My Mum against dummies. Am I wrong?

[KLG3101]

Please move this most if there is a more appropriate forum.

My mum is completely against the use of dummies. Says she 'hates' seeing babies with them in their mouths and in 'her day' it was regarded as lazy parenting. DH and I are expecting DC1 in hopefully less than 8 weeks and have decided we will use them if we need to. Not making a plan but have bought a couple and if it helps settle baby then great. Now feeling like I'm a shit mummy before baby even here!! I'm most definstly not lazy, just not against a dummy. Am I in he minoroty?

[FlatOnTheHill]

I cant see the problem with a dummy if it stops crying.
You can remove a dummy but not thumb sucking which gives buck teeth

[imwithspud]

Nothing wrong with dummies, they can be removed at a later date. In the early days it's a case of doing what you can to make it through, sometimes a dummy can be really helpful.

Both of mine had dummies, took the eldest's away about a year ago with no fuss, she was 2 and by that point she only had it for sleep anyway, after a couple of days she had forgotten about it. The baby currently has one and quite frankly it's a god send at times. I've no idea why people are 'against' them, they have their place. Some babies benefit more from them than others.

[whatsoever]

My mum said the same (she felt the same about bottles too and she called nurseries "day orphanages").

We didn't plan to use dummies but after 2 weeks of crying baby I sent DH out to buy some. Wasn't a miracle cure but DEFINITELY helped. Also formula fed from 6.5m & DS went to nursery from 12.5m.

And guess what? My mum is fine with all three now! Mums often change their opinions when they see parenting practices that are different to theirs but with results that are absolutely fine.

[OwlinaTree]

I didn't want to use dummies particularly, bought a packet just in case. I had a sucky baby. He would feed to sleep, freed constantly all evening etc. Tried to get him to suck a dummy instead, but he wasn't interested! So I would have used one if he'd wanted it.

I think you are doing the right thing in keeping an open mind. All babies are different, so you need to respond to them.

[VeryPunny]

"mask the conversation between baby and breast" FFS I've heard it all now!

Dummies saved my sanity with DS - and I wish that DD had taken one! No one has managed to explain to me how I was supposed to allow DS unlimited access to hte breast whilst also remaining a half decent parent to DD, who was 18 months at the time of his birth.

I've also read the research behind dummy use and reduced duration of breastfeeding. Yes, there is a very small reduction in duration (about a week over a year), which was totally misrepresented by the hysterical article in the NCT magazine, which basically said introducing a dummy was the instant end of your breastfeeding relationship. Bloody idiots.

[PennyHasNoSurname]

We used a dummy with dc1, she found it incredibly comforting. However we only ever used it when she needed it (sleep or upset) and once she got to about 6/7 months it was purely for sleeps. I hate seeing kids/toddlers running around playing with them in, or worse, talking with them in.

Dummies have their place and can be an absoloute godsend, as well as having SIDS benefits in the early months.

Your DM doesnt like seeing them in babies mouths - that is her problem, not yours. Id remind her of that often!

[ChicaMomma]

I think they should have a lifespan- 4, 5, 6 months? i agree with penny, hate seeing toddlers with them. I honestly think they looked stupid once children are able to walk. 4-6 mths seems to be a good time to wean them off them. But before that, they definitely serve a really great purpose! I tried for about 12 weeks to get my little colicky howler to take one, he had no interest.

[TheSecondViola]

Absolutely bollocks. Best thing ever; never hindered early breastfeeding or masked feeding cues (whoever wrote that forgot to add "possibly might" to their strident advice).
They make babies happy, help them to sleep, soothe them and even lessen the risk of SIDS.
What's not to like?

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

Dummies are fab. Little plastic lifesavers.

Everyone has an opinion and everyone is entitled to that opinion. My opinion is that anyone who judges parents who give dummies, whether their child is three weeks old or three years old, is a bit of a prick.

[ACatCalledFang]

I think it's good to keep an open mind on these things. My baby was definitely not having a dummy, as it could interfere with breastfeeding. Guess what I sent DP out to buy the morning after we got home from the hospital?!

Unfortunately, DS isn't a huge fan of dummies, but will occasionally accept one, e.g. in the car. In such situations, i.e. where access to the breast isn't possible, it's a godsend.

Basically, it's good to have ideas about how you want to do things, but the chances are your baby will have their own preferences, so it's good to be flexible.

[Georgina1975]

Absolute lifesaver here. Emergency c-section (very ill for 3 months after), baby with silent reflux and me at end of tether.

I was pretty brainwashed with all sorts of horror stories about "nipple rejection" etc... Mum went out and bought a packet "just in case". I cried with relief being able to eat a meal without a crying baby on me or attached to my boob.

Thanks Mum

p.s. DC basically rejected dummy at 5-6 months. But it gave me enough space to get past those rough first few months.

