What's your opinion on finding out the sex?

[bumperlicious]

We have our 20 week scan coming up and don't know what to do. Originally we both said we didn't want to but now DH is wavering. I could manage if we both didn't know, but it would probably drive me mad if he did and I didn't!
If I find out I WILL tell everybody, and I didn't really want everyone to know, on the other hand I feel that finding out the sex may help me bond a bit more with the baby which I am struggling to do.
Opinions please!!!

I didn't find out with DD, and it was a really lovely surprise as I was sure I was having a boy but really wanted a girl. My DH said I deserved to get my wish after going through a difficult labour.

This time we both want to find out. My DH would be a bit disappointed if it was a boy as he wants another DD. I want to be able to prepare more in advance this time round, so if it's a boy, I will go out and buy stuff, but if it's a girl I don't need to worry as much.

We will say to people that we didn't ask and couldn't see, so it is still a surprise for others, and so we don't get nagged/quizzed.

We want to tell DD though, so she might say something although she's only 2.

I didn't find out with DD, and it was a really lovely surprise as I was sure I was having a boy but really wanted a girl. My DH said I deserved to get my wish after going through a difficult labour.

This time we both want to find out. My DH would be a bit disappointed if it was a boy as he wants another DD. I want to be able to prepare more in advance this time round, so if it's a boy, I will go out and buy stuff, but if it's a girl I don't need to worry as much.

We will say to people that we didn't ask and couldn't see, so it is still a surprise for others, and so we don't get nagged/quizzed.

We want to tell DD though, so she might say something although she's only 2.

We did not want to know, and I just loved the moment when my DH said "it's a girl!!". He was faster than the midwife.... I still cherish that moment, but of course it is your decision. We were the only couple in about 30 that did not know. I would like to do it the same way with number 2 later, but I am not sure if I could manage again....

We didn't want to know as I think the excitement at birth is fantastic. I 'felt' like I was having a girl and we chose names for both, then when baby was delivered onto my tum I was SOOO ecstatic that she was a girl. I like the anticipation of it all and the 'surprise' at the end. I suppose it might be different if you were expecting number 2 or more.
Good luck!

I wanted to know and dh didn't mind. I really wanted a girl (felt guilty but couldn't help how I felt) and figured if I knew the sex it would help me to bond. Found out it was a boy. Immediately bought a book on raising boys. Started to feel positive about it. By time he came along we loved him implicitly. Never a day of regret about finding out or about him being male! Had I not known I think I might have felt a little twinge of disappointment - much as it makes me feel guilty to say it.

Shrewsbury hospital charges £50 for you to know the sex of your child. I think this is exhortion. What does everyone else think?

I didnt find out, and i'm glad i didnt... i was dreading the labour so thought that its something to look forward to!

And it was great, all of a sudden out baby came out and i had forgotten everything - i just kept shouting WHAT IS IT??? (I think i went deaf.. as my DH clearly heard them say ITS A BOY!)

But its up to you, i dont think it matters, its just your own choice!

We didn't find out with either of our children (girl first, boy second). When having the emergency C-section the delivery team found out we didn't know the sex and they got very excited - said it's so rare these days. We would be happy boy or girl so it really wasn't an issue. With our second I didn't want the baby to wonder why we found out with this one and not the older sibling. Keep things on equal footing. I'm so pleased we did - it was another emergency c-section and this time I asked them to hold the baby up and have my husband announce the sex. It was a moment I'll never forget.
I noticed someone said when they found out and told everyone there was an anti-climax when the little one finally arrived. I too find it's not as exciting if friends tell me the sex before the birth - if they do know I ask them not to tell me.
In the end it really is an individual choice, but the excitement of not knowing is fantastic!

I think its a very personal thing, but would say if you are unsure then dont ask.

I have never known the sex of mine and I am absolutely sure this was right for me with the last two I could have found out at 12 weeks because I had a cvs. BOth my sil knew the sex of their babies before they were born, my in laws were far more excited when I gave birth because they couldnt wait to find out what 'bump' was.

I am sure there is some research suggesting that women who dont know the sex cope better in labour I will try and dig it out later

helps if your skint and you want to be specific about buying things.

also if you cant hold yer own piss, not knowing is not an option

however if i was more of a patient person.

i would like to have the surprise.

Even knowing that they can get it wrong, and knowing people who have been told the wrong gender, I still wanted to know, but my DH didn't. I knew I couldn't keep it quiet for that long, so we compromised and found out for ourselves, but haven't told anyone else.

If someone asks, we say we know, but that as we know mistakes can occur we decided not to tell anyone else.

Is this the right thing to do? Well I have 4 weeks to go, and knowing that its a boy hasn't stopped us from choosing a girl's name as well as a boy's name. I don't think I'll be brokenhearted if its a girl, because its my baby! But we have bought a few blue things (which are kept hidden from visitors) but mainly light things which are fairly gendeer neutral. I also have no desire to paint the whole room blue, so that's not a problem, either!

