2nd time around

[Herb]

I am currently 7 months pregnant. We are really looking forward to No 2 arrival. In particular both my friend (who is 6 months pregnant)& I am getting fed up with being refered to as huge - if you are talking to a pregnant Mum are a Toddler group or activity, try having a little tact!

Ive just found out that i am 7 weeks pregnant. I already have a 3 yr old son from a previous relationship. My current partner has left me stating he doesnt want me or the baby and i havent heard from him since. The prospect of bringing up 2 young children on my own doesnt seem to be as daunting as i thought but I would really appreciate some advice from others who have been there - and survived!!!

Couldn't find the message board where everyone made their recent announcements. Anyhow having proclaimed an astonishing lack of symptoms, I would now like to ask advice about lethargy. I am so lethargic, I feel as though I am moving in slow motion through thick fog all the time. I can't honestly say that it is genuine tiredness as I can't possibly be tired - lots of sleep and work and home life not really unduly tiring.
Extra rests during the day, i.e going to bed when my son does on the days I don't work, doesn't seem to help at all, if anything I feel even worse.
I was wondering if I could be anaemic? Anyway, does anyone have any bright ideas or top tips?

Bugsy I have felt exactly the same. I have never been so tired in my entire life as this pregnancy to the point where I would spent an afternoon slumped on the sofa and not even bother to read a book or turn the tv on. My second round of blood tests did reveal a bad dose of anaemia and since taking the tablets I have felt much better (although still embarassingly lethargic). I eat a fair amount of red meat and lots of green leafy veg so was very surprised. Dried apricots are a very good source of iron so get munching!!.

Thanks for your post Bells. I think I may start taking some iron as it is so unlike me to be like this. It doesn't feel like tiredness either, it just feels as though everything is too much effort, sort of complete inertia.
With my first pregnancy I was genuinely exhausted, working too hard and travelling too much but this feels really different.
How long after taking the iron was it before you started to feel a bit more perky?

After around 3 days I felt better but overall, still don't feel my normal self in terms of energy levels. I am especially knackered when I have my 2 year old to myself on Fridays.

I sympathise! I spent about three months of my last pg just lying down for about 16 hours a day. The rest of the time I was sleeping. ;-)

Seriously, though, anaemia can be the culprit but I seem to recall that your blood pressure can become low in the early stages of pg, making you feel lethargic. My bp is low at the best of times, so early pg didn't suit me at all. Maybe it's nature's way of making you rest, for the benefit of the baby?

Bugsy, if you have a blood test coming up, ask to have your thyroid checked. Can't hurt. My second pregnancy has been a lot more tiring than my first, too. I think part of the lethargy comes from knowing what I'm in for! I found that not resting when I needed it was a pretty stupid thing for me to do, so don't feel guilty about not being as active as in your first pregnancy. Plus, this pregnancy is a lot less exciting than my first.. everything was so new then and every little thing got me enthused. That must have helped during the first one. It's really your last chance to sit and do nothing for a while. You might as well take advantage of it.

Instead of taking iron which can make you constipated, try a supplement called Floradix (think that's how it's spelt) I was always being recommended it by friends when I got weary.

Also I found that dark chocolate (the 70% cocoa stuff) really did the trick for me, it's packed full of iron. The other thing is to maximise absorption of the iron in the food you eat by making sure you have Vitamin C at the same time, i.e have a glass of orange juice with your spinach!

The final thing, was to say that I think when you are pregnant the first time you feel that the sleepness nights towards the end prepare you for those ahead, and I think the tiredness you feel in your second pregnancy prepares you for how tired you are with two kids. Sorry to be the bringer of bad news, but I have never felt as mentally and physically drained in my life as I do at the moment (one child about to be 3, the other 12 weeks). Thank god playgroup started again today and I get 2 hours without the incessant wittering of a toddler!

I'd like to ask for help and advice!!I've got 2 kiddies aged 3 and 18 months and No.3 is truly on the way.I'm approaching 5 months with rapid speed.I'm thinking Oh my god!!The question is does anyone have any tips about organising your time,I know routine is in order but where do you start????

Just to add, I am relieved I'm not the only one exhausted all the time. I went to bed at 8pm last night and still woke up feeling like a zombie. I feel I have to keep apologising to my husband as i just can't face doing anything in the evening - and I have taken to putting my son in front of the TV in the day so I can get some rest - Scoop, Muck and Dizzy again!!!

Is there an easy way to find out if your anaemic, other than a blood test? Has anyone had there HV round yet for the first lot of tests? i haven't which is annoying as I know they always do a test.

Wish I could think of something helpful, but I just can't shake this complete apathy either.

I thought it was just me! I have turned into zombie mother. Last week on holiday I did nothing but sleep (hubbie got the boys every morning...bless) and I was still exhausted. I'm just praying that it'll wear off come the magic 12 week mark...along with the sickness...Now that'd be nice! Good idea about the chocolate though. Any excuse!

I really second Jj's comment. With my second pregnancy, the thought of what I was in for really got to me, too.
I felt more tired, but if you are looking after children - as you inevitably are at some points (despite partners and carers support) the second time around IS more likely to tire you out.

Just at the time when you want to go your own pace, rest when you want and make the most of any spurt of energy, you have to live your life to someone else's rhythem, namely a not very sympatheitc child, who is too young to take in how mummy is feeling. Just knowing I had to cope with this was enough to make me tired.

