Don't want to breastfeed

[WelshManx]

My baby's due at the end of the year and I really don't want to breastfeed. My Mum struggled with me and tried for a couple of days before giving up and DH doesn't particularly want me to as he will be very hands on and wants to share the feeds and getting up during the night. I'm also going on holiday for a few days when the baby will be 3 months old (without the baby) so it would be unfair on her if I try to breastfeed only to change at 3 months. Apart from that, I just don't want to do it! I'm a bit of a wimp and not very good at standing my ground in certain situations and my midwife and hospital and GP are all ridiculously pro breastfeeding. I feel that they are going to 'bully' me into it and I don't know what to say to them?

I suspect you might change your mind about going away too.

I thought this too.

It's not just a case of your baby being ok because they can be bottle fed.

You enter a whole new emotional state when you have a baby. You'll likely be hormonal and think irrationally for the first few days/weeks after birth. This tails off but the thought of leaving your very small baby will likely be very hard.

You think you understand how hard it will be. I was like it when sympathising with friends when they had to go away and leave their babies. But you truly don't have any idea what it's like until you've got one of your own.

I struggled to bf for the first 3 days. Then switched. I didn't feel mightily guilty as he'd had "the best bit" . Do what is best for u

I'll probably get flamed for saying this but if you want possibly to mixed feed for a bit or even breastfeed for a few weeks don't wait for 6 weeks to introduce a bottle.
I mixed fed from birth and both of my children took bottle and breast easily and it kept me breastfeeding for longer than I would have done if I hadn't been able to give both because I was adamant I wasn't going to breastfeed.
my peers who waited the 6 weeks found that their babies wouldn't take a bottle and ended up breastfeeding for much longer than they would have liked. Some of them felt very frustrated by this.

This is your one and only chance to give your little one a boost of nutrients and antibodies they can't get from anything else, so I would definitely try and give the colostrum if nothing else. From 2 weeks old my hubby fed a bottle a day of my expressed milk to both our boys, so Dad can definitely be involved in feeding. Plus as another post said, there is so much else a Dad can do to bond with baby :) There is no doubt at all that breastmilk will be best for your baby if you can possibly manage it, maybe it's worthwhile looking at the reasons you're not keen? xx

I didn't breastfeed either. I was really worried what people would think but my late mum told me I should do what was best for me, happy mum equals happy baby. I was going through a really difficult time back then and it was the best option for me. I wasn't bullied about it, no one ever commented about it. My boy is three now, he's very happy, very healthy and we have a very close bond. My advice is do what works best for you and don't worry what anyone else thinks.

I didn't bf either of mine, I really didn't want to.
As previous posters have said, just keep saying no, you don't want to.

You may magically change your mind when your baby arrives, you may not - either way it's fine and will do your baby no harm.
Don't beat yourself up about it.

What gets left out of the whole 'breast is best' message is the disclaimer 'In the abstract, without factoring in any other variables...'. Yes when measured absolutely there are benefits to breastfeeding, but they need to be weighed against a mother's mental health, physical comfort, relationships, lifestyle and preference which are also factors in an individual's decision where they simply can't be in an abstract study. In developed countries with clean water and assuming good hygiene practices formula is perfectly good and the differences very small. Do what's right for you.

It really is up to you how you feed your baby and I certainly don't think anyone will bully you into it. Most of be midwives I saw in my last pregnancy and in this one have told me the benefits but that's all really not gone on about it at all.

I do agree with other posters though , I breastfed my dd for a year in the end and my dh was very involved and I hear people saying they wanted their partners to be involved with feeding etc...well my dh used to get up in the night with my dd and burp her and change her and resettle her after a feed.

My plan OP is to BF but express at the same time so that baby can have one bottle (of breast milk) a day with DH. This should hopefully get her used to bottles so that if the occasion came up when I couldn't do it for what ever reason, the transition wouldn't be a problem. That's just an idea. An obviously I don't know how my plan will work out but that's what I'm going to try.

Do what feels right for you. My sister wanted to and tried but baby was 5 weeks early and her milk didn't come through. So baby was on formula from birth and is now a happy, healthy 20 month old.

I am not allowed under doctors orders but so many medical professionals have been talking to me about Breast feeding. When I say I will be bottle feeding, they start the spiel about breast is best and I have to point out everytime that I'm not allowed for medical reasons. It gets a bit frustrating!

The only person whose opinion matters is you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do :)

Although I was given approximately eight hundred copies of the NHS breastfeeding leaflet, I didn't actually find most HCPs that pushy. When they ask how you're feeding it's usually just so they can tick a box.

If you do meet anyone who is pushy, just keep repeating "thanks, but I've decided to formula feed" until they go away!

You might want to take some little ready made bottles of formula into the hospital so you don't have to ask the midwives for it after you give birth?

IMO the NHS pays lip service to it and support will be minimal. Most likely the first night while your newborn is (very naturally) feeding every 15 mins you will be offered formula.
Unless you are extremely determined to bf you would be lucky to succeed

This. I spent 3 days on post natal and every time a m/w walked by they offered me formula. I also got told off, while happily breastfeeding, for not bringing formula with me. On a busy ward it's far easier for them to shove formula at you than spend time with breastfeeding issues. I had to just repeat "no thank you, we're managing fine" constantly.

