Don't want to breastfeed

[WelshManx]

My baby's due at the end of the year and I really don't want to breastfeed. My Mum struggled with me and tried for a couple of days before giving up and DH doesn't particularly want me to as he will be very hands on and wants to share the feeds and getting up during the night. I'm also going on holiday for a few days when the baby will be 3 months old (without the baby) so it would be unfair on her if I try to breastfeed only to change at 3 months. Apart from that, I just don't want to do it! I'm a bit of a wimp and not very good at standing my ground in certain situations and my midwife and hospital and GP are all ridiculously pro breastfeeding. I feel that they are going to 'bully' me into it and I don't know what to say to them?

Years ago, Plus I can't complain. It was inferences and implying. She'd just argue that I was being paranoid because of my health. I just never, ever want to see her again.

She said things like (remembering this was 6 years ago)

Her: It's so nice you're doing so well. I was concerned you'd get PND because of your BPD.

Me: So happy, love my babies, DS1 is starting to adapt etc etc

Her: They were so small when they were born, twins you know? I'd hate to see them fail to thrive

Me: OMG no no I'd do anything for my babies etc etc

Her: how are they feeding?

Me: Latch, cluster feeding etc. Thinking about mix feeding because DH would love to feed them

Her: Oh.. Are you needing help looking after them? Writes something in her book She looks me in the eye. You know breast milk is said to help orevent mental illness. You wouldn't want them to go what you go through do you? Imagine if you got sick again, who would take care of your babies? DH has just been promoted. You wouldn't want one of your children in a psych ward would you?

It's obviously not verbatim, she said it all very sweetly but her eyes told me she was warning me. Every time formula came up, somehow she'd make a comment like that. IDK if it was just about BFing though. I think she was a bit of a bigot. Didn't think mentally ill people should have children.

God, I feel SO vulnerable having actually admitted it. I always thought no one would believe me because of my issues, and be like 'no HCP would do that! You're just unwell again.'

So posters of MN, if you don't believe me, I get it. I thought I was hormonal and paranoid the first time. But then it kept happening. (I saw her a lot because my DTs were preemies as well as a few minor health issues. Which she implied was my fault.)

So sorry for derailing your thread with my whining OP

You know breast milk is said to help orevent mental illness.

What the absolute fuck?!?!?

SpecialAgent I wish I could report her for you! Totally disgusting.

I think even that sort of inference is something that it's clear that midwives shouldn't be doing. I don't think people who interact like that with people under their care should continue to practise.

I know other women she's been with, they all adore her. She's very jolly and granny like. Everything is said in a cheerful voice, always smiling. I think she may have just been a bigot and it was her way of controlling me.

My skin crawls thinking about her. But I don't want to derail the thread with my woes! Though it feels kinda good to have written it down, I must admit.

My point was there can definitely be pressure.

SpecialAgent - You're not derailing the thread at all. As you said, there obviously is pressure in some cases. I have previously been on medication for depression, which my midwife knows about. I have been offered the support of a link midwife in case I feel I'm not coping. TBH I believe my past MH issues were more to do with an abusive partner than anything else but I do worry that I might be seen as vulnerable and therefore easily persuaded into doing things differently to how I would like to do them.

What an insidious cow! I definitely believe you!

My HV basically didn't believe in cluster feeding. She clearly thought I was being a fool, feeding too much. The only reason I got her off my back was cos I was under the community midwives and I was able to say "well they said it was fine so I'd rather not have contradictory messages thanks". She didn't like that one bit but backed off in the face of other professionals opinion. If it had just been me on my own I'd have thought I was doing something wrong and basically would have started denying the baby feeds if they were "too soon" etc. Bear in mind this was in the first week after birth so they were all obsessed with regaining birth weight at the same time.

I wouldn't mind but she had a student with her who was absorbing all her misinformation!

It's so exhausting. I suspect FFers don't have all that "helpful" stuff that makes your head spin. Cos everyone has an opinion on how to breastfeed, and how you're doing it wrong!

I think everyone has an opinion on motherhood, and women and we're just wrong, wrong, wrong!

I might be seen as vulnerable and therefore easily persuaded into doing things differently to how I would like to do them.

If you get a midwife who doesn't understand MH issues, she may be extra helpful (AKA annoying) But not horrid. That;s what I heard at mum and baby group when mine were little

Pearl yes I see your point. I suppose what I meant is that all sorts of parenting stuff is "recommended" and supported by the NHS, but I don't think people take that as pressure necessarily. Personally I think it's because breastfeeding/formula feeding is such a divisive issue that people take it as "pressure" either way. For example someone being pushed to ff because their baby is struggling to latch etc. And it all depends on the individual HCPs you encounter. In my own experience I didn't ever feel pressurised by the NHS but I appreciate that I may be one of the lucky ones, judging by the terrible experiences other people have had!

Re formula being a faff - it's really not.

Literally all I do is, wash bottles when I wash up after tea (which I'd obviously be doing anyway! Or dp would!) then rinse them and stick them in cold water steriliser.

Take each one out when I need it.

Change water every day (usually before washing up so its ready to throw bottles in)

If I'm going out I use those little ready made bottles. Just pour it in and you're off. Some babies don't agree with these for whatever reason though.

Also I have a perfect prep at home so bottles are ready in two mins.

SpeakNoWords phew glad we have an understanding now I would in no way wish to offend anyone or claim as fact something that isn't proven. I do really admire anyone who has BF as I just knew I could never do it. However I try not to beat myself up about it and compared to some other posters am lucky I had the full support of my midwife.