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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

What's your opinion on finding out the sex?

147 replies

bumperlicious · 29/01/2007 17:44

We have our 20 week scan coming up and don't know what to do. Originally we both said we didn't want to but now DH is wavering. I could manage if we both didn't know, but it would probably drive me mad if he did and I didn't!
If I find out I WILL tell everybody, and I didn't really want everyone to know, on the other hand I feel that finding out the sex may help me bond a bit more with the baby which I am struggling to do.
Opinions please!!!

OP posts:

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Enid · 30/01/2007 09:54

lol schnitzel

agree with you

do you have a very low tum

madmarchhare · 30/01/2007 09:59

We found out at 20 weeks because I was having a terrible pregnancy and it was like having a bit of exciting news in the midst of all my sickness and hospitalisation.

Im very nosey though so I probably would have found out anyway. We didnt tell anyone though. I may be nosey but Im not a gossip .

Would have been strange if they had got it wrong though. The bonding thing...

madmarchhare · 30/01/2007 10:00

lol @ pokemon

madmarchhare · 30/01/2007 10:01

Friends ds's joke.

How do you get 1000 japenese people on a very small bus?

Pokemon.

Aloha · 30/01/2007 10:04

If the sex it is the least interesting thing about a baby, why do people talk so much about the thrilling moment of finding out at birth? If it is unimportant, why not find out?

aderyn · 30/01/2007 10:19

Because it's the whole package you're getting to know at once....?

Like like finding out you're going to Italy AND knowing what you will be doing, where you will be staying, how long the trip will be, who you'll be going with. For some people just knowing you're going to Italy wouldn't be important. They would find it more meaningful to wait and find out they're going to Italy alongside all the other information.

Aloha · 30/01/2007 10:24

Well, if we are using the baby as an analogy, I'd certainly know who I'd be with and I would also enjoy the shopping beforehand...

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 30/01/2007 10:26

tum is a lot lower than it used to be, Enid

sputnik · 30/01/2007 10:53

Funny, I always thought before I ever got pg that I wouldn't want to find out, as I like surprises. Then when it came down to it I dicovered that the more uncertainty I could remove from the whole process the better. I found the whole preparing for birth business traumatic enough as it was (unnecessarily of course, as it turned out), and the arrival of a first baby is enough of a surprise as it is without having to "save" the surprise of what sex it is. I found out the sex with last and current pg and have no regrets.

tiredandgrumpy · 30/01/2007 12:22

I didn't find out first time round and was really impatient. Decided to find out second time round as, whilst the pregnancy was really wanted, it was hard work with a toddler in tow, so I didn't have that 'bonding' sensation with my unborn baby. I thought finding out would help me. It certainly did and in no way spoilt the magic of finally meeting her when she was born. Having a baby is special enough. Surely no one can say that knowing in advance what the sex is actually detracts from the excitement of meeting your baby for the first time?

taylormama · 30/01/2007 12:39

We asked at the 20 weeks scan to find out the sex but the baby had his legs crossed (and on every other subsequent scan) so i had a surprise on the day which was wonderful. I thought i was having a girl so having a boy was a shock, but then i think actually having the baby was LOL!!!! My DH cried when he told me we had a son - it was a very special moment ...

REDFRUIT · 30/01/2007 13:28

Hi Everybody !!

I have done it for my DD and was not supposed to do for this one (26 weeks pg)..but I couldn't resist. My husband didn't want to know so the lady who did the scan wrote the gender on a piece of paper and put it on a enveloppe for me to open later ! Oh my god, I got the enveloppe, opened it after 10 seconds and when I saw what I was having...I started crying and said to my husband : Oh my good we are having another girl..Reaction : He started to cry as well and said that he knew that I couldn't resist telling him !!! He was right ! My opinion is : if you have the patience and the strenght of waiting, don't ask for the sex !

divamumdiva · 30/01/2007 17:22

DD crossed her legs and sonographer couldnt tell but she muttered "Im not sure, but i think its a girl" I was seriously disappointed. I always had boy symphtoms of old wife tell, everyone agreed i was having boy, even mw said its a girl while i was having labour. And it was a GIRL. Oh i love her, and i wouldnt change her for a boy. I dont really care about what gender they are, as long as they are perfect ( i mean with everythign and etc..) Im expecting my second now, and dh and I agreed we will try to find out, but boy or girl doesnt matter. We tried good while, and it was hard work, so it really doesnt matter. We are lucky to have him or her.

divamumdiva · 30/01/2007 17:24

sorry i emant mw thought it was boy, too

Lysettes · 30/01/2007 17:58

we found out at our 20 week scan - the sonographer asked if we wanted to know and when we said yes, she replied "well he definitely wants me to know what he is!" little man was rolling around making sure we could see everything

and to this day he does the same thing as soon as his nappy is off!

