2nd time around

[Herb]

I am currently 7 months pregnant. We are really looking forward to No 2 arrival. In particular both my friend (who is 6 months pregnant)& I am getting fed up with being refered to as huge - if you are talking to a pregnant Mum are a Toddler group or activity, try having a little tact!

Or you might just have really strong stomach muscles which are impervious to the little one's kicks.

Congratulations Joe1. Hopefully we'll get to meet up before much longer.

Dixie - I didn't feel my baby move till 18 weeks (I am on my 2nd pregancy also) and even then it was very slight movements. I didn't start to put on weight really till about 22 weeks. I'd definately get onto a midwife though if you are worried. They should be answering your calls. A simple check to listen for the heartbeat should be enough to reassure you and a scan offered if you are still concerned.

As for the blood tests. Here I was told that if I didn't hear anything then that meant that everything was clear. When do you get a scan? - it seems a long time to wait for an initial scan. I thought everywhere gave one at 12 weeks and then a 2nd at 20 weeks.

Dixie - also remember that as it's no. 2 you probably aren't concentrating the way you were with no. 1. Even late in my 2nd preganancy I'd have days when dh would get home from work and ask if the baby had been kicking and I would have no recollection of it at all, I'd been so busy with my toddler and life in general!

Thanks Dixie, I have sort of got used to it now and am getting excited.
Selja, yep we must try and meet soon.

Joe1 What days are best? I work Monday to Wednesday so they are out.

Selja, Fridays I dont normally work.

Friday is good for me. How about next week (8th February)?

Ill say yes Selja but they have a habit of asking me to do Fridays or part of at the last minute.
Feeling abit sick today, hope its not the start of the 3 months of feeling sick I had last time. If so out come the crisps and biscuits to nibble on.

I know I keep agitating about this, but I'm getting really worried about how I'm going to manage with a baby & a toddler (10 weeks to go). I've been reading the current breastfeeding debate & I'm even more freaked out now. I didn't manage to bf last time and so expressed for 3 months. I found expressing quick & easy but I'm really hoping to get the bf working this time. However, it already sounds like a nightmare, people feeding for 20 mins off one breast and 15 on the second - how is this possible with a toddler running around asking you to "come play" every 2 minutes?
I know that people obviously do cope, not only with one child & a baby but often more than this - but I want more advice & tips - badly!!!!!

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Bugsy and Bloss, I know how you are feeling. I had exactly the same sense of apprehension, pregnant with my second, and the oldest was 5 years old!

Because of the different age gap, I can't give you any advice based on personal experience. All I can say was, yes, the oldest did play up a little but no, managing the two was not an impossible task once you got down to it. Everything somehow held together.

My oldest son was away with MIL and FIL for the first week. That helped me get some routine established for the baby and I, as well as giving me some valuable recovery time. Because your oldest child is so much younger, a holiday away is not such an option, If you have a willing someone - family, babysitter - how about asking them for some extra help at home, specifically with your oldest for the first few weeks, if you havn't done so already?

Bugsy and Bloss I am having the same panics and Ive got months to go. How am I going to manage baby, 2 yr old, 2 ponies, house, money, Ive worried about it all. Im trying to start to think what will be will be and take each day as it comes. If I dont do this I will be a nervous wreck by September and no good to anybody. I have a wonderful, supportive husband who always seems to make everything ok. Good luck to you two.

Rescue coming....just kidding !!!!
I have a 20 months gap between my son and daughter. DD is now almost 6 months old.
I have found it relatively easy... I have enjoyed the 2 days at nursery for DS... it was a break for DD and me ! DS plays relatively well on his own, especially when he sees I am busy- so he doesn't interrupt when I bf (but sometimes he shouts which annoys me because I like DD to have a quiet feed).
DS is very sweet with DD and he will bring her toys - especially when I don't ask him. I do find video tapes a saviour at times... I try to limit it to 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon. Often it's less than that but other days it's more.

Both kids are on GF routines roughly.
Here is how my days goes.... (in case anyone is interested !!)
So DD and DS get up at the same time (715), DS runs around my bed or plays in his room while I feed her, then I put her on my bed with a toy and dress DS and myself, we have breakfast. At 9, DD goes down for a nap. At 10 I wake up DD and let DS watch a video (usually he plays with his toys but the video keeps him company). I take care of DD, play a bit with her (now that she doesn't feed at that time).
At 1130 I feed DD, at 12 she goes down until 1430 (sometimes later - she sleeps more than what GF recommends but she seems to need it). At 1200 DS eats, he goes down for his nap at 1300 until 1500. So I usually wake DD up at 1430-1445 to feed her before he wakes.
At 1630 I put DD down for a tiny nap... I feed her solids at 1700, feed DS directly afterwards (as he eats with his fingers, he sometimes eats at the same time). At 1800 bath time (if they are having one). At 18h30 I feed DD and put her to bed immediately afterwards.
DS goes to bed at 1930 latest.
And we do it again the next day.

Bloss and Bugsy : 2nd time around is easier, you'll wonder what the fuss was about the first time... you might even wonder how come you were so tired the first time... Don't underestimate your first one and also be firm when you are breastfeeding.A tip from GF which I have not used because DD needs only 7 minutes at the breast... She suggests breastfeeding one side, play 3 or more minutes with other child, breastfeed other side. Because if your baby requires her recommended 20 minutes each side : that's going to be too long for your first born... even she recognises that !

Bloss -do you have her second book ?

