Don't want to breastfeed

[WelshManx]

My baby's due at the end of the year and I really don't want to breastfeed. My Mum struggled with me and tried for a couple of days before giving up and DH doesn't particularly want me to as he will be very hands on and wants to share the feeds and getting up during the night. I'm also going on holiday for a few days when the baby will be 3 months old (without the baby) so it would be unfair on her if I try to breastfeed only to change at 3 months. Apart from that, I just don't want to do it! I'm a bit of a wimp and not very good at standing my ground in certain situations and my midwife and hospital and GP are all ridiculously pro breastfeeding. I feel that they are going to 'bully' me into it and I don't know what to say to them?

twenty agreed.

Even on this thread there are people putting pressure on the OP to breastfeed.

The whole breast v bottle thing has got so out of hand, IMO. They're both perfectly valid choices and in the grand scheme of parenting choices this is just SO insignificant. It really irritates me that choosing not to breastfeed is seen as such a big deal when it's really not.

I had a c section and was quite poorly afterwards (had a bleed) and breastfed so can't compare with formula but it was fine. The midwives just put the baby to my boob and helped me for the first 6hours or so.

No one is putting pressure on anyone to breast feed.

My midwife said that even if the mother could just give the baby colostrum it would be a huge thing for their health. I honestly don't understand why you wouldn't want to try and do something that would benefit your child's health! I can totally understand trying and giving up because of problems or deciding not to because of perhaps deep down psychological issues connected to abuse or something. But to just not try because you don't fancy it, dunno, seems a bit lame to me.

"No one is putting any pressure on to breastfeed"

Immediately judges people who choose not to breastfeed

Elspeth you are right. I am judging those who don't try with no reason other than weak flimsy bullshit ones. BUT it has nothing to do with me and I will wind my neck in and hide the thread.

My midwife said that even if the mother could just give the baby colostrum it would be a huge thing for their health.

Your mid-wife has been swallowing too much of the "breast is best" Kool aid. The benefits of breastfeeding are infinitesimal at best. It really should be up to the mother. Both choices are fine for the baby.

I am an older mum. I was 36 when I had dd and 38 when I had ds. Both c sections. Spent a few hours in hdu after both and nil by mouth for 3 days with both.I tried bf with each one after 24 hours.

I did think I could mix feed but I found myself having to top up each feed with formula because it was the only way to settle them. In my hospital I couldnt get staff to look after the babies while I made formula and they wouldnt bring it so it was a nightmare trying to bf, then get dressed, and put the baby back in the cot and bring them with me to make the formula. The constant lifting was painful as was the bf so it depends on the hospital and it depends on the pain relief and how you feel after the birth.

Mix feeding never worked for me because of that because I was just thinking it's easier if I just make a bottle.

I had bleeding nipples too and had to use shields and both mine were jaundiced and hypoglycemic and were better off on formula anyway.

However I wonder about circumstances, if I had easier births and a dh who could actualy take paternity leave bf might have been easier. I didn't actualy enjoy the sensation anyway but bonded well with both mine.

I have left them when they were very young though and hated it!

I think there are still a few militant pro bf people around. I didn't join a new mums group the other day when they said they were celebrating world bf week. I felt like they would be judging me.

They have to. My midwife at my book in appointment started " oh its so much better for baby" I b.f my youngest and it was such a drain . Dh would quite happily carry on snoozing while I got up every night, I started to bleed, son wanted feeding all the time. I'm undecided about it next time round. I've already bought a bottle steriliser.

No one is putting pressure on anyone to breast feed.

Next sentence in same post......

My midwife said that even if the mother could just give the baby colostrum it would be a huge thing for their health. I honestly don't understand why you wouldn't want to try and do something that would benefit your child's health!

Oh, the irony!!

Same poster on same post:

But to just not try because you don't fancy it, dunno, seems a bit lame to me.

Lol! No pressure at all then (but if you don't want to you're 'lame'... )

Same poster, different post:

I am judging those who don't try with no reason other than weak flimsy bullshit ones

And that is the perfect example of why women feel so much bullshit pressure to bf & feel like failures when they don't/can't.

