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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I don't want this baby anymore

173 replies

Pinatubo07 · 17/10/2016 08:17

NC for this.
I am 23 weeks pregnant. This is all I ever wanted.
I tried to get DH excited during this pregnancy but he is so quiet.
Now I understand why.
It is just a source of worry and stress for us.
I have had 0 symptoms and a small bump, enough to say I never felt pregnant.
DH works his life away to get money for it. I cant even afford a winter coat as just using all the money I earn in saving it for it and paying for driving lessons. I should have passed by now.
I resent it. DH doesnt know but I have looked into terminating the pregnancy and this is the last week I could do it.
I am very unhappy with my life.
I used to have friends and now too tired / poor to see them.
I live in the middle of nowhere and I cant drive so I will be stuck with it.
I used to but I dont love this baby anymore.
I am not religious so please dont mention god or plans or anything like that.
I cant be this unhappy, waking up every morning is painful.
I am very familiar with depression so I know this is not the case. When I suffer from it I cant pinpoint the reason.
I can now. I had to stay in a job I hate for it, as it has a good maternity package.
I cant drive and my money need to go to it and soon wont be able to have more lessons.
I dont want it anymore

OP posts:
gettingitwrongputtingitright · 18/10/2016 20:50

So sorry to hear you feel this waySad you need to see gp
Or mw urgently.

Re; driving. I passed on my 7th go. You will do it. Keep going. Flowers

UnoriginalNN · 18/10/2016 20:51

You don't need to go on medication if you don't want to - I have refused it, as is my right. I have drawn a line in my head and I know that if I reach it, I will ask for medication. This worrying about everything is a symptom of the depression/anxiety. I am truly sorry you are going through this. Fwiw, you are absolutely not alone. I am putting myself though shit everyday because of my antenatal depression but I've been here before and I know there's a way out. Just, for tonight and tomorrow, defer all the bullshit and switch off as much as you can. Do whatever small things you can to relax.

NameChange30 · 18/10/2016 20:51

Tbh, OP, from your posts I thought you would probably benefit from medication. I am sure your doctor will only prescribe them if they are completely necessary. Coming off medication can be difficult but it's ok if you do it gradually, and you will have plenty of support.

I'm glad your DH is going with you to the appointment(s) as well.

Sleep well. Have a goodnight hug from me Smile

gumbootsandjandals · 18/10/2016 20:58

Glad you have some appts booked in OP. Definitely be open with them in terms of all your thoughts - they will not judge you, and hopefully your DH might gain a better understanding of what you're going through.

Keep talking to us, we are more than happy to listen.

Sleep well.

Scarydinosaurs · 18/10/2016 21:19

You absolutely do not have to medicate- but she's right that it's best you see someone more medically trained who can prescribe medication if that was what they thought necessary/you wanted. I was prescribed but never took it, having the prescription was helpful to me, though.

I hope you get a good rest tonight. Flowers

Notyetthere · 18/10/2016 21:23

Op with regards to driving, I got so stressed with my driving lessons that I took a,break from it all and started lessons again a few years later. I did opt to do my test in an automatic and I believe it was the best decision I made. It is like driving a go cart which allowed me to concentrate on other drivers sciplines like road positions, mirrors, signalling and road signs without the worry and clutch/gear changes/etc. Almost all car makes and models have an automatic version so you won't be limited. In the meantime, definitely follow the advice of others and stop the driving lessons for now.

TyrannosauraRegina · 18/10/2016 21:57

OP - if you call Marie Stopes or BPAS they will offer you counselling very very quickly. They are impartial - they won't try and persuade you to have an abortion or keep the baby. I think they also offer counselling over the phone in some situations. Equally, if you decide termination is the right choice for you they will fit it in quickly - I personally know people who have called BPAS when 20+ weeks pregnant and been given an appointment for a surgical termination the next day. However, they won't do it if they think you're not sure about your decision.

Also, this might not be a popular opinion, but even if you do think that you have prenatal depression, it is still okay to have an abortion because of that if you think it is the best thing for you. Just because whatever is making you sick is a complication of pregnancy does not mean you must continue with the pregnancy.

elliej83 · 18/10/2016 22:56

Like everyone has mentioned you can refuse medication. It's not given out lightly during pregnancy so the Dr may not offer it. It is likely to be the fastest method of treatment in your current situation but clearly that doesn't always mean it's the right one. It does take a while to come off medication but there's nothing wrong with taking medication if it's what you need right now. Sleep tight x

Bumplovin · 19/10/2016 11:24

You sound like you are severely depressed and have done the right thing to get help. I have a history of depressions and the hormone changes in 1st and second trimester can make you feel terrible. Please do not worry about taking medication in pregnancy it will help you and baby. I take medication not because I am depressed now but to prevent antenatal and postnatal depression as they said I was high risk for it. Believe me you will start to feel better when you get some treatment. You said you wanted the baby initially honestly you will feel that again this is depression doing the talking. Once you get over the depression all the nice thoughts you had initially will come back you need to be kind to yourself and start liking yourself again. No one will take your baby away they will help you get better and keep well once the baby is here. Hope your appointments go well be honest with the, now bad you are feeling. Sending hugs xxx

Bumplovin · 19/10/2016 11:25

Sorry I meant be honest with them about how bad you feel currently

KarmaNoMore · 19/10/2016 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Harrison01 · 19/10/2016 14:08

