Don't want to breastfeed

[WelshManx]

My baby's due at the end of the year and I really don't want to breastfeed. My Mum struggled with me and tried for a couple of days before giving up and DH doesn't particularly want me to as he will be very hands on and wants to share the feeds and getting up during the night. I'm also going on holiday for a few days when the baby will be 3 months old (without the baby) so it would be unfair on her if I try to breastfeed only to change at 3 months. Apart from that, I just don't want to do it! I'm a bit of a wimp and not very good at standing my ground in certain situations and my midwife and hospital and GP are all ridiculously pro breastfeeding. I feel that they are going to 'bully' me into it and I don't know what to say to them?

Just for contrast, my DS2 is now 7 weeks and I'm starting to look at all the activities that I want to go to with him. I'll be going to baby sensory classes, to a music group, probably to the free baby session at the local library, etc etc. Breastfeeding isn't stopping me from doing any of that at all. I'm in no way stuck on the sofa or in a cage. It isn't inevitable at all.

My DS1 did stop breastfeeding of his own accord at 16 months, and stopped feeding to sleep at about 11 months, although he could be put to bed by someone else before that. I didn't do a regular bottle feed but he would take an occasional bottle of ebm if I wasn't around, luckily, as I know not all babies will do this.

Tbh, I know lots of mums that breastfed and none of them were stuck at home all day, and none of them were stuck feeding for longer than they wanted to be. Of course that does happen, as PP has described, but it is not my experience that this happens as a matter of course, or even that it happens a lot.

Yeah. Even the word sling makes me want to murder someone. I can't use one. My back and hips just can't take it.
I'm ten months into breastfeeding. Kiddo won't go more than a couple of hours without it. I've not had a night off or been out by myself of with friends for almost 11 months. I see people I know ff ing, leaving the baby for an evening, or a weekend or a party or a wedding...
I don't really care about 'going out' or partying (I don't drink) but God I'd like to just bugger off for the day or sleep at night. Breastfeeding is wonderful but let's not pretend it's not sometimes restrictive, exhausting and confining.

I think having a baby/children can sometimes be restrictive, exhausting and confining regardless of feeding method. As with all things, it depends very much on your personal circumstances.

I bottle fed DD and breastfed DS. Both processes are time-consuming and have pros and cons; having a baby is time-consuming.

Whatever you choose to do, do it with it with conviction and not guilt. It's ultimately your decision as you're carrying the potential milk about with you.

I haven't rtft but if you don't want to breastfeed then don't. There's no need to tell anyone to fuck off. The midwives will however have a legal obligation to inform you of the benefits of breastfeeding. Some of them will approach this in a more casual/ common sense way than others. I'm sure they don't really care how you feed anyway as lo g as you do it safely/hygienically and often enough.

You do what is right for you. DS was FF from the very first feed. I knew from before I was even pg that I would never breastfeed as the thought of (me) doing it makes me feel physically sick, am so squeamish about it. I told my midwife at first appointment and therefore it was in my notes from day one. Was never even suggested in hospital and I never experienced any bullying about my decision. My midwife was very supportive and said if I would be stressed by it then baby would pick up on that and it was better that the baby was fed in a non-stressful way.

Each to their own, breast may be best for some people but if it's not for you then just remember FED is best!

DS is a very happy, strong and healthy 3yo.

DD was ff from the off as she had low bloods. I didn't particularly want to bf so just used this as an excuse. Didn't stop the MIL accusing me of poisoning DD though

And remember - Happy Mummy = Happy Baby. This is so true. DD was the most happy placid baby ever and because others could feed her she has been amazingly non clingy.

liquid agree about the non clingy thing my DS is the same. Of all the babies I know those whose mums complain that they are clingy, won't be put down, won't go to sleep unless held, only settle for mum etc etc were, without exception, BF.

I haven't found the same thing about "clinginess" tbh, it seems to be more about each child's personality rather than feeding method. For what it's worth, my DS1 was never clingy having been breastfed till 16 months. He was in nursery 3 days a week from 11 months and was fine, no issues settling in at all.

My DD is very clingy. She was FF exclusively. I think it's more personality. :)

My DS is BF and is the opposite of clingy - he hates cuddles!!

I agree all children are different but just in my experience of all the mums I know who complained of their babies being clingy. I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions to the rule either way but that's my limited experience.

But there isn't a "rule" for there to be exceptions to. There's no evidence that, as a rule, breastfeeding somehow makes your baby more clingy than they would be if they were bottle fed. People's personal experiences show there's a wide variation of how clingy babies are.

I know that's what I said... "My limited experience"

So what are you saying about breastfeeding and clinginess, I'm not sure I understand?

In my experience the mums I know who complained that their babies were clingy had all BF. Just my experience. I don't know of anyone in my group of mums who complained of a clingy FF baby. As I said I'm sure there are many BF non clingies or FF clingies but in my immediate circle not heard of any.

I was merely agreeing with a previous poster.

So people's experience of "clinginess" varies quite a lot and doesn't seem to depend on feeding method, based on the experiences shared on here.

Breastfeeding hasn't atopped my husband being a very hands on dad. Much much more so than most of the other dad we know.

A few days of expressed milk or formula is no problem for your holiday. By 3 months lots and lots of women mix feed.

Your mums experience is hers and yours will be yours.

I'm not trying to down play your fears but be assured are likely to be things you can overcome.

However if you don't want to breastfeed you don't have to. Don't feel bullied do what works for you. In your position Id prepare to formula feed but be open to trying a feed or 2 of colostrum. If you hate it don't do it again. If when it comes to it you can't face trying that ok too.

There is pressure to do all sorts as a parent ime, not just feeding, and there isn't a right or wrong with many parenting decisions. Just because the NHS supports bfing doesn't equal pressure to BF. But bfing does take a bit more explaining and education than formula feeding does, which the NHS tries to provide. I do, however, think the NHS tries to be very positive about bfing and some people can be unprepared for some of the very common problems that can happen in the first few weeks of bfing. If the information was a bit more balanced I truly believe fewer people would stop bfing because they would feel more confident to overcome the obstacles.

OP, you must do what you feel most happy and comfortable with. You may not know what that is until your baby is born and could swing between ff and bf umpteen times beforehand, or you may have a gut instinct and should follow that. The only advice I would give is to learn about bfing (if you think you'd like to try) and maybe equip yourself with the knowledge of common issues beforehand so that you can feel more confident. Good luck with it all!

I don't disagree with you SpeakNoWords I was merely agreeing with a previous poster and sharing my experience. That's what Mumsnet is for after all isn't it to share our experiences etc. Everyone will have different experiences that's just how life is in the same way everyone will have their own view as to what works for them / their baby / their family.

There is no one size fits all approach to being a mum.

It just seemed like you and other posters were saying that breastfeeding means you are much more likely to end up with a clingy baby, when there's no evidence for that actually being the case. But I can see now that wasn't what you were trying to say.

Well when I had my twins, they weren't nice to me at all. They assumed because of the twin status I would FF. I was already planning to BF and one of the reasons I did, if I'm brutally truthful; in hindsight one of my reasons was I was afraid of the midwife. She made constant little references to my MH and I became very fearful she'd take my DC away.

If hinting that she can make your life very difficult if you don't follow what she thinks is best, how is that not pressure?
I never talk about this because I haven't dealt with it yet, but so many women have given their story on this thread, so I hope I'm not judged too harshly.

I don't know how long ago you had your twins, but if this was fairly recently, you could consider putting in a formal complaint about that midwife? It's appalling that a health care professional would behave that way towards a patient in their care.