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Pregnancy

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Original poster

My Mum against dummies. Am I wrong?

94 replies

KLG3101 · 17/01/2016 15:46

Please move this most if there is a more appropriate forum.

My mum is completely against the use of dummies. Says she 'hates' seeing babies with them in their mouths and in 'her day' it was regarded as lazy parenting. DH and I are expecting DC1 in hopefully less than 8 weeks and have decided we will use them if we need to. Not making a plan but have bought a couple and if it helps settle baby then great. Now feeling like I'm a shit mummy before baby even here!! I'm most definstly not lazy, just not against a dummy. Am I in he minoroty?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

YouBastardSockBalls · 17/01/2016 17:21

I don't like dummies.
They mask feeding cues and hinder early breastfeeding. I didn't use them with mine, and never needed to - if they cried I put them on the breast.

So I'm with your mum. I didn't use them on mine. But I don't say anything to friends who use them, it's none of my business.

YouBastardSockBalls · 17/01/2016 17:22

Same William

Only1scoop · 17/01/2016 17:28

I never wanted to give dd a dummy but did.

Only ever for sleep and naps. She only ever had it in the nursery or occasionally in the car.

She had it until about 2.

Original poster

KLG3101 · 17/01/2016 17:34

Aw ladies thank you for replying you have made me feel a lot better this evening. I never used to think my Mother was opinionated until I fell pregnant but yes I think she is. She is a pre school teacher and was a stay at home mum for years. She is very old school!

Like some of you have said I would like to (in an ideal world!) use it at certain times I.e bedtime / car journeys and not for the sake of it but I am not ruling it out for my mother! The laugh of it is my sister sucked her thumb until she was about 7 years old and needed braces plus teeth out! Hmmm!

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 17/01/2016 17:38

I just associate them with sleep times.

I must admit I cringe a bit when I see older DC just running around playing with them in.

Good luck

CoodleMoodle · 17/01/2016 17:49

I got a dummy for free with something before DD was born. Didn't plan on using it but liked the idea that we had it just in case. She had CMPA and cried all the time until it was sorted. We tried the dummy but she refused to open her mouth (a problem we still have, nearly two years later...).

She sucked her thumb for a bit, and occasionally puts her fingers in her mouth when she's teething, but doesn't rely on it. Some do, some don't, I suppose.

Micah · 17/01/2016 17:58

I love dummies. I wouldnt have been able to breastfeed without them. i introduced them at 6 weeks, as it simply wasnt as easy as "if they cry put them to the breast". They were always on the breast. I remember dh phoning one day at 3 pm and i wasnt coherent because id been unable to have even a cup of tea in nearly 24 hours, and id taken them, breastfeeding, to the loo with me. Dummies meant i got 10 minutes now and then to eat, wee in peace, and have a hot drink. It was a dummy or try formula.

I knew one lady whose husband hated dummies nearly have a breakdown because she also just didnt get any rest, and couldnt settle the baby anywhere but on her.

Plus seeing children whose mothers were so smug and judgemental about dummies still sucking thumbs at 9 or 10 when dummies are a distant memory,...

Sunshine511 · 17/01/2016 18:04

WilLiAm our experiences sound identical! My inlaws did not like me breastfeeding and kept pushing for me to stop! Good on you for sticking it out!! I did too and will be again when this baby arrives!!x

Newlywed123 · 17/01/2016 19:15

I didnt give my little girl a dummy until 9 weeks (when i stopped breastfeeding). I regretted it personally, she became quite attached. She was off her dummy during the day at 1 (along with bottles) and 18 months altogether. She has been so much better without it, especially sleeping through as she used to wake when it fell out of her mouth. 37 weeks pregnant now and won't be giving this baby one, it is down to personal choice though. Some people give baby one straight away

Newlywed123 · 17/01/2016 19:16

I plan on breastfeeding for alot longer this time though, so will put baby on my breast if it needs comfort.

Fugghetaboutit · 17/01/2016 20:57

Ds only had it until 10 months for bedtimes mol and self weaned
Himself off them

megletthesecond · 17/01/2016 21:03

I have a 9yo thumbsucker who rejected dummies. Believe me it would have been so much easier to have something that could have been binned.

