Pregnant at forty and over - thread 3

[Marquand]

To continue support for mothers to be over 40.

Hi just joining this thread. I'm currently 10 weeks and found out I was expecting my 4th just days before my 40th birthday. Totally unplanned and a complete surprise. Husband was meant to be getting a vasectomy as we had decided our family was complete.

Im still getting my head around it. There was no discussion about not going ahead with it, my husband and I are in the same page with that but I'm still finding it hard to accept.

I think it's the fact my youngest is due to start school in September and I was finally getting my life back with regards to having 3 non sleeping kids who are finally starting to sleep through.

My eldest also has ASD which means my life is pretty full with her needs and appointments and on top of that I was finally at a point at work where I could start to think about career progression.

Now it feels like I'm back to square 1, not helped by the fact I feel rotten with sickness.

Hi everyone! Congrats on your pregnancies/babies!

I turned 41 last week and am 11 weeks pregnant with my 4th and last baby...DS is 7, dd1 is almost 5 & dd2 is 2...

I had the genesis test (similar to Harmony) on Friday so expecting the results just before or at my 12 week scan on 31st...I also did the standard bloods etc...

I'm feeling nauseous all day every day but my 2 year old has suddenly decided to wake up every night so I'm exhausted which isn't helping matters. My husband commutes so is only here at the weekends so quite tough at the moment especially as I'm abroad and so don't have family around...

Hello new ladies!

Gosh Angelika, you're my hero! I struggle with 1 non sleeper! Also starting school in sept.

Ive had my head in the sand regarding tests. What tests are done on the NHS and what are optional extras?

Hello more new ladies!

Bloop glad it came back clear for the moment. I'm ok thanks, just periodically freaking myself out about movements. It's hard, because placenta is at the front and I've had a few times now where I've not felt him and just at the stage I'm starting to worry, there he is. I'm only 23 weeks so trying not to worry about it too much. Just as I think he's got a pattern, suddenly that goes out of the window. 40 weeks feels a looong way off!

@gizmo, if you are worried, call triage and go in

iv had a few scares, like you placenta down, tho now moved, so culdnt feel bubs

and every time once plugged in few mins later she kicking madly, the little bugger

I was going to but he's started doing a little riverdance in there again now!

I have a future wee shite living in my tummy giz. He has two days a week where he barely moves and it freaks me out. I've spent nearly 2 hrs lying on my side trying to get him to kick. There's been some very small movements but nothing like his partieson the other 5 days a week. I'm 25+4 and have had conflicting advice about when to worry. One midwife said any change in pattern after 24w, another said it's still too early and baby is still tiny so 27/28w is more reliable and the consultant said to me at 19w any time after movement is regularly felt if it's reduced to call. Then you get old off for either calling too soon or leaving it too long. Can't win!

That's kind of what I'm worried about, bloop. I've not had a fantastic experience with my antenatal appointments so far as it is (repeated lecturing about my BMI, despite I've only put on 2lb so far, whooping cough vaccine and MatB1 form not done at last appointment because they were too busy with the above, midwife telling me off for being too old, etc etc). I don't want to get told off for doing it wrong - they seem to think because I'm over 40 I should know what's what even though this is my first. Anyway, sounds like you and I both have future wee shites baking

I am 26+1, also anterior placenta so am not feeling as much as I did with my DS. TBH, as it has been a bit hit and miss I am not stressing about patterns yet, although the time she always kicks is when I lie down in bed at night. I would be worried if she didn't do that but maybe I should be monitoring it more?

Welcome to the newbies. Angelika, my DS (4) also has ASD. He starts reception in September and we are in the process of agreeing his EHCP. So lots of assessments etc right now. As well as theday to day challenges it is a LOT of work getting all that sorted! And I don't have two others.... good luck!

Just back from the dentist... cracked a tooth. Feeling okay as mouth is still numb but I am not looking forward to the anaesthetic wearing off! 😬😢

Blondes & Teaspoon - sorry about delay in relying, been an emotional week! Not sure if we'll work it out but he's here for me now and said he will be all the way through, seems like nothing has changed but to be honest I'm trying not to focus on that side of things at the moment. Had an early scan on Saturday which he came to and it was quite emotional as I thought I was 7.5 weeks, they had to do an internal to find it and then when they did the heartbeat was only 87bpm, initially I was upset until the sonograher said from the scan it looked like I am 6 weeks rather than 7.5, which once we worked it out seemed right so really I'm quite lucky it has a heartbeat at 6 weeks.

It's been a hard few months as I was made redundant in November, in December I had a car crash and then visits to A&E for a tooth extraction that got infected and ended up having a dry socket.

Me and my ex had only been together 6 months and although he's a good guy he has highs and lows, we broke up because he said everything in life was getting on top of him and he needed a break, then I call him and tell him I'm pregnant, that put things into perspective ha ha.

Dee sounds like you have had a pretty crappy time of it! Maybe it's for the best that you and the guy have discussed your future now rather than half way through the pregnancy or just after? Particularly if you're more likely to stay in contact and get support this way??