I used to just throw in the towel sometimes and go straight to bed, even though I was just mildly tired, not ill. It was no good partly resting downstairs, I still felt on call. Only by removing myself and letting my partner take over completely could I really relax. And I didn't feel guilty about ignoring my older son at these times - I knew he'd have lots of me when I was on maternity leave.

I hated the first few months of my pregnancies. My sympathy goes out to you all.

I wonder if this apathy is the depression during pregnancy that the papers are talking about. Aren't the boffins saying women get more depressed during pregnancy than first thought? The apathy does feel like a kind of depression. I think you're right Emmagee, it is the hormones and the subconcious thoughts of what is in store at the end of the pregnancy! This is certainly putting me off ever even thinking of having another one!!

Peaches, going back to your question about organising your time, you say your eldest is now three years. How far off is nursery? I know the age of nursery elegibility is lower now than it was a few years ago.

Have you looked into the nursery vouchers scheme?I believe you are entitled to free (or almost free) half-day nursery places for your three-year-old or rising four. State or private nurseries accept them, so you have a wide choice.

If the oldest is at nursery for some of the time, you'll get a bit of breathing space when your new baby arrives.

BTW congratulations on winning your holiday!!

Thanks Tigermouth,

My 3 year is starting state nursery in October so yippee the afternoons will become a peaceful and quiet haven for 2 and a half hours until after christmas.Just was thinking about having certain days for certain things ie washing day and all that.I mean the kiddies are all gonna be quite close in age so I now some sort of organisation is in order.Thanks anyway!!

Message withdrawn

Just to reiterate what Emmagee said about Floradix, which is excellent stuff if you are anaemic. I had low iron levels in my first pregnancy and found iron tablets made me constipated, so my midwife recommended Floradix instead. It isn't cheap (about £6 a bottle) although it does last a while. You get it from health food shops like Holland & Barrett.

Floradix raised my iron levels when the tablets did nothing, so I second Lisaj's recommendation.

As for testing for iron levels, a rough and ready guide is to squeeze and then let go of your finger nails. If they pink up quickly then your iron levels should be reasonable but if it takes a second or two for the whiteness to go then you might have a problem. The other thing is to pull down the lower eyelid and look at the lining inside. Again, if it's very pale you might need iron.

I'm with you, Peaches. Mine are 3 and a half, 22 months and I'm 32 weeks pregnant with number 3. I have always shied away from routine but I think its really going to be necessary. My little boy goes to nursery in the mornings, back today, and I am just going to have to organise my time. My husband tries to make me time-tables, but it's just not me. However I did slip into quite a depression after my last baby and I am determind not to let this happen again. I am definitely going to try and do an activity each afternoon with all of them, just to get us out of the house, see friends or something and spend the mornings around the house with just the two, JUST the two, God help me! I don't have any help so I suppose we will just get on with it as thousand of mothers have in the past. It is quite daunting though isn't it?

I have just started doing menus for the week. Mainly to help financially but also trying to make sure I am being as clever with my time as I can. Making double and freezing for next week. Making us all the same supper which can be heated up for me and husband. Or putting some of our supper in fridge for their lunch. Time is so precious and I hardly have any for myself, like most of us..........

Hi Qd,

wow,same sort of situation as me.I suffer from depression too,for the last 3 years.I am going to be on medication after the birth but I am going to have to learn the art of good house keeping too LOL.The menu idea is great,might see how that would work with this fussy lot I live with.I'm smiling now but deep inside I'm terrifed how the hell I'm going manage anything.I like you will have free time from the eldest.She's off to nursery in October,the pm slot.Least I won't have to rush around in the mornings to get her off on time when new baby arrives.

Thank you all so much for your helpful tips. I almost feel fraudulent now, after hearing how really tired some of you are/have been. I spent a long time in Boots on Tuesday looking at all the different mineral/vitamin options and bought some Supradyn. It is one of those effervesing tablets packed with loads of iron, b-vits and other healthy stuff. Now I don't know if it is purely a placebo effect but I could swear I feel slightly less lethargic already.
I also bought some apricots following Bells advice and I really love dark chocolate so I guess I'll just have to buy some of that too!
Thank you all very much.

Even better Bugsy - melt some dark chocolate and dip dried apricots into it and let it cool. Delicious and of course v good for your iron!.

I am feeling much perkier at the mo which is great.

My mother, bless her, had an obscenly large number of children. She coped with all the under fives by insisting that EVERYBODY had a sleep between the hours of one and three pm. This applied to everyone who wasn't at school. She must have hated school holidays, but it generally seemed to work. Her advice to me was.."Rather a happy household than a clean one"

I am in the same boat although it is getting better now. I felt tired and irritable from 6 weeks before I even realised I was pregnant. Weeks 7-9 were awful with extreme nausea. I found eating every 2 hours helped but really I just had to wait for it to go away. I am now 10 1/2 weeks and although the nausea has gone I still don't really enjoy my food. The problem is I have lost 8lbs off my normal weight and it just seems like a mountain to climb to get it back on again.

One tip I read about was to eat something high protein before you go to bed to keep sugar levels up during the night so you don't wake feeling sick. Dry crackers before you get up also - I tried that but my son just ate them and made crumbs in the bed!

Roll on 12 weeks ...

Keep a banana by the bed and if you wake up in the night, eat it, or eat it first thing, before you even lift your head off the pillow. It also really helps to stave off cramp - lots of potassium!