Wow, pupuce, that sounds so organised! I'm not sure I could keep two of those routines running, let alone one - no criticism here, just amazement!

Thanks Tigermoth... once a child starts on a routine IME, they prefer it or at least are happy with it. So, when I stray (significantly) from the routine with DS he gets very "difficult" and restless, if the next day, he is back on it - we are all happy ! And for me the routine allows me to know when I have time to do house chores or eat or sleep or go on the internet.... I have my time-off as well... with 2 very young ones, it can be a blessing.
So for me it is zero effort and it was very easy to establish (IME it takes less than a week). Hence I recommend GF but I can very well see that this sort of organisation/behaviour isn't for everyone... if we were all the same, life would be boring and mumsnet very dull (would it even exist?)
The rest of my life is far less regimented and I have some beliefs that people would call borderline Hippies... but I tend to no share those on mumsnet... I don't want anymore abuse if you know what I mean

Pupuce, that posting was soooo impressive - and a little bit scary . Why they have not redeployed you in a senior admin capacity at your workplace is beyond me - they would be idiots to let you go. Is there any better news for you on the job front? I hope something you deserve comes up soon.

Pupuce. I agree v impressive.
Your routine sounds similar to mine except I have only one 21mth old dd.
To be honest I had never heard of GF till I came to Mumsnet but I do agree with a lot of what I think she stands for.
Iam a total stickler for routines. To the point that I wo't leave the house after 5pm with dd in case it upsets her bedtime routine.
My friends in playgroup are far more relaxed and most of them have dd's who are still up and running about way after 9pm. One is even up till 11pm every night and even then wakes up and rises early.
Sometimes I envy their relaxed routines ie; not worrying about evenings out or baby falling asleep in car seat after a certain time. But at the end of the day my routine keeps me sane and organised.
I tell them its no accident that dd goes to bed at 6.30 and rises at 7.30. Its taken months of following a routine of Tea , bath,story and bottle then bed.
It works for me. Its now 7pm and dd has been in bed 30mins. I now have a few hrs to relax and unwind read and watch tv.

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Bugsy - my friend just had a baby with a 2.5 year old and she didn't even try to b/feed the first one. Hence not only is she learning all about b/feeding for the first time but she is managing with a toddler too. Also he is quite a demanding boy. Just take all the help you can get. Emphasise to people how importnat the first few weeks are to b/feeding. (We tend to live in a bottle culture and just focus on the short-term 'getting the child fed' way of thinking) Don't do any housework and try to cook up meals for the freezer now (that is what I am planning and I am also only 8 weeks away). Put your toddler to playgroup if you can and concentrate on the newborn with the feeding sessions. In any case don't assume it will be difficult 2nd time round just because you had probs the first time. Each baby is different so it may be easier. That is what I am hoping for anyway!

All right - thank you for the compliments... I am sure others have not dare post "what a nutter?!?!?!" But writting down my days make them sound very organised but they are not always so ! Today we went out after 10 (when DD had finished her nap) to a girlfriend who had her 2 babies. DD stayed awake and was fed there, she behaved beautifully - just a bit tired towards the end (a full 45 minutes after she normally goes to bed)... so DD can stay awake longer if need be. DS on the other hand had NO nap today (see cot post!) so he went to bed at 7PM rather than 730. So I am quite flexible - I try not to stray more than 1 hour from their routine, for their sake more than mine actually.

Bloss- we go out after 10AM until lunchtime or we go after 3 PM - it depends. Or I have friends coming over. For DS I am now generally very flexible but DD does like her sleep so I do try to let her have her nap. If we are travelling and it's not possible than that's life. You can always move the routine by 30 minutes - it is easier than it sounds (I find). But like you before DD was born I was trying to figureout the same thing...
Also when your baby will be born if she is as easy as mine was you won't be in such a hurry to "GF" her ! Do let me know how you get on... and also meant to tell you, I also started worrying/panicking about labour a few days before DD was born. There are traces of that pannick under "Giving birth" around en of July... I think ! I got great support from Mumsnet.

Sorry to but in.

I've just found out I'm pregnant with my second, when my first is only just 13mnths. A bit of a "surprise". I'm around 7 weeks & worried really. I can barely cope with 1 n'er mind 2. And I just can't get it out of my head that I won't be as lucky this time as was last time - by son is quite healthy and happy. Has anyone else got this short of a gap and er, well survived....suppose you have to!

Thank you so much for the advice. Somehow, hearing from people who have actually been there, done it and survived calms me down. I am a bit of a sad control freak, so I've already started ds at nursery and have my Tesco deliveries set up etc. I suppose most of my nerves come about concerns with breastfeeding. I so badly want it to work this time. However, Eulalia is right, each baby is different and hopefully I'll have one which will actually open its mouth this time!

Niceglasses- mine are 20 months apart... I survived. There is a big difference between a 13 mo and a 20 mo... Whilst your first will still be very dependant on you, he will probably be walking, talking a bit, be able to eat almost on his own, play a bit more on his own... he won't depend as much on you as he does now.
If it re-assures you, I could not believe that I would have an easier child than DS (he was/is an angel)... guess what came along ? Super angel.... so one easy one doesn't mean you can't have another one as easy or even easier (and I thought that didn't exist!)

Bugsy - once you start breastfeeding with number 2... come on to Mumsnet for free advice. I am sure you'll find support !

Can anyone offer any advice on being sent for a nuchal scan a week too late?