Pregnancy glamour overload...

[Baguettes]

I have just picked a fight with DH regarding his bloody stinky feet. We are not talking. I am now lying stretched out on the sofa like a blimp, farting and burping. I am wearing leggings with a hole in the knee and another one developing in the crotch area. No bra. I need a bath. Considering a bowl of Rice Krispies for dinner.

Would anyone like to stake a claim to being more glamorous / sexy than me this evening?

KnitFast, I also had my 20 week scan today, where I also found out I am having a boy!

Congratulations coffeeandoranges you can now join the ranks of those of us who are going to experience the true glamour of having our babies pee in our faces at nappy changing time.

(I can't wait, by the way - pee, poop, puke - the lot. Bring it on! )

I just want to say this post had me laughing out loud- brilliant!!! And talk about keeping it real! Haha! It's true though- pregnancy is NOT glamorous no matter what they say! And ditto to the wee thing! Dribbles and all! I don't know about anybody else but I live and sleep in panty liners now, that's just the way it is!!!

My 4yo DS just reprimanded me for farting.

I'm not sure why my phone decided to tell you about the farting twice.

Ahem.

Sorry.

toothfairy yes to the liners, but this is my second pregnancy, and there was no improvement in between anyway so I'm pretty used to them by now. I have, however, had to go from the 'can possibly get away with still having some dignity while buying these'-light ones, to 'let's pretend these are for my ailing grandmother'-max ones!

Hippy the rage is just something else isn't it?! I actually thought back to how I'd reacted and laughed at myself it was soooo dramatic!

Thanks hippy, looking forward to it already!

Congratulations coffeeAndOranges. They piss in their own faces more often than yours!! I remember the look of indignation on ds's little face the first time he did it!

Just read through the whole thread and feel like I have reached my spiritual home!

Am almost 32 weeks with nr 2. DH coming home after having been away for a week. He will come home to a super super snotty wife. Who looks like she's been crying, who wees herself every time she coughs and who is also sporting a fungal infection on her fanjo and bizarrely in one armpit.

This cold is driving me nuts, but at least I can't smell myself. I've also got a pregnancy mask making it look like I have a permanent smear of nutella on my upper lip.

Yay coffee another little boy! Mine was wriggling away for the whole scan but we got a nice clear willy shot Dh is rather proud!

I now have a cavity to add to my list of bodily malfunctions, so until I can get it filled in a few weeks my breath smells horrendous...lovely! Dentist thinks I've buggered up my enamel through puking, how bloody marvellous

But I don't care today because I got to see my wee boy!

dxb I feel your pain - I'm currently experiencing unmedicated hayfever the first time and it it NOT fun..

Apple unfortunately no, I've heard of people having improvements if they've had a section, but if you're lucky enough to squeeze the bowling ball sized baby through the hosepipe sized hole then it's never gunna be the same again I'm afraid!

Nicky mine used to always manage to get it in his left ear.

DXB welcome, you've come to the right place! Could you also explain some more about this armpit fungal infection? I once had one on my tongue and if I scraped off the 'mushrooms' I could watch them grow back they appeared so quickly! Is it like that, or more of a sore and whiffy rash?

Welcome to the glamfest, DXB. Brace yourself for extreme levels of sexiness.

I just sneezed and farted so loudly both dogs got a fright. I'm strangely proud

Laughed so hard at these I needed a pee...being newly pregnant I decided to do another test 4th in 24 hrs so I pissed in a mug.

I should probably put it through the dishwasher before DP uses it when he cleans his teeth later.

Rock, it's more of a red blobby patch. No postules or mushrooms . It could possibly smell, but my nose is so blocked I can't even smell my own shit

I've had one before in my groin area. It's all got to do with being warm and sticky... Am using daktarin cream at the moment as that's what I used down below as well. It seems to be going away, but just in case I have an appointment booked at the Drs for Monday.

On a positive note I saw my baby today! And I even got a great 3D pic. Really wasn't expecting that at 32 weeks.

The constipation is back I had it so bad a few weeks ago that I actually pulled a few muscles trying to have a poo, with no luck unfortunately.

I did however find that inserting a thumb into your vagina to help push the blockage from behind gets the job done pretty efficiently.

Yes. Yes I did just admit to doing that. the shame!

Now what will my new nickname be...

Wow sarky, I've had to physically scoop it out on several occasions lately, but the bleeding it causes has become a bit of a concern so I'm going to give your top tip a try! obvs I will report back as I'm sure you are all dying to know how it goes

Haha!! Good luck rocker just remember to tuck your other fingers out of the way!

I fear I've just lowered the tone of the thread

Fanjopoopusher?
Good idea though. I'll try it next time. Pregnancy is a poo lottery

Good evening sex kittens.

I've just thrown up my lunch and afternoon snack. I have guinea pig shit on my top and possibly under my fingernail too. I'm constipated and have greasy hair.

HAPPY SUNDAY.

DH does slid in for a cuddle then promptly removed himself when the smell of my armpit wafted towards him.

I'm a sex queen

DH was no longer able to stay away from me. He did however do the smart thing and opted for doggy style so he could stay away from my snotty face.

He's now gone back to the guest room so I won't keep him awake with my snoring.

Oh I miss sex.