[tomatodizzy]

I was against dummies until I had children. First one I used it sparingly and felt guilty because I have a judgy mum as well. Second one had a dummy, third one spat it out and refused anyway and fourth still uses one at night and for comfort and I have long passed over thinking dummies. My mum is still judgy noise in the background.

[waitingforsomething]

Ive used dummies for both of mine in grizzly periods during the day to help them calm until 6mo. Ive never used them as a sleep aid and they've both lost interest by 6mo as their sucking reflexes have lessened.
If I'm honest I think they look bad on toddlers and older and aren't necessary but for babies they can be a godsend.

[newname12]

I think they should have a lifespan- 4, 5, 6 months? i agree with penny, hate seeing toddlers with them. I honestly think they looked stupid once children are able to walk. 4-6 mths seems to be a good time to wean them off them

The SIDS research shows removing the dummy before a year increases the risk of SIDS. If you give your child a dummy it is advised not to remove it until at least 1 year of age.

I couldn't have removed mine that early, as I said, they stuck a thumb in instead. If you have a sucky baby, they will suck- blankets, thumbs, fingers. A dummy is the best solution IMO, and can be easily removed at 2-3 years when they start to naturally lose the need to suck.

[TheCatsMeow]

You'd probably all judge me my DS likes a dummy in for about 80% of the time. He's a sucky baby and it works for us.

[ChicaMomma]

Didnt realise that newname- good to know. I was told from an 'ease' point of view 4-6 was the best time to wean as it just gets too hard after that- good to know about the SIDS research though.

I've heard a few people say that their babies have self weaned around the 12/16 week mark- i guess when the wind/colic/reflux sympthoms tend to settle down. I guess that's the ideal if they self wean, but probably rare enough.

either way OP, do what works for you and baby- every time.

[itsbetterthanabox]

My mum hated dummies and it lead to me sucking my thumb until I was 9 which gave me awful teeth. You can't remove a thumb!
For me it's enough that they reduce the risk of SIDS.

[madamlala]

I too was against dummies. Probably my mother's opinion that I made my own.

Then I became a paediatric nurse and eventually specialised in special care babies. Head of the Unit was a real old-school battle axe with hundreds of years experience. She was fabulous. Her view was that it's a basic human need for a baby to suck for comfort. To deny them this, if they want to do it, is unkind and even cruel.

I offered all my dummies as soon as I thought they needed it. One out of three adopted it. The others just whinged a lot!

I also found that once I had my own baby, she mattered much more than pleasing my Mum!

What needs to be invented is a dummy that returns to the mouth every time it falls out!

Good Luck.

[DPotter]

whispers very quietly - I sucked my thumb until I was 12-13, and then intermittently after that. I didn't need braces and there's nothing wrong with my thumb and I can speak and eat just fine.

DD would spit out any dummy offered, didn't suck fingers / thumb.

If it works for you - go for it.

[ChicaMomma]

I also found that once I had my own baby, she mattered much more than pleasing my Mum! Amen to that!!

it must be an 80s (or 70s/90s) thing that all our mothers are so anti them!

I still maintain though that older toddlers look silly with them- case in point, Paul O'Connell's (irish rugby captain) 3 yr old son walking down the aisle with one in his gob at his dad's wedding! I remember seeing this picture and thinking how awful it looked. In an interview he said they did try to wean him off the dummy in the months before the wedding but he just went mental. That was about 2 yrs ago, wonder does he still have a dummy now aged 5??!!

www.google.ie/search?q=paul+o%27connell+wedding+son&biw=1280&bih=923&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwin_LeL77XKAhXEpA4KHQG0AQgQ_AUIBigB#imgrc=nt93RHDIn8kHmM%3A

[TheCatsMeow]

Why does he look awful? I see a little boy happily walking at a wedding, nothing awful.

[SweepTheHalls]

Just to chuck into the conversation, when we had the discharge talk from the midwives earlier this month for DC3,they said the SIDS research about dummies only applies to formula fed babies not breasts fed babies. Apparently they have different sleep patterns and the benefits only apply to formula fed /bottle fed babies.
I'm in the whatever keeps you sane camp though!

[ChicaMomma]

I personally think he'd look better without it. Not to mind say the associated problems such as speech, ear infections, dental issues- all scientifically proven with the use of a dummy beyond a yr. Just my opinion, if you want to give me a stuffing for it that's fine too!

[LariyahSpen]

How ridiculous!! Like others in here I said I'd rather not of course but I couldn't possibly have my daughter suckling as much as she wanted to do after two weeks I gave her a dummy & she was as happy as Larry.

I know some health visitors say it can impede the breast feeding but my HV actually told me to use one - I was exhausted.

She is 10 months now & yes she loves her dummy but we only allow her to have it to settle her at night and for naps.

I wouldn't worry it's a silly comment to make. Your a normal mum if you use one & normal if you can do without.

Be deaf to those comments

Good luck X