Slow handclap for all the judgey twats!

thefitfatty I think it's wrong to label the benefits of breastfeeding as "infinitesimal" and to be scornful of anyone who thinks there are benefits. It should be possible to support formula feeding as a valid choice without suggesting that there are minimal or no benefits to breastfeeding.

It should be possible to support formula feeding as a valid choice without suggesting that there are minimal or no benefits to breastfeeding.

There are benefits for many women. In terms of sleep, ease, finance, personnel feelings, etc.

But to say that the health benefits are anything more than minimal would be a lie, or at best, overstating what studies show.

So much for not pressuring op. Some posters definitely are and now I'm worried because I'm not allowed to Breastfeed for medical reasons that my baby when born will be unprotected as I can't give them the colostrum.

Does this make me lame as a poster suggested? I'm not even allowed to try! So now I feel with some of the posts here that I'll be a bad mother as I can't give my baby anything but formula.

I hate threads like this.

Op doesn't want to breastfeed. Op doesn't want to be bullied into it by midwives etc. (those of you saying you won't be bullied into it - some midwives are quite forceful about it, they can't make you do it but I do feel some people get guilt tripped into it by midwives!)

Why is half the advice 'why don't you give the colostrum' - she doesn't want to bloody breastfeed.

Op as you've said you might change your mind, but if you don't then all I can suggest is just be firm in your answer when they ask you. Don't say maybe or I'll try the first feed, if you don't want to try it simply say no I will be formula/bottle feeding.

A lot of people on here woo tell you bf is the best thing ever why don't you just try it's the best choice bla bla but an uncomfortable unhappy mother is no use to ornament to any baby. Do what makes you feel most comfortable.

I'm not usually a 'your baby your choice hun' type person, but at the end of the day they're your boobs and you can do what the bloody hell you want (or don't want!) with them regardless of anyone else's opinion.

If you do change your mind and fancy a go, don't feel guilty if you don't like it or It doesn't work out. It really isn't for everyone imo.

Thankfully, people like speak are few and far between in real life. They do seem to come out in force on MN though.

I haven't received many comments - positive or negative - about the fact that I'm formula feeding, and I'm one of those terrible mothers who only has "weak flimsy bullshit reasons" for choosing to do so

Oh and a to the first person who describes FF as a "faff".

Not with a Perfect Prep machine and a microwave steriliser! Piece of piss!

titchy you are most definitely not lame or a bad mother. Breastfeeding isn't the be all or end all! It really isn't.

I tried it and will admit i hated it. My baby had jaundice and wasn't interested in feeding at all. It was stressful. The first three days I persevered and was so unhappy and felt like I'd failed at the first hurdle but it was nobody's fault. You know what, that first bottle he took was great. I knew he'd been fed I wasn't worried about him starving to death or being re admitted for his jaundice.

Not breastfeeding doesn't make you a bad mother whether it's because of medical reasons or personal reasons or no reasons at all!

Agree with Elspeth perfect prep was/is my best investment to date.

"I don't want to" is a perfectly acceptable reason for not doing all sorts of stuff. And so it should be for breastfeeding too.

The people who describe formula feeding as a "faff" are pretty much always people who don't formula feed...

Mumsnet is pro choice about so many things. This should be one of them.

I didn't bf any of mine was never an issue, they asked I said no and that was the end of it

My girl is nearly 8 weeks and we combination feed. This was forced on us as she didn't gain enough weight so I was told to give two bottles of formula a day from 4 weeks. There was no problem with her taking the bottle, but it take a while to find the best bottle/teat for her (as it mostly dripped down her chin rather than going down her throat). My husband often does the evening one and the morning one at the weekend. I think you should try and if you don't like it then switch to formula. The first month was incredibly painful (buy nipple shields, they saved me) but now it isn't. It is quite a lovely bonding experience at times. To sum up, do what you want to but do do your research before deciding.

Oh yes and if you do formula feed invest in a perfect prep machine. Cheapest was on Amazon when I bought mine