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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

What's the stupidest thing a midwife/HV/Doctor ever told you?

126 replies

BlueberryPancake · 30/11/2006 20:59

Just thought I'd ask as many discussions with my girlfriends are around that subject and it's always really funny... or sad! My top three:

  • When I told my GP that I was considering a home birth, she said 'you're courageous, anyway we have air ambulances so you should be OK'
  • A Consultant, during labour, told me that he was going to check my 'down below' and I kept on thinking about Australia!
  • Just after birth, a senior midwife told me 'breastfeeding on demand is breasfeeding every four hours'
(actually I'll make it a top four)
  • The same senior midwife told me 'you're middle class so you won't breastfeed for very long' (I gave birth at Newham General, in one of the poorest boroughs of London)
Any gems out there?
OP posts:
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eenysugarplumfairy · 01/12/2006 21:11

that my baby would be 2 weeks late and very small.

He was 4 weeks early and VERY big for that age.

xmasstocking · 03/12/2006 09:32
McDreamy · 03/12/2006 09:34

A GP told me it was unlikely that would get pregnant striaght away after being on the pill for years! I became pregnant on my honeymoon - oh yeah and I was married to the GP in question!!!

Pandamania · 03/12/2006 10:59

"No, you don't need a scan as you are only 3/40 weeks pregnant & having an implantation bleed." This was one week after I had 2 strong BFPs meaning I must have got my positive around the day I ovulated! This based on my having had a bleed which at the time I had thought was AF. Would have been vaguely amusing but for my collapse two weeks later with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy at 9 weeks.

At the same appt a Nurse asked "Do you feel pregnant?" knowing my only previous pregnancy had ended with a miscarriage at 5-6 weeks

edam · 03/12/2006 11:21

McD, bet you've never let him forget that one!

Boobooroastingonanopenfire · 03/12/2006 13:05

Told the trainee-sonographer at my 24 week scan that I'd felt the baby move since I was 12 weeks.

Flat reply: "That's impossible".

Me: "Clearly not"

Her: "It was probably just wind".

Me: "Er, no, the feelings didn't change, they just got stronger as time went on. And, with respect, it's my body"

Her: "Humph. Well, it's never been documented.

Stupid bint.

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 03/12/2006 13:07

silly bitch.

I went for a scan at 8 weeks with ds1 because I had had early bleeding. It was my first pregnancy and we were both very freaked out and emotional. The relief when we saw the foetus and heard the heartbeat was amazing.

Me: Can we have a picture to take home, please?

Sonographer: That would be tempting fate. I'd go home and pray if I were you.

lulumama · 03/12/2006 13:08

greeny ! and , i cannot believe the sh*t you have had......blardy helll!!!!!!!

jabberwocky · 03/12/2006 13:09

ghosty, ds1 had floppy larynx which one well-meaning acquaintence suggested might instead be PS. Scared me half to death. Luckily my brother is a doc and immediately reassured me. Glad your lo is okay now. I'm sure it was a very frightening ordeal.

Boobooroastingonanopenfire · 03/12/2006 13:09

Do they have f**kwittery lessons?

To be fair, the obstetrician who was supervising was great.

Am getting paranoid about the birth now. I'm afraid that if someone patronises me when I'm going through the pain of childbirth I might do something criminal.

merrylissiemas · 03/12/2006 13:27

i went from a size 8 maternity to a size 14 maternity and it was ALL bump i also measured 42 weeks at 36 weeks. midwife told me i was having a small baby. ds was 9lb 2oz and i'm 5" 2 and a size 6 pre-pg

merrylissiemas · 03/12/2006 13:28

i told the midwife in to f off you patronising dried up old bag during labour

VeronicaMars · 03/12/2006 13:53

My hv told me that dd had a fungal infection and that my c-section scar was infected. She said I needed to go straight to the emergency room at my maternity hospital. When I got there a doctor told me that my scar was healing 'beautifully' and when he looked under dd's nappy the blotches were gone. It was obviously a little heat rash which he said was perfectly normal in the first few weeks.
The same hv told me that dd didn't have excema even though she did.

