Don't want to breastfeed

[WelshManx]

My baby's due at the end of the year and I really don't want to breastfeed. My Mum struggled with me and tried for a couple of days before giving up and DH doesn't particularly want me to as he will be very hands on and wants to share the feeds and getting up during the night. I'm also going on holiday for a few days when the baby will be 3 months old (without the baby) so it would be unfair on her if I try to breastfeed only to change at 3 months. Apart from that, I just don't want to do it! I'm a bit of a wimp and not very good at standing my ground in certain situations and my midwife and hospital and GP are all ridiculously pro breastfeeding. I feel that they are going to 'bully' me into it and I don't know what to say to them?

It's good you're keeping an open mind and DH is supportive.
Another poster said that breastfeeding just won't work unless you're absolutely determined you want it to and I have to agree! It is hard to begin with as both of you are learning..
I wanted to try even though I was a bit scared of it.. but as soon as he was born i felt this overwhelming desire to make it work. It felt like the most natural thing in the world even though we had feeding difficulties and he would feed for 2+ hrs and it hurt a lot. We stuck it out and now 3 months later I'm so glad we did. It does get easier and faster.
If your DH wants to feed there's nothing stopping you from trying combination feeding so he can do night feeds?
Of course you're the mummy and you know what will work best for your family. It's a very personal decision and whatever you go with eventually will be absolutely fine! No one should make you feel bad about it either way. Congrats and good luck x

Breast feeding is not best. Breastfeeding is the biological norm for feeding human babies. To not feed human babies human milk carries risks. If a mother makes an informed decision to ff then there should be no need for pressure or persuasion. A simple no should suffice and then these midwives can maybe spend time with mothers who desperately want help with bf.

Op I really wouldn't worry about it. It's no ones business how you feed your baby. Ff is still very much the cultural norm here and unless things change dramatically will continue to be so.

Tbh I did expect a few pro breastfeeding responses, but they haven't made me feel like a bad mother-to-be for choosing not to. My problem lies more with the fact that I'm a first time parent and already the literature I have been given is very much pushing it on me. The hospital is also plastered with bf posters. Before I knew I had a placenta previa, I asked the consultant about how I would go about it if I wanted to have a c section instead of a natural birth and she didn't answer my question, she just said they would advise me to go natural! So I guess that has made me worry about what might happen with the whole bf situation. I'm glad there's so much support on here though

I am not a militant pro-breastfeeder, both my children have had formula. Women should choose whichever option suits them, or a mixture of both, whatever they want to do. Apologies for thinking that it's possible to support choice without having to be rude about anyone who thinks there are health benefits to breastfeeding.

29 I went about 2 weeks mix feeding my DS and I found formula feeding a massive faff tbh.

OP, you asked if having a C-section would affect breastfeeding: it can make it harder for some people, but doesn't for others.

I will say that on the postnatal ward I was on, midwives/HCPs in general were really supportive of women's feeding choices. They asked us how we were planning to feed, and then said "okay" and offered us appropriate help whether the answer was breast or formula. Woman next to me started apologising to the midwife for not breastfeeding, and the midwife cut her off, said "this is your baby and your decision, we are just here to help you." So lots of non-pressuring professionals out there!

My hospital was really pro breast feeding and I did feel under so much pressure to do it with my first, to the extent that he was had poor growth as I struggled to feed for the first few weeks. Until we were taken back onto the children's ward and a doctor gave me 'permission' to stop. Ridiculous now looking back.

You do not have to do anything you don't want to. Just ask them to write FF on your notes and stay firm. I did that with DC2 and he went straight onto bottle. You don't need to 'try it and see' if you don't want to and don't feel under pressure from anyone to do so.

Good luck.

My problem lies more with the fact that I'm a first time parent and already the literature I have been given is very much pushing it on me. The hospital is also plastered with bf posters

There's a reason for this. It's because breastmilk is best for the baby, and best for the NHS because breastfed babies are less likely to suffer many illnesses and conditions. This is not said to push or 'bully' you - it's just fact. This is why they want you to breastfeed. Not because they're mean bullies.

Whatever your reasons, please don't make rebelling against the HCP and literature one of them.

Wellerr - Yes, of course I'll decide not to breastfeed because I'm rebelling against the amount of literature I've been given! What an odd thing to say. I'm a first time mum, not an idiot!

I breastfed and formula fed, I did indeed find ff a "faff" to be honest. But then some women find breastfeeding really difficult so ff is easier and not a faff in comparison.

There is no denying that breast milk in most circumstances is "best", however formula milk is an absolutely perfectly acceptable alternative.

