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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

What's your opinion on finding out the sex?

147 replies

bumperlicious · 29/01/2007 17:44

We have our 20 week scan coming up and don't know what to do. Originally we both said we didn't want to but now DH is wavering. I could manage if we both didn't know, but it would probably drive me mad if he did and I didn't!
If I find out I WILL tell everybody, and I didn't really want everyone to know, on the other hand I feel that finding out the sex may help me bond a bit more with the baby which I am struggling to do.
Opinions please!!!

OP posts:

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Sexonslightlypuffylegs · 29/01/2007 18:33

We didn't first time around as wanted the surprise element, but have done this time for practical reasons - ie did we need to get boy stuff in etc. I don't think it has changed how I am bonding with unborn babe by knowing the sex though. But, as people have said, it is such a personal thing.

I have managed to lie to most people and say we don't know the sex though- how naughty!! Gives me a bit of a buzz!

Enid · 29/01/2007 18:35

lol @ for practical reasons

sorry but WHAT practical reasons?

Aloha · 29/01/2007 18:37

I really dislike surprises and enjoy anticipation. I would, for example, much rather know I was going to Italy for my honeymoon and enjoy fantasising about it and preparing for it than being presented with airline tickets and being told that I'm getting on a plane to Italy in a few hours. But I know some people prefer to other option. I certainly don't think one approach is morally superior to the other. Everything about birth seems to be so loaded with moral significance and a reason for women to turn on each other. Find that rather wearying.

SoupDragon · 29/01/2007 18:39

"Martin Amis wrote something about how finding out in advance spoils a universal surprise experienced by the whole of humankind."

It's still a surpise thoughisn't it? You're just having it early!! It was a huge surprise to find out BabyDragon was a girl after 2 boys and was no less special for finding out then. I spent the next 20 weeks thinking "OMG, a girl!" and grinning to myself And then reminding myself it could have been a mistake... I got them to check at a 37 week growth scan just to be sure.

Aloha · 29/01/2007 18:43

And in much of the world the 'surprise' of a girl baby is a huge, crushing disappointment!

Tatties · 29/01/2007 18:44

I didn't want to find out, I wanted it to be a surprise, and I longed for the "It's a boy!/girl!" moment at the birth.

Frenchsmallfry · 29/01/2007 19:30

I don't think knowing the sex would help me bond, as Miaou said you don't know any more about them. I am also a big realist and will not bond too much until the baby reaches my arms. I didn't find out with either of mine and haven't done with this one either. Friends and family have also said that it is an anticlimax when you call with the news. He's arrived, she's arrived is not quite the same as Well!!!!!? IT's a boy!! Yeyy Congrats. On the same hand a few friends have found out before and they have been very happy with their decision. I am not against either, I just personally like to wait and have the "it's a ....." moment after all that pain.

jenwa · 29/01/2007 19:52

Sil found out 1st time that it was girl and next day she was on a downer for knowing even though she was happy it was girl, she just said that it took away the thirll of not knowing. Anyway she had a shock as when baby born it was a boy!! She did not find out this time!!!

Know few people who found out and they choose name so when baby born everyone like oh so and so's been born. If you do find out try to keep the name a surprise as you need something to keep for yourself until baby arrives.
I never found out and had fun time guessing and pepole trying to guess sex.

tegan · 29/01/2007 20:13

I didn't know with me first and for some reason was positive I was having a boy, so when dd popped out I had about 4 days of wondering why this could of happened, so I found out with dd2 and I enjoyed my pregnancy alot more for knowing.

sillysillysally · 29/01/2007 20:21

Its a personal thing but I think I would always opt for not finding out. Mainly because I know someone who was expecting a girl, then when it(!) arrived it was a boy!! She was in shock for several days and found it really hard bonding with him at first. Fortunately that didn't last long and all is fine now, except for numerous trips to shops returning pink stuff for blue.

pollyanna · 29/01/2007 20:25

I found out with dd3 but not my other 3 children because her siblings were desperate to know. I was happy to wait, but equally I don't think it makes the birth experience any more magical (or whatever) not to know. Also in my case, it was a bit of pigheadedness not finding out - dh and all my family were so desperate to know

Aloha · 29/01/2007 20:27

Oh, I honestly couldn't care less whether other people felt less excited about the birth of my child because I knew the sex. That wouldn't even cross my radar. Maybe that's curmudgeonly of me though

Socci · 29/01/2007 20:28

Message withdrawn

thirtysomething · 29/01/2007 20:33

I didn't find out with either ds or dd - I really loved all the guessing and speculation, all the looking at both types of clothes, painting the nursery yellow both times, and then having such a lovely surprise at the end of each birth - the first time they didn't even announce the sex, they just handed me my son and said "look for yourself". It was magical. i didn't care about the sex, I just wanted to preserve the mystery! It's also nice to be able to announce the sex when the baby's born to everyone else - on the other hand some people find it does help them to get used to the whole concept and from a practical point of view they can buy the right clothes etc. if they find out, so it really depends whether you have a strong preference and practical issues etc.

Aloha · 29/01/2007 20:36

I find it quite fascinating how people differ. I hate suprises and love planning/speculating, I love knowing stuff instead of wondering/guessing (the endless speculation about my bump drove me INSANE!), I couldn't care less if other people prefer a surprise etc
So I think bumperlicious, you have decide what camp you are in!

Enid · 29/01/2007 20:42

It isn't really a surprise though? I mean you know you are having one or the other, why does it ever matter?

don't get the honeymoon analogy either - I would also hate to have italy sprung upon me (might not have the right clothes and may not have had my legs waxed )

hunkermunker · 29/01/2007 20:42

I didn't find out, because I didn't want to.

Other than that, I agree with Aloha. It's not a competition!

hunkermunker · 29/01/2007 20:43

Pretty much like childbirth then, Enid

Enid · 29/01/2007 20:43

rofl

Aloha · 29/01/2007 20:45

Well, I actively enjoyed speculating about the little boy/girl I was going to have, buying small clothes, decorating their room and so on. I found it fun and enjoyable. I liked thinking of names. Ds was named before he was born. I enjoyed having this knowledge. I actively preferred knowing to not knowing, especially as the scanner knew, so why shouldn't I? Don't find out if you don't want to, but IMO it doesn't make you morally defective if you prefer to have the same knowledge of your baby as the person doing the scan.

multitasker · 29/01/2007 20:46

There are very few real surprises in life, so I had no interest in finding out the sex of any of my 3dc. Having said that I guessed correctly each time.

Aloha · 29/01/2007 20:46

Well, if I hadn't been to Italy before I might have a really inaccurate idea of what it is like. I might buy the wrong clothes etc. But I'd still prefer imagining it, speculating on what it might be like and buying clothes than not doing so. Other people love the romance of not knowing. Horses for courses, eh?

Enid · 29/01/2007 20:47

yes of course you must do what you want

I did all those things though too aloha

Spidermama · 29/01/2007 20:47

I wouldn't like to know in advance. Mind you I don't like to know anything in advance which is why I avoid scans.

Enid · 29/01/2007 20:48

ok, I think finding out puts too much emphasis on the sex

when it really isn't important in most cases (other than health reasons)

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