What's the stupidest thing a midwife/HV/Doctor ever told you?

[BlueberryPancake]

Just thought I'd ask as many discussions with my girlfriends are around that subject and it's always really funny... or sad! My top three:

• When I told my GP that I was considering a home birth, she said 'you're courageous, anyway we have air ambulances so you should be OK'
• A Consultant, during labour, told me that he was going to check my 'down below' and I kept on thinking about Australia!
• Just after birth, a senior midwife told me 'breastfeeding on demand is breasfeeding every four hours'

(actually I'll make it a top four)

• The same senior midwife told me 'you're middle class so you won't breastfeed for very long' (I gave birth at Newham General, in one of the poorest boroughs of London)

Any gems out there?

greeny, that's horrendous - v and for you

Greeny I am sorry You did nothing wrong, I bet virtually every one of us would have done the same in that situation

Midwife - when my ds had bad colic. "babies don't cry when they are in pain he just wants a cuddle"

Didn't really have a response to that one!

Aw, thanks

Franny, I thought you knew about all that... I will bore you with the full story one day

I have blanked a lot of what you have told me tbh Greeny because it is so fucking awful

Oh

awayfromhome, that sucks . Where do they find these people?

i know greeny....makes me and ...but there are some diamonds around...but seem sadly few and far between.

funny remarks ok..but dangerous and frightening....noooooo!

Message withdrawn

Oh dear, I just meant that it is possible you have told me that before

I really do have an atrocious memory coupled with a marvellous ability to not actually hear things I don't like the sound of

sorry

ai was teasing, just not very well - you can't offend me Franny, try as you might

And check your email, you daft bint

OK - am off out to Very Daunting Exeter Meetup...wish me luck!!

Ooooh good luck, I did see you swanning around doing meet ups actually

Have fun

my friend's sister was repeatedly told by her HV that her newborn had colic as he was vomiting all the time (not only milk as soon as he was fed, but bile too). She was told she was overreacting and neurotic.

They took him to A&E in the end as they were terrified. He had a twisted gut. He was rushed into the operating theatre. They were told he wouldn't have survived much longer.

He is fine now though.

Ghosty - DS had his surgery 12 weeks ago but it already seems like a distant bad memory though it was the worst experience of my life - just glad the A&E doctors were a bit more clued up!!

xmasstocking ... my DS is 7 now and he is very proud of his scar
It was a horrible time ... grim, grim, grim .... I used to feed him over the side of the bath knowing he was going to throw it all up again ... no one believed me ... he had gaviscon too and just projectile vomitted porrige instead!
It took an experienced radiologist to do an ultra sound scan to diagnose him properly ...
Glad your little one is all good now

when dd was a couple of weeks old, midwife came to visit. dd had been keeping me up all night, had a v painful c section scar. i had been taking a middle of the day nap with dd and was still in my nightie (heck it HURT to wear anything else), hair all over the place. she comes in, looks at me dissaprovingly and starts to lecture me on contraception as its "never too soon". wouldnt be so bad maybe but she knew i had been on my own since 3 months pg. impressive, getting a bf so quickly i would have thought!

and when i had ds, after asking for help to change him (he was prem, still in the incubator covered in wires) "WELL...he's your baby and you have to look after him".

another classic, after being allowed to hold prem ds, wires all still attached we asked the midwife to put him back in for us (we were scared of pulling off a wire etc) "oh...he's crying...he doesnt like you", said with no hint of humour.

'Did you not use a stretchmark cream/!' Said by very dim very junior doctor when I was 39 weeks. Um, they don't work, you silly, silly girl - if you are going to get stretch marks you are going to get them. And I'm prone to them anyway, got my first ones at puberty.

Hope she gets a map of the UK road network when it's her turn...

"You are not in labour and you will not be in labour for another 12 hours. And you cannot have any pain relief. And you cannot go to the delivery suite" said the midwife.

I was in fact 10cm dilated and had been pushing for 30 minutes.

My HV phoned me to see how I was after I had been admitted to hospital and nearly died from chickenpox. I explained I was still so ill I could only crawl around the house. "Have you started cooking your 6-month old chicken and meat?". I wasn't angry though, I think she was trying to be helpful.

"Be quiet" - whilst pushing out a 10lbs 4oz baby. They apologised later.

Sorry everyone else for the hijack - just glad to have someone to talk to about it!

Baby will be small - 5lb 8oz - and a girl. Well, HE was 8lb 5oz! Honestly.

Baby will be small - 5lb 8oz - and a girl. Well, HE was 8lb 5oz! Honestly.

I went for acupuncture when I was pregnant with ds3. Session was booked for me by the midwife because I was being so sick (even worse than first 2 pregnancies)
Anyway, I walk in, acupuncturist midwife says, 'How are you?'
I say, 'Not too good.' And, rather pathetically burst into tears.
She then says, 'It's not too late to do something if you don't want the baby you know'

mw to me - baby will be at least 10lbs.

ds was 7lb 11oz.

I was told that ds head was engaged and he was 'ready'. I went into labour and ds was breach.
So as I didn't rush to the hospital whilst having contractions as I was told to 'stay at home as long as I possibly can' I passed out and ended up with an em c section!

Again, sorry for hijack everyone ...