Had booking in appointment - didn't go well

[Difficultyear2015]

I came off the pill in July and had a withdrawal bleed.

Didn't have any period since other than 1 day of light spotting 6 weeks later. I had taken a test a day before that which was negative.
I have PCOS so don't have typical cycles and have gone years without a period before.
I took a test beginning of October that was a strong positive.
I took the test because I had stopped fitting into my clothes and was feeling tired all the time and having weird dreams about being pregnant.

I went to doctors and explained I had no idea how far along I was. He weighed me and dismissed it and said he will refer me to midwife for booking in and I will hear from them soon.

So 3 weeks went by and I had heard nothing. I started calling around the doctors trying to get hold of the midwife team to see where my referral was, finally spoke to midwife who said it sounds like I'm a lot further along and will get me booked in asap and will get me a dating scan urgently.

3 days later I have my booking in appointment.
I explained all of the above to the midwife.
I was in there for hours. She was questioning why it had taken me so long to have a booking in appointment and I said it wasn't without trying.
She then asked my weight and height which I told her the figures that the doctor said in the appointment I had with him 3 weeks prior, and straight away she told me I was overweight as I had a bmi of 26 and started asking if I do exercise.
I explained that only 3 months ago I had an endocrinology appointment where I was weighed at 65k and was under 25bmi and explained I have put on weight to the point I can't fit into my clothes (poasibly vloayibg / water retention / baby further along etc.
She made me feel like I was telling lies and that I am just fat and trying to get an early scan.

She tried to book me in for a scan there and then but the hospital scan department she spoke to told her they would go off the date I took the positive pregnancy test meaning I may not hear back for a scan appointment until another 6-8 weeks time. At which point I started crying as I know I'm further along than that and not just fat and if I wait for that scan to come through I could well be 20 weeks or further.

She then asked why I wanted a scan anyway and that I should just enjoy being pregnant.
I explained I want to know that there's a heartbeat for a start and how do I know it's all ok.

Because I was crying she then said she would refer me to a special midwife team who deal with women with additional mental and emotional needs.

I don't think I'm abnormal, this is all just very stressful.

She went on to say that there were pregnant ladies who bleed and need urgent scans and people like me can't take up emergency appointments like that.
I explained I'm happy to get a private scan if that was the case and I don't want someone who has more of a need than me to miss out on a scan.

After all this when I went to leave she gave me a hug and told me to cheer up and have a chocolate bar.

I was so distraught after all this that I went back to work in tears, grabbed my laptop and went home in tears.

I just feel like I am just a fat person and it's all in my head.

Maybe I will find at a scan appointment in 8 weeks time that I'm only 12 weeks then, but what if I'm further?

I'm feeling so fed up. I'm waiting for the scan so I can tell people some happy news but instead I'm now having to continually avoid people as I have an obvious bump and don't want to tell people before I know it's all ok.

Is the midwife right? Am I just fat and neurotic?

Good luck!

Good luck.

Sadly not unusual. I don't get positive tests for ages. Didn't know my dates due to previous miscarriage. Wasn't allowed a dating scan. Midwife at booking in guessed a due date and booked 12 week based on that. Was 17 weeks when I had it and right at the edge of not getting nuchal fold test. Sad to hear nothing has improved.

Overall let it pass you by. You may find a million things to get justifiably upset about as you navigate Health Care Professionals and eventually teachers over the years. They're generally doing their best as system constraints allow and even if they aren't there's nothing really you can do.

Happy
In that situation it seems the only way of getting a scan on time is to lie about the date of LMP, it's a shame we have to resort to that but I would have no scruples based on the experiences of you and the OP!

That sounds very much like the baby moving!

Hope it goes well today. Those bubbles are the first feelings of the baby moving. With my first I felt it at 20 weeks and with my second around 14 weeks. I think you're probably close to 20 weeks and if so, the midwife is even more of an idiot than we first thought! As a midwife you'd think she'd know the difference between a bump and fat and if she was unsure she should have examined your stomach to have a look/feel.

Yes bubbles deffo baby wriggles. Good luck with the scan.

