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Original poster

My Mum against dummies. Am I wrong?

94 replies

KLG3101 · 17/01/2016 15:46

Please move this most if there is a more appropriate forum.

My mum is completely against the use of dummies. Says she 'hates' seeing babies with them in their mouths and in 'her day' it was regarded as lazy parenting. DH and I are expecting DC1 in hopefully less than 8 weeks and have decided we will use them if we need to. Not making a plan but have bought a couple and if it helps settle baby then great. Now feeling like I'm a shit mummy before baby even here!! I'm most definstly not lazy, just not against a dummy. Am I in he minoroty?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Groovee · 17/01/2016 15:48

I was against dummies until Dd wanted to suckle constantly. It gave me a break. Ds refused to have one. Go with what suits you and the baby X

PositivePete · 17/01/2016 15:49

I bought them "in case"

I tried them because DS was high needs as he screamed for 21 months. I tried every brand of dummy going. He rejected every one!

So believe me I would have / I tried to use them but he rejected them.

Pick your battles !!!! If you need the dummy you go girlfriend!!!!

mrsmugoo · 17/01/2016 15:50

You have the choice to use them or not use them. Make no judgement on those that make the opposite choice.

End of thread

(yeah right)

BIWI · 17/01/2016 15:52

It's absolutely nothing to do with your mother and everything to do with you, your partner and your baby.

I vowed I'd never use one with my DC, but 10 days after DS1 was born, he was plugged in! That little bit of soft plastic/rubber saved my sanity (as well as my nipples ).

Ignore your mother and do what works for you.

Original poster

KLG3101 · 17/01/2016 15:53

Thank you ladies! Bloody hormones making me need reassurance. They are bought and here if need be and I'll go with the flow. I won't start the combination feeding debate I had with my Mum heehee!

OP posts:

SwearyInn · 17/01/2016 15:54

I was dead against using them (for no valid reasons) but it turned out that it brought enormous comfort to our 6 week old - he went from a very hard to settle baby to a content one. We only used it for sleeping but it was marvellous.

Younger son sucked thumb and dummy rejected.

It's your baby's choice, not your mum's!

WilLiAmHerschel · 17/01/2016 15:54

My situation was the similar to Pete's. Dd rejected all the dummies we tried. I think nowdays more parents give a dummy than not. As I understand it, using a dummy is preferable to thumb sucking. I always assumed a child did one or the other before having dd (who did neither). If your child has a dummy, you certainly won't be in the minority and most other people won't care.

WilLiAmHerschel · 17/01/2016 15:56

One thing being pregnant and having a baby has taught me, is that whatever you do, someone out there will think you're wrong. (And they'll probably want to tell you that as having a baby makes you public property.)

timelytess · 17/01/2016 15:57

Your baby, your choice.

For me, breastfeeding with unlimited access to the breast was the way to go. A dummy would have interfered with that, disrupting the conversation between baby and breast, so was never used.

ShowMeTheWonder · 17/01/2016 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nephrofox · 17/01/2016 16:00

Nothing wrong with using or not using

You're the parent. You get to choose. There will be HUNDREDS of examples where others disagree, as a parent you learn to ignore and carry on doing what you find is best for your family

Tokelau · 17/01/2016 16:00

I was in a similar situation. My DM hated dummies so I was never given one. I sucked my thumb instead. It was very hard to give it up, and I carried on until I was 11! It was only when the dentist threatened me with a brace that I stopped, but it was very difficult, and I found it hard to sleep at night without my thumb.

I gave my two dummies when they were tiny and would have been lost without them. However, as they got older, I didn't let them speak with a dummy in their mouth. I only let them have one in the car or when going to sleep. They were never allowed to walk around or play with a dummy in. We were able to wean them off dummies gradually, which we couldn't have done if they had sucked their thumbs instead.

Jesabel · 17/01/2016 16:00

Better a dummy than a thumb!

IPityThePontipines · 17/01/2016 16:03

Some babies like them, others don't, there's nothing lazy about comforting a baby. Believe me, if the baby wants something other than their dummy, they'll soon let you know!

