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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Had booking in appointment - didn't go well

203 replies

Difficultyear2015 · 29/10/2016 10:15

I came off the pill in July and had a withdrawal bleed.

Didn't have any period since other than 1 day of light spotting 6 weeks later. I had taken a test a day before that which was negative.
I have PCOS so don't have typical cycles and have gone years without a period before.
I took a test beginning of October that was a strong positive.
I took the test because I had stopped fitting into my clothes and was feeling tired all the time and having weird dreams about being pregnant.

I went to doctors and explained I had no idea how far along I was. He weighed me and dismissed it and said he will refer me to midwife for booking in and I will hear from them soon.

So 3 weeks went by and I had heard nothing. I started calling around the doctors trying to get hold of the midwife team to see where my referral was, finally spoke to midwife who said it sounds like I'm a lot further along and will get me booked in asap and will get me a dating scan urgently.

3 days later I have my booking in appointment.
I explained all of the above to the midwife.
I was in there for hours. She was questioning why it had taken me so long to have a booking in appointment and I said it wasn't without trying.
She then asked my weight and height which I told her the figures that the doctor said in the appointment I had with him 3 weeks prior, and straight away she told me I was overweight as I had a bmi of 26 and started asking if I do exercise.
I explained that only 3 months ago I had an endocrinology appointment where I was weighed at 65k and was under 25bmi and explained I have put on weight to the point I can't fit into my clothes (poasibly vloayibg / water retention / baby further along etc.
She made me feel like I was telling lies and that I am just fat and trying to get an early scan.

She tried to book me in for a scan there and then but the hospital scan department she spoke to told her they would go off the date I took the positive pregnancy test meaning I may not hear back for a scan appointment until another 6-8 weeks time. At which point I started crying as I know I'm further along than that and not just fat and if I wait for that scan to come through I could well be 20 weeks or further.

She then asked why I wanted a scan anyway and that I should just enjoy being pregnant.
I explained I want to know that there's a heartbeat for a start and how do I know it's all ok.

Because I was crying she then said she would refer me to a special midwife team who deal with women with additional mental and emotional needs.

I don't think I'm abnormal, this is all just very stressful.

She went on to say that there were pregnant ladies who bleed and need urgent scans and people like me can't take up emergency appointments like that.
I explained I'm happy to get a private scan if that was the case and I don't want someone who has more of a need than me to miss out on a scan.

After all this when I went to leave she gave me a hug and told me to cheer up and have a chocolate bar.

I was so distraught after all this that I went back to work in tears, grabbed my laptop and went home in tears.

I just feel like I am just a fat person and it's all in my head.

Maybe I will find at a scan appointment in 8 weeks time that I'm only 12 weeks then, but what if I'm further?

I'm feeling so fed up. I'm waiting for the scan so I can tell people some happy news but instead I'm now having to continually avoid people as I have an obvious bump and don't want to tell people before I know it's all ok.

Is the midwife right? Am I just fat and neurotic?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
OhTheRoses · 30/10/2016 15:42

Good luck OP . Please let us know how tomorrow goes and how many weeks. Even if really early. Hope the pg goes really well.

SBJ Blondes. On another thread -I asked because I think of you.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 30/10/2016 15:44

Congratulations and good luck for tomorrow. Having some definitive answers will help you feel much better. I didn't know my LMP with DC2 as we had previously had fertility treatment and I had lost track- I took a test because I had sore boobs which I assumed were pmt but then like you had a dream about pregnancy. I did get an early scan as I then had a bleed, but it turned out I was 4 weeks further on than my 'best guess'. Be prepared that during your pregnancy no midwife will ever believe that you don't know your last LMP - it's seems to be a required item on the forms. In the end after a few irritating discussions (no i really have NO IDEA) I back calculated from the date given on my 12 week scan and just told them that. Hopefully the scan staff tomorrow will be lovely (and may help you work it out Smile

Rachie1986 · 30/10/2016 15:45

Hopin yo get some answers tomorrow at the scan (and place marking for results!!)

pinkiponk · 30/10/2016 15:51

That's terrible. If it's your first and you have a bump you're probably further along than you think! My bump didn't show until 17 weeks.
The weird questions are standard, I was asked if the baby was my partners, if I spoke English etc

Difficultyear2015 · 30/10/2016 16:03

I think she must have thought I was just fat rather than a bump 😬

I'm extremely emotional with this pregnancy and it has been made worse with all the waiting and dismissing.
I'm sure I was just being over sensitive at the questions.
I've not felt well at all the past few weeks and I think that's not helped matters

OP posts:
LHilton4981 · 31/10/2016 07:39

Sorry to hear you've gone through all of this & please do update us. I hope it is all good news Smile x

Rolocookies · 31/10/2016 13:52

How did it go today OP?

