SOooooooooo nervous, please cross your fingers for me at 11.30

[PeckaRolloverAgain]

Im having a scan to see if we can see a heartbeat or if there has been no growth

I have about a 50/50 chance I SO hope that its good news.

Oh Pecka, I am so sorry, thinking of you. xx

Oh, just seen your last post.

she doesnt sound to be doing very well
in M&S trying to get on with things but sounds veyr very

Oh dear I do hope her DH gets his act together and starts helping her through this.

Pecka, I am so sorry you're going through this and that I haven't been around much to chat recently. I'm thinking of you xxxxx

pecka im so sorry i cant do more

hi girls

thanks so much for the concern and sorry if i have caused you worry by being offline.

i got up this morning and just left the house (i had an eyebrow wax already booked - well a girl may as well try to be pretty against the odds!)

i didnt come home afterwards as i know dh will try and just go on as normal if im around and i just cant do that at the moment

the insensitive eejit wished me good luck on the way out of the house - he thought i was at hospital. i said im having a fucking eyebrow wax, im sure ill manage it was yesterday i needed you. idiot thought that i was going to hospital and was still happy to let me walk out of the door alone.

my dd said to me today "wont we have a new baby very soon mummy" how the HELL do you explain miscarriage to a very excited 7 year old ?

i feel that dh has crossed a line - you just do NOT sit in the pub get off your head, stoned and high when your wife is at hospital with her children being told her baby is dead and to go home and miscarry over christmas or potentially be rushed in as an emergency. how is he capable of that? he was at a funeral of a distant friends brother in the morning which i fully understand and encouraged him to attend but in my mind the first place he should have gone from church at 11am was hospital or home to support me/look after the kids. ill never forget baking christmas shaped biscuits with the kids trying to make it fun whilst silently weeping and leaving the room to compose myself to keep the magic going for the children.

ive been christmas shopping all day - thinking retail therapy would do the trick (its my normal saviour!) but at the moment all i want from santa is a husband who fundamentally makes me a priority, my little baby back and my darling girl to get her little brother/sister

i jsut wish it would come out - its the walking round knowing "it" whatever it is is in there potentially about to cause me damage.

i cant grieve for it until its over and i still feel pregnant

god sorry what a load of self pitying bollocks!

the shoulder pain seems to have disappeared, im aware of stitch like pains down in my pelvis and further up under my ribs but they arent severe or worsening.

Pecka, Your Dh!!??

What you want in him is what any of us want. Its what we need, deserve, and should HAVE.

You're absolultey right, he has stepped over the line. I would be devastated to go through what you're going through right now but to have to do it would the support of DH would be unimaginable.

Personaly, it would be a deal breaker for the marrage. I'm not sure i could ever trust him again.

YOu need to sit him down and tell him that what he did yesterday is absolultey, totally, 100% NOT on. He should be making you feel loved and valued and cared for.

FFS, HE should have been baking biscuits with the children!!

I don't do hugs very often but I'm sending one now. I think you need it.
{{{{{}}}}}

sorry, without the support....

i cant talk to him as i know he will say what i want to hear

but at the end of the day no matter how sorry he says he is fact of the matter is ive been left completely alone to deal with kids, house, christmas and miscarriage as if its just one of my every day tasks - you just dont do that to someone you even like a little bit enver mind your friggin wife

You're right again, pecka.
He should not have done that.

IMO I think you need to tell him that its not on though. If he starts talking, starts saying what he thinks you wnat him to say tell him to shut the fu*k up becaus enothing hje says is going to make it better.

Sorry, pecka I'm seething on your behalf.

I have only just seen your thread. You poor thing.

I really don't think you should ignore the pain under your rib. I know you say it isn't worsening but it is there and that is enough.

Could you go to A & E and demand another scan?

What is your blood loss like? (sorry if too graphic) I just wondered if it is getting heavier or not.

i wish i was still seething last night i was determined to kick him out and tell him NOBODY treats me like that and that im worth a million times mroe than that

but today a sort of deflated lowness has settled and i dont really know how i feel

when i popped back earlier to collect dd he was asleep, sleeping off yesterday

that made me vERY angry that he can be settled enough to sleep - i felt like stabbing him

i was running in for meg so i could get the shopping done, take her to her dads and deliver presents and there his ZZZZ,ZZZZZZ

blood loss has disappeared

nothing

now i wish it was there it has gone completely

that is quite concerning. I don't want to alarm you but I really do think you need to be seen again asap

i was given a special yellow card to be used as open access to the gynae ward - i might ring the number on there to see what they think

good idea. I really feel for you. Sounds like you are having such a rough time

Oh pecca, I'm so sorry. I was on the TTc board with you, but have had a minor flounce so have only just seen this. It is so . I know what you mean about just wanting it to be over. I had a m/c in October, and I was torn between wanting the week I had to wait to do a repeat test to be over and done with, so I had proof and desperately wanting it not to be so. I had an immediate loss of all pregnancy symptoms at the time though. It is very hard, especially at this time of year. I am finding now that every AF I get I get a little lower and it hurts even more. Thats why i have cooled off on the whole TTC thing as it was taking over. I have no idea what cycle day I am or if we've done it at the right time. So i'm hoping to save myself some of the hurt when AF arrives again next month which I am certain it will.

