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nikcola · 02/06/2004 23:05

im was going to change my name cause im too shook up,
i stopped taking my pill a month ago and me and dp have been having sex as normal but he hasnt been coming inside me (sorry to be graphic) my period is a week late ans i just done 2 pg tests and they are both positive i really dont want to be pg and i dont no what to do im s**ting myself the docs is shut till tuesday what do i do

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Original poster
nikcola · 11/07/2004 02:57

thank you tammy

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Original poster
nikcola · 12/07/2004 12:50

ok so i dint hear fom him till monday after he walked out and he sent me a txt saying "im not getting married now im not going to pakistan mom said i should stay with you "
so what does that mean i have seen him a few times and wh have just been talkin i made him realise how horrible he has treated me and thats about it XXXXXXx

oh and im thinking of taking me and dd to alicante (my nan lives there) for a few days i need to get away so im going to go groveling to parents for money (the only time i speak to them)

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mummytosteven · 12/07/2004 12:53

nikcola - be very careful that he is not playing more mind games with you. do you really want to marry someone who has been so vindictive/inconsiderate to you that he was threatening to do a false report on you for benefit fraud and was so unsympathetic after your op last week? If he is serious that his mum thinks that he should stay with you, he won't mind you going round to see his mum so that she can say that to your face. I think you should move back to Birmingham and wash that man right out of your hair unless he has really had a serious character transformation over the weekend!

spacemonkey · 12/07/2004 13:01

nikcola, wouldn't you rather hear him say "I'm not going to Pakistan to get married because I love you and dd and want to stay with you"? Saying "my mum says I should stay with you" is pathetic imo - not the words of a real man. Get rid of him PLEASE!

Twinkie · 12/07/2004 13:07

Nickola - do not under any circumstances think him saying he is not giong away or getting married makes every thing alright - this is typical behaviour of a controlling man - do you really think he has finally stood up to his family and is not going to get married - do you really think that they are now all of a sudden going to embrace you into their family - No they are not and you will never have the life with him or them that you carve - you need to get him out of your life and pursue your course and build up your personality and your self confidenc and pride - then some one will see this young beautiful vibrant thing and want to be part of your life because fo who you are - this in turn will help DD she will see that women are strong and powerful and have to be treated with the love and respect that they deserve.

And go to the CSA - he will have to pay for DD and I know your income support will be cut but he has to start learning to take responsibility somewhere doesn't he!! And he is only saying he is going to report you for fraud cause he knows that will scare you - turn round and so fuck off you complete tosser I will just say it is not true and they will believe me - and you know what he will be stunned because he has got you to a place that he thinks he has complete control of you with his stupid threats and bullying - regain control of you and DD and your life and then if he is willing to grow up and behave like a true man fine but until then he does not deserve you or DD!!

I would also go and report the threats his family made about you to the some sort of police unit so if he ever tries anything with regards to getting DD or threratening you you at least have a record of what has been done and said to you and would be taken seriously.

Good luck Honey - its a long hard road but worth it to be the woman you want to be and the shining example I know you will be to DD.

Twinkie XXX

Bibiboo · 12/07/2004 13:08

Nickola,

There is nothing that sorry excuse for a man can do or say to hurt you anymore, not really, and you have to start believing that. He's already treated you so badly, you've got absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by getting him out of you and your daughter's life for good.
He is by far the most vile excuse for a partner I've ever heard of, and the way he treats you is disgusting. You are worth more than that, and even if you don't feel that way about yourself, your daughter deserves to have a happy mother bringing her up, not a downtrodden, insecure, miserable one. Believe me she's better off not having a father figure if he is all there is on offer.

Sorry to sound so harsh, but I read your thread regularly, and hearing the things he says and does to you drives me mad with anger. I can understand yo're afraid of being alone, but that's not the worse thing that can happen to you. The worse things are happening already. You will have your daughter and a happy, confident life, a new start on your college course and soon will start realising how good life can be again. You've gone through so much, it can only get better can't it?
Please get rid of him. You know what other mumsnetters think of him, and despite us all being scattered all over the country, we seem to care about your welfare a darn sight more than he does. Take care of yourself, and I hope you get away with your daughter for a holiday.
xxx

Twinkie · 12/07/2004 13:17

And if you don't get rid of him I am going to get a lynch mob together and hunt him down and cut off his todger so he can never demand bj's from you again !!

Original poster
nikcola · 12/07/2004 13:20
Grin
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Bibiboo · 12/07/2004 13:47

Nice one Twinkie
Count me in!

motherinferior · 12/07/2004 13:53

I think he's quite probably lying, anyway.

