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Original poster

What's the stupidest thing a midwife/HV/Doctor ever told you?

126 replies

BlueberryPancake · 30/11/2006 20:59

Just thought I'd ask as many discussions with my girlfriends are around that subject and it's always really funny... or sad! My top three:

  • When I told my GP that I was considering a home birth, she said 'you're courageous, anyway we have air ambulances so you should be OK'
  • A Consultant, during labour, told me that he was going to check my 'down below' and I kept on thinking about Australia!
  • Just after birth, a senior midwife told me 'breastfeeding on demand is breasfeeding every four hours'
(actually I'll make it a top four)
  • The same senior midwife told me 'you're middle class so you won't breastfeed for very long' (I gave birth at Newham General, in one of the poorest boroughs of London)
Any gems out there?
OP posts:
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morningpaper · 30/11/2006 21:01

"You shouldn't have put on any weight because the baby is only the size of your fingernail"

  • My GP, when I was 13 weeks pg!
ilovecaboose · 30/11/2006 21:02

not while pregnant, but when seeing a dr about ds he told me there were only two types of food allergy.

Adults get wheat allergies (cos they eat too much bread) and children get milk allergies (presumably because they drink too much milk? - this was same guy who told me babies didn't need any milk after they started crawling).

oopsididitagain · 30/11/2006 21:10

oh I had the head midwife tell me that i was only 3 cm last time she checked me and my baby would be at least 8 hours cough whilst i refused to go back to the delivery suite without some one to come check me, the baby crowned, whilst i stood at the MW station, she was bon 5 mins afterwards...

lulumama · 30/11/2006 21:12

a midwife told me i was

'just one of those women who doesn;t dilate, i'm going to speak to your obs and get you to theatre'

3 - 10 cm in 2 hours 45 !!

hey ho! glad she was wrong though !!

lulumama · 30/11/2006 21:13

wouldnt call her stupid....she was going on previous history...she was definitely wrong though!!!

DizzyBinterWonderland · 30/11/2006 21:14

community midwife- that baby is only going to get bigger the longer you leave it in (at 1 day past due date)

same dozy mare- you will not go into labour unless i give you a sweep tomorrow

lostinfrance · 30/11/2006 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Edmond · 30/11/2006 21:23

horrace wimp, this is your life, go out and find yourself a wife

MamaApronstrings · 30/11/2006 21:25

to start my baby on baby rice at 8 weeks because she was windy! and she wrote it in her health record so I know I am not remembering it wrong, or exagerating

lulumama · 30/11/2006 21:26

Old HV..now retired so she cannot mess up anyone elses life:

6 week check

brings edinburgh PND test

She : how are you feeling?

Me : very low, not good, think i am depressed?

She : not to worry, we will do the test when you are feeling better..

WTF!!!!!!

end result....PND not diagnosed for 18 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ilovecaboose · 30/11/2006 21:28

lulumama that is appalling!

on your behalf.

eidsvold · 30/11/2006 21:30

not major - but

'geriatric mother' at age 33 wonder what she would make of me at 38!!

'with a pelvis like yours you might not have a choice where you give birth' - did not want to give birth at hospital close to where I worked - not wanting to share a ward with ex students or current 14yos.

eidsvold · 30/11/2006 21:32

oh just remember - obstetric registrar - looking at my antenatal history - at consultation - had dd1 with me....

registrar looks at me and says - how do you know your child has down syndrome?

um look at her....... um we had blood karotyping done..... um.... cause the consultants all told us...

pointydog · 30/11/2006 21:33

fairly shortly before giving birth to dd2, midwife says 'stop making those sounds, you'll hurt your throat'

I would have wet myself laughing if I had not been in terrible pain. Hurting my throat was the least of my worries.

taylormama · 30/11/2006 21:33

oooh i could go on and on and on and on ...

  1. Midwife telling me the first night after my son was born that the reason he wouldn't settle to sleep was because he was a night owl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!
  2. HV telling me that his reflux was colic ... repeatedly which led to him being hospitalised
  3. HV telling me in answer to every question i have ever asked her (swear this is true) "It is hard isn't it" - err yes that is why i am asking you as you are meant to be an expert .......
  4. MW telling me i wouldn't be allowed an epidural coz of drugs i was taking - my consultant who i had been seeing for months hadn't bothered to mention this to ...
pointydog · 30/11/2006 21:34

same midwife when I managed to shout out between contractions 'the baby's coming!'

said

'now why do you think that?'

would have creased myself at that one had I not been in horrific pain.

taylormama · 30/11/2006 21:37

oooh and then remember a nurse saying to me when i was being stitched up (which was taking ages as i was bleeding badly and they were threatening to take me into surgery) "did i want my sex life to be ruined for ever" when i asked how much longer it would be bearing in mind i only had gas and air and was sweating and going dizzy with the pain of it all ...

puccaupunderthemistletoe · 30/11/2006 21:37

A doctor at A&E on Monday...

"Is he walking yet?"

ME..."Er..No" Ds is 16 weeks old.

pointydog · 30/11/2006 21:38

yes, taylormama - that seemed to bug my midwife more than anything, that I kept asking how long it was going to take to stitch.

taylormama · 30/11/2006 21:41

pointy - why are some midwives so impatient???? I honestly thought i was going to pass out - stitches were sooooooooooo much worse than pushing baby out ....

Piffle · 30/11/2006 21:41

"as you're old you'll need a biopsy"
This at my booking in appt with GP - I can only presume she meant an amnio...
I'm 36 ffs not 85

"nobody really has a baby in one hour"
I think being on number 3 child this time, just perhaps they might believe me

Flower3554 · 30/11/2006 21:54

I can vividly remember, many moons ag, following the birth of my third child the nurse asked the doctor if I would need stitching, " only a couple" said the monster, sorry doctor, " I dont have time to give her an injection though, I know, give her the baby to hold that'll take her mind off the pain" This after keeping me in hospital for 5 weeks before she was born because, right up to the day before delivery he told me she would be lucky to hit 4lbs in weight, She was born at 6lbs 6ozs but I did have a kit kat the night before she was born!!!(hmm)

Jimjams2 · 30/11/2006 21:55

"girls don't get autism"

3andnomore · 30/11/2006 22:15

OMG, some of the things on this thread just gruesome....
For me it must have been, when transferred from Home to Hospital with ys, severealy upset because a) Homebirth not going to plan and b) being scared that my Baby wasn't going to be o.k.....I was just in tears and just upset...m/w to my hubbie...is she always like this ....errr...wtf...no...just was a tad upset and shitscared...grrrrr...thing is, at the time I thought I imagined it...if I had known she really said that I would have clocked her one I think!

sweetkitty · 30/11/2006 22:28

I was making too much noise and the pain was only going to get worse. Said to scared shitless 1st time mum who delivered less than an hour later (they did apologise though)

Women who BF past 6 months are only doing it for themselves not for their babies.