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Original poster

What's your opinion on finding out the sex?

147 replies

bumperlicious · 29/01/2007 17:44

We have our 20 week scan coming up and don't know what to do. Originally we both said we didn't want to but now DH is wavering. I could manage if we both didn't know, but it would probably drive me mad if he did and I didn't!
If I find out I WILL tell everybody, and I didn't really want everyone to know, on the other hand I feel that finding out the sex may help me bond a bit more with the baby which I am struggling to do.
Opinions please!!!

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Booboobedoo · 29/01/2007 17:46

Well, I can only speak for myself, but I found out the sex, and it made me feel closer to my boy straight away. We've named him, and bought him boy clothes.

Due in 5 weeks - rah!

twoplusone · 29/01/2007 17:47

I am going to find out.. But the choice is personal and only you know the right decision for you ... Sorry not much help I know.

Good lUck

SoupDragon · 29/01/2007 17:47

We found out with DD (but not her 2 older brothers) and told no one.

It won't help you bond with the baby, or rather not knowing won't stop you bonding. You only really bond when they're born and "real" TBH. Before that you're "bonding" with something you don't know if that makes sense!

Aloha · 29/01/2007 17:47

I did both times. No regrets. I liked knowing but I'm very impatient, hate surprises and enjoyed the anticipation (boy first, girl second but would have been happy whatever).

SoupDragon · 29/01/2007 17:48

And, obviously, there is the chance that they're wrong and the girl/boy you're bonding with is actually a boy/girl...

Aloha · 29/01/2007 17:48

I have to say, I did feel a bit closer to my unborn baby in the sense that it all felt more real when I knew. But it is a very personal thing.

Booboobedoo · 29/01/2007 17:49

My boy had a great big unmistakeable willy.

LupinsBigLump · 29/01/2007 17:53

I was gutted when this one had its legs crossed, really want to be able to say him or her, hoping to find out next week when consultant scans me - good luck with your decision

booge · 29/01/2007 17:53

We found out both times and didn't mind telling people either. Lots of people seemed to disapprove of us finding out but I would again. I loved talking to my little boy and girl, I felt I was already getting to know them.

3rdTriMossTer · 29/01/2007 17:57

I found out, I am glad I did, I'm not a massive "pink for a girl / blue for a boy" person so it wasn't so much about being able to buy the right colour clothes etc.

For me it was so I could talk about him instead of it, and give him a name. Now it feels a bit more like there's a real little person inside of me.

Having said that I believe it is possible to get the sex wrong (in our case we could see his willy so I'm pretty sure he's a he!) or not to be able to tell anyway because baby is lying in the wrong position.

I think if you like surprises though you might want not to find out.

TheBlonde · 29/01/2007 18:09

We found out with DS and told everyone

This time I didn't want to tell everyone but worried it would slip out. Inlaws were difficult about this so in the end we haven't found out

kama · 29/01/2007 18:12

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Indith · 29/01/2007 18:13

We wanted to find out, but he wasn't 'on show' at the scan. Towards the end I started feeling quite glad that I didn't know and being able to find out for myself at the birth rather than being told by anyone was just amazing. Next time I wouldn't want to know.

kama · 29/01/2007 18:13

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mamalocco · 29/01/2007 18:14

I didn't find out with dd1. Everyone said I was having a boy. Found out with ds and told everyone. Glad I found out, but bit of an anticlimax when telling everyone the news when he arrived. Found out with dd2 but didn't tell anyone that we had. Definately the best option for us.

Whatever you do, don't do what two friends of mine did and said, "we've found out the sex, but we're not telling anyone". Rather conceited, thinking I'd lose sleep over it.

TheDullWitch · 29/01/2007 18:17

I didn t want to know. Martin Amis wrote something about how finding out in advance spoils a universal surprise experienced by the whole of humankind. I think wondering if it s a boy or girl is a good way of coping with labour.

And it s an amazing moment when after all the effort and waiting, here is this brand new person and the midwife says "you have a son/daughter!"

Booboobedoo · 29/01/2007 18:20

Yes, but Martin Amis didn't go through piles, varicose veins, morning sickness, insomnia, heartburn, huge weight-gain, alarming hairiness...

Finding out the sex turned my pregnancy from a bloody nightmare to something magical.

It's so deeply personal bumperlicious: only you can decide!

Twiglett · 29/01/2007 18:21

do it do it do it

we did twice

figured I didn't know for 5 months that's long enough

NotAnOtter · 29/01/2007 18:21

i would say dont

jellyhead · 29/01/2007 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miaou · 29/01/2007 18:26

I haven't found out with any of mine (including this one). To me it's like peeking at your present before your birthday!

The problem to me with finding out the sex is that it becomes the only thing you know about your baby. You don't know what they look like, how they smell, the sound of their cry, the colour and shape of their eyes ... and if the sex is a surprise/disappointment then it becomes the only thing you can hang your hat on.

But it is such a personal thing. I don't criticise anyone who chooses to find out. It's just not for me.

Ceolas · 29/01/2007 18:28

Agree with Miaou on the present analogy

Haven't done it and don't think I would.

Enid · 29/01/2007 18:28

no I didnt, although I was under enormous pressure to when pg with dd3.

its a myth about the bonding IMO

why WOULD you want to know?

the sex is a tiny tinsy part of the personality of your new baby

TheDullWitch · 29/01/2007 18:28

I think it s a bit control freaky to have to know.

NotAnOtter · 29/01/2007 18:29

yes enid - you love the individual not the boy/girl ness

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