My Mum against dummies. Am I wrong?

[KLG3101]

Please move this most if there is a more appropriate forum.

My mum is completely against the use of dummies. Says she 'hates' seeing babies with them in their mouths and in 'her day' it was regarded as lazy parenting. DH and I are expecting DC1 in hopefully less than 8 weeks and have decided we will use them if we need to. Not making a plan but have bought a couple and if it helps settle baby then great. Now feeling like I'm a shit mummy before baby even here!! I'm most definstly not lazy, just not against a dummy. Am I in he minoroty?

[TheCatsMeow]

Chica but there's risks with everything, unless you feed your child all organic home made food and never put a TV on I don't think anyone should judge

[ChicaMomma]

Actually Sweep, on a similar note, at a recent breastfeeding refresher course i was also advised to avoid a dummy for the first 6 weeks of BF- something to do with its use spacing out feeds too much, damaging supply, nipple confusion, poorer weight gain- cant remember the exact details now, must have a look on kellymom. This particular LC wasnt against dummies at all but did say they shouldnt be used for the first few weeks until your supply has regulated. I guess the idea is that they use the breast as a pacifier instead? All very well in theory, not so sure about it in practice!!

[Micah]

I personally think he'd look better without it. Not to mind say the associated problems such as speech, ear infections, dental issues- all scientifically proven with the use of a dummy beyond a yr.

Are the risks worse with thumb sucking though? Mine was going to suck, so it was a choice between dummy or thumb. I chose dummy as the risks to teeth, speech etc would be less as a dummy can be moderated, and taken away at 2-3 years.

I have come across people who spout all the dummy risks while their 9 year old is sat quietly sucking a thumb. The smug "I didn't need a dummy, he found his thumb" is fairly common too.

I far prefer to see babies and toddlers with dummies than thumbs. But it's surprising how many people are so anti-dummy they think thumb sucking is the better option.

[Mumberjack]

My mum is the same. Really really critical about dummies, even going so far as to comment to her friends when their children and grandchildren wear them.
Although funnily enough she was also really iffy about me breastfeeding, couldn't even say the word 'breast' for months without it being a stage whisper.
Apparently my mum would sing me to sleep therefore I didn't need a dummy
My DD didn't have a dummy but I did have some in the house just in case; I was more distressed at the thought of my mum ripping it from her mouth!!
I'm expecting another baby just now and I can see myself using a dummy - and arguing with my mum about it! Wtf does it have to do with her anyway!!!

[ChicaMomma]

Mumberjack i think the anti BF thing is somewhat generational too. I was born in 1976 (in Cork) and my mum said they told her in the maternity hospital that 'only poor people breast fed' and that formula was 'much more nutritionally sound'. Jesus! She went with her gut and breast fed anyway, only lasted 2 weeks due to various issues but said there was no support whatsoever when things went wrong. TG we've come a long way since! But that's another argument altogether

Micah i've no idea what the arguments are in the thumb v dummy debate- for some reason though it's been a while since i've seen a child suck their thumb- but you're right, no point in being anti dummy if the child is going to insist on sucking their thumb, and nowt you can do about that one apart from sellopating all their fingers together which would create it's own set of issues :)

[mrsmugoo]

There is massive reverse snobbery in this thread!

If you choose not to use a dummy to focus on soothing exclusively via the breast because that is what feels natural to you then that doesn't make you a snob.

Just let everyone make their own choices without berating them.

[TheCatsMeow]

Has anyone said there's anything wrong with not using a dummy? I haven't seen it

[Sunshine511]

As someone who chose not to use a dummy with my DD (who constantly suckled), one of the things I liked about this thread was that as mums, we were all being supportive of each other's choices. Granted, I haven't read every single response, but I've read a lot and I thought it was lovely the way we were all saying that it's every parents choice to decide what works for them and their child.x

[lucy101101]

I was (uninformed!) and hated the idea of dummies... until I had my son who had reflux and dummies (amongst other things) were a godsend for him. My second baby was offered them and declined and is a thumb sucker. We 'posted' the dummies to a friends baby when my DS was 18 months old and he was perfectly happy with this arrangement! We won't be able to do this with the thumb....

[ChicaMomma]

Just the comment about SIDS i suppose, but i think that was more relating to taking it from them too early as against someone being irresponsible for not using a dummy per se. The 'reverse snobbery' thing is a bit confusing to me too though- but then most things are, at 37 weeks pregnant.

[mrsmugoo]

Yes loads have been berated in this thread for saying they chose not to use dummies as they believed it affected their breastfeeding relationship. Or that they just didn't like the look of them.

If that's their reason, that's their reason!

[ChicaMomma]

ah, that was me on both counts! i still maintain though that they serve a very good purpose and will certainly be offering one to my DS2 when he arrives- i'll try and hold out until my milk supply is established though. I say try, if he's another howler who sucks the tits off me i'll offer it sooner! Nothing to do with snobbery (odd choice of words) just personal decision making based on facts!

[stargirl1701]

I didn't want to use a dummy. I had a hellish time trying to bf DD1 and ended up mix feeding, then ff, then back to mix feeding with her. She had silent reflux too. She was contented with a dummy. We replaced it with a muslin comforter at 6/7 months. I was aware of the link between extended dummy use and speech problems.

I had more success breastfeeding DD2 so she had no need for a dummy. I knew that 16-18 hours of constant bf was normal at growth spurts. DH and I were able to juggle things with DD1 and work so I just went to bed for 24-36 hours and just bf at each growth spurt. I had no idea about cluster feeding with DD1. No idea it happened and no idea what to do!

She's still bf on demand, day and night, at 17 months. I'm hoping to reach at least 24 months with her. Her last crazy feeding time was 16 months. Back to feeding constantly, day and night, for a few days. Another developmental leap? Growth spurt? Certainly wishing to bf for 16/18 hours a day! With me back at work, she has simply reversed cycled.

It's been quite a revelation seeing the difference between a breastfed baby and a mostly formula fed baby. Their patterns have been quite different to each other but normal when compared to their ff and bf peers.

[TheCatsMeow]

MrsMugoo I expect someone would also be berated if they mocked the look of a child's clothes or refused to let their child hold a teddy because they didn't like the look of it.

And evidence suggests it doesn't interfere with breastfeeding so it's a strange thing to say

[SweepTheHalls]

Well I commented on SIDS risk as well. Neither of my 2 took a dummy, even though I offered it when they just wouldn't stop screaming..... I'm not sure how it is reverse snobbery?

[Jem01]

Personally I'm planning to avoid using dummy's with my baby because I don't like them. However i might feel differently when baby arrives!! As long as it's not harmful to baby then why not? Either way, your baby, your choice. Everyone is going to have an opinion on what you do with your baby. If there was ever a time to stand behind your decisions and not give a F about other people's opinions (mum, sister, colleague, post man etc) now is the time!!

[mrsmugoo]

Why should anyone be mocked for their own personal opinion though??

[TheCatsMeow]

Because it's silly to dislike something that comforts a child purely because of what it looks like.

[Crazypetlady]

Disliking dummies doesn't make sense to me as even though I didn't plan on using them I never disiked them.