feel more in control or something iyjkim.

Tuesday will be here soon, watch lots of movies and i found sad ones cheered me up. i felt vvvv lucky after watching 'Hotel Rwanda'

Have a good weekend all.

ejt and ejb, I was wondering what your names meant, have always wanted to ask. Mine is my dog's name, but i often wonder if people think i'm japanese, considering all my bad spelling and grammar .

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Firststar phantastic news on your scan. I am so happy for you I really am.

Thank you so much everybody for your kind words
and coping strategies. This is pretty much what I tried: keeping busy and watching movies, although I am trying to avoid public places, since I have these unannouced breakdowns in tears. You have become true friends. Would love to get to know you in RL! I started bleeding again, but also have started having pg symptoms, so this together with Uki's observation means hormones are definitely on the rise (on the other side: has this last time around well after I had technically mcd- so it really doesn't mean anything.). I will try to see if I can get a scan on Monday, just want to resolution....

All the best to everybody and thanks again for your support.

Glimmer - sorry to hear you've had more bleeding. I hope you manage to move your scan to Monday, to give you some reassurance. I did have some pg symptoms after my missed mc last year, but thinking back, they weren't major ones, so if i'd really thought about it, I would have known that things weren't right, if that makes sense.

Anyway, got everything crossed for you.

I'm getting very nervous about my scan on Friday - had a tiny tiny tiny amount of spotting this afternoon, but it didn't really look like old blood, just browny discharge - too much knicker watching!! Trying not to worry about it and trying to be positive that my pg symptoms should be residing as I'm 12 weeks on Monday and I did retch away while wiping DD bottom this afternoon (poor girl! hope I didn't give her a phobia of pooing!!)

Firststar already congratulated you, but still so happy for you! great they gave you some 4D viewing, was that free? Where did you have your scan, if you don't mind telling?

take care all and keep positive! Wish I could take my own advice!

xx

Gliimer, let's start a new society- neurotics anonymous! I absolutely am with you on the the everyone I know has perfect pregnancies tip, and it can be so so hard. My current strategy is to busy myself with nice long-term plans that aren't to do with baby. That way if it does all go wrong there's something else tangible to carry on with. I also had (after a violent panic attack in the night) some amazing acupuncture, where she worked all the relaxation points. Have to say have been feeling much calmer (and sicker!) since. Will be thinking of you and your scan, positive thoughts xx

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Morning all! We had snow this morning, can you believe it? Bought some plants at the weekend for our front garden and am now very glad I didn't put them in... Lots of scans coming up this week!!

Firststar - hurray for you!!! The 20 week scan is amazing, isn't it? I got loads of scans with ds as they were worried about his growth rate so had 2 or 3 extra towards the end of the pg. The last one was incredibly detailed and they got a really good picture of his face.

Glimmer - sorry to hear about the bleeding. Hope you got your scan moved to today, but if not, Wednesday is not that far away... Do let us know how you get on - I will be sending lots of positive vibes your way.

Fettle - I'm sure you'll be okay. At the risk of tempting fate, it sounds fairly minor spotting to me! Not long until your scan.

Uki - I did assume you were of oriental origin, but not because of your spelling or grammar!!

Hello to everyone else!

Felt the baby move again over the weekend. It seems quite active in the evening, unlike ds who was active during the morning and afternoon. Just my luck if I end up with a nocturnal baby this time after ds who slept all night except for when he was feeding. I guess it will all change again by the time it is born. I think I have a slight nesting urge, but alas I don't have the energy to actually do anything about it so am getting quite frustrated! Hoping to get some stuff done on Wednesday afternoon after the scan!

Glimmer.....thinking of you......

Fettle, not long now. Working weeks always whizz by so you'll be at Friday before you know it. I don't think your spotting sounds like too much to worry about - but nothing will relax you properly until you see your baby alive and kicking on Friday, I guess.

I actually had a minute bit of blood when I wiped on two occasions after my scan last Friday - it thoroughly took the wind out of my sails after the happiness of the scan, I can tell you. But I don't think it was anything serious. I just wish my body would bloody well calm down and start being normal like other people's.

I am amazed at you feeling movements mumpbump, that's just brilliant. It must be very reassuring for you.

My dp was talking about mumsnet at the weekend. He said that when I had left it open on the laptop he had sometimes skimmed through. He said something about all the wealth of women giving such 'eloquent' advice based on their own hard-won experience. I wondered what threads he had seen so asked what the topics were...and he didn't know, but said it seemed to be mainly women talking about what they had found in their pants which made me laugh...I thought that would probably have to be this one.

Oh, Hillbilly, how did the booking go? I didn't get mine because of some balls up with the appointments, which is very typical for my local surgery. Have had to rebook for when I am 13 1/2 weeks.

Good morning to everyone else not mentioned specifically here.

Hi all,

Hope you had a good weekend - the singing at the match on Saturday was awesome - definitely a once in a lifetime experience! Our choir didn't win, but as we had been hanging around (outside) for 2 1/2 hours before going on the pitch to sing (technical rehearsals etc.) without coats (nowhere to put them!), I was quite pleased to be able to go into the hospitality which was lovely and warm - AND we got food, AND we had drinks! All the non-winning choirs were in hospitality together, and we sang together throughout the match - superb atmosphere ... AND we won!

Yesterday was a write-off though - I felt like I'd been run over by a truck!

firstar - fantastic news about your scan - you can really relax now!

Glimmer - thinking of you - hope you've managed to get your scan moved.

fettle - oooh wiping ds's bum - makes me heave too - poor dab!

ladypanda - acupuncture seems to be doing the trick for me too ...

mumpbump - no snow, but it's really cold! I didn't get much sleep last night (ds was very unsettled, and I probably got 20 minutes between 12.30 and 5am - not just ds's fault though - I've never had insomnia before - anyway, I think mine was fizzing away in the early hours too ... although I'm not allowing myself to think too much about it until Thursday!

Rubles - at your dp thinking our advice is eloquent!

take care all ...

Good morning. I will have my 1st scan today at
1pm! If it's good I will let you know by 3pm, if not I might not come back to work today (and have no internet at home...) but will let you know by tomorrow.

In any case: I wish you the very best with your pregnancies. It seems majority of you have made it through the toughest time!

Nettle and Rubles: I know how freaky it is but I second what has been said already: It doesn't sound to me like there is any reason to start worrying -- there is so much going on and you both have a likelhood of more than 99% that everything will work out fine (no that i am a stats believer)!

etj- haapy to hear the singing went well, Wished I had UK tv to see it, what fun !

Firstar-So lovely to hear about your wonderful scan, look forward to having mine now.

Mump- LOL that you thought I may be oriental, Are you sure it's not my spelling and grammar? I actually felt like writing english was my second language when i made some mistakes on another thread My dog is actually a japanese spitz though!

rubles- my dh jokes i spend too much time on here, but secretly enjoys reading over my shoulder too, like now

Hi all,

Rubles - My booking app went fine although when I asked her to use the little hand held thingy to hear the hb she said that as it wasn't as sensitive as ultrasound it would be unlikely to pick it up and did not want me to go away in a panic if no hb detected. Which is fair enough I think. Anyway got the integrated nuchal scan in 2 weeks so I guess I'll have to wait until then. Been feeling suitably crap so not feeling so worried at the moment.

Good luck with the scan Glimmer. Let's hope we hear from you this afternoon.

Uki - I thought you were oriental too!!

Hi to everyone else here

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