I think he's had a bit of a run-in with his mum and she snapped at him. Call off the wedding, now? I don't bloody think so, I'm afraid. What would they say?

Go on holiday. Don't take his calls. Have a lovely time in the sunshine with Shireen, and flirt with somebody nice.

And I doubt very much if he's genuinely realised how horrible he's been. Did he suggest meeting up for sex, by the way?

Original poster
nikcola · 12/07/2004 13:54

no he didnt mention sex , well not yet anyway,

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mummytosteven · 12/07/2004 13:55

nikcola - if/when he does get married, will he be moving to pakistan permanently?

Original poster
nikcola · 12/07/2004 13:56

i just emailed my nan asking if we can come over wish me luck shes not very soft !!!

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Original poster
nikcola · 12/07/2004 13:57

mummytosteven, no she was going to live over here at his moms house

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motherinferior · 12/07/2004 14:03

Give DD something violently additive-laden and let her run around like a mad thing so your mum sees you need a break!

Nik, you told him to get lost and he's backed down a little bit. Don't give him the advantage now. Really, don't. I had an affair with a bloke like that - if I showed I wanted to be with him, he'd withdraw but if I really didn't want to, he'd come crawling. The thing I didn't realise is that the best thing I should have done was genuinely leave him to crawl, and walk away. You really have to, because I don't think you have an option.

Samcj · 12/07/2004 14:05

Also Nichola, you say you dream of being a nurse. I can't beleive that a man who seems so controlling will support you with this dream. I am a nurse, having finished my diploma a few years ago. The course is very demanding, shift work combined with essay deadlines is not the best combination.

Many women on my course had young children, most had supportive partners. I feel that your man (can't say dp)would restrict you, destroy your confidence and hinder your progress.

By any chance, do the poor relations you have with your mum have anything to do with your relationship with this man? I would advice a move to Birmingham, where she may be able to support you.

Nursing is a wonderful career and it is great you want to take this course in life, but you will need support. Please don't think I am doing you down, I would say this to absolutely anyone, I couldn't of survived my diploma without my mum and I didn't have kids! I am trying to show you how I feel continuing your relationship with this man may have an effect on your future plans that I know you hold dear.

mummytosteven · 12/07/2004 14:08

good luck with getting to Alicante. Are there any cheap easyjet flights? Alternatively if there's nothing doing with visiting your gran could you look for a really cheap package somewhere like Majorca/Greece? You need a holiday - and a break from that man!

tammybear · 13/07/2004 01:16

hey nikki, quick message as dp's round, and i was just having a quick browser for the latest. i wouldnt trust him if i were you. plus his mum saying that she thinks he should stay with you means that he may very well not want to (except for using you whenever he likes) sorry i sound harsh, but i wouldnt trust him. i know its very hard to not just except what he says, as it seems to be so much easier to, but you shouldnt.

itll be nice for you and dd to get away for a few days, and just forget all about him. remember the advice you gave me? and my exp used to play mind games with me, especially after i split up with him, as he tried to get me to take him back. but you have to stay strong and say no and you'll get out the other end a stronger person, and itll make you feel heck of a lot confident and proud of yourself. i wouldnt listen to a word he says and get him away from you whilst you can.

sorry if i sound really harsh nikki, but i dont think you should give in to him. if you ever need to chat, you know where i am, and if you ever get into watford, let me know and we could meet up

take care
xxx

Original poster
nikcola · 14/07/2004 10:37

i have a new thread ff gave it to me its called nikcolas thread thanks ff xxxxxxx

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Original poster
nikcola · 14/07/2004 23:49

well my month from hell has just got worse, last night bout 8 oclock i rushed to the loo to find that i was bleeading very very very heavily and passing massive and i mean massive clots, i rang my doc and he told me to go srtaight to a & e and they saw me straight away and admitted me on the gayne ward, so ive been in bloody hospital till 6 this evening ive got to go back on monday for a scan ??? why i dont no??
and ive got loads of diffrent tablets to take and feel really shitty, i just want some sympathy xxxx

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SoupDragon · 14/07/2004 23:51

Cr*p Lots of sympathy heading your way...

nutcracker · 14/07/2004 23:52

Oh nickla after evrything you've already been through .
Are you o.k, do you have anyoine with you ??

Slink · 14/07/2004 23:54

nikcola i hope all is well you carry on there are lots of people hear to listen to you. hang in there, habe you changed your mind?????

NomDePlume · 14/07/2004 23:56

Oh nikki, this is the last thing you need . Hope the bath helps a bit.

Original poster
nikcola · 14/07/2004 23:57

changed my mind about what slink??
no im on my own with dd who is looking after me and keeps saying "ill kiss it better kay mummy "

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