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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

help

450 replies

nikcola · 02/06/2004 23:05

im was going to change my name cause im too shook up,
i stopped taking my pill a month ago and me and dp have been having sex as normal but he hasnt been coming inside me (sorry to be graphic) my period is a week late ans i just done 2 pg tests and they are both positive i really dont want to be pg and i dont no what to do im s**ting myself the docs is shut till tuesday what do i do

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Chandra · 04/06/2004 04:40

Just one, he is 15m old. So he is having an arranged marriage? does it mean that you will be in your own?

Original poster
nikcola · 04/06/2004 04:42

thank you sm, i will il go first thing i just hope he does somthing for me quick i dont want to wait weeeks for a apointment then i will proberlly change my mind thanks all goodnite xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

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Chandra · 04/06/2004 04:43

sorry, my brain is half functioning... On your own means really not support at all from him? what about your DD?

Original poster
nikcola · 04/06/2004 04:44

yeh she will be over here within 6 months so he will proberlly want to be with her , trust me we have rowed about this for months in the end his mom won xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Chandra · 04/06/2004 04:45

Best of luck tmorrow, please let us know how you are.

hercules · 04/06/2004 11:12

nikcola - sorry to be harsh but what ever decision you make you will have to make with realistic expectations of him. Make it with the idea that you will be alone and he will not be thereYou know you can always count on support here no matter what your decision is - you wont be judged only supported.
He is not going to be around anymore once he is married and tbh he is using you know as his future is set up and doesnt include you , your dd or any other for that matter.
You are worth a million of him !
Be strong in what ever decision you make and feel free to talk it through here.
Thinking of you

Original poster
nikcola · 04/06/2004 16:26

thank you, i still think thatit is the best thing to do but its not going to be easy

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Soulfly · 04/06/2004 16:53

I don't wanna sound horrible or unsympathetic cause i am. but if you didn't wanna get pregnant why did you stop taking te pill, or why didn't you use condoms?? Cause if you don't you're bound to get preggas.

Soulfly · 04/06/2004 16:54

sorry that sounded horrible. i am sorry you're in this situation.

Soulfly · 04/06/2004 16:57

i feel awful for sayying that i am sorry, hope you are ok.

Original poster
nikcola · 04/06/2004 17:34

thats ok i no i was stupid, it was a silly mistake dont feel bad its the truth

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Original poster
nikcola · 04/06/2004 18:24

did i scare you off???

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nicmum2boys · 05/06/2004 01:29

Nikcola, just re read this thread and wondered how you're doing?
Saw the piece about the abortion pill, it can be administered (orally) up to 9 weeks pregnant (may mean you have to have a scan to determine dates), and involves a hospital stay until procedure is complete, that is you can't get it on prescription and take it at home. It's not available in every health authority though, so will depend on the area you live in.
Hope you don't mind me saying this, but I'm concerned that medical termination will not be less traumatic than a surgical one, since it's your feelings, emotional, not physical that could be most hurt whichever decision you make. You said you already had a previous termination and cried non stop, was anyone ther to help you talk through your feelings then? It sounds as though you feel things are unresolved from before.
Wish I could talk to you face to face.

You said you feel scared of regretting the abortion, and I think someone said something about weighing up pros and cons, what do you think about weighing up your feelings? Write down the feelings that you have thinking about an abortion, and then write down the feelings you have thinking about having the baby. I know this is really hard, but we tend to shut off our feelings to do what we think is right. However it's our feelings that will come back and bite us later, and if we're not aware of them before hand it can be 10 times worse later on. Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, or sounding harsh (I'm conscoius that I've never met you, so don't know if I'm causing offense). If you can bring yourself to do this it may help you focus on what is really important to you, and will also make you aware of what kind of feelings you might experience along the journey, whichever way you decide to go.
Thinking of you.

Nutcracker · 05/06/2004 01:47

Hi Nikcola, have only just seen this. How are you ???
I think you may already know (posted on another thread before)that i have also had a termination before, and can really understand why you are scared and worry about regretting it.
Unfortunatly only you can decide what to do, but if you would like to talk please contact me.
Don't rush it though. I know you only have a certain amount of time to decide but make sure you think things through properly.
If it helps make a list of pro's and cons (sounds like a silly idea but it may help).

