Don't want to breastfeed

[WelshManx]

My baby's due at the end of the year and I really don't want to breastfeed. My Mum struggled with me and tried for a couple of days before giving up and DH doesn't particularly want me to as he will be very hands on and wants to share the feeds and getting up during the night. I'm also going on holiday for a few days when the baby will be 3 months old (without the baby) so it would be unfair on her if I try to breastfeed only to change at 3 months. Apart from that, I just don't want to do it! I'm a bit of a wimp and not very good at standing my ground in certain situations and my midwife and hospital and GP are all ridiculously pro breastfeeding. I feel that they are going to 'bully' me into it and I don't know what to say to them?

I mix fed for the first few months because I really found breastfeeding very hard indeed. Once we cracked it I went to 100% breast and in retrospect I think that was a mistake (for us, everyone is different of course.)
Now ds won't take a bottle at all and is still feeding several times a night. If I'd have kept giving him one bottle a day I'd have been able to get a break now and again. As it is I've not slept more than 1-2 hours in ten months, nor have I had a whole morning, afternoon or evening to myself. If I have another baby I will be giving one feed a day from a bottle from the start.

The only issue with mix feeding is that it takes a bit of time to get supply and demand matched up. Babies often cluster feed for hours in the evening - it's basically a way of uti h their order in for the next day! They also go through stages where they really ramp up the feeding to increase supply, and unfortunately the hormones that help to develop your milk supply work best about 2-4am (dammit.)

What I will do next time is breastfeed on demand, but pump or formula for one feed a day. Maybe a little snacky feed in the morning at first. Just really go get the baby used to a bottle/formula.
Up until I went 100% breast his dad could help with feeding. Dropping the ability to use a bottle is my only feeding regret. I don't know why mix feeding is so looked down on - surely it's the best of both worlds? Baby gets all the antibodies and biologicals of breast milk but can take the odd bottle if you need a break.

Solely expressing is generally regarded as double the trouble. You have to be dedicated. But in the US it's very common cos they go back to work so damn quickly.

Expressing the odd time cos you skipped a feed and the baby had a bottle and your boobs are going to explode is no big deal. It's much less stressful than expressing numerous times a day.

Hand pumps are actually quicker than electric ones. You can go like the clappers. Whereas electric ones can be a bit boring as they take their own time.

Putting their, not uti h ! Damn phone.

Do what's right for you and your family. The important thing is that your baby is fed, not how it's fed.
Don't fall into the trap of being made to feel guilty - some posters one in particular leap onto any bf thread and quote all sorts of dubious research and statistics to try and convert you to their own agenda.
Good luck with your baby, do what's right for you and don't succumb to unwanted and unasked for "advice"

Yup. Cheap hand pump or (shock horror!) ready mix carton of formula.
I really, really wish I'd not dropped the one bottle a day (sometimes I expressed, sometimes a carton.) being so sleep derived and exhausted has really damaged my health.

I had DD1 19 months ago and DD2 six days ago. At no point did I feel any pressure to breastfeed. I was asked on both occasions what I was going to do rather than pushed into it.

If you want to formula feed then do. Don't feel bad about it in the slightest. Pisses me off that parents are judged for everything feeding, sleeping, weaning etc. Do what's right for you and your family and don't justify yourself to anyone.

Also I went on a hen do for three days when DD1 was just four months. It was fine and did DH a world of good to have that time with DD. I was BF though so had to express regularly but it wasn't so bad. Good luck

At the moment your wish to formula feed is related to

1. Your mother

2. Your spouse

3. A planned holiday

4. I don't think difficulty over breastfeeding is hereditary. My mother said 'Oh it will be very difficult.' But this wasn't my experience

5. A partner may want to be hands on. My partner made me cheese and pickle sandwiches and cups of tea in the middle of the night when I was breastfeeding. (I was ravenous.) He was also really really good at settling her when she was colicky. We were both hands on parents. It's not as if every activity gets shared 50/50.

