First Time Dad

[DC905210]

Hi everyone, sorry to invade Mumsnet, I can not find anything of much use on the Dad's side of things.

My wife is 4-5 weeks pregnant, and she does not want me to tell anyone until the first midwife appointment I understand the reasons for that (lots of people to tell if something goes wrong etc) but there are two elements of it I am uncomfortable with / frustrated at.

Firstly I work for a very small company where you can just tell if something is on someone's mind there is a calendar month today before the appointment. Is it normal to sit in an office with two other people (who incidentally I 100% trust to keep it to themselves) for a month pretending nothing is happening?

Paired with this the company is very flexible and such as the first midwifes appointment they would almost certainly let me work for home and fit around it but instead I will have to take a day off (which I assume for a new Dad could come in handy later on) to pretend I am doing something else. For what?

Secondly, she does not want to tell any family.

Between us we don't have Dad, they have both passed away and we do not speak to her Mum. My Brother has a two y/o little girl and a little boy due in November and I have a lot of stuff to ask him, my Mum as well will be our overriding principle support in everything we need help with, it is reasonable that I should accept not telling them for another month? They too are 100% guaranteed to not tell a sole.

It is not like (god forbid) if something did go wrong we would not bother telling them, the point is just lost on me.

Please don't take this as a moan of like "poor men" or anything but we don't have the support that woman have. I have read frightening sounding things about labour for example and I am anxious about it. I don't want to start adding to the pile of worries that my wife has about it but I am just expected to live with it for a month.

Your wife is going to find you going away much harder when you actually have the baby OP.

I don't think anyone has been harsh at all, the OP just doesn't like the advice and isn't listening.

I'm a new mum, due in October, aged 40 - more risks with a.pregnancy at my age. living in saudi arabia (not exactly woman friendly) with no family or friends around me and a husband that needs to leave the country on business now and then. You'll have to try harder with that kind of pissing competition.

But lots of people are in the same situation OP! If you bothered to read half the replies you'd notice I already suggested looking in antenatal classes and Nct and asking about your friends. I don't have sisters and my mum lives miles away. How on earth do you think the rest of us cope?

Maybe the level and sniping and schadenfreude some of you get up to is the reason some people don't like telling their colleagues at work because this is the way SOME people conduct themselves.

Thought you were leaving and hiding the thread?

So what if other people have similar circumstances. Does that mean my wife should be happy with unfavourable circumstances to or be branded a "nightmare" by some of you lot looking in?

I have unfollowed it but looked in Nicki

And suprise suprise it had turned into a nasty little sewing circle in about 45 minutes. Like I say, one of the actual reasons people avoid being open with each other. Fear if the mob.

Hope you're working from home today and not sat in the office arguing with a load of randoms on MN when you should be working on £20 million contracts.......

DC if you weren't looking for people with useful advice - i.e. people who have similar circumstances - then why did you post on Mumsnet in the first place?

Please tell us where the schadenfreude is?!

I think people have just become slightly infuriated with trying to give you advice that you reject unless it suits your own agenda.

"Nasty little sewing circle"

What does THAT mean? Are you now being sexist too?

I am on a train to Sheffield.

I think your last post just demonstrates how much you aren't reading any of the replies.

People don't share with work colleagues because things go wrong. I mc at 5 weeks. My boss knew as due to the nature of my job I'm not allowed to do certain things when pregnant. It was horrible and I'm glad I didn't have to unannounce it. Early pregnancy can go wrong, it's shit and it happens, if you can't understand why you wouldn't want to share due to that then I despair.

Oh log out m8, you're clearly not going to listen to anyone so god knows why you posted in the first place.

I have no agenda Millie, I have agreed with most people that is the bit I don't get.

My mum passed away, and I have no sisters, and all my family are 2 - 6 hours away. And as I moved to this town last year I only know one person. Of course it would be wonderful to have a mum and a sister to advise me and support me but I dont, but having a partner who I can talk to and talks to me, who is honest and reasonable and supportive of my feelings is key to the difficult days.

*bitches

No you haven't, you have constantly referred to the very common act of not telling people until 12 weeks as "superstitious", you refuse to tell us why you can't tell your colleagues a white lie for the first 12 weeks like every other normal person in the world, you suddenly dropped in how your wife would be distraught at you leaving despite saying she has made it clear to you she wanted to wait and have not explained this contradiction. I could go on but your passive aggressive "I'm listening, but what your saying is wrong" attitude is clearly winding people up and will probably wind your wife up too I'd imagine!

Lol. How can I be trolling? It is my troll.

The people who are trolling are the ones calling my wife (who I am trying to do the best for) a nightmare.