22 and no where to turn

[marie22]

i have just found out i am 14 weeks pregnant, i am not in a stable reltionship either. i know i have to tell my parents buti need to get my head around it first. i havent started showing yet and was wondering when it will be possible for them to tell. if anyine one has experience with having to break the news it would be good to hear how you did it! my parents are very strict so i need as much help as poosible!!

thanks!
Marie

Marie, I was also 22 when I fell pregnant with ds1, and I am afraid my parents did not react well. Your best move would be to move out, then tell them. Then, when you have had enough of them radging on at you about it, you can just go home and switch your phone off.

I'm 23 and about 1.5 weeks away from giving birth! I was 22 when I fell pregnant. I was lucky in that I am in a stable relationship but it took a while for my parents to get their heads round the idea especially as I am part way through my degree.

The main thing s be sure of wat you want to do and the reason why before you tell them. That part is hard. I was abroad at the time so telling my parents over the phone and all I could come out with was 'I can't have an abortion'. It was my bf who actually expained to them why I didn't want one! So just be clear about your decisions but let them know that you need their advice and support too. Definitely agree with moving out, it helps them to see you as an adult having her first baby rather than a wayward child who got pregnant. But, remember mums will always be mums so talk to them and ask your mum to help you find somewhere suitable and peraps to do it up a bit before moving in to keep them involved, you will need them so make sure they don't feel shut out.

So yes, be clear about your decisions, let them know that you will be firm and stand by your decisions but remember to have good reasons why and explain your feelings. Try not to fly off the handle at them when they don't understand and try not to simply burst into tears (even though hormones make this a very big likelyhood). Do your best to keep all doors open, whatever happens at the end of the day they will want involvement with their grandchild and your being willing to ask them for advice will only help your relationship.

good luck!

thanks for that, i think i have made the decision to have the baby and i hope they understand! do you no when i am likely to start showing? im worried about the locals seeing.

How big are you anyway? If you are slim, you will show earlier. I didn't show until 6 months really with my first, but I am size 18 anyway.

Meant to say, the likelyhood of them being reasonable about this is low, but stay as calm and adult as you physically can. You will feel proud of yourself for it. Don't let them make you believe you are stupid.

im about a size 18 to. about telling them, i am more worried because my cousin became pregnant at 16 and had twins! she became the let down of the family so i hope because im older and more wiserthis will help. i am also worried about the twin thing as our family has twins and triplets!

no help with the telling the family thing....but

you need to get yourself to the docs and get some antenatal care sorted ...you should have a scan asap to get the dating confirmed.also that will tell you how many babies you are carrying..

however..with twins or triplets, more likely you would have had horrendous morning sickness from very early on and also more likely to be showing by now, so might be you are having one baby!

hope all goes well ,when you do tell them...x

Hi Marie

I was 21 when I became pregnant with my first baby, and although I was in a relationship it was a very new one and I had no idea whether or not we would stay together. My parents are very devout, evangelical Christians and my mum had always made it clear that a pregnancy outside of marriage would be just about the worst thing I could do. I was very, very worried about telling them, and in the end I wrote them a letter when I was about 13 weeks and had had a scan to confirm that the pregnancy was viable.
I wasn't showing at that stage, but thought it wouldn't be long before I was and I wanted to tell them on my terms rather than being 'discovered'. In the letter I acknowledged that they would be angry and disappointed, but that it was my baby and my body and as an adult this was the course of action I had decided to take. I was still at university at this stage and so I was financially dependent on them still which was an added worry.

In the end they were pretty much fine about it. They were upset but saw the positive side - a baby! - quickly and there were no big rows about it.

Rememeber that you are a grown woman, an adult and responsible for your own decisions. You might get their approval or you might not, but either way you will manage.

marie, i was 20 when i had my dd and my parents took it surprisingly well. my mom had guessed i was pregnant before i told them and had warned my dad. they were very calm, bought stuff for the baby and dote on her like you wouldn't believe, she's the apple of their eye. (and her little brother too)

it was a little differant for me as i hadn't lived at home since i was 17 and had a long term partner but i was still shocked at how well my mother took it as i had expected her to fly off the handle. my fathers first comment was 'as long as your happy' and started discussing babynames and stuff straght away and even had a little chat with me late that night to tell me what a great experiance it would be and that i should be happy and excited!

i didn't start to show with dd til about7 months and was still hiding ds's pregnacy at 20 weeks (oddly enough i was more afraid of telling them about it the second time round )

Hi Kama,

im 20 and ttc, bf is 19. Im hoping my mum and dad will be good too, is worrying though. Did your mum do the whole "disappointed" thing like mine will?