Good luck

Congrats on your pregnancy Difficultyear and good luck with the scan. I agree with pp that the bubbles are baby movements, that's how it felt for me too, around 14-16 weeks.

I have PCOS too. With DD2 I knew I had ovulated literally straight after my period, not the standard 2 weeks after. I explained this to the MW but they always go with the standard "one cycle fits all approach" which you can understand because practically it is the only way they can deal with so many women. My dating scan proved me right and I was 2 weeks ahead of where the standard calculations put me.

Btw I am inpressed by your BMI as the standard with PCOS is to be overweight - I certainly am, with a BMI of over 30, but the MW I saw wasn't bothered by it, so not sure why yours made such a fuss. It is frustrating not to have your own knowledge of your body taken into account.

thanks oldbooks.

I worked really hard at losing weight and have struggled with it fluctuating hugely over the years without knowing why. (Only was diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago when I hadn't had a period for over a year)

Im worried that I will struggle to keep the weight off once baby is born.

Im not too sure if what I am feeling are baby movements, I surly cant be that far along enough to start feeling them and I only notice it maybe twice or 3 times a day at most. Some days I dont notice it much at all.

The first movements do come and go, you usually only feel the light fluttering if you are sat still for a while. The first time I felt it was on a long car journey.

It is hard after pregnancy, especially as you will be tired and hormonal and it takes a lot of willpower not to reach for sugary snacks to keep going! You have plenty of time to worry about that once the baby is a bit older though. And sometimes pregnancy helps pcos so you might be pleasantly surprised!

First of all congrats on your pregnancy!
I had my booking in a few weeks ago and the midwife explained that she was going to ask some personal questions but they were all important,she also asked how the father of the baby was feeling towards the pregnancy and if he was a long term partner. I also had no LMP date to give her as I have fallen pregnant straight after a mc but told her I knew the date of conception so had worked out my due date that way and she accepted what I had said.

Hoping your scan goes well and you get some answers. I would def put in a complaint.

I could feel her from 12 weeks. When is the scan?

Firstly, many congratulations! 😊
Defo book a private scan, so u can put ur mind at ease and also so u can start to enjoy your pregnancy x
I trained as a midwife and unfortunately a lot of them get to a stage where women r treated like cattle- one in, one out. It becomes easy to forget tht its a magical time in a woman's life and there are many different feelings and worries and pple are individuals, nt a series of checklists and a body !
Take heart, its not you- its her / the system.
If u aren't happy with ur nxt appointment tho, u are well within ur rights to request a different midwife.
I hope from here on u have a more enjoyable , special experience , all the best for ur scan 😊

Good luck

How did you get on today? Hope all's well ☺

Good luck OP, hope scan goes well!

Hope everything went well at the scan

Good luck for tonight OP

Good luck for tonight op

I'm currently nearly 36w with baby number 1. The beginning of my pregnancy was similar - the long and short of it was due to pill failure, I had no way of arriving at the all-important LMP date.

I saw a super understanding MW at the hospital on a Sunday for booking in, who went out her way to be understanding about all my anxieties. No-one tried to make me feel bad. She examined me and at first feel, said she thought it could be over 12 weeks. She had a second go after I'd been to the loo and retracted that statement! She got a scan arranged for me as soon as was possible. I was 12+6 on the day in the end.

This is what should happen! MW (in fact, people everywhere) need to realise that not everyone fits neatly into their system and apply some understanding and compassion where necessary. Most unfortunately, there are a great deal of people out there who are simply not very good at their jobs. Sorry to hear you encountered one of them at a time when you were already anxious.

Good luck with your scan this evening. I hope everything progresses smoothly from here. FWIW I'd certainly consider asking for future appointments with a different MW. Her attitude so far doesn't bode well for any other slightly-out-of-the-norm occurrence that may affect your pregnancy.

Thank you all for that kind wishes

I'm sitting at home anxiously waiting for the time to leave for the appointment.
So very nervous.

A teeny bit excited ☺️

Difficultyear2015 it is exciting! :)

Just through this good luck today xx