Personally in my role, I think women should be educated about the pros and cons of all types of infant feeding (breast, mixed and formula) and then they have the full knowledge to make an informed decision of their own. Once they have made that decision they should be fully supported by all involved in thier care.

So in response to the op, if at any time you feel "bullied" or "pressurised" into doing anything you don't want to do just state "I have done my research and have made an informed decision Thankyou"

I used old fashioned cold water sterilising.

Never once used ready made formula and still don't find any of it a faff at all.

Ready made formula might have helped in hospital though so if you do decide you definately don't want to try bf take some in with you.

Don't wait six weeks to introduce a bottle! In my opinion nipple confusion is a myth. Up to a few weeks they suck as a reflex - I really wish I'd given bottles consistently from the start now and again because now he's ten months old, and will not take a sodding bottle. Which means I've not had a night off for ten months. Not even a whole morning off. Breast milk is great, I don't deny that, but breastfeeding can be painful and exhausting. At the population level, breast milk wins. But each mum/baby pair are unique - if you're in pain and miserable then bf isnt best for you. That doesn't mean it's not best overall, but you aren't a million combined people, you're you.

As a first time mum, you can sometimes feel a bit railroaded by all the advice. You do what is best for you. Either a smile/nod/ignore response or as above 'I've looked into it and I feel this is right for us.'
A few posters have suggested giving the baby colostrum then switching - that's not a bad idea at all.

Sorry Welsh, it's just that that's what you said was the problem (as quoted in my post), hence it looking like that was the problem for you.

I also agree that nipple confusion is bollocks, my BF DS has had both a dummy and bottle since birth and happily switches from both to breast and back again with ease.

Breast IS best. But a happy mum is better.

well the OP is worried about how she will defend her decision not to breastfeed when the NHS is so pro-breastfeeding. The literature she has been given suggests they are quite militant about it.

I have found the NHS aren't supportive of bfeeding at all tbh

All their literature suggests they are pro breastfeeding but many HCP know bugger all about it and suggest formula top ups as the first solution whenever anything goes wrong. Or even when something perfectly normal is happening.

No one is putting pressure on anyone to breast feed.

What nonsense.

Of course there is a pressure in the UK to breastfeed.

Every health visitor and midwife will talk to you about breastfeeding. If you choose not to do it that's fine, and some may be less pushy than others, but they are told to promote breastfeeding.

That doesn't mean you have to breastfeed. It doesn't mean breastfeeding rates are higher than ff rates (in fact, they are very low in comparison with other countries), but there is definitely, definitely a pressure to breastfeed in the UK. It's the whole reason for the OP's feelings related to this post!

Using words like "militant" to describe the NHS approach to breastfeeding promotion is just not helpful.
Do they really use confrontational or violent methods in support of this cause? No? I didn't think so

Is a mixture of breast feeding and formula feeding a viable option for people? I am a first time mom (due October) and want to try breastfeeding but am open to using formula for night feeds (hubby help!) and when out etc - not sure if that's feasible?

Yes Chatter, totally feasible to mix feed (although there are things you need to take into account when planning, like making sure you don't get engorged if your body thinks you've missed a feed). NHS advice on mix feeding: www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/combining-breast-and-bottle.aspx

Problem is chatterer that night feeds are the ones that stimulate hormones that in turn this increase your supply. Start skipping them early on and you risk your supply not keeping up.

You should really express when you skip a feed to maintain supply.

Personally i found mixed feeding the worst of both worlds, i was much happier just sticking to breast- the "help" with feeding didn't really make things any easier.

I EBF but DS has had the occasional bottle of formula. He's 5 months old.

Like tonight - he usually has a bottle of EBM a day as part of his bedtime routine but I haven't got any expressed milk left and not had time to pump today so he'll get a bottle of ready made formula

Plenty of people do it. You tend to gradually figure out a routine between boob and bottle.

But it's not necessarily a perfect system as your boobs get so full you have to pump just to relieve the discomfort. Especially at night. So you may not sleep through anyway cos your boobs will wake you up!

Also your supply is increased more by night feeds so cutting those out completely can affect supply.

But as I said, plenty of people do it. I did it (a bit). It does give you more freedom/options. But don't think it's magic cos your breasts will protest!

Thanks all - hope I'm not hijacking the thread!

I don't know how I feel about expressing, a friend did it as her baby wouldn't latch and it was almost double the time - she had to express and then feed him. I've not invested in any expressing equipment or looked into it tbh.

I guess with a lot of it, you don't know til it happens to you?