Dd1 was very sucky and loved her dummy. Dd2 wasn't interested and prefers her thumb.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 17/01/2016 16:04

My mum is dead against dummies too - she's a speech and language therapist and has views on constant dummy use delaying language. But if using a dummy had soothed ds and given me a break, I would have given him one although tried to restrict usage a bit. As it is, ds is six months old and exclusively breastfed - won't have anything plastic in his mouth . It's pretty hard work as only I can feed him and when he's teething the only thing he will chew on happily is my finger. He isn't able to self-soothe at all, ever in the same way babies with dummies can.

allegretto · 17/01/2016 16:06

My mum was dead against dummies. DS1 didn't have one and sucked his thumb for 6 years!! He didn't even take it out to speak and no-one could understand him. Next time round I tried dummies - far easier to get rid of and didn't have any adverse effects.

Everythinggettingbigger · 17/01/2016 16:16

My DS had a dummy as he used to suckle constantly so it gave me a break. He had it in his mouth constantly until he was 3....the only thing that got him to give it up was starting nursery but I can honestly say it did not affect his speech in the slightest... he was a very bright little boy and could count to 10 at the age of 9 months (granted from memory of the sequence not actually knowing the numbers) but as clear as anything! Everybody could understand him.

That dummy was my lifesaver and kept my sanity but also a bloody nuisance as if it fell out of his mouth in the night he woke up!

Go with what's best for you someone will always disagree no matter what!

Ragwort · 17/01/2016 16:21

Is your mother very opinionated? I can't even imagine having discussed whether or not to use a dummy with my mother.

Make sure you have firm boundaries about what you feel is appropriate to discuss with your mother - otherwise you will resent her 'interfering'.

I am quite sure there are a number of parenting issues my mother doesn't agree with me on - but we just don't talk about them.

Fugghetaboutit · 17/01/2016 16:28

You can breastfeed and use dummies. My dd is 10 days old and wanted to suck all day to start and I let her as much as possible but when my milk came in my nipples were very sore - black with scabs so I used nipple shields until they healed and she had a dummy. Nips are now fine and she's breastfeeding like a champ and isn't confused. It can give you a break so someone else can settle them :)

HSMMaCM · 17/01/2016 16:33

I used one for bedtime and car journeys. I don't like seeing children who have them in their mouths all the time.

sepa · 17/01/2016 16:34

I am against them in a sense that some of my friends just plug it into the babies mouths when they don't need them I doubt I will be against them at 3 in the morning after a 6hr crying fit!

You need to do what is right for you. I have 1 dummy just in case. I would prefer not to use one but you never know.
If I use them then I will probably do what my mum did when my brother and sister was younger (I didn't take to one) and make sure that when they are walking they no longer have a dummy

Sunshine511 · 17/01/2016 17:02

I had the opposite issue to you and I really feel your pain! My mother in law thought it was horrendous that I had chosen not to use a dummy! I breastfed and God forbid, my daughter occasionally suckled for comfort as a baby. You are the mother and its up to you and your baby to figure out what works for you both! We shouldn't feel judged or forced into doing something we don't want to do! I agree with a previous poster who said that whatever we choose to do, someone somewhere will have something negative to say about it! If you want to give your baby a dummy, give your baby a dummy x

Floowho · 17/01/2016 17:06

Having had one thumb sucker and one with a dummy, I would say dummy is easier to say goodbye to.

Crumbles12 · 17/01/2016 17:08

When I was pregnant with DS I was open to the idea and when he was born I tried them as a comforter as he seemed to only fall asleep BFing. He rejected all of them for his thumb though which is a lot harder to remove!! He is still a thumb sucker at bedtime at 4 and no idea how to break the habit now.
Although I do think some parents take it a bit far in letting their 3yo DC have a dummy at soft play

WilLiAmHerschel · 17/01/2016 17:21

My mother in law thought it was horrendous that I had chosen not to use a dummy! I breastfed and God forbid, my daughter occasionally suckled for comfort as a baby.

I had this. Dp's parents couldn't understand that my dd wasn't interested in the dummy. They, along with their other son and his wife were quite openly disgusted that I breastfed (and still am but don't think they know!) and mil certainly thought I breastfed too much.

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