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Original poster

What's your opinion on finding out the sex?

147 replies

bumperlicious · 29/01/2007 17:44

We have our 20 week scan coming up and don't know what to do. Originally we both said we didn't want to but now DH is wavering. I could manage if we both didn't know, but it would probably drive me mad if he did and I didn't!
If I find out I WILL tell everybody, and I didn't really want everyone to know, on the other hand I feel that finding out the sex may help me bond a bit more with the baby which I am struggling to do.
Opinions please!!!

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Aloha · 29/01/2007 20:48

I'm not saying I'm right, or that anyone else should do it my way, but for me, the pleasure was the anticipation, not the mystery.

bananaloaf · 29/01/2007 20:48

agree with multitasker about few surprises in life these days, i didnt find out but guessed correctly. since ds2 was born out maty unit do not tell parents even when asked

hunkermunker · 29/01/2007 20:48

You might've been expecting a polar bear or something then, Spidermama!

Aloha · 29/01/2007 20:49

And I like to know EVERYTHING in advance - or at least, what can be known!
I really, actively dislike surprises.

Aloha · 29/01/2007 20:49

Dh on the other hand likes to surprise me....it's a problem!

RustyBear · 29/01/2007 20:49

Do they always tell you these days? When I had DS (19 years ago) DH really wanted to know & I didn't think I did, but wasn't sure, but they wouldn't tell us anyway - they said they wouldn't risk it being wrong - two years later with DD, the girl said they didn't tell people in case they had an abortion if it was the 'wrong' sex. I might have argued the second time, but all I could actually think about was having a pee....

Enid · 29/01/2007 20:50

I enjoyed relinquishing the control (not knowing)

odd really as am a control freak in pretty much every area of life

CheesyFeet · 29/01/2007 21:02

We found out at 20wks with dd. She almost wasn't showing us though.

I am overly curious I suppose. I hate not knowing something if I have a chance of finding out. I didn't mind what flavour the baby was but I wanted to know as quickly as I could which it was. Similarly I also wanted to know what her face looked like, what colour her eyes were etc etc but I knew I would have to wait to find that out.

I know that it's not right for everyone though. I reckon it's about 50:50 yes/no.

Sexonslightlypuffylegs · 29/01/2007 21:16

Enid, like whether I needed to clear out all my daughters stuff if we were having a boy this time around, as don't have enough room to keep it all. In the event, we are having another girl so don't need to buy any more clothes.

mollymawk · 29/01/2007 21:45

If you have a preference maybe it would be better to wait until it's born - if you find out now you might be disappointed (I know people who have done this) but if you wait until the baby is born you will be so relieved it's all over and everyone is alright that you won't care at all what sex it is!

I didn't find out with mine but only because we didn't have a choice - our hospital has a "policy" for some reason and big signs saying DO NOT ASK.

Original poster
bumperlicious · 29/01/2007 21:54

Thanks for all the responses! I didn't realise it would be such an emotive subject, just wanted to know people's experiences. Though obviously it doesn't actually change how I will deal with it either way! I know there is no 'best' way as it is different for everyone. I think if I can get through the scan without begging them to tell me I will be able to manage till the end. For both DH and I it's the thought that it will be right on the screen in front of us.
I think we'll not find out, but won't be disappointed if it's fairly obvious and you can't help but see what sex it is!
Thanks!

OP posts:
BabiesEverywhere · 29/01/2007 21:58

I didn't want to find out our baby's flavour in case they got it wrong.

I didn't care which gender our baby was (turned out to be a beautiful bouncing gir)as long as he/she was healthy.

But if I had been told one sex and went out and bought loads of clothes etc and choose a name and then the baby ended up being the other, I would of been really miffed.

sazzybee · 29/01/2007 22:19

I didn't care one way or the other what gender the baby was but I'm glad I found out. Partly because it's made him more real, partly because it's made choosing a name that much easier (I can't be the only person who thinks coming up with two sets of names is wasted effort surely ) and partly because I'm finding the whole process of being pg hugely disempowering because I've had a few different complications and not been told what the implications are.

Not knowing the baby's gender when my medical team do would make me feel even less in control of what's going on with my body than I already do.

Maybe that makes me a control freak, dunno.

CheesyFeet · 29/01/2007 22:35

Babies I was itching to know what flavour your bump was, damn near drove me mad (see comment about needing to know stuff)

Twinklemegan · 29/01/2007 22:43

I didn't want to find out because I was so afraid that something was going to go wrong and I thought it would make the baby seem more "real" which wasn't what I needed at that time. Don't think it would have made a difference though as it seemed pretty real by 40+ weeks! I was also interested to test the theory that women can sometimes "sense" the sex. OK, I know I only had a choice of two, but when the midwife showed us DS I wasn't at all surprised that he was a boy.