Gizmo - that sounds awful! I'd jot down any specific phrases (or get your OH to, or maybe take a pal next time) and then raise the specifics with PALS or the lead MW. It won't just be you she's making feel that way, I'm sure!

Welcome Montsti & Angelika! Lovely supportive bunch of women on here so sure you won't feel out on a limb!

Hey Blondes. So I sent them a link to the JLP gift list we created when we went to get advice on car seats and prams/travel systems. Had lots of big ticket stuff we really like but probably will struggle to et for ourselves (think Bloom Fresco high chair and Dyson fan). They came back today with some more info on signage changes they're likely to make in their stores and advising they're going to buy me this : m.johnlewis.com/storksak-charlotte-changing-bag-clay/p/3169177

Canrt totally get if you don't want to travel, but my understanding is that you can pick anywhere for your care - catchment areas etc don't apply. But understandable if you want somewhere closer!! And yes re the tests. We didn't tell family until after 12 weeks. Didn't stay telling friends until after the 18/20wk mark. And still haven't "announced" (FB etc) - slightly superstitious and wary of doing so until I've got bubs in my arms ;)

Totally agree Teaspoon. I think we are better off as we are right now and we still get on so it's probably better for us to go in to this as we are rather than get back together at such a stressful time. He wants to be a part of this and is very supportive so who knows what'll happen in the future. Thanks so much for your advice x

Dee who knows what the future holds, eh? Could be a worse way of embarking on this particular journey though.

Fuck me @the price of that changing bag 😱😱😱😱

Blondes faints and goes into labour 😂😂

Wow. They must be apologetic and feel guilty

Nice bag tho mine was think £20 😉

Dee. plod on as well a son you can

Who knows what the future holds - but hope dad is supportive

Blondes . May or may not exchange for an essential item, but nice to know that is how apologetic they feel. And clearly they wanted something for me rather than "just" bubs. Shame JLP didn't have any Mulberry change bags ....

Teaspoon, you could seriously have ruined them if you'd gone to the press or taken them to court so not surprised they got you something decent from your list!

Unfortunately I've had similar treatment each time I've been - different midwives and a consultant - so difficult not to think maybe I'm the problem! OH was there last time and wasn't impressed. We've agreed if I get similar crap at the next appointment it might be time to think about changing hospitals, as I come out of almost every appointment feeling like shit. I'm really trying to stick with it as the hospital has a great record, unlike the one slightly nearer me. But maybe you're right and I should try PALS.

Giz you should definitely write to PALS. And tell them you have had unpleasant comments from a variety of people re age, bmi, whatever, quote the type of comments and attitude you have experienced, and tell them that it is making you unhappy about your care and anxious about future appointments / the delivery. They need to sort it out. You should not get worse treatment for complaining (that does not happen, ime, you should see an improvement in future).

Dee I think going into it as supportive friends takes a lot of pressure off and puts the focus on the baby. (It's hard to have time for anything else at the beginning anyway!). You can see how things go but I am glad he wants to support you.

That bag is insane! Glad they are feeling that apologetic though

I bought quite a lot of expensive stuff for my first DS - not quite changing bags but nice pram, clothes, highchair wtc. He was much wanted and at 37 with a good job I could afford it. Looking back I did waste a fair bit of money though. The 'expensive' thing that I think was most worth it, with hindsight, was the stokke highchair. I bought a mid range one first but DS didn't like it at all, I think because he couldn't sit properly upright in it, and he just screamed! The stokke tripp trapp is brilliant for posture and just nice (ime) to have him at the table with us. And it adjusts with age so he's still using it for sitting at the table for eating, drawing, craft etc. I think I am going to buy another one for the baby rather than evict him!

I may do that, seacow. I guess I just didn't think there was much I could do about it (didn't actually know what PALS was previously as never really had any dealings with hospitals) and didn't want to rock the boat but it actually is getting me down and making me very nervous about what the birth is going to be like, so I think you're right. Thanks for the tip about the Stokke high chair, too - will look into that!

Stokkee are good and last for years so good value

Typical high chair lasts maybe 2yrs tops before child in booster /sits at table

Def get that bag and date I suggest it take it back and exchange for cash 😂😂 or vouchers and buy lots of stuff

Do it Giz and if you are not happy with their response or how things pan out feel free to PM me. I have been a senior NHS manager for years, I know how the system works and what you have a right to expect. Happy to help.

Thank you x

Blondes defo!!!

To those on second or subsequent pregnancies did you notice difficulty moving etc earlier? I have quite literally popped overnight and now look quite pregnant (instead of just full of pies) - today I've had to do more walking than usual and it damn near killed me. I was panting as I feel there's less space for my lungs and my tummy just aches. I think it's that baby has moved up rather than some humongous growth spurt. I'm struggling with shoes and socks and picking stuff up but I'm only 26weeks - it wasn't like this first time (altho I was 8years younger!) until much nearer term. I'm just curious if this is an age thing, a second pregnancy thing or just specific to this baby...

Bloop - this is my first/ only, but I popped about same point. And recognise all that!! Everything is knackering!!!