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Original poster

What's the stupidest thing a midwife/HV/Doctor ever told you?

126 replies

BlueberryPancake · 30/11/2006 20:59

Just thought I'd ask as many discussions with my girlfriends are around that subject and it's always really funny... or sad! My top three:

  • When I told my GP that I was considering a home birth, she said 'you're courageous, anyway we have air ambulances so you should be OK'
  • A Consultant, during labour, told me that he was going to check my 'down below' and I kept on thinking about Australia!
  • Just after birth, a senior midwife told me 'breastfeeding on demand is breasfeeding every four hours'
(actually I'll make it a top four)
  • The same senior midwife told me 'you're middle class so you won't breastfeed for very long' (I gave birth at Newham General, in one of the poorest boroughs of London)
Any gems out there?
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Waswondering · 30/11/2006 22:32

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PinkTinsel · 30/11/2006 22:42

when discussing dd's milk intolerance ......

'i doubt she is or she would have reacted to your breast milk, milk is milk after all, it's all the same'

when at my emergancy appointment with hospital for severe braxton hicks in second trimester......

'i wouldn't worry, second pregnancies can be more difficult. do feel free to come in if you have any concerns or pain' (thats why i was there and she didn't even examine me!)

on asking my doctor whether it was safe to start putting milk in her cerealat 6 months......

'give her whatever she'll take off the spoon, we gave ours everything from 3 months'

melpomene · 30/11/2006 22:44

HV, when dd1 was 6 months old and I was worried about her sleeping:

"You must do controlled crying. It ALWAYS works."

It didn't work at all - it just lead to weeks of hell for all concerned. And then the HV ignored my answerphone messages when I asked for further advice

Frostythesurfmum · 30/11/2006 22:51

The midwife told me to try controlled crying when dd wouldn't settle. She was 2 days old.

PinkTinsel · 30/11/2006 22:51

oh and the midwife who walked in while i was on hands and kness pushing dd out who tut tutted as she didn't approve of that position.... nevermind that my babies heart had practically stopped beating and everyone else was more concerned about getting her out asap. she was the same one who felt the need to yell 'open your eyes you'll make the pain worse if you close them' every time i had a contraction and was trying to zone out!

santasdoingtheironing · 30/11/2006 22:51

I could have grown a beard during my pregnancy and would always have been told the same
"ITS BECAUSE YOU ARE HAVING TWINS"

Daisymoo · 30/11/2006 22:57

When ds3 was 8 weeks old and had a bad cold ? chest infection the GP told me to give him plenty of hot drinks

carol3 · 30/11/2006 23:06

when dd was very ill and in hospital on morphine a nurse came to assess her pain.
On a scale of one to ten what number would your pain be.
Me she's 2 ffs and screaming and writhing in agony !!!

When in labour with ds1
you have hours to go yet, while on prenatal ward.
Me well i'm pushing something out.
Yep head crowning !

larkspur · 30/11/2006 23:24

At 20 week scan I was told by consultant that I "must factor in the cost of a new mattress if hellbent on going ahead with a homebirth"

hester · 30/11/2006 23:28

Oh god, where do I start.

Maybe GP telling me that if I was worried about baby's weight gain I could substitute water for some of her feeds (she was four months old).

Or HV telling me never, ever carry my baby in a sling because she knew a baby in my street who died, suffocated between its mother's breasts, and us larger-norked ladies could never be too careful...

Or HV telling me to 'keep an eye on that birthmark; it may lead to skin cancer'.

Even as a neurotic first-time mother, I knew they were insane.

Linnet · 30/11/2006 23:40

During labour with dd1 the midwife told me to stop making so much noise as I was scaring the other ladies on the labour ward!
At that moment in time I really couldn't have given a toss about the other women on the labour ward I was in pain and I was dealing with it my way.

ItsTheThoughtThatCounts · 01/12/2006 00:25
  • that children "bite, you know" - GP when I told him 12mo DS1 was still bfeeding.
  • "Do it if you must for six months" - same GP.

Oh, plenty more, I'm sure.

KristinaM · 01/12/2006 01:05

consultant endocrinologist ( a woman of about 40) told me that there is no benefit to the baby to breast feed after 6 months

...so I guess that's when she gave up then????

Another conversation, thsi time with my GP ( in November)

Him: so when did this pain in your joints start?
Me: In the Spring of this year, when i was about six months pregnant
Him: And how many weeks pregnant are you now?

JendleWendleBells · 01/12/2006 01:40

Hester, I think there is a book in that!

"Even as a neurotic first-time mother, I knew they were insane."

Catchy?

On a happier note, I wasn't sure if there was actually any science behind the suggestion, but I was very pleased when the MW said this. She told me that Guinness was good for making milk if you are breastfeeding. So every 5pm it was Richard & Judy, feed baby, pint. Got me through the day!

heavenlyghosty · 01/12/2006 02:10

When DD was 8 weeks old she vomited what looked like blood in the middle of the night. We called an ambulance and the paramedic said, "What has she eaten today?"

A doctor told me to put DD on soy formula as he thought she might be allergic to dairy. "But she is breastfed", I said, "She has never had any dairy." He kept insisting until I pointed out to him that I wasn't a cow

"Babies are sick Mrs Ghosty, it is called 'possetting'" .... when DS was projectile vomitting every feed and losing weight at an alarming rate ... he ended up in hospital having surgery

heavenlyghosty · 01/12/2006 02:13

12 hours after my CS with DD I was still not allowed to eat ... "You can't eat after a c/s until you have broken wind" .... WTF is that all about??????? still ROFL at that one
In the end I lied and told her that I had done a huge fart when she left the room and I was begrudgingly given some toast .... funnily enough I, ahem, 'broke wind' withing minutes of scoffing my toast

JendleWendleBells · 01/12/2006 02:17

The really nice ward sister called my full bag or urine (on catheter after CS) my "handbag" as she was walking to the loo where we emptied it. This was the same really nice ward sister who diligently listened to my "bowel sounds" to see if it was ok for me to eat. I didn't have the heart to tell her I had actually just had breakfast!

(Did get horrible constipation though! Called the ward in agony after being home for about 5 days and was told to eat an apple!!! Community midwife came next day and said to get some Lactulose )

jabberwocky · 01/12/2006 02:44

"Baby's head is engaged" - Later found out he had been frank breech for weeks

"If he's nursing sooner than every 3 hours give diluted juice between feeds" - he was 2 weeks old at the time

ELM · 01/12/2006 04:43

"you won't know what contractions feel like until you eperience them" ...from Male registrar.

ELM · 01/12/2006 04:43

"you won't know what contractions feel like until you experience them" ...from male doctor.

ELM · 01/12/2006 04:44

oops....shouldn't post this early in the morning....ELM shambles off to make yet another cup of hot milk......

Daisypops · 01/12/2006 08:11

At 31 week check, was told I would have a small baby because I'm not tall. I'm 5 7 ", so not exactly small!

heavenlyghosty · 01/12/2006 09:05

ha ha Daisy ... I am 5' 7 too and I had too babies over 10lbs

heavenlyghosty · 01/12/2006 09:05

"two"

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 01/12/2006 09:07

"Sterilise everything that goes into the baby's mouth until they are 1yo." Even as a first-time mum I had difficulty keeping a straight face when she said that!

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