Urgh, first contact with maternity services didn't go well :-(

[Blueskyrain]

If anyone remembers my previous posts, I'm pregnant with my first (only 5 1/2 weeks), and very, very nervous. I've got a severe phobia of needles, and the prospect of pregnancy terrifies me. But I want it, so I'm trying to just get on with it. I don't have a GP as yet.

I saw on the midwife pages of my hospital that I could self refer, so I thought I'd get the ball rolling that way. Apparently, no I can't. I have to register with a GP first, and see my GP first. Some faff but ok.

I mentioned my needle phobia and that I'd need to speak to them, or see them first to work out some way of me being able to do the blood tests etc, and her response - we see a lot of women with issues with needles. They just get over it. You might need a lot of injections/bloods etc, and there's a lot worse to come with labour pain, so most woment just get over it.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

I'm now having a good cry and am in a complete panic about things. She didn't say it nastily, but she had all the tact of a block of stone, and has made me feel 10 times worse.

That's exactly what some posters were saying. Others were being more disingenuous - avoiding the issue of whether she has a choice and diverting instead to her (fictional) obligation to deal with this herself instead of seeking help. Others were peddling a version of 'Think of the children' that conveniently ignores her medical rights. I am not objecting to anyone who says she needs to be informed about implications of declining treatment, since that is exactly what I have said.

Thank you trifle. My body, my choice. I'm hoping that with support I can make the 'right' choices, but it's still my choice, unless and until someone sections me!

What would have happened if I said no to the fluids?
It all depends on how ill you were but being seriously ill and even death were two of the more extreme possibilities.

I get it. I actually developed a fear of medical procedures during pregnancy and childbirth because I had to have so much of it done, plus a stay in SCBU. Panic attacks, nightmares, the lot. I told my GP and she referred me to an online therapy centre. I had a caseworker type person who called me every fortnight, we went through the course, which I could access at any time, and I did the exercises in my own time over the course of a few months. It was CBT-based and worked. I'm not going to say it's a cure, but it's a crutch and it gets you through.

It gives you a plan for what to do in this situation. Even just having that can keep you calmer. So I'd tell your GP and see if there's a similar service you can access. I think you know you need to address it and the sooner the better. I've now had a load of other stuff, including injections, since then. Best of luck to you

For all those with harsh responses - a phobia isn't rational. If you have a phobia such as spiders (like me), imagine being told to walk through a room of them. Yes you'll be fine physically, but if you're an arachnophobe, you'll be a gibbering wreck.

She doesn't HAVE to have any medical treatment at all
I can't believe that you think that is a good piece of advice to give.

I am actually stunned.

Persian: It's not advice, it's fact.

Yes, and that's my risk to take.

I'm less worried about the emergency situations, because there'll be so much else going on that I won't be dwelling on it in the same way, and chances are the instinct to protect my own life (and child's life), will have kicked in.

The only time I've been to the doctors in the last decade was because I thought I had skin cancer (mole showing every maker of it), and I went to the walk in and then the hospital. It was fine, but genuinely felt like an emergency which gave me the push I needed.

I'm not feeling like that with a largely symptom free early pregnancy. I hope something does kick in, but I owe it to us both to get help because it may not.

I think some of you have been extremely harsh here
No-one has been unnecessarily harsh to you but they have been straight forward and blunt with the truth.

Honestly I could have sat here and told you that you could refuse all tests and injections and told you to pray that you didn't need any but seriously how would that help you at all if you did need them?

You came here for advice nd people have offered you some really good advice about CBT, hypnotherapy and counselling, why don't you make some enquiries??

OP midwives don't tend to take people very seriously at your stage of pregnancy- as you've found out you're not their patient.

You need to get into the system a little more (ie register with a Gp!) because it will guide you through your medical treatment this pregnant. I'm
Surprised you hadn't realised this.

Midwife care really kicks in about 16 weeks.

Persian: It's not advice, it's fact
It may well be but the OP can on MN looking for advice about how to deal with her phobia and now it seems that she has come around to the "it is my choice" way of thinking and if no-one does what I want then I won't have any tests or injections.

I think that your advice or fact was well intended but I think that this OP was looking for any excuse to not go through with the blood tests and you may just have helped her out there.

Bluesky, I find the second paragraph of your post at 15:05 a bit worrying - if your dh is the driving force in wanting a baby, there is less intrinsic motivation for you to tackle the phobia. I hope you weren't pressured/pushed into pregnancy?

You're right not to assume a protective instinct will automatically kick in later and override your phobia. You do need support, and I think perhaps not just for the phobia - I'd be on the alert for AND in your position. Are you still having private therapy?

Good luck

I think the OP was looking for advice on what help might be available to her to get through the necessary tests, along with some reassurance that she is reasonable to seek that help.

It is nothing less than bullying to try to imply to the OP that she just has to get on with it and has no choice in whether or not to accept completely optional interventions like blood tests, whatever your motivations. She doesn't. The midwife can suggest ways for her to approach them and offer help, but if at the end of the day she does not feel able to have the blood tests, it is her call and no-one else's.

If she accepts the optionals she may find it easier for the compulsories.

if she gets rushed in for an emergency section for example no one is going to ask her if she wants a cannula et al, its just going to be done.

As a nurse you would not believe the number of people who say they have a 'needle phobia' 9 times out of 10 they just don't like needles. Very occasionally we will get someone a genuinely severe phobia and will bend over backwards to work with them.