6. As others have said, when you have a baby you may not want to go away for a holiday when the infant is only 3 months. You might, but I think waiting to see how you feel after the baby is born, would be wise.

If you'd rather formula feed, then obviously that's fine. But I suppose the decision should be based on your own feelings, and the information that's available to you. (Some 'information' is more like misinformation, if you see what I mean.)

I hope the thread is helpful in terms of clarifying the way ahead.

Wow thanks everyone - really is good for thought! Yes, didn't think that could express and breastfeed - I just saw my friend solely expressing and thought sod that for a game of soldiers!

So do people find that they have enough breast milk to express for a daily bottle feed as well as being able to breastfeed - or do you tend to dry up after they have fed and so can't then express and save it for later?

(Sorry for all the questions!)

It's part of my job to speak to mums about breastfeeding. If they're not interested I wish them well and move on to the next person. I would hate anyone to feel pressured into doing something they don't want to do - it's my job to help women who do want to breastfeed not persuade women who don't and not wanting to is as good a reason as any. You wont be unusual if you dont want to breastfeed. Good luck with your baby!

I told my midwife I didn't want to breastfeed and she was fine. She said she liked it when people were decisive and it was my body and therefore my choice. I have actually changed my mind now, I'm open to giving breast feeding a go but won't be devastated if it doesn't work.

Stick to your guns and don't let anyone bully you into doing something you don't want to do.

I found that my milk supply was highest in the morning. So I fed him first thing, from the boob, then waited about 45 mins, had a warm shower and I could get about 100ml out with the pump. I'd pop that in the fridge for later and then wait a bit and boob him again. I'd feed him whatever I'd got in the morning after I'd breastfed him before bed - he always drank it.
I found my supply varied a lot - I wasnt great at pumping and some women can get hundreds of ml out. !
Experiment with what works for you. Only thing I'd strongly advise is that if you do buy a pump, make sure it's a closed system one as they are more hygienic.

At the moment your wish to formula feed is related to

1. Your mother

2. Your spouse

3. A planned holiday

4. I don't think difficulty over breastfeeding is hereditary. My mother said 'Oh it will be very difficult.' But this wasn't my experience

5. A partner may want to be hands on. My partner made me cheese and pickle sandwiches and cups of tea in the middle of the night when I was breastfeeding. (I was ravenous.) He was also really really good at settling her when she was colicky. We were both hands on parents. It's not as if every activity gets shared 50/50.

6. As others have said, when you have a baby you may not want to go away for a holiday when the infant is only 3 months. You might, but I think waiting to see how you feel after the baby is born, would be wise.

If you'd rather formula feed, then obviously that's fine. But I suppose the decision should be based on your own feelings, and the information that's available to you. (Some 'information' is more like misinformation, if you see what I mean.)

I hope the thread is helpful in terms of clarifying the way ahead. This exactly

hubble thanks

I always woke up with massive boobs in the morning, so I would feed from one side, and then express from the other. That might not work for everyone, but dd only ever fed from one side at a time.

Dd had one bottle of expressed milk every day, from 2 weeks old. It saved my sanity! When she was tiny, I would feed her about 9pm and then go to bed. Dh would keep dd downstairs, give her a bottle, then bring her up when she needed the next feed. Later he would do the 6am feed before he went to work.

At 6 months, I stopped expressing and she had formula for that feed. Mostly just one feed a day, but because she was used to it, I could sometimes go out for the whole day, and I went away for 2 nights when she was 9 months.

Don't breastfeed if you don't want to - your baby will be fine either way. But expressing or mix feeding does take a lot of the pressure off, you know that if you're ill, or exhausted, or want to go out, or to stop breastfeeding altogether, the baby will take a bottle and its not all on you to feed them.

It is absolutely your choice. I bf but I knew I wanted to, I would have done everything to avoid formula. But if you don't want to bf then no one can make you and we live in a country where formula and water is safe and clean.