If you don't want to, don't. If you're open minded, give it a try, and as pp said don't let other people sway you if you do decide you want to carry on. Other people don't need to be able to feed to help with the baby, there is plenty of other stuff that is more helpful to you.

As a pro bf too, I would far rather people said outright that they don't want to bf. That's their decision. All but forcing people to give it a go means they tend to justify giving up- rather than say it was bloody hard and they just didn't want to- and the myths around breastfeeding continue...

Just tell the Doc and Midwife 'yeah, yeah yeah'

They won't have time to micromanage you on the ward. Then start with formula.

Regardless of what you end up doing, after 6 weeks babies can reject bottles. I expressed breast milk into a bottle and gave it at 2 weeks and then every other day thereafter as it was great to have that option in case I wanted to have a few hours baby free on occasion.

Best of both worlds. Often it's not so much the breastfeeding that's hard, more not having the option to do anything else cos they won't take a bottle so you feel claustrophobic at having to do EVERY feed.

And it is nice for the partner to do the odd feed.

But don't worry about pressure. Every time I've been on a postnatal ward, about 50% of mums seemed to be formula feeding. So it's still incredibly common.

A friend of mine chose to FF from birth and went skiing for a week when baby was 12w old. Baby left with during grandparents. No harm done. Happy relaxed parents. Happy grandparents and baby.
Honestly not everyone has issues leaving their baby.

You can always mix feed, you don't have to do one or the other. As long as you introduce a bottle early on, it shouldn't be a problem although some babies can refuse the breast but as you want to formula feed anyway then that wouldn't be a massive issue. Don't feel guilty or pressured, in a few years time when your little ones running around no one will care either way

If you don't want to breastfeed, don't do it. Be aware though that you might have a baby who cries whenever you leave the room and that going on holiday away from them at 3 months may not be that easy! I very rarely leave DD with anyone as she screams the entire time I'm not there unless she's with DP. She's nearly 1. Before having her I imagined DP and I having mini breaks whilst she stayed with my parents but the reality is she would be absolutely distraught and I just couldn't put her through it. I have friends whose babies don't mind being left at all! But until your baby is here you won't know what kind of personality they will have.

But one thing I will say is maybe just try it to begin with because you never know unless you do

Totally your choice, but in my case, breastfeeding was very easy and much easier than having to get up in the middle of the night to prepare bottles.

It's your body and you don't have to do anything you don't want to with it.

I really hate how it's only acceptable to FF if there is some reason that is perceived to be valid, or if you have tried and tried and pushed yourself to the limit before switching.
You know yourself best. It is perfectly acceptable to say that you want to FF. Be firm and polite, and if pressed, state that you do not wish to discuss it further.
Congratulations :)

Do what is best for you. I am still breastfeeding my 7 month old now and if I could go back in time I would have given her one bottle of formula a day as that would have made life a lot easier , especially with trying to leave her with other people. I found expressing exhausting.

I never wanted to breastfeed and never did. I never heard a single health professional say directly to me 'breast is best' or try and talk me into it in any way. I felt supported in my own decision from the moment I said formula feeding. My ds is 2 so was fairly recent also.

I didn't breastfeed. I couldn't stand the thought of a baby sucking on me. I'm not sure why as I don't find other women breast feeding revolting. I still bonded with my babies.
Don't worry about it. Do what feels right for you and have confidence in your choice. I told midwives truthfully that I felt it would harm my bonding with my baby and I didn't want my baby drinking my blood from cracked nipples! The midwife told our ante natal group that the blood would turn the baby's poo black! No one questioned me when I asked for milk!

Do what you think is best. I would keep an open mind about the holiday- I would have been a wreck if I left my daughter at that age. I personally wouldn't have relaxed. I also breastfed and my husband was (and still is) very involved. There's so much more to do than feeding.

Thank you all for your advice and support! I am an 'older' mum, but still as a 1st timer, everything is new! DH has 2 DCs so I always look to him for advice as much as he can give it from his perspective. When I go away for a few days, he'll be looking after the baby.... I wouldn't have wanted for us to both go away and leave her (we don't have any family support anyway!) so I expect I will find it difficult but I know he's an awesome Dad. I think I'll just have to be strong if I don't change my mind and tell them straight. I'm in a rural area (my friend was the only person on the labour ward when she gave birth!) so I'm hoping they don't all gang up on me! I have a placenta previa so I may have to have a c section if it doesn't move. Is it just as easy to breastfeed after a section, or easier?

Do what's best for you. I formula fed and was worried I'd be judged or given a hard time when in hospital. All the midwives asked was if I was breast or formula feeding. When I said formula the only thing I was asked was which brand was I planning on using so they could give me the same one.

This was one thing I found people always asked when I was pregnant. I knew what I was planning to do but "yeah I'll see how it goes" was my standard answer and wasn't any further probed rather than getting all the questions of why I wasn't breastfeeding.