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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

2nd time around

208 replies

Herb · 07/03/2001 20:31

I am currently 7 months pregnant. We are really looking forward to No 2 arrival. In particular both my friend (who is 6 months pregnant)& I am getting fed up with being refered to as huge - if you are talking to a pregnant Mum are a Toddler group or activity, try having a little tact!

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Hmonty · 28/09/2001 11:07

Joe,
BTW...Fingers crossed for you and no2. Let us know when there's some news!

Joe · 28/09/2001 11:16

Ive already got mine washed and ready. Of course I will let you all know, still a bit nervous. I remember being like this with ds but once I was pregnant etc I was so excited, I suppose it is only natural. Everything was so good last time, not much sickness etc (just a bit of stress from work), labour was trouble free (not even any stitches) and my son is so good. Im a bit of a worry pot.

Hmonty · 28/09/2001 12:05

Do Mothercare do maternity boob tubes? Maybe with a little flap for breast feeding later???

I remembered something this morning that I thought I should warn you about....The panic monster head.

I really wanted no2 but the moment I found out I was pregnant I had a terrible panic. I loved my first child so much (and wanted another just like him....ended up with one completely different but that's another story!) that I couldn't imagine being able to love the other the same and paniced that I'd be spoiling that lovely threesome that hubbie, myself and son had got. Also paniced that my eldest would miss out as he wouldn't get all the attention now. What had I done?!

Well this continued until no2 was born and I have to happily say I had it completely wrong! I love no2 just as strongly as no1. We have a great foursome now and I've discovered that you don't have a limited amount of love to share between your kids...the amount you have to give just increases each time you add another baby to your family. And although no1 (Tomas...must start using names!) has less individual attention since No2 (Jonah) turned up I can also see now that he was turning into a spoilt only child and is actually much better off for having to share....

I mentioned this to a friend (who now has 3 under 5s) and was amazed to hear that she'd experienced exactly the same emotions!

Joe · 28/09/2001 12:12

That is exactly how I have been feeling, its like you have read my mind and put it into words for me. I know my son will love having a brother or sister and I dont want him to be a spoilt only child, which is what he will be if we didnt have another (obviously not the only reason for having another). Its funny though, my husband doesnt seem to have these feelings, perhaps its just a mummy thing. Hmonty, how old was Thomas when decided to go for Jonah (hope I have got names right cant get to read your last posting).

Joe · 28/09/2001 12:15

Oh and the boob tube thing, not sure if available at mothercare just yet, but maybe there is a business venture there...

Midge · 29/09/2001 21:06

Hmonty, I was so glad to read your posting, I have had several bouts of "panic monster head!" with no 2 due in 3 months. I have huge guilt feelings about the effect it will have on the relationship I have with Ds, is he going to feel rejected etc?? Your comments are quite reassuring!

Hmonty · 01/10/2001 08:55

Hi Joe,
Tomas was 5 months when we started trying for Jonah (who was a one off, afternoon special!....we didn't have to try hard!!). The strange thing this time around is that both the boys are into 'babies' at the moment and Tomas in particular keeps talking about getting another baby brother as Jonah isn't a baby anymore....but we haven't mentioned that I'm pregnant. Hopefully this means they'll be happy when no3 turns up. We decided to wait until I was further on in the pregnancy before telling them as they have so little concept of time that I'm sure it'll just confuse them.

Midge - I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that DS gets on with the baby. I know I was lucky that Tomas has never shown any sign of jealousy. I have to put that down to luck rather than good parenting. I've certainly never regretted having the second. Now as for the third.....watch this space!

Nickiw · 04/10/2001 12:46

we are just about to start trying for no 3, am I mad? The guilt trip with no2 was not as bad as I expected, but life is just starting to get easier now, no1 is 2.5yrs and no2 is 1yrs old and I would like to do this sooner rather than later, any positive news out there?

Sazzy · 09/10/2001 12:42

I am currently pregnant with my second child. My little boy is 26 months and I was wondering if anyone knew of any good books to read to children which discusses a new baby coming along into the family unit?

Marina · 09/10/2001 13:25

Sazzy, you could try Lucy Cousins' book Za-za's Baby Brother (Walker, 1995), especially if he already likes Maisy Mouse. Big hit in our house and we haven't even managed to produce the baby brother yet.

Sid · 09/10/2001 13:51

Well NickiW, I am now pregnant with no.3, so I can't yet give you any positive news about actually having three - watch this space. All I know is that it was harder deciding to have no.3 than any of the others, because it is harder to 'justify' (is that the guilt trip you were referring to?) and of course I'm wondering all the time whether we will be able to cope financially, spacewise with our house and car and emotionally. But I think we must be suckers for punishment, because in the end we couldn't resist the thought of having a noisy, disorganised, but happy (I hope) family. (Not that that means I think that having fewer children, or any at all makes a family automatically happy). Having taken the decision, I feel better about it all the time - bolstered by the unexpectedly positive reaction from my friends and family, and also by our oldest child, 4 1/2, who is really excited and keeps telling everyone!

Bells2 · 09/10/2001 15:27

"When the teddy bears came" and "Sophie's new baby" both cover the arrival of a new baby. My 27 month old son is less than impressed though and tells me in a rather threatening way that he is "upset" when I try and read them to him!.

Emmagee · 09/10/2001 21:05

"there's a house in mummy's tummy", fantastic!

Bells2 · 10/10/2001 08:56

Out of curiosity, has anyone chosen not to have their partners present at the birth of their 2nd or subsequent child?. My poor husband is a bit of a sensitive soul and I can tell he is absolutely dreading the birth (although he hasn't actually said so directly). He found the first one quite traumatic and felt guilty about the whole thing for some time afterwards.