Op, I did not want a DC at all, because I was terrified of pregnancy. I had nightmares. DH wanted a child and I basically went through it because of him. DH is alot older than me, and it was pretty much the last chance for us and him to have a child. The entire pregancy I really suffered.... I had antenatal depression, and constant quite extreme anxiety. I also focused on things like the blood tests etc. I am not sure if this helps - in factI am sure it does not - , but the end result of DS was honestly worth every single fear I had. It really really really was.

You are not alone in your fears. I would hope the health professionals you deal with are understanding of those.

OP I understand some of what you are going through as I have a medical phobia myself (although not as severe as yours). I also have a 3 year old who has been traumatized by his many operations and procedures so I've done a lot of research and seen the way they do things on the childrens wards to help.

What exactly are you frightened of? Is it the lack of control? pain? or the sight of blood? or something else?

It really depends on the reasons for your phobia but there are things they can do to help. Sedation isn't an option but counselling and other kinds of therapy would be a good start. Phlebotomists and anaesthetists are the best at doing blood tests so ask for them to do it rather than a midwife. I had a few blood tests done at the same time which helped reduce the number of needles. Also distraction helps a lot I find. I got really worked up about a blood test and a lovely nurse sat with me and chatted which really helped.

QueenLiz: Perhaps it will help.

However, medicalprocedures ahould not just 'get done' - there is a legal obligation, where possible, to seek and get consent.

Haybales, if anyone has pressured me into it, its me. I completely understand why you'd be concerned. My husband knew when we met that I dind't want children, and whilst that attitude has softened, I've never been particulalry keen. He is, but married me knowing that we might not, and he's never put any pressure on me whatsoever. But despite not being very interested in babies, I think I would regret it later in life, if I didn't do it, mostly because I was scared. That coupled with his desire for a family has pushed me into it, knowing that I am likely to find the whole process extremely difficult.

I'd actually been holding up ok about the whole thing, until today.

I've just got back from the local GP surgery. It seems registering me might be some faff because I need to trace where I'm last registered (previous places said they weren't last time I tried to trace it). She seemed to be quite relaxed about time, so I mentioned that I could do with seeing a doctor because of my severe needle phobia and might need some help.

Her response - 'well you'll have to get over that'. I looked at her and replied that it was like telling a patient with depression to cheer up, and she acknowledged that and then said that they'd hold my hand to help me get through it. She then said that I'd be used to it by the end and there was worse to come (on what PLANET is telling someone who is clearly scared that its going to be a lot worse going to help). I'll add her to the list to people that have made me cry today.

She was very sweet, and clearly didn't mean to upset me, and I am very oversensitive at the moment. At least she tried to be understanding.

They'll book me in for an appointment though when I've sorted out the paperwork etc. I think some sort of therapy referrral or the maternity mental health people might be my best bet to help me.

OP I haven't read the whole thread as I don't have time at the min, but there are mental health midwives. They were called the gateway team in my area. If your phobia is as bad as you suggest you could ask for a referral to them?

Re what I am specifically scared of, its a combination of pain, and the thought of someone puncturing me (and my vein especially).

I also have a very strong reflex response, and am worried about jerking away when they try to do it, which will make it worse.

I also think that telling pg women there is worse to come is stupid and sadistic- and also all too common. I will not even start to recount the number of fucking idiotic things women (some of whom were midwives - without children) said when i was pg and scared to death.

Just take it each bit at a time, and don't think too hard about the next bit.

I think that if you can access midwives who are soecially trained to deal with fears and phobias, then this is 100% all to the good. Is it in any way possible for you to be able to afford a 1:1 doula or private midwife? (I am assuming you are UK). In retrospect I wish I had done that, as I needed more personal support.If you can afford that, or have access to that I think it would be worth it. Just having someone there who is trained and knows you and knows the system.

You will be fine, OP. xxxxx

OP, bloods are my area.
I can also speak as someone who overcame a needle phobia.

I get it, I really do. Unfortunately, sedation is not an option but various forms of therapy are; we just don't have the resources to delve deep into this kind of stuff.

You need to take control of this.
It can be done, promise.

Please take on the wonderful advice from this thread.

Definitely try CBT Blueskyrain. I had really severe post natal OCD years ago and I like you, somebody telling me to get over it would not have worked and would have made me feel worse!

CBT genuinely changed my life and while I still have to occasionally use some of the strategies I am mostly free of it and the negative escalating patterns of thinking that used to accompany it.

On a side note. Hypnotherapy is also worth a try. I had it for my fear of public speaking as I had to give a big presentation for my postgrad and it seemed to work.

Good luck and I hope you manage to get some help from the GP.

Dude, we won't be able to easily afford it, but may be able to if really needed. I think I'm going to see how it goes at first.

I think my first step is to try and get the GP thing sorted, and then make an appointment with the GP, see what help there is out there. I want the help, I just don't have a clue how to access it.

How about contacting an organisation such as MIND and asking somebody to help you come up with a plan of action?

I agree with pp it's extremely unlikely that they'll sedate you so I'd put that out of your mind but what about:

A calming hypnosis track that you play whilst actually having the injection.
Herbal remedies eg Kalms or rescue remedy (not sure what's safe you'd have to ask around)
Numbing cream
Some sort of familiarisation therapy that you do yourself or with a therapist.

At the moment you're panicking and getting upset but that won't help, talking things through and having a plan in place will make you feel much more in control.