Had booking in appointment - didn't go well

[Difficultyear2015]

I came off the pill in July and had a withdrawal bleed.

Didn't have any period since other than 1 day of light spotting 6 weeks later. I had taken a test a day before that which was negative.
I have PCOS so don't have typical cycles and have gone years without a period before.
I took a test beginning of October that was a strong positive.
I took the test because I had stopped fitting into my clothes and was feeling tired all the time and having weird dreams about being pregnant.

I went to doctors and explained I had no idea how far along I was. He weighed me and dismissed it and said he will refer me to midwife for booking in and I will hear from them soon.

So 3 weeks went by and I had heard nothing. I started calling around the doctors trying to get hold of the midwife team to see where my referral was, finally spoke to midwife who said it sounds like I'm a lot further along and will get me booked in asap and will get me a dating scan urgently.

3 days later I have my booking in appointment.
I explained all of the above to the midwife.
I was in there for hours. She was questioning why it had taken me so long to have a booking in appointment and I said it wasn't without trying.
She then asked my weight and height which I told her the figures that the doctor said in the appointment I had with him 3 weeks prior, and straight away she told me I was overweight as I had a bmi of 26 and started asking if I do exercise.
I explained that only 3 months ago I had an endocrinology appointment where I was weighed at 65k and was under 25bmi and explained I have put on weight to the point I can't fit into my clothes (poasibly vloayibg / water retention / baby further along etc.
She made me feel like I was telling lies and that I am just fat and trying to get an early scan.

She tried to book me in for a scan there and then but the hospital scan department she spoke to told her they would go off the date I took the positive pregnancy test meaning I may not hear back for a scan appointment until another 6-8 weeks time. At which point I started crying as I know I'm further along than that and not just fat and if I wait for that scan to come through I could well be 20 weeks or further.

She then asked why I wanted a scan anyway and that I should just enjoy being pregnant.
I explained I want to know that there's a heartbeat for a start and how do I know it's all ok.

Because I was crying she then said she would refer me to a special midwife team who deal with women with additional mental and emotional needs.

I don't think I'm abnormal, this is all just very stressful.

She went on to say that there were pregnant ladies who bleed and need urgent scans and people like me can't take up emergency appointments like that.
I explained I'm happy to get a private scan if that was the case and I don't want someone who has more of a need than me to miss out on a scan.

After all this when I went to leave she gave me a hug and told me to cheer up and have a chocolate bar.

I was so distraught after all this that I went back to work in tears, grabbed my laptop and went home in tears.

I just feel like I am just a fat person and it's all in my head.

Maybe I will find at a scan appointment in 8 weeks time that I'm only 12 weeks then, but what if I'm further?

I'm feeling so fed up. I'm waiting for the scan so I can tell people some happy news but instead I'm now having to continually avoid people as I have an obvious bump and don't want to tell people before I know it's all ok.

Is the midwife right? Am I just fat and neurotic?

Good luck for Monday, hope you let us know how it goes!

Ask to speak to the supervisor of midwifes - not to complain necessarily but to ensure you are getting what you need asap. Agree accept mental health referal- if just to get a friendly ear and someone to help get things booked. She told you to cheer up and have a chocolate bar? That sounds insulting. Yes get a private scan if you want- but shouldnt feel you have to to get the care you need. Congratulations on your pregnancy

Make sure you drink plenty of water before scan!....and maybe take a sandwich lol!

Ask about drinking lots, with some scans it isn't necessary.

Have the scan and write a note about the apt and no of weeks, copied to her boss, esp if you are well over 12. And note the potential risks of failing to do a dating scan.

If that midwife is a pain in the ass all her colleagues will know it. The first time I complained about my one the receptionist laughed, rolled her eyes and said oh I know. As anyone who has ever had a job will know there is a bxxxx in each and every workplace. They have done a lovely job of keeping us apart although last time I was in day assessment she was there trying to be all pally. A quick I'm waiting for Lindsay was enough to get rid of her. She was being really condescending to some poor Polish girl about why she attended a cardio clinic earlier in her pregnancy.

The heart can be seen and heard from 7w. Sometimes 6/4/5 but def before 16w

What a redicilious thing for the mw to say

You can chose and change mw. I chose mine as know her and she knows my history of failed ivf plus brig getatric 🙄 And first baby over 40

Glad you have got a scan for Monday. Should be able to give you rough dates

Are you still with partner ?

OMG blondes. How's it going? I am still thrilled and you were mentioned the other day.

So, about April .

Blondes on an ultrasound scan the heartbeat can be seen and heard that early, but not using a doppler, which I assume the mw meant. That is tricky to find before 16 weeks.

roses apart from the waddling and not being able to paint my own toes 😂 And the hg sickness and jabbing myself daily 😉 - all is fine

As said before I'm happy to have anything thrown at me by bubs as I'm finally preg. Tho throwing up 5 times at a wedding yesterday was a tad pushing it !!!!

