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450 replies

nikcola · 02/06/2004 23:05

im was going to change my name cause im too shook up,
i stopped taking my pill a month ago and me and dp have been having sex as normal but he hasnt been coming inside me (sorry to be graphic) my period is a week late ans i just done 2 pg tests and they are both positive i really dont want to be pg and i dont no what to do im s**ting myself the docs is shut till tuesday what do i do

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Blu · 07/06/2004 18:01

Nickola, I think going 'private' - or to one of the non-profit making organisations, is a good idea if you can find the money. You will get an appointment really quickly.

motherinferior · 07/06/2004 18:26

Yes, I agree. Can your dp pay?

Nutcracker · 07/06/2004 18:32

Have to say, if you could pay to go private I would definatly do it.
I paid, as we happened to have the money at the time, and I was seen immeidatly (at the Brook i think) and they then arranged it all for me.
I think i was about 5/6 weeks when i saw a doc and then he said I would have to wait until 8 weeks to make sure it was done properly or something like that.
Anyway I was 8/9 weeks and can't imagine having to wait any longer than that

Wish i had the money for you, but i'm broke.

If your Dp has the money he really should give it to you.

secur · 07/06/2004 18:32

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secur · 07/06/2004 18:34

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lou33 · 07/06/2004 18:46

The BPAS number is 08457 30 40 30.

The Marie Stopes number is 0845 300 8090.

You could call one of those to talk to someone, they are pro choice, so whatever you decide you would be given the appropriate info. Those are the main numbers, I believe they would put you in touch with a local clinic.

Blu · 07/06/2004 18:47

Nikki: the Marie Stops website says they will do 'medical' (no operation) terminations up until 9 weeks, for £450. Have you phoned Brook, or looked at their website? They may be able to advise of somewhere nearer / cheaper.

Blu · 07/06/2004 18:50

The Brook emergency helpline number is 0800 0185023, 9-5 Mon-Fri. Give them a call - they are specialists in helping younger people (your age)

Nutcracker · 07/06/2004 18:50

Can't remember exactly how much i had to pay, but i'm pretty sure that it was about 40/50 quid for the consultation and about 250 for the actual termination.
That was 4 yrs ago though, and was all arranged by the Brook.

motherinferior · 07/06/2004 18:50

Also, Nikki, I know Brook is a way from where you live but why not go there directly?

fairyprincess · 07/06/2004 19:33

Nikcola,
Just wanted to give you lots of support and best wishes xxxx

Original poster
nikcola · 07/06/2004 21:53

if i went there what would they do,
dp sprug a suprise on me today i was looking at pictures a unborn babies on the net and i showed him a 10 weeks old to make him feel better i showed him how small it was and he said no you cant do it its not write its got a heartbeat, i said im still gonna have it done and i walked away saying do what u like but just dont tell me
what is he playing at

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lou33 · 07/06/2004 22:03

Nickola, just remember that whatever you decide, you are the one bringing up the child/children. He will not be living with you, and in fact will be married to someone else shortly, I believe. It is ok for him to say what he feels, but you are the one who literally will be left holding the baby. Think very carefully before you make your decision. Am I right in thinking you have no family support either?

jampot · 07/06/2004 22:12

Nikcola - do you want to have this baby? if your partner were not getting married to someone else would you contemplate a termination? and have you actually told him how you feel and discussed all the complexities of your lives?

Original poster
nikcola · 08/06/2004 00:16

no if if hes wasnt marrying someone else i dont think i would have a termination, but he is getting married, and your write i will be left holding the baby on my own and thats not what i want,
in a ideal world he would marry me and we would have this baby an be happy but no that will never happen
no lou33 i dont have any family support i dont really get on with my mom or dad , but i have a best friend who is here for me and ive made a few friends on mn

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nicmum2boys · 08/06/2004 00:28

Hi Nikcola, how are you feeling? (mixed up I guess!) Sounds as if DP might actually be realising what he has done, and what he is indirectly asking you to go through by the way he's been behaving. Perhaps he needs to think long and hard too? You said you showed him a 10 week old to make him feel better, has he been showing regret/remorse?
Changing tack, Care Centres Network also have a helpline 0800 028 2228 with fully trained counsellors. Sorry that GP didn't offer you any support in that way. In my experience (as a counsellor) the counselling offered by clinicsand nhs is lacking in that it is a one off short session, and this doesn't really explore your deeper feelings. I know time is of the essence here, but in order to protect yourself you have to be REALLY sure this is what you want, and you aren't really at the moment are you? It can't help with DP giving mixed messages all the time, can the two of you make time to sit down and talk about the implications of this to BOTH of you, that is I think you should give him the oppurtunity to take some of the responsibility here.
Oh, and don't worry about getting my name wrong, you have got rather more pressing things to deal with. Actually, I quite like being called nicemum.

Thinking of you.xx

hercules · 08/06/2004 00:31

Have you asked dp what will happen if you have the baby?

motherinferior · 08/06/2004 13:28

Nikki, how are you today?

WideWebWitch · 08/06/2004 14:59

I'm thinking of you too nikcola. I agree about your dp - he won't be there even if you did go ahead with this pregnancy presumably? Talking to someone on the phone about this really might help you sort out how you feel and what you want to do next.

lou33 · 08/06/2004 15:01

I think you have to assume that you will be the only person bringing up two children, and decide if you can cope with that day after day, with noone who can offer any real amount of support to you.

I'm sorry you have so few people around Nickola, it must be very hard.

motherinferior · 08/06/2004 15:36

I'm really sorry, but I agree with Lou. Given the way he has behaved to date, I even think that if he agreed to be around I'd be wary.

I also wanted to say that at 20, you have so many opportunities to meet someone who will be nice to you, who'll want to commit and have children together, who'll respect you...it doesn't have to be like it is with your boyfriend, it really doesn't.

hercules · 08/06/2004 15:39

Sorry, ignore my last post. I agree with the others about whatever he may say or promise you have to make your decision as if you will be on your own. Mi is quite right you have plenty of time to meet a decent person to have a relationship and family with.

Thinking of you.

Original poster
nikcola · 08/06/2004 16:56

thank you everyone, i tried to talk to him last night he said if i let his stay the night (no we didnt sleep together) then he would talk to me about what we are going to do but he didnt so i ended up losing my temper with him,

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motherinferior · 08/06/2004 17:00

When are you seeing him again? Can you ring him, and tell him to get his *rse back NOW and talk to you? Do you want to talk to him, honestly? If you do, you have every right to insist he drops everything and comes back now.

I HATE having to say this, but I don't think he's giving you the option of thinking 'what are we going to do'. I think it's what are YOU going to do.

Original poster
nikcola · 08/06/2004 18:28

yeh im going to see him tonite he is taking me food shoping, i will talk to him then,
ive been off the pill for a month and im 6-7 weeks pg so that means that i got pg while on the pill doesnt it and he still thinks its my fault

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