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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I don't want this baby anymore

173 replies

Pinatubo07 · 17/10/2016 08:17

NC for this.
I am 23 weeks pregnant. This is all I ever wanted.
I tried to get DH excited during this pregnancy but he is so quiet.
Now I understand why.
It is just a source of worry and stress for us.
I have had 0 symptoms and a small bump, enough to say I never felt pregnant.
DH works his life away to get money for it. I cant even afford a winter coat as just using all the money I earn in saving it for it and paying for driving lessons. I should have passed by now.
I resent it. DH doesnt know but I have looked into terminating the pregnancy and this is the last week I could do it.
I am very unhappy with my life.
I used to have friends and now too tired / poor to see them.
I live in the middle of nowhere and I cant drive so I will be stuck with it.
I used to but I dont love this baby anymore.
I am not religious so please dont mention god or plans or anything like that.
I cant be this unhappy, waking up every morning is painful.
I am very familiar with depression so I know this is not the case. When I suffer from it I cant pinpoint the reason.
I can now. I had to stay in a job I hate for it, as it has a good maternity package.
I cant drive and my money need to go to it and soon wont be able to have more lessons.
I dont want it anymore

OP posts:

Bumplovin · 25/10/2016 23:50

How are you?

Pinatubo007 · 26/10/2016 07:59

Hello all!!!
Thank you all so much for your support during this bad times
I have been doing lots of resting and I feel a bit better now.
I went to see the midwife and she was lovely
Then she scheduled an urgent appointment with the GP and I saw him too.
They put me in touch with a CBT service and midwife said a health visitor will call me but unfortunately that hasn't happened yet
It was good that DH came and heard from others that I was in a pretty bad spot.
GP said that he wont give me the medication unless I really need it and he will see me next week and then we will reassess and I was happy with that.
I stopped talking to friends that dont understand and instead found a couple that are sympathetic. This friend was lovely. I hadnt told her yet I was pregnant and she was just really great and offered to put me in touch with someone.
I have a CBT appointment on Friday and looking forward to that. It is online but I know they are very short of this kind of service so I am grateful.
Still feel sick when people ask me about the baby and I wish they didnt but starting to feel a bit better about myself. I havent cried for a few days and I can see some light at the end of the tunnel, as in this is a temporary feeling that will pass.
Different to when I was depressed and felt hopeless.
I am also getting out of the house more and that helps.
But so tired.
Thanks all

Pinatubo007 · 26/10/2016 08:00

*this bad time.

Kleptronic · 26/10/2016 08:04

Pinatubo007 I'm so very glad you're feeling a bit better, and you've got some support in place.

aforestgrewandgrew · 26/10/2016 08:09

Pinatubo that all sounds positive. I'mean so impressed you have managed to reach out to access help, it's not always easy when you're in a dark place.

I'm glad to hear you recognise this for what it is, a temporary state if affairs.

Do you know the mumsnet mantra? "This too shall pass".

rainbowstardrops · 26/10/2016 08:19

Lovely to hear you've reached out for professional help. Hope you carry on feeling better and better.

gumbootsandjandals · 26/10/2016 13:11

Glad to hear you've got some support. I hope things keep improving for you.

Pinatubo007 · 26/10/2016 17:14

Thank you lovely people

FRETGNIKCUF · 26/10/2016 17:38

lovely to read you're getting some support.

Kleptronic · 26/10/2016 23:17

Please keep posting, I for one want to know how you're getting on, however you feel. I will forever wonder if you cease posting! Even though it doesn't feel like it at the time (I know!) feelings aren't facts, and there is always the potential for change, especially with the right support. You deserve support!

Pinatubo007 · 28/10/2016 22:06

I am coping as best as I can. This week at work is mad and I am doing 6 days out of 7. So exhausted.
But I had my first therapy session today and it was good.
Will keep you updated.

FriendlyGhost · 28/10/2016 22:39

Glad to hear you're getting support and that the therapy was positive. Hope things continue to improve.

Pinatubo007 · 31/10/2016 22:24

I have done my homework from therapist and also pregnancy pilates.
I wrote 3 letters today and did some work in the nursery. Then got really anxious but DH helped.
More therapy tomorrow.
I can see this will be a long road but I am taking it slowly and I have come a long way in two weeks.

Just one step at a time

FriendlyGhost · 31/10/2016 22:52

It really sounds like you're making progress and I'm glad your dh is helping. I hope therapy goes well tomorrow and things continue to improve.

gumbootsandjandals · 01/11/2016 06:52

I'm glad to hear you're making progress OP. Sounds like your DH is being supportive. I hope the therapy steers things on the right track.

Kleptronic · 01/11/2016 09:00

It can be hard work, but it's good work on your wellbeing and will be worth it for sure. I'm glad you sound more positive about it all, and well done for looking after yourself!

pinkcandyflossy · 01/11/2016 10:37

OP most of the things you are feeling down about are things not really to do with the baby. Location seems to be a real sticking point. And even without the baby, your remote location will still be an issue.

Is there anything practical that can be done to sort out where you live? Or at least have another place lined up for when the baby is born?

If you don't keep the baby but everything else stays the same I don't think you'll be any happier at all - in fact you may be 100% worse.

Reach out to your husband and your family. See what can be done. Keep at the driving - switch to automatic car - you'll pass your test much quicker.

I also think a trip to your GP really can't be a bad thing, are you on any medication?

pinkcandyflossy · 01/11/2016 10:40

Just ready your most previous and glad you are feeling better about everything.

Carry on reaching out, and think about the automatic car thing. I passed my test within 6 weeks of my first lesson and now have a lovely little automatic i10, 5 doors and perfect for getting out about with children. :)

Bumplovin · 01/11/2016 23:04

Im so glad you are feeling a bit better, ive had cbt in the past and I find it really helpful. Also you could look on line for some books on mindfulness they also helped me when I had lots of negative thoughts. Just keep telling yourself that these are just feelings and thoughts they are not necessarily fact and they will go away in time. Try to do something nice each day for yourself. Cook yourself nice meals as that is all about caring for U and the baby by taking good care of yourself. You are doing well xxx

Pinatubo007 · 02/11/2016 14:37

Thanks all
I am seeing the GP today and midwife tomorrow.
Quite anxious yesterday but today a lot better

RepentAtLeisure · 02/11/2016 18:55

Glad to hear it

Catgirl83 · 03/11/2016 19:47

OP, I'm so pleased to hear you're doing ok. Keep up the good work, take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself!

Kleptronic · 12/11/2016 00:58

How's it going Pina?

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