VeronicaMars · 03/12/2006 14:17

I just remembered the nurse who did my last scan at seven months. DH was at work so I was alone.
Nurse 'So what do you think you're having?'
Me 'I think it's girl but my dh thinks it's a boy.
Nurse 'Well, you're right it's a girl, look there's her little ovaries'
Me ' '

Miaou · 03/12/2006 14:20

????? I had a detailed scan at 20 weeks (due to congenital defects running in both families). One of the defects is a lack of womb and ovaries. The consultant told us there was no way he would be able to see that on a scan at this stage.

And at the sonographer telling you the sex unasked!! I would have been furious!

2Happy · 03/12/2006 14:23

My ds's CM has started looking after a 3m old girl. She told me she'd been worried because the baby wasn't feeding well and would cry with each feed, and said the HV told her she should try her with some solids instead as she is probably hungry.

merrylissiemas · 03/12/2006 14:39

having said that i weaned ds at 8 weeks coz he was so big and having 7oz every 45 mins, and he was fine. 1 hv really told me off for it but another said that the research that was done re 6 month weaning was done on babies from developing countries and was therefore inaccurate

Mummymonster · 03/12/2006 15:13

MW came to see me following me discharging myself from the mat unit on the Wednesday evening as I din't want to be there.

Thursday AM..stiff talking to...'you're not in labour, you'd know what it is like' Me 'I'm contracting 12 mins apart!' MW 'Keep in touch with the mat unit if it gets bad'

Friday AM...MW round again, seeming to be a touch annoyed with me...MW 'Your not in labour, make an appointment to see me on Monday'...BP check, OK, baby heart beat ok...MW 'I'm not going to do an internal today' me "don't think I'm weird but do you mind? there's something happening here'...adopt the position...James Herriot moment..MW (removing hand from my fundament) 'Oh my God!' me (worried now) 'whats wrong?!?!' MW 'Your 8 cm dilated and you need to be in hospital now!

Told her I was in labour!

1 hr later I'm in the midwife lead unit, my MW delivered DS 6 hrs later. We're still in touch and have a good laugh about it now.

merrylissiemas · 03/12/2006 15:15

LOL

noonar · 03/12/2006 15:30

During induced labour "theyr'e not real contractions, only Braxton Hicks. Here, have a paracetemol".

this was 2 mins before being rigged up to a monitor, only to discover that dd1 was in distress and my contractions were doubling up on each other (hyperstimulated uterus).

20 minutes after that, i was in theatre.

littleducks · 03/12/2006 15:51

My sil went to gp ater having really heavy periods that were tiring (thinking perhaps she needed iron supplements)and was told to stop breastfeeding her 10 month dd, and give her more solids (no mention of formula or even bottles of cows milk). She said this was the dvice she gave to all her ladies who breast fed, as "its really had to stop after a year", sil has ds, breastfed for two years, dd 1 breastfed 18 months til pregnant with dd2, she managed fine with them.

thehollyandtheivyatrix · 03/12/2006 15:56

This reply has been deleted

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Leslaki · 03/12/2006 16:14

HV told me that the steam from ds's (3mo) bath would clear up his asthma! What steam I asked and she replied (horrified) surely you don't give him a cold bath?

moondog · 03/12/2006 16:19

Merrie,your HV was talking bollocks about weaning advice only applying to babies from developing countries...

puccaupunderthemistletoe · 03/12/2006 21:25

I had noticed a couple of biggish spots on the top of my 8 week old dd's leg, i asked the HV who said it was just where the nappy had rubbed,was full blown chicken pox...dd was very poorly with it, had them in her throat (couldn't feed ) and was absolutely covered

Now i had a excuse i had never seen CP before but what was HV's??