My DP wasn't wonderful either tbh, it isn't the same for them. Not their bodies, not an excuse in any way for your H's behaviour though and I'm sorry he's not been more supportive. If ever I bring it up now, Dp will say 'Maybe you weren't ever really pregnant', which after two BFP's and several very exciting days hurts me.

The fact that you are still feeling pregnant may still be a good sign though - something to hold on to at least. Stranger things have certainly happened. The rib pain and shoulder pain is slightly worrying though - I hope if you get it again you will get it checked out. Try and enjoy the time you have with your children in the next few days. One positive thing for me about the whole thing was that I felt all the more grateful for having a DS. Hugs to you xxx

pecka, ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Again, not trying to worry you, and I know this is so different, but when I had appendicitis in October I really didn't believe it could be that serious because I simply didn't think I was in enough pain. It was only when my temperature started spiking that I realised all was not well. When they removed my appendix they found it was close to rupturing - yet still I was never in more than "severe discomfort" - certainly not rolling around in agony unable to walk. I simply did not respond to it in a "typical" way.

If you aren't sure that everything's ok - and you aren't - then please call the ward and talk to them. When I told my GP I had a high pain threshold he upped the ante and called me an ambulance . Don't wait until it's really bad.

right forget about for now
ring the hospital
get yourself seen before christmas pleas ehun

make the pain sound worse than it is if it makes you get seen earlier
put yourself first

agree you should call gynae ward

my best friend almost died 3 years ago..and that is no exaggeration, when her tube ruptured...she was taken from work in an ambulance. please call..better to be safe than sorry x (((hugs))

hello Pecca,

I hope that you have spoken to the hospital, i agree it would be a good idea to get yourself checked out.

I had a missed m/c last year. I felt dreadful and it was awful waiting for the 'something' to happen. It dragged on for weeks with repeated visits to the hospital to monitor my rising hcg levels. I now have a 6 month old dd.

I just wanted to wish you a happy 2007, you will feel better soon. Please find out what is causing the pain though then you can begin to recover from this. All the best c x

Pecca - please please go to hospital. I do hope things work out. What a rotten end to your year.
Am welling up thinking about your dd. It must be so bloody hard
I think you're trying too hard to spin all these plates to keep things going but somthing's got to give - you need to put your health first and TAKE IT EASY.

well girls what a turbulent few hours i have had

dh came home when i was posting those last messages and had the cheek to be funny because i was being "moody" and needed to "cheer up"

i completely lost the plot (got pains when i was shouting, was certain it was going to bring the m/c on but it didnt

it seemed to hit him hard in the face - how it has come as a suprise i dont know

he seemed to think i was fine and coping well and has just stuck his head in the sand

he reckoned that he didnt even realise i was at the hospital yesterday

i told him straight some home truths, told him that he has no right to treat me this way and he has put our marriage at real risk and had overstepped a line

he began with the sorry and i love yous and i told him that no, he couldnt retract it all now. love isnt something you realise in retrospect it is from which you act and think. it should be impossible for him to hurt me so badly if he loved me that much iyswim

anyway, for the first time ever i have seen him cry. good. i hope he is hurting even a millionth of how i have

not really sure what i do next with him tbh.

anyway after that, went down to my sisters and she made me dinner and i finished wrapping ALL of my presents. very, very nearly done for xmas.

i cant wait for the 27th tbh, not just because i have an appointment because then i can finally let go and CRY properly. feel like a pan simmering away.

i havent rung the hospital because the pain died right off - i really honestly promise that i will if im at all concerned. keep having awful thoughts about dying on xmas day.

I'm glad you've made him realise how badly he's treated you Pecka. As you say even if it's a millionth of how he's made you feel then hopefully he'll see what he's done.

I hope the next few days aren't too hard for you. We all have scary thoughts at times like this (I'm constantly having them ATM, really awful ones, like you're having, with only a few weeks to go until No4 arrives) but I think it's natural. It's a bloody nightmare but it's natural.

Now, promise me that at the first sign of any pain you'll go straight to the hospital??
Promise??

Ok...?

Take Care lovely. I'll be thinking of you.
xxxx