To be perfectly honest, I found him to be of no help whatsoever 1st time around in a practical sense (through no fault of his own) and I am wondering whether I should suggest to him that if he wants to, he could stay outside the delivery room.

I never dreamed I would ever say this as for our first baby, there was absolutely no question that he wouldn't be there throughout and both of us have always aprroached it as a joint experience. Just would be interested to hear from others whose partners weren't there and how they felt about it afterwards?.

Hmonty · 12/10/2001 13:03

No, I had hubbie there both times and he may have driven me mad (What does that light mean do you think? I don't b**y know and if you ask any more stupid questions you may as well leave!!) but if I'm going to suffer then so can he!

Actually I wouldn't have done it without him. I needed a familiar face with me and can't think of anyone else I'm close enough to expose all to (emotionally and physically) etc whilst giving birth.
Would your hubbie actually want to stay outside? You might find that he felt useless but still wouldn't want to miss the experience.

Midge · 12/10/2001 21:11

I wasnt sure whether to post this message here, on "Girls v Boys" or "Getting it off my chest"!
I am 26 weeks pg with my second baby, first being a boy. I am so so very sick of people telling me "You'll be hoping for a girl" or worse "never mind, this one will be a girl."
Well, the truth is I DONT MIND!!! OK! This baby is another boy and is excactly what I expected to have (I somehow never imagined having a daughter and presumed) and I am really happy, all I want is a healthy outcome. What is wrong with having two boys?
Sorry to rant, glad to get it off my chest.

Snugs · 12/10/2001 22:15

I'm with you on that one Midge. I have 2 boys and no intention of having any more kids. My MIL really upset me by telling me quiet openly that she was disappointed I didn't have a girl the 2nd time - yet she never mentions the fact that her other son and partner have no kids at all and don't plan any.

Joe · 14/10/2001 09:32

Well if we are going to do it now is the time, but still cant get rid of that 'panic head'. I know if I dont have another now I wont do it later as I will start riding again, surfing with dh and all the other things that have been put on hold and I will feel too old. Oh I dont know dh is so keen to start for another but Im holding back and I dont really know why as it is something I want.

Tlb · 15/10/2001 12:43

A bit of a sensitive subject this one...

I had always thought I wanted more than one child and hubby was never that keen ( he dislikes disorganised chaos!!) anyway I stood firm and eventually he has almost come around to the idea.

The thing is I am now pregnant with number two and I am terrified!!! I adore my daughter so much and I wonder how all this will affect her (although partly the original reason for having another was to provide a sibling) the though of facing another 6 months of increasing girth and loss of dignity isn't doing much for me and frankly I am not to keen (a bit late I know!!)

I also remember that towards the end of my last pregnancy I felt this overwhelming desire NOT to have a child and discovered that lots of people feel like that and I just wondered if I am being a bit sad and ungrateful about all this or whether it is normal. There are so many of you who are on to number three that I was hoping you could give me some advice.

Chairmum · 15/10/2001 15:52

I was also petrified when expecting my much wamted second child, because I didn't see how I could love two children, and it was a burden during the pregnancy. But I discovered that love is not a finite quality and it 'stretches to fit' very easily. Now, I have four children and love them all to bits!

Joe · 15/10/2001 17:43

I took the children I look after out for tea today and they were talking about their dads age (only early 50s but old to them as they are 8 and 11). It has sort have made my mind up as I wouldnt like my children to be feeling like that because I waited that little bit longer to make sure about something I know I want. So here goes I suppose, let you all know.

Eve · 16/10/2001 11:09

I have just discovered I am 7 weeks with Nos 2. It was planned but happened a lot quicker than expected.

The sickness has just kicked in and I really dread getting through the next 7 months. I was seriously ill with my son, I burst blood vessels in my eyes I was so sick and was in hospital a few times. This time looks like being no different.

Even though I was so ill I had an 8 1/2lb baby (I'm 5 foot) and it took me almost 2 years to recover from having him. My stitches took months to heal, blood count & thyroid were all over the place, I got every infection going, including viral meningitis. I am seriously wondering why I am doing this again!

As I was head over the toilet last night I informed DH that this is most definitely the last time and I am having him done (snipped)! He laughed somewhat nervously and said I don't really mean that. I think at this moment I do!!

As for girls maing you sick, my Midwife told me last time that the baby's sex doesn't make any difference but the sicker you are, the stronger the pregnancy and the less likely to miscarry.

Chairmum · 16/10/2001 12:55

Eve, you might like to get in touch with a new group called Blooming Awful for women with severe sickness problems. It's at www.hyperemesis.org.uk or 07020 969 728

Bugsy · 16/10/2001 13:29

Eve, many congratulations. I hope that you won't suffer so badly with this pregnancy as the last - they do say that each one is different.
To change the thread slightly, and I hope that this isn't already covered somewhere (if it is please point me that way), but could mums of two or more out there, give me some helpful practical pointers on coping with more than one. For example, I currently devote pretty much every ounce of my time and energy to the evening routine from 6-7.30pm. How do you manage with a toddler and baby in the evenings? Any other top tips would be very gratefully received.
Are there any useful books on the subject? I am loathe to buy the sock, hairbrush book as so many people say that although funny it is not that helpful.

Midge · 16/10/2001 20:40

Bugsy, I am currently reading the sock shoes and hairbrush book and so far I have found the comments and the attitude of the author totally negative, I think I am sticking with it purely just to see if it improves. I had hoped the book would be full of practical, useful information, but it hasn't been so far.
I would also be grateful to hear any helpful suggestions for surviving number two.