Hi Marie I was shitting telling my mum i was pregnant at 25 and i was married!!!! There are worse things that you could tell them. they will probably be very shocked but hopefully dont react as badly as you think.

You need to be sure of what you want from this and be strong. Being a Mum is great but also hard work. Does the dad know? Will he be involved? Good Luck x

Hi marie

I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first. I had just come out of a serious relaitonship and rebounded like you wouldn't believe. I slept with blokes left right and centre and when I was 3 months pregnant I realised that I had missed 1 period so was about 12 weeks when I found out. Now to put this in perspective - I was 19, in my 2nd year of A'levels, living at home with my parents. I was an active member of my church, my mum is a vicar (of a different church) and my Dad is a very strict and proud man.

I only told them when I had definitely decided what I was going to do. The day I first found out I booked myself in for an abortion but the day beforehand I couldn't go through with it. So I told my sister and then booked in to see the midwife and my sister came with me. It was when I got home from there (with my sister in tow) that I told my parents. My Dad sat there in stunned silence and my mum told me she had already guessed and then came a few comments like "what happened to not having sex before you got married then?".

Once they had got their heads around it, my parents were great. I had my son 4 weeks before my exams, he came with me to revision lessons and my very proud mum looked after him throughout every exam. My son and I lived with them until 2 years ago when I got married to DH (sounds silly but I actually didn't sleep with him before we got married ) and my son and I moved in with DH when DH and I got back from honeymoon (my parents looked after DS while we were on honeymoon). I now have a beautiful baby girl and am pregnant with no 3.

My Dad now looks after DS on a Friday after school cause from us living with them they built a really good relationship and when I moved out my parents missed him so much that they wanted to make sure that they have special time with him on their own, so in a weird way, me living there while he was little has been a really good thing for both my parents and my DS.

I do realise that I am really lucky to have had the support I have got and to now be in a loving committed relaitonship with a man who has taken my child on as his own (he even said vows to him during our wedding ceremony). But I wanted to tell you my story so that you can see that a)parents don't always do what you expect b)some good things can always come out of the bad situations and c) there is quite often a light at the end of the tunnel.

Please let us know how it goes when you do tell them. We are all here to support you every step of the way.

i just wanted to say thanks everyone!!! you dont realise how much i appreciate this!!

im going to tell them to night, the father does know but wants nothing to do with it so i have to relie on my friends and family or go it alone. either way it will hopefully make me a stronger person!!

i'll let you know how it goes!!
wish me luck!!

Marie x

good luck marie, it'll be fine don't worry. they'll have to accept it because it's happening whether they do or not!

{{{{hugs}}}}

Good luck Marie and I really hope things go well for you.

Good luck Marie.

I was 26 when I became pg for the first time. My DP was really worried how my Catholic parents would react and got me so fired up about it that I kept reassuring them(on phone-they were in another country) that we WOULD get married. Mum was more upset that I felt that that mattered to them.

Ironically my ILs reacted really,really badly and didn't even say "Congrat".

I know my situation is differant to yours,but you really don't know how parents will react til you tell them. There may be shock,etc but as long as you give them some time to get their head around it,I hope it'll be fine for you.
(BTW my Mum did give my poor younger sister a huge lecture on contraception"Look at your sister. She's a pharmacist and she got caught out by contraception! Poor DM died before I got a chance to explain that my DS1 wasn't a complete accident, but that's a differant story)

Good luck. You'll always find support here on MN.So keep posting
And congrats. I'm seven days away from due date and I can't wait to meet him.

I was 20 when I fell pg with ds1. I was lucky that I was in a relationship but I was just about to start my nurse training and had to pull out of the course. My parents were disappointed in me but they accepted it. It was really hard having to tell them as they can be really strict but I was quite poorly in the first few months and they surprised me by how supportive they were. Now ds is 19 months old and I'm actually pg again (planned this time!). They love my ds to bits and can't wait for me to have this lo next month. I think you should just tell your parents. They may be a bit disappointed in you but you're going to be a single Mum, you're going to need all the support you can get! Good luck.

if it makes you feel better i've just found out a pregnant for the 3rd time and i'm only 22, dreading telling my folks and i'm married and the love my 2ds', but i know they'll be disappointed/angry etc it also means i cant relax cos no-one knows!

they love not the love