Luckygirlcharlie · 17/01/2016 21:14

My mum was the same until she babysat for the first time DS1 had silent reflux and dummies were a Godsend. He still loves them at 16 mths but I'm not too concerned. As long as we can dump them before he goes to pre school that's fine with me! Will be packing them for the hospital in March for birth of DS2 too. If he doesn't want them that's fine. The ones you buy now are all orthodontically approved etc etc. Just decide how you feel when the baby's here.

Crazypetlady · 17/01/2016 22:46

People have no right to be judgemental about dummies not their baby bot their problem. I didn't plan on using them but ds likes the comfort of it so I just go with what is best for us

LastOneDancing · 17/01/2016 23:00

Meh. My mum came out with a right load of crap when DS was tiny - he was manipulating me to be held etc etc.

I just kept churning out 'yes, well well have to agree to disagree about that' and the opinions slowly petered out.

Follow your instincts OP - you know what's right for you and your baby. Personally I am forever grateful for dummies, although my nearly 2yo is an addict

MG35 · 17/01/2016 23:09

Regardless of your choices you have to make the decision not your mum. They learnt and did it their way and you may have to politely thank your mum for her advice and state you are going to do it your way as you and Dh know what is best for your baby!! Good luck xx

Fugghetaboutit · 18/01/2016 08:28

My parents/grandparents were obsessed with me putting ds down when he was newborn. Glad I didn't listen to them tbh, he had just been born fgs you can't spoil them by holding them

Original poster

KLG3101 · 18/01/2016 20:47

Thank you!!!! Just what I needed to hear ladies. Don't get me started on my in laws rolling their eyes in disagreement that we are using a baby monitor with a camera, they don't think it's required.

OP posts:

Sunshine511 · 18/01/2016 20:50

I just hope when/if the day comes that my children have children of their own, I don't turn out like these parents/in laws who feel their opinion is the only opinion!! So frustrating! Each to their own, and all that!x

TheCatsMeow · 18/01/2016 21:06

They mask feeding cues and hinder early breastfeeding.

How do they mask feeding cues? If my baby is hungry he won't accept a dummy

And once breastfeeding is established its not an issue, nor does everyone breastfeed.

Can't stand dummy snobbery

hufflebottom · 18/01/2016 21:11

Have them and if you need them you need them.

Dd was never really fussed but still had one on occasion, mainly when she was crying for attention and I needed a 5 min run to toilet, drink etc. Think it kinda stopped getting used near 12 months.

I've got some on standby for this one. Especially as i know it helped me with dd1, I won't deliberately use it if I don't need to but is nice to know its there.

And I'm all ready for the MIL argument that is gonna happen when she discovers her precious GD will have one. She hates them and was trying to convince my dp that I was unreasonable for wanting one.

treesarebrown · 18/01/2016 21:26

Depends on two things really

Are you prepared to let them cry and grizzle a bit
personality of the child - some like dummies and some don't.

If a child does suck something for a few years they are more likely to need braces

Original poster

KLG3101 · 18/01/2016 21:31

Sunshine - I've thought this a lot recently, too!

Huffle, I hope our 'plan' pans out like you have described. I don't want to use them needlessly but most definstly on occasion and if our little one really won't settle. I don't like the thought of using my breast to simply comfort baby. Thinking ahead I think it must be hard to break that habit.

OP posts:

Micah · 18/01/2016 22:00

All my plans for dummies only at night etc went out the window when DC started sticking a thumb in if I refused the dummy.

I absolutely wasn't having thumb sucking, so they pretty much had the dummy whenever they needed a bit of comfort.

I remember when they gave it up about 2.5, the first time they fell over I wanted the dummy back as it soothed them so effectively.

I would put any preconceived notions aside and see what sort of baby you get :)

Newlywed, putting your baby "on the breast if it needs comfort" may seem like a good plan now, but when it's needed comforting 24 hours straight a dummy might save your sanity (and stop you starving to death!). Of course it may all go easily to plan for you, but some babies are just very sucky.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 18/01/2016 22:20

in 'her day' it was regarded as lazy parenting

Whereas putting your child in the garden so you couldn't hear them cry was considered excellent. Know which i prefer.

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