If you decide to have a termination then you will get through it and everyone will be here to help you.
Some people may disagree with this, but because of the current situation with your Dp, i really don't think you should let him influence your desicion either way. I know it is his buisness but as you have said, he may not be around in a few mths time, so it will be you left dealing with it all.

Like i said, please contact me if you want to talk. You are not alone in this at all.

Nutty xxxxxxxx

aloha · 05/06/2004 12:48

Nikcola - how are you today?

marthamoo · 05/06/2004 13:09

nikcola, I've only just seen this thread. You poor thing - don't feel stupid, it's too late now and it won't help. Whatever you decide to do, you know you will get non-judgmental support here. Thinking of you xx

Original poster
nikcola · 05/06/2004 19:18

hi everyone thanks for all your support , i went out last nite to cheer my b friend up, i ended up getting soo drunk trying to forget everythink (i dont useully drink)i feel crap today cause i no tomorow ive got to go to the doctors.
ive thought about what youve said about the pros and cons, but i think it is best if i have a termination my other best friend is going to come with me she thinks i should have the baby because she doesnt no all the crap thats happening with dp.
if i had this baby i honestly dont think i could cope i found it soo hard wuth dd when she was born because of having no family around and all the stress that his family was causing,
in a way im being selfish because im going to collage in september and im finaly getting my life back and a baby would muck it all up(it sounds like a horrible reason i no) i no its for the best but at the back of my mind i want it but no more that i dont want it ikwym,
i no that when i go to the docs he will send me to my old shrink again which i problerrly need with all that is going on but im not mad, i just glad ive got you all to talk to otherwise id be on my own sorry if any of this doesnt make sence. xxx

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Nimme · 05/06/2004 19:33

Nikcola - you're not being selfish. I really wanted DD but found it difficult to cope initially. Took me 3 years to want another. You have to do what's right for you and only you know that. Thinking of you.

Original poster
nikcola · 05/06/2004 19:35

no nicemum2boys, your not causing offence, im actually really suprised that no one has slateted me yet for what im doing, everyone is being really suportive i really apericiate it thanks,
nutty- i might take you up on that ill email you via cat later thank you hope your ok xxxxxxx p.s sorry about my spelling

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hercules · 05/06/2004 19:40

Nothing wrong with being selfish!!! Do what is right for YOU!

highlander · 05/06/2004 23:16

Hi Nikcola, being selfish is totally OK!
I don't really know what to say to give you the best support, other than we're all here for you. I hope it all goes OK for you - what are you studying at college? It all sounds very exciting; you sound like you're building a great future for you and your dd

maomao · 05/06/2004 23:40

Nikcola,

Sorry to hear about this. I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow. Lots of hugs to you!

maisystar · 05/06/2004 23:42

nikcola, have just read this and i hope evrything goes ok tomorrow. also just to echo what other people have said about making the right decision for YOU. xxxx

nicmum2boys · 06/06/2004 00:16

You don't have to be mad to see a shrink!! Forgive me for being nosey, just wondered is the shrink a counsellor (as oppose to a psychologist)? You do sound as if you need someone impartial to speak to, who can help you get things in perspective, and is there totally for YOU, to give you space to talk about whatever you want to. It seems from reading what you've said that no one apart from those of us on MN have given you the time and space you deserve to be honest about your feelings, and think things through.
I'm worried that you don't have anyone physically there with you who is totally alongside you. This is such a monumental decision for you to make alone, and I really urge you to go and see a counsellor of some sort prefferably before, but definately after the abortion. You deserve that kind of support. (Did you see my earlier post about Care Centres Network? They might be an alternative if you don't want to return to your old counsellor.)
You keep saying about being selfish, but if you don't look after yourself first DD will suffer too, so it's not selfish.
Hope I'm not being too pushy, it's the Mum in me wanting to rescue you! I know I can't, so the best I can do is offer my advice and support through MN, somehow feels inadequate. Please feel free to mail me if you want to. Let us know how it goes tomorrow. Thinking of you.

Chandra · 06/06/2004 00:20

HI Nikcola, just wanted to know how are you doing, let us know how everything goes tomorrow. Hugs.