It's such a personal thing, wanting to know. The only person that has nagged me has been one sister who asked what colour she should buy (I told her pink and blue striped!). Everyone else is happy to wait.

Kept it a surprise for DS (3.5) next one is due in August and we've decided to find out this time. I'd like to be able to plan a bit - know which handmedowns to accept etc also I have a feeling it will help DS bond better. We're going to ask the sonographer to write it down and pop it in an envelope for us - then we can open it together and it'll be even more special - we'll have a great momento too.

We found out at the 20week scan, as I like to be prepared. We have chosen our name, so now instead of referring to the bump, when we talk to it, we can call him Eli. We've also bought clothes in sizes up to 3yrs in the sales, it was a good move. We can also get the nursery finished and personalise it a bit, I'm busy looking at jcb ride-ons already .

I found out beforehand both times because I didn't see the point in not knowing IYSWIM. I wanted to know everything about my babies as soon as I could. I actually noticed that DS2 was a boy at a 13 week scan when he was flashing his bits - I asked the sonographer if what I was seeing was what I thought it was and she said almost certainly yes (confirmed later at 20 weeks). To me the sex was then simply not important and I had plenty of anticipation in what each baby would look like, his size etc. The excitement of family or friends in knowing or not really didn't hit my radar. It was nice for DS1 to know he was having a brother early on. I have to say (and I'm whispering this as I don't want to upset anyone) but I find it really tedious when some people whitter on & on guessing what sex their baby might be - I just want to scream "well find out then", assuming it was an option. Of course, it's completely a personal decision.

Obviously it´s a personal choice but I think in early pregnancy you can feel quite detached from what´s going on with your body. And by 20 weeks I was getting SO BORED of saying ´the baby´ this and ´the baby´ that. And if I accidentally said ´he´or ´she´everyone would immediately think it indicated a preference. And yet saying ´it´ sounds even worse and even more detached.

Ours is quite clearly a little boy from the scan we had done and it´s been really nice to know. He already has a name and I think for all of that feels so much part of our family already. I really think it´s helped dh bond with him too. And that´s given that previously he really wanted a little girl.

Some people say it´s not a good thing as you can start giving the baby a false personality or identity which could affect bonding after birth but I reckon that´s rubbish. I have no idea what my little boy will be like, apart from his sex and knowing that has not taken away any of the excitement we will feel at finding out who´s nose he has, who´s colouring he has and what he is like as his own person.

Maveta
28 weeks + 2

i was desperate to find out the sex of our first little one at the 20 week scan but he (as it turned out to be!) had other ideas and got into a position where there was no way of telling.. i was disappointed to start with but then, for me, it was a blessing in the last few weeks of being pg coz there was something extra exciting to look forward to. I was convinced it was going to be a girl though, and of course was totally wrong! Next time i think i will leave it as a surprise again. So remember, you might want to know but your baby may have other ideas... all the best!

We decided to find out with our daughter and i will be doing it again this time. I much preferred calling the baby a name rather than it. It made it all seem so real but of course they do occasionly get it wrong.

I found out with DD and I will find out this time. No preference I just like to know

I wanted to know. No preference but wanted to bond and prepare.

Most people DIDN'T want us to find out ... seemed to be because they wanted the 'surprise' ... but it's gonna be a boy or a girl so I couldn't eclipse my impatience for a 5 second 'declaration'.

I found it really helped. We named her, thought about girl things -- and during the labour itself I found it really motivational when MW sould say, 'you're nearly there, X is doing great, X will be in your arms after just a few more pushes' etc.

If I have another child I will find out again.

I am still waiting to have my scan - as this is my second, I really want to know whether it has been worth saving four years of my little girls clothes or not. The first time round, i wasn't bothered as long as the baby was healthy and it was nice having a bit of a Surprise too

Well, we had our scan, and we didn't find out! She didn't even ask if we wanted to know which good as I may have caved. I wanted the surprise, and now I've got through the scan, I'll be fine coz there's nothing I can do about it now. The only thing is it's REALLY bugging me everyone predicting what sex it is based on my sickness, size, there seeing eye etc.! So far we have 50/50 responses either way!

Just curious we found out sex last time cause I had an amnio. Not been offered amnio this time so how else do they find out the sex if you dont have an amnio? ... and are they okay about giving you that information?

I wanted the surprise element although I got tempted but so glad I didnt find out. Everyone at work thought my bump was a boy but the family all thought a girl...I thought a boy and guess what...I had a boy. Planning for a surprise on baby no.2 aswell.

Always think that if you found out the sex before birth it would feel like I opened a xmas present befiore xmas day...just my opinion though.

I found out with my last 2 babies. I had an amnio with each and couldn't resist finding out. However, I kept it to myself and told everybody else that I hadn't asked Dh didn't want to know.