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nikcola · 02/06/2004 23:05

im was going to change my name cause im too shook up,
i stopped taking my pill a month ago and me and dp have been having sex as normal but he hasnt been coming inside me (sorry to be graphic) my period is a week late ans i just done 2 pg tests and they are both positive i really dont want to be pg and i dont no what to do im s**ting myself the docs is shut till tuesday what do i do

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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lou33 · 09/07/2004 18:38

Tell him to f*k off. He is talking boll**s. Of course you will find someone else. That's exactly why he tells you that noone wants you, because he wants to be the one controlling you. He doesn't like the thought that you could easily do better, and he wants to make sure you don't get the chance to find out. He treats you like he owns you. If you were a dog you would have been taken away from him because of his cruelty and rehomed by now.

fairyfly · 09/07/2004 18:42

Nikcola, my x said the same to me, and guess what i haven't turned into a slag, i am not now a whore, i am not alone, i am not worthless.......
I am growing each and everyday into what i used to be before i met him, a confident happy person with self worth. I much prefer feeling like this than an ugly fat dog, or a thick bitch.
You deserve to be loved and wanted, it is a natural feeling. Not by him though, by someone who loves you because you are great not because you feed their ego insecurities and arrogance.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/07/2004 18:58

are u single ff???

OP posts:
cat82 · 09/07/2004 19:02

Nikki, I've only just read this this thread. I really hope you're okay honey.
Honestly though the guy is a an p*k. You and you DD can do much better. Get rid.
Take it easy, be kind to you, you deserve it.
Love Cat
xxx

cat82 · 09/07/2004 19:03

Nikki, I've only just read this this thread. I really hope you're okay honey.
Honestly though the guy is a an p*k. You and you DD can do much better. Get rid.
Take it easy, be kind to you, you deserve it.
Love Cat
xxx

cat82 · 09/07/2004 19:04

whoops, posted the same message twice-Sorry

x

ponygirl · 09/07/2004 19:27

Nikcola, in your dream of the man you love who loves you, does your dream-man call you a slag? No, didn't think so. And when dream-man becomes real-man, he won't either. Get this tosser out of your life. If he wants to see your (and his) dd then that can be arranged, it doesn't mean you have to have sex with him ffs. Tell him to ask his future wife if he wants a bj.

fairyfly · 09/07/2004 19:28

Yes i am single Nik, with two boys 3 and 5, i have been for a year. It has been very difficult and a horrible process, he left me in the end for another women and it broke my heart. But do you know what, it really is starting to seem like it was worth it now. I am starting to like myself again, not punish myself, i also (but don't tell anyone ) feel pretty again. Do it, leave him do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling this shitty and being bartered with for oral sex?

ponygirl · 09/07/2004 19:38

Nikcola - where do you see yourself in 5 years' time?

fairyfly · 09/07/2004 19:46

Why don't you write down all the times when he has hurt you, made you feel small, let you down, called you names, belittled you. Take a look at the list and ask yourself if that is enough, if you want to draw the line under it all, or keep making the list bigger.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/07/2004 19:47

i dont no im going to collage in septmber so in 5 years time i will hopefully be a nurse, but i want to be with some one not on my ownn

OP posts:
fairyfly · 09/07/2004 19:51

To be honest Nikcola, you are on your own now, you are not part of a loving relationship. When you do your access course you will meet people, won't it be easier without this burden round your neck.

ponygirl · 09/07/2004 20:34

Yes Nikcola, be with someone not anyone. College will open so many doors for you and help you build your confidence and meet lots of new people. Don't let this arse be an anchor weighing you down when your read to fly. (Sail? Mixing my metaphors methinks, but you know what I mean!).

gscrym · 09/07/2004 21:04

Nikcola,
5 years ago, what did you think of yourself? Were you happy and confident? If you were, the father of your child has turned you into what you are now. He has systematically destroyed your confidence. That happened to me to the point where I would have done anything not to be alone. I ended up leaving him and it took me a long time to become human and function again.
You say you want to go to college. Would it be possible to go to college in Birmingham? Would your mum help out with DD while you studied? This individual will continue to interfere and insist his needs come before yours and that will impact on your college course. You have done something positive by going to college and you will meet lots of new people through your course. They should be able to help with childcare or give advice. You don't need the constant put-downs. Everyone is right, he's abusing yuo and treating you like a prostitute. You're better than that. You just have to believe you're better than that.
Give your dd a positive image to look at. Don't let her see her dad treating you like this. I know it's difficult and it's easy for us all to say leave, but you have to.
Please be good to yourself and your dd. The next time he comes round smashing stuff up, phone the police. You said in another post your uncle was a police officer. Get him round. Lets see how hard he is when faced with a room full of guys in uniforms bigger than him.