Hi Pinatubo07, sounds like you have got so much going on inside, even without the baby. Like you, I cannot drive and failed tests. Like you, we were piss poor when I got unexpectedly pregnant in the middle of a recession, living in the middle of nowhere. I also lost my mother & sister weeks after my boy was born. I really worried about how I was going to cope when I felt so low and had no money. We lived away from all our friends too. It was very, very hard. But I will be absolutely honest with you, my son saved me from self destruction: having someone who needed me that much was a very convenient distraction to the craziness in my life- he didn't give me a chance to breakdown. I've got a few friends who've had mental health problems and like you, they really struggled with the idea of coping when the future looked unbearable and they were unsure of their own abilities as a mum. I agree you need to speak to your partner, hard as it is. Try to seek professional help, so that you make fully informed decision and they can help you break down and find solutions to your problems, bit by bit - it seems you have lots of little things that are building up to overwhelm you, like a perfect storm. You may want to consider what it would feel like if you did go ahead, will it resolve some of the issues you discussed or will they still be there? Whatever you decide, I hope you make the right decision for you.

FriendlyGhost · 20/10/2016 08:26

Just wanted to say I hope it goes well at the gp today. Do tell them everything you've told us and you can hopefully start to get the support you need. Seeking help is a massive step so well done Flowers

Scarydinosaurs · 20/10/2016 16:49

Thinking of you!

woowoowoo · 20/10/2016 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumplovin · 21/10/2016 00:34

Ive been thinking of you today I hope your appointment went well and you feel a bit better for talking things over with someone. Xx sending a virtual hug xxx

Pinatubo007 · 21/10/2016 08:12

Hello all. Thank you so much. Ia m seeing the midwife this morning.
GP appointment I got it wrong and it is next Thursday!!!
I dont understand, I asked for an Urgent one and they said ok we have an urgent one for Thursday. And midwife for Friday.
So naturally I assumed they meant this Thursday. I asked for time off at work and so did DH and then I checked again... Wrong!
So GP next Thursday but midwife today.
It has been hard. 2 friends that have children and are from my home country made things worse.
Things in my homeland are not like things here and they are pretty traditional type so it was all ahhh this will be the best thing ever! Sad ahhh you will cope with nursery fees it is mot expensive Sad (it is not back home) and then one actually drove me to poor rage when she suggested: you are being very negative Sad and your solution is your mum moves in with you like mine did. At this point I couldnt get worse. My mum???? She doesnt speak the language, we dont have the space, she lives in a different country, she doesnt drive and she has finally built a network of friends and activities since dad died. And I could not cope with a newborn and my mum.
I explained all this, that we couldnt possibly. Then she said well you have solutions but you dont want them Sad
So I have now decided that it is better not to talk to friends from home about it. Which I knew.
And now they keep pestering with messages Sad
I ignore.
Anyway, I have been feeling a bit better as no tearful but very anxious. And still resent the thing inside Sad
So lets see what happens at appointment. DH is coming with me

FriendlyGhost · 21/10/2016 11:04

I hope the midwife appointment goes well and that it will be a relief to speak to someone who understands.
Sorry you're friends don't understand. I couldn't cope with my mum moving in either much as I love her. The positive thing is that you're talking to people about it.

gumbootsandjandals · 21/10/2016 13:17

Good luck for the MW appt OP.

Thinking about nursery expenses, have you looked into the option of a childminder? Some will do extended hours.

If my mother moved in with me no one would make it out alive...

rainbowstardrops · 21/10/2016 13:39

Good luck with the midwife

LHReturns · 21/10/2016 14:12

Hi OP, I have no clue if this will help but want to share...

When I was pregnant with my DS (now 2.5) I HATED it. I was very sick until 16 weeks and then felt dreadful for the rest it. Physical pain, mental stress, no energy, limiting everything about my life. I was exactly as you describe: RESENTFUL. The resentment oozed from me at what this little life inside me was taking from me.

My mum couldn't understand it (I totally agree with you - I certainly could not cope with my mother AND a newborn). But she did say one thing to me that struck at the time.

She said: 'your baby isn't causing you so much pain on purpose. He doesn't mean to hurt you or make you feel bad. He is very sorry that he is doing this to you. He is just trying to do his best to grow and be healthy for you, and unfortunately he doesn't have any other way to do it for the moment. For now he needs your help until he can do it for himself. But he doesn't mean to and I know he is sorry for the trouble he is causing you'.

Maybe this is trite and silly (I was quite depressed when she said these words). But hearing these words were the first time I felt a protective instinct for something really so very innocent.

I am pregnant again now (having sworn I would never do it again), and suffering from awful Hyperemesis. But my baby needs my help to grow strong and healthy, so I can do this. My baby is trying his / her very best so I feel much less resentment this time.

elliej83 · 22/10/2016 04:53

LH returns I think they were the words I needed to hear right now. Been up for the last hour as I just want get comfortable and have noticed over the past couple of days I've started to talk to baby in the can you hurry up and just get out please do I can have my body back tone!
Had a cup of tea, calmed down and going to try and go back to bed for an hour now. Knowing baby can stay in me as long as needed safe and cosy because as you say it really doesn't mean tonne putting my body under so much strain

Scarydinosaurs · 22/10/2016 05:52

LH that was a beautiful thing to share.

OP I hope the MW went well.

GlitteryFluff · 22/10/2016 06:09

Hope the appointment went ok op Flowers

gumbootsandjandals · 24/10/2016 13:01

OP, let us know how you are Flowers