FatOldBag · 31/10/2016 14:17

Your midwife sounds bloody awful, you can ask for a different one. You do tend to be thought of as a complete idiot when it's your first (in my experience), they think you know nothing and they know better, it's annoying. But this was really a step further than that, she was really unprofessional. I'm glad you went for a private scan, it's worth it so you know what's going on. It's terrible the GP or midwife didn't sort a dating scan for you, given the uncertainty. I hope the scan went well anyway.

Difficultyear2015 · 31/10/2016 15:33

I thought it was 1st November today, (silly me!)
My can is tomorrow at 7:45pm.

Il keep everyone updated on here who wants an update when I have had it.

I'm feeling really anxious and nervous.
I've had a lot of aches and pains and my worry is going crazy

OP posts:
Patienceandchocolate · 31/10/2016 16:07

Good luck with your scan tomorrow. I hope you see a lovely, happy little baby whatever gestation you turn out to be.

TheCuriousOwl · 31/10/2016 16:24

Very best of luck. I would second what people have advised re contacting the Supervisor of Midwives though. It is NOT normal practice to ask if you are planning to marry your partner! Although we do ask about relationship status but that's more 'are you being supported at home, is your partner the father of the baby so we can find out about any genetic or family conditions' not 'ARE YOU AN UNWED MOTHER' [catsbumface] although it sounds like this one lost the memo!

Pregnancy can be stressful enough without having no clue HOW pregnant you even are! Although it's not that uncommon, loads of folk rock up with no clue when their last period was. Although I'd say it's better now than it used to be when I trained when 'erm dunno' was the main answer Grin

NameChange30 · 31/10/2016 17:12

Just wanted to reassure you that I've had lots of aches and pains and my pregnancy is going fine so far (23 weeks). It's normal to have some pain as your uterus grows x

peppermac · 31/10/2016 17:19

Same here twinges, cramps, aches and shooting pains in my bum!

Difficultyear2015 · 31/10/2016 17:25

Thank you for the reassurance. Its just what I needed to hear.

I have only just learnt about what MMC are and thats all I have in my thoughts now. Its not a healthy way to be thinking.

Those shooting bum pains are the weirdest thing ever!
And so are the weird gassy type feelings that don't turn out to be gas but seem like little bubbles stroking the inside of my belly! (Such a weird description, but no idea how else to describe it and Ive never felt it before)

OP posts:
Homebird8 · 31/10/2016 18:50

When I had that gassy feeling it was my baby kicking. You might be further along than you think!

OhTheRoses · 31/10/2016 18:55

Hmm. Abt 19 to 21 weeks I'd say. Yay, everything is likely to be 99.99999999999% fine and you may have escaped the really boring, sicky bit.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 31/10/2016 18:57

That bubbly feeling is the baby moving more than likely! I first felt it at 17 weeks.

FatOldBag · 31/10/2016 19:42

I agree with bubbles being baby moving. I felt it at 12 weeks with my first and 11+something with my second.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/10/2016 19:57

Thanks roses 💐

I have recently felt little bubbles and I'm 18w

Hope all is revealed tomorrow op and you feel reassured

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 31/10/2016 20:00

Blondes- I didn't know you were up duffed, congratulationsSmileFlowers

MistressMolecules · 31/10/2016 20:11

Just read through your thread, good luck with your scan tomorrow - I got those bubbly feeling at 16 weeks with my first and about 14 with my second. If at any point you are uncomfortable with your midwife you can always ask for her to be replaced.

OhTheRoses · 31/10/2016 20:12

OP my apologies for the mini hijack and I am dying to hear more news from you tomorrow

But Blondes woo hoo. Soo excited. Bouncing, glittery, delighted emoticon like they've got on Netmums. Sooooo, late April/early May. Ooh you and the OP might be on pg/birth threads together.

Blondes you will find yr way to the maternity wing I hope. There's no gin there! Pethidine's similar though Halloween Wink

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/10/2016 20:13

Thank you dame took 5 private ivf but got there in the end 👶🏼💓👶🏼

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 31/10/2016 20:18

Blondes- I'm SO pleased for you, especially as I remember you mentioning that it might not happen for you. Brilliant news!

onmybroomstick · 31/10/2016 20:27

Not long to go, good luck for tomorrow Flowers