mummytosteven · 09/07/2004 22:49

nikcola - please don't contact this man again or let him have anything to do with you sexually. If he can't support you through the consequences of a sexual relationship, he does not deserve to have such a relationship with you. Since your guy is getting married things can only get worse - you will have less self respect, and he will insult you more if you continue seeing him when he is married. Could you go away to do your nursing course? You will meet loads of new people at university and on the wards even if you don't get away. Maybe what you need is a break and some good friends (male or female) rather than another relationship. Would you put up with a friend who treated you so selfishly - then why should you put up with this guy treating you so shabbily. Best of luck
Laura

nicmum2boys · 09/07/2004 22:51

nikcola, only just caught up, have been off line for a week and a half due to computer probs. Don't know what I can add that hasn't been said already. on your behalf with him.
It's a natural instinct to want to be loved and nurtured, and it's something you deserve. He is giving you the comlete opposite of that. Trust me, you and DD will feel much more loved and nurtured without him. hugs xxx

motherinferior · 09/07/2004 22:58

I haven't anything to add to all the wonderful other stuff here - except that if he gets married soon, as he will, you will be on your own even more of the time. You'll probably get the option of him nipping round for a quick shag if it's convenient. I honestly don't think that'll make you happy; it's not what you want.

Life on your own is scary sometimes. Other times it's great. There are all the possibilities out there. Think about it that way.

aloha · 09/07/2004 23:13

Nikcola - please, please, please find the mental strength to walk away from this awful, horrible, nasty bit of work. He's a blackmailer, a coward, a terrible father and just contemptible. Not all men are like this! It doesn't have to be a choice between him and nobody! There is a world of men out there, and one day you will meet one who is good to you and supports you as a person and as his partner and love you. This scum will NEVER, EVER do this. He treats you like scum, which makes you feel like scum, but you don't have to be treated like this or feel like this. Please, please, you are about to start a new life by studying - treat it as a new start and push him out of your life for good.

sis · 09/07/2004 23:16

Nikcola, I am appalled that the man is behaving in this way and still getting away with it! At this rate, he will end up with a perfect life - everytime he has a problem with his wife, he will come to you and when he has a problem with you, he will go to her. He will never progress from there cos he is so immature and selfish that he will never see a need to try and work through any relationship problems.

I hate the way he refuses to take any responsibility in life. Nothing is ever his fault, it is his mother's fault, or your fault, or society's fault... I am curious to know what you get out of this relationship? are there any benefits for you and your daughter? Do remember that everytime he undermines you by what he says and what he does, it affects your daughter too and how she sees the role of men and how she sees her mum etc.

I am really sorry to have been so blunt Nikcola, especially after all that you have been through, but this man's attitude stinks and he is spouting a lot of nonsense - some of it racist and sexist nonsense at that!

motherinferior · 09/07/2004 23:27

Can you take it one bit at a time? Start by not ringing him. At all. Start working out finances. Does he pay the rent on your place? Next time he comes round, tell him to go away.

It IS horribly difficult, when someone's kept telling you how crap you are, to decide you're worth better treatment. But who would you rather trust - the creature who wants a BJ the day after your abortion (which he seems to think is nothing to do with him) or 1,000 Mumsnetters?

Original poster
nikcola · 09/07/2004 23:49

no money isnt a problem well not for him cause we wasnt living together and all thats gone on im on income support and he doesnt give me any money so all that is allready sorted but he said this morning that he is going to tell the police that ive been comiting benifit fraud witch i have never done in my life,
he never gives me a penny he gives it all to his mom he said he is goin to tell them that he gives me money wich is complete crap thats why i dont want to get him to angry cause he will get me in trouble they wont belive me over him

OP posts:
lou33 · 09/07/2004 23:56

Nickola, it isn't the police who investigate benefit fraud but the dss. Unless they have proof to the contrary , which you say they don't, then what will happen, will be that you would be called to an interview, where they will ask you questions. If you have nothing to hide, and everything is above board, then it will be cleared up easily. There has to be proof of benefit fraud to be going on to get you into hot water. He is talking bulls**t just so he has control over you again. Don't believe anything he says.

lou33 · 09/07/2004 23:57

I don't understand why you assume a man with no proof will be believed?

mummytosteven · 10/07/2004 00:01

nikcola - if he doesn't even give you any financial support, what on earth advantage is there to you in still seeing him? Your partner really is a truly scummy piece of work - tell him that you would report him to the police for wasting police time if he does what he is threatening to do. You are young and deserve so much better than him. Unless he puts money into your bank account it will be your word against his anyway as to whether he gives you any money or not. this man is verbally/mentally abusing you, even if he has never been violent- you have to get out of this relationship now.

motherinferior · 10/07/2004 00:03

Hang on, hang on, hang on. Someone on here will be better on your rights than I am. But first off, I'd put folding money on the fact that is just a threat. Second, there is no way it can be proved, because it isn't true. He's trying to threaten and blackmail you with everything he's got.

The good thing is, you KNOW you can manage financially. And don't underestimate the number of women who feel unable to leave their partners because of money.