Glares at bubs 😬

Mentioned by who and yes 18w due 30/3

Blondes what the midwife meant is that the heartbeat can't usually be heard with the machine the midwives use until about 16 weeks. Obviously if you have a scan you can hear the heartbeat from about 7 weeks.

Sounds like she was a cow and didn't want to listen to what the OP had to say.

ruthie that makes more sense tho again couldn't she have tried - my mw did at 12w tho said may be too early and it was. Tho she tried.

Took few mins of her time

And if op fell preg Aug she may have heard something .....

Roll on Monday 💐

*can't reliably hear the heartbeat, I mean

Good luck with your scan.

Next time you are spoken to as if you are stupid please challenge them.

couldn't she have tried - my mw did at 12w tho said may be too early and it was. Tho she tried

A midwife I saw said it isn't advisable to try too early where people are very anxious as not being able to find a heartbeat may manifest as anxieties that there is no heartbeat.

Sorry you had a bad experience.

With the weird questions, like English being your first language, relationship history, most of that is pretty standard (other than the asking if you were planning on getting married).

The computer system my trust uses can ask the same questions, but in slightly different ways.

Good luck for Monday op.

I do think midwives try to turn their questions into conversation and if they're not a natural people person then it can be difficult for them. Not sure why she dismissed you though..as if you don't know your own body.
I'd make an appointment to go back after your scan so all.your notes can be updated with correct dates. We did a private scan at 9 weeks and it was worth every penny..

Glad your got one booked, hopefully you'll get answers.

Agree with others. Just book a private scan asap. £40. (depending where you live obviously!)

Glad you've booked a scan. The midwife sounds useless.

I completely understand your concern OP.

I found out I was pregnant whilst on holiday 2 weeks ago. PCOS sufferer on the mini pill so no periods for 5 years and investigations for months for digestive issues. Called my GP whilst still away and couldn't get a number to speak directly with a midwife only an answerphone so instead rung and booked a private scan just to put my mind at ease. Turns out I'm due 5th January but having that date has given the maternity department a cause to rush me through the system.

Definitely get a private scan if you can. It should help you push your midwife to get you through the system quicker.

Good luck!!

Ahh, the old "you're fat so that HAS to be the reason for X Y Z". I swear, I could go with a nose bleed and it's because I'm overweight.

I had fertility trouble (took 18 months to conceive) and after blood work in Sept 2015, I met with a male doctor to read my results (not my usual doctor) and told me if I lost weight I might have more luck getting pregnant and my results were "normal" (basically he said I was fat and that's why I couldn't get pregnant). Understandably I was pretty upset about it.

About 6 months later I saw a fertility specialist because it had been over a year by that point since we started trying. She told me my blood test results from Sept 2015 (!!) showed I was slightly insulin resistant, and that could be the reason for my weight gain/inability to lose, as well as our fertility troubles. I started the meds and 3 weeks later got my BFP!!

Since then, I had to sign a form for my "high risk" pregnancy (because of my weight), I've had to have monthly ultrasounds because my "starting weight and height" means they can't trust fundal height (not that I begrudge seeing more of the baby), yet all my tests results have been normal. At 30 weeks pregnant I was 18lbs down in weight (and holding steady) and the baby was 67th percentile. No gestational diabetes, my BP is always low/healthy (102/67)... and all I want to do is point my finger in the doubters faces and say HA! I might be overweight but that doesn't mean I'm a unhealthy, and nor does it mean I'll be a shitty pregnant person.

What I'm trying to say is - sometimes people suck. Get your private scan and get ready to (mentally) point your finger in the their face and say "HA bitches I was right!"

That sounds horrendous op.

When I got a BFP, I knew that i'd missed my period in August but could not for the life of me remember July...so when I had my booking in I told the MW that I was either 7 or 11 weeks.

She said 'Oh we'll always take the furthest along date just in case' and booked me in for a scan (where it turned out I was actually only around 9 weeks not 13). I thought that was general policy but obviously not.

Thank you all for your kind words.
I am a little more relaxed knowing I will have some answers soon

I was surprised at the midwife and I honk I expected it to go very differently but I don't think she meant to be unkind.

I'm still with my partner so he will come with me to all appointments now just to hold my hand until I feel a bit more settled.

My anxiety levels will hopefully come down when I know things are ok.
I've always been a worrier and this is a very much longed for baby after years of thinking it may never happen.

I've had good news in that our house offer was accepted so hopefully things will start moving along there too. Lots of refurbishment to do but DP and family will be on the case and hopefully most will be ready by the time our baby arrives.

Unforthnaltey it will probably add a few bits of stress but I know DP and family will do their best to keep things flowing and for me not to worry.

Il keep you all updated on my scan!
Fingers crossed.
I've had lots of cramping the past two days but hoping that's a good sign and just ligaments stretching.
My tummy has become ultra sensitive to touch over the past week so i hope it's not too tickly!

I would not be happy at all at the unnecessary personal questions and treatment and I'd request a new midwife and put in a complaint. Good luck at your scan. Have a little look on groupon etc first, I found reassurance scans for under £40 in my area.