Next time, if there is one, I think I would like to find out though. If only to know whether I need loads of new clothes or whether I can use all the hand-me-downs .

sazzybee · 29/01/2007 22:49

And another reason is that a friend of mine was convinced she was having a boy all the way through and was very disappointed when the baby was born and it was a girl!

lullabyfornow · 30/01/2007 00:45

I was convinced I was having a little boy, partly 'cos deep down I had always wanted a little girl, and it had been such a miracle that I'd got pregnant anyway, after 5 years of trying, a miscarriage and an ectopic, that I didn't feel it was possible for all my dreams to have come true.

However, we chose not to find out at the scans, dh wanted to know, but I love surprises, I'm rather romantic that way

Interestingly, when i was 6 months pg, we stopped off at a motorway service station, to get a coffee at 5am in the morning, to be served by this v chatty and chirpy Scottish lady, who told us that she had this strange gift, whereby she could guess the baby's sex by laying her hands on the bump and feeling its vibrations - she claimed never to have been wrong, and her local doctor wanted to know how she did it. Needless to say, I let her touch my bump, no it wasn't that spooky!! and she confidently informed my husband he would have someone to play football with....

So, 2 months later (one month earlier than planned) during my emergency caesarian, we were all ready to greet little Hector into the world, when the midwife announced little Hector was a she!! We couldn't stop crying with joy! Of course we would have loved a boy too, but as my dh is from a family of boys, I think it was secretly what he was hoping for too.

If there is a next time around for us, I don't mind what sex the little darling is, although I do love thinking up girls' names, I honestly think that's the crux of it - embarrassingly - plus all those dinky little dress and pants sets!

P.S. We never did revisit that service station caf to dish the dirt on that imposter!!

JillybeansNW · 30/01/2007 00:59

Haven't read all of this yet but -
WHen DS1 was born there was no such thing - and everybody told me I was having a girl
DS2 (7yrs) - was a complete shock to be pregnant, so I didn't really need any more surprises
DD (5mths) consultant sat there and read that we had a girl from scan 'oh, so you decided to open your present early'. I pointed out that I had got pregnant while with a mirena coil so I didn't need more surprises (again!!!)
It meant that we could buy loads of clothes that weren't yellow (though a disturbing number are pink)
Personally I think there is enough mistery in the wait to meet your LO that knowing the sex is quite OK

eidsvold · 30/01/2007 01:43

you could ask if you wanted to - we found out about no1 - as a balance to the news she had a very serious heart defect. With no2 we tried to find out as I wanted to know if I was right BUT no2 was no cooperative - in the three scans I had she would not show us anything that would indicate her gender - to the point of having her hands cupped in her groin area!!

No3 is due in Mar and again we were curious and again no3 would not reveal all so we wait.

Some hospital trusts do not reveal the gender unless there is a risk of a hereditary condition that is gender specific being passed on. Had we stayed in the UK and I gave birth to dd2 in our local hospital trust - they would not have told us the gender at the 20 week scan as a matter of hospital policy.

nightowl · 30/01/2007 01:52

i found out with both but then somehow i was sure of what they were anyway (was right both times). i hate surprises and its only been this year that i havent peeked at any of my christmas pressies too! it never helped with naming them though, ds was named way before he was born and dd didn't have a name until she was about 2 weeks old!

frazzledazzle · 30/01/2007 09:16

I didn't find out the sex of my 2 sons.I think it's nice to have a surprise at the end of all that effort.
I'm 23wks with no3 and I tried to spy something when I had my scan but was glad when nothing seemed to stand out!
For me finding out early is like taking a sly peek at your Xmas pressies,it's nicer to wait

aderyn · 30/01/2007 09:36

I don't get the bonding thing. How do you bond with something you can't see or touch just because you find out what is between their legs?

What I cannot understand is people who find out at the 20 week scan even though they have a very definite preference and then spend 20 weeks being disappointed.

One thing I have found is I never find other people's birth announcements as exciting when they have already disclosed the sex of the baby and often the name too.

I didn't find out with either of mine. I never had a preference gender-wise anyway. I loved the anticipation about everything - hair, eyes, personality, size, colouring, sex right up until they popped out.

I can understand people wanting to know in advance, especially as you'll be able to buy baby clothes in the sales leading up to the birth since gender-neutral clothes are so scarce these days.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 30/01/2007 09:43

The least interesting thing about any new baby is what sex it is. And it's not flippin' Pokemon, you know it's either one or the other.

nogoes · 30/01/2007 09:52

I did not want to know at the 20 week scan but I had to have another scan at 33 weeks as we had a bit of a scare (everything was fine though) and I really wanted to know at that point because I had this need to speak to my baby by his name and tell him everything was going to be ok. I'm not sure whether I would want to find out next time they no longer tell you in our area anyway.

Nettee · 30/01/2007 09:53

I liked the suprise and it feels more like an announcement if you can say its a boy or girl at the time of birth. Having said that I was very tempted at my 20 week scan to ask and did feel wierd towards the end of pregnancy not knowing when the baby was so obviously there. Still think I will resist the temptation this time round though and find out after all the hard work is over.

I think though that if you have a strong preference that it is better to be disappointed and get over it at 20 weeks than to be disappointed at the birth.