lapsedrunner · 30/01/2007 18:22

I didn't.

sizzixqueen · 30/01/2007 19:20

With DD1 we didn't know as they wouldn't tell you where we live. Was v positive that I didn't want to know in advance anyway. Spent the last 5 weeks of pregnancy convinced she was a girl - and I was right!
With DD2 they had changed the rules and for some reason I had changed my mind and really wanted to know that time.
I don't think I bonded any differently with either daughter, and I don't think it made any difference really. It's just a personal preference. However, with DD2 we didn't tell anyone that we knew because friends of mine had told parents and in laws that they had found out, but wouldn't tell them the sex and the parents had months of strop because they didn't know. Hope that helps!

PoppiesMum · 30/01/2007 19:32

We found out - dh didn't mind but I wanted to know to make the pg seem more 'real', as I didn't have any pg symptoms. Even though we knew it was a girl, we still din't manage to pick a name in time for the birth, and I was too nervous to buy pink things, just in case!

chocolatekimmy · 30/01/2007 21:39

I didn't ask with any of my three (all girls).

I didn't see the point from any practical view. I know you can buy pink or blue things and choose a name (you can choose names anyway for both) but they don't always get it right.

For me (everytime) it just made it so exciting, the anticipation of wondering what it is in there. Is is a boy or a girl, can't wait to find out and meet him/her ect. My sister found out she was having a boy and we talked on the lines of "george will be here soon" ect and it took away some of the excitment I think.

There is no practical reason, its just personal choice. I see in the scan literature (Winchester/Andover) that they don't like to sex the baby at the scans unless it is for a valid reason (whatever that might be) but i gather they tell anyone that asks anyway.

I have to admit though that part of me did want to know, I was at times dying to know but glad I chose not to in the end.

MerryMarigold · 30/01/2007 21:44

i will find out with baby no. 2 as i WILL be disappointed if another boy and i spend 9 months HOPING for a girl!

funnypeculiar · 30/01/2007 21:45

haven't read rest of thread, so sorry if I'm repeating. We didn't find out for both of ours - first one, didn't honestly care what we got, saw no benefit, other than nosiness! M/w asked dh to find out the sex - was the most increadibly moving bit of the birth having him tell me what we'd had (a boy)
With dd, I was really tempted, he didn't want to know. Again, hearing him saying 'omg, its a girl, its our girl' was very magical. Have never (yet) heard someone say they found out & regreted knwoing, or wish they'd known when they didn't find out (did that make sense?!) so think you can't loose
Good luck!

RuthChan · 31/01/2007 00:03

I didn't ask. I really didn't mind whether it was a girl or a boy and I prefered the idea of finding out naturally at the birth. The baby was really active all through the labour and for some reason I had a hunch it was a boy. I was therefore really surprised to be told that I'd given birth to a girl.
I'm really pleased that I didn't ask and loved how everyone tried to predict which it would be by the shape of my bump. That's clearly all a myth, the predictions were split 50/50.
People say you need to know to prepare and buy stuff in advance, but you really don't.
We considered names for both girls and boys. With regards to shopping, only clothes are gender specific at the beginning and I just bought a few unisex items. Most of the stuff DD wears were gifts after she was born anyway.
Whatever you decide...good luck!!

bubble78 · 31/01/2007 11:30

its simple bumperlicious if you want to know then find out if you dont then dont

its your choice

honeyapple · 31/01/2007 13:35

I prefered not knowing.
When PG with my DS i hadnt had any scans cos i was backpacking... came back to UK and had a late scan and doctor just said- i can see what the sex is, do you want to know? TBH i hadnt even thought about whether i wanted to know because i thought they didnt tell you. Anyway, we said YES! because it was a bit of a shock... so knew was having a boy, which was cool to know at the time...

Anyway, when PG with 2nd baby, I assumed we would find out the sex... but baby had legs crossed and so it wasnt to be. When baby came out, and "ITS A GIRL!" was shouted, it was brilliant! Definitely worth waiting for that fantastic moment.

pulapula · 31/01/2007 18:05

I didn't find out with DD, and it was a really lovely surprise as I was sure I was having a boy but really wanted a girl. My DH said I deserved to get my wish after going through a difficult labour.

This time we both want to find out. My DH would be a bit disappointed if it was a boy as he wants another DD. I want to be able to prepare more in advance this time round, so if it's a boy, I will go out and buy stuff, but if it's a girl I don't need to worry as much.

We will say to people that we didn't ask and couldn't see, so it is still a surprise for others, and so we don't get nagged/quizzed.

We want to tell DD though, so she might say something although she's only 2.

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