My only suggestion is not to think that breastfeeding means your dh cannot join in. After babies are fed in the night they need winding and changing and settling back to sleep, many times over, all this can be done by your dh instead of you.

Do whatever you want.
I had a few snobby people turn their nose up at me for bottle feeding and one friend who made out like I was making my baby drink from a puddle.
I had the last laugh as her breast fed baby was constantly Ill where as mine was as fit as a fiddle (not laughing that her kid was always full of viruses- laughing that karma bit her ass)

It doesn't matter a hoot what other people think, all that matters is what you want to do. Babies don't care where their milk comes from, just that they get it.

Judgey pushy pro breastfeeders should be given a nice, hard slap. I breastfed both my babies, by choice, but felt incredibly pressured to do and that anything else would make me a failure. I wish someone had said that it didn't matter how my babies were feed. It was only after having my eldest daughter, and struggling with breastfeeding for 9 long months, did I really get that it just doesn't matter. A good mother is a mother who feeds her baby, and that's what's important.

And for whoever asked about breasts producing enough to express and feed, think of them like a tap rather than a jug - they don't empty, they just keep producing milk as the baby feeds/breast pump expresses.

And there's absolutely no way in hell I'd have been going on holiday when he was three months. I was exhausted, still recovering physically, my boobs were still leaking, he fed for up to eight hours in an evening ... I was a wreck.
Having said that some people manage fine. Someone on my FB has been leaving theirs with people to go on nights out since about week three. Looking perfectly glamorous and having a great time, so maybe I was just not very organised :(

Gah threads about breastfeeding often have an element of judging each other's choices on it.

IMO it's very important that your baby is fed and I strongly judge anyone who lets their baby starve to death. How you feed your baby (bf, ff, mixed) however is just a tiny detail. Most people consider the options and choose the one which best suits their family. Some people forget that what was best for them won't necessarily be best for someone else.

I was undecided right through my first pregnancy and I did not find the midwives pushy at all. After ds was born, they asked me what I was doing then just told me they could support me in breastfeeding if I wanted it.

I BF DD, it was HARD!!!! She was premature, and formula saved her life before I could start to express and feed her. I had been adamant throughout pregnancy I would BF so didn't even look into formula. When they asked me in hospital which formula I wanted them to give her, I had no idea! So I think it's great you are keeping an open mind and looking into your options, I wish I had.
Personally, I see nothing wrong with FF over BF. I do think people should BF if they can, but not wanting to BF IS enough of a reason not to.
Each family is different, we are so lucky these days that we even have the option of safe formula. If that's what you want to do, then stick to your guns. If you want to try BF, then try, but don't put any pressure on yourself. Either way, your baby will be fed and loved - aren't they the only things that matter?

I'm laughing at the notion that the fathers of formula babies can be more involved. Feeding is just feeding. They can be involved in every other single thing, and even help you to breastfeed by supporting you, and facilitating the feeding.
I'll be honest, as someone who finds breastfeeding easy (just being honest) it seems so much easier than sterilising bottles etc. It's got to be worth a try? Not everyone finds it difficult or painful. It can be easy and pleasant.

Well mouthful since you clearly have little or no experience FF, that isn't a very educated opinion.

My DB has 3 kids - the first 2 were BF but on the third my SIL decided to FF. He openly says he bonded much more with the third cos of their lovely private bottle sessions late at night after my SIL had gone up to bed. He had changed nappies etc for the other two of course, but those lazy long feeding sessions night after night were a joy for him and they are memories he treasures to this day.

It's up to each mum to decide which to do, and it's a shame we can't just accept that and move on. If you're happier with the idea of FF, do that. Don't let other people try to guilt you into doing whatever THEY did.

I was a state after birth. Bf meant I got to sit on the sofa and focus on feeding. I can't think of anything worse than DH feeding so I would have had to get up and do the cooking/bottle prep or something.

As it was I fed, DH got to cuddle and hold while they slept so I could shower and eat.

Both equally involved and bonded.