The funny thing about pregnancy is....

[ImpatiencePersonified]

Please can we start a lighthearted post about the funny, potentially disgusting things that our bodies are doing just now. Please. It would make me feel less of a freak. Here's my list of shame so far

1 - Fanny snotters - Not to be confused with discharge, I've had proper gelatinous snotters at least 3 times since being preggo. Midwife assures me its all fine, after she stopped laughing.

2 - Turning into Jim Royle off of the Royles. I fart and blench without warning. If I had balls, I'm sure I'd be adjusting them often too

3 - Gluttony... Right now, I want to eat everything and vast quantities. I'm sure I can blame the 10 week old fetus thats inside me, I mean it's like 4cm's so clearly needs to leech enough from me to feed an entire playgroup... sounds legit no?

4 - Concrete tits - I'm SO sure someone is pouring cement into my once lovely bouncy mammories. When I take my bra off... I could punch someone.

5 - 9pm? BEDTIME! Whats up with that? I'm 34 for fucks sake, I should be able to at least catch the 10pm news?

I'm only 10+1 so I know that this is the beginning of a very mortifying ride...

it started with his jizz
never thought it would come to this

ive just read ur post and it made me chuckle thats 100% true lol!! lucky men hey. they dont know what there missing hehehe.....!

Haha, yep, that's a good start.

May I add:

Dry heaving my way through the school run, so glam!
Only feeling like eating McDonald's cheapo cheeseburgers, no way am I eating one of the ones with salad.
Being so tired all the time, I am asleep before the kids, often before I get to bed.
I am so weepy, I cried at how nice Daddy Pig was to Mammy Pig on her birthday.

1. Waking up with a mouth feeling like Ghandi's flip flop in the Sahara desert every morning. Apparently I snore and dribble at the same time in my sleep now

2. My boobs are so big, I am sure my 1st weight gain is 99.9% breast

3. Mood swings, I could potentially hurt someone really badly when they are coming between me and food

4. Wind - I don't think I need to say any more about that

5. High sex drive, OH never thought pregnancy would be so tiring for him

6. Ringing in the ears?!

Fatigue where I feel like I can't stand to be awake or moving for one minute longer. Oddly I then can't sleep, but lying down I feel normal again.

Short temper after 5 pm. I don't shout (not the sort) I just blub.

Metallic taste in my mouth, like I've been sucking on coins.

Feeling cold, putting a jumper and the heating on and watch as everyone else in the house faints from heat exhaustion.

Food aversions that make a trip to the supermarket feel like entering a house of horrors. I can't bear to look into the chiller cabinets. Id rather see heads on spikes and zombies than a tub of coleslaw or slices of ham. [shudder]

I'm 9+2.

Should have said, i'm 19+5

Still tasting metal, still heaving at frigdes ha!

*fridges

Fucking baby brain

I wish I could stay up till 9pm you're like a rock star to me!
I start drifting off before 8 and I'm 24, what is energy? I can't remember and I'm only 13 weeks.

The wind, oh my god - my husband finds it hilarious, but it's incredibly inconvenient when I'm at work!!!

And yes, 9pm bedtimes for me too, any later and I am grey and sick the next day - I'm only week 16 so really hoping I get a boost of this mythological second trimester energy soon!

I'm not tired anymore!

The fact that at the minute if someone even breathes by me I want to snap and I have shouted at my dad and younger sister for breathing

It does honestly (for most)

I felt like total shit until about 3 weeks ago when the sickness stopped and I started feeling more human.

Not totally human, but more human.

I'm so pleased we're all freaks together....

I haven't had the crying thing yet but I did want to suffocate my husband last week when he had the cold and was snoring his little effeminate girly snores.

Yesterday I woke up at 2.30am ready to start cleaning too, seriously... Cleaning? Me? Hell no... but it was like someone had fed me a bag of skittles in the night and the e-numbers were pulling me into la la land. I held out till 4, then got up and started work early (I can work from home)... then had to put in for a holiday for the day at 7.30am because surprisingly, I hadn't somehow obtained the energy of 15 mystical unicorns... I was shit face tired and had fallen asleep at my desk.

Another one dry heaving on the school run. Morning or afternoon I'm not picky.
Only wanting Mac Donalds or Dominos. Supermarket substitutes are not acceptable and frankly will change my mood to frighteningly pissed off!

I can wake up grumpy for no reason what's so ever.

The wind is also an issue.

Enormous breasts and ridiculous maternity bras which cannot calm to give to support to anything!

24 weeks and have seriously itchy stretch marked boobs :( so bad, every 20 mins i have to go to loo at work and itch them!!. Also panty liners are a daily staple :s.

Wetting myself every time I sneeze/cough

Happy if I see 9pm

Dizziness

Cold all the time

Stuffing my face constantly until 1pm then could happily starve until the following morning

Buying less than half of what is on the shopping list because I don't fancy eating it

19+3

Being upset at people breathing or chewing!

Totally irrational emotions - sat sobbig at the table because I cooked the perfect eggs and the rest of dinner (sorted by dh) was not ready, I mean who can seriously eat just an egg off of a dinner plate without being sad!

Making really strange snore noises as I fall asleep, then blame it on dh when I wake myself up confused.

These are just the nice things which I am happy to mention, the weird gross stuff is just too upsetting!

Ladies, totally not helping I know but the reasons you're crying are really making my concrete tits wobble when I laugh....

I am usually a size 12. I'm 31 weeks and have been wearing size 18 full briefs for several months now. They no longer fit me and I want some size 24s.

Wanting Domino's. Wow. Are you sure that doesn't count as pica?

I'm 19+1 now. Earlier in this pregnancy, I had more gas than the Hindenburg.

The dizziness when I bend down!

Dropping your keys in the footwell and having to exit the car to retrieve them :( then pissing yourself laughing at the ridiculousness of it.

The peeing. All the damn time.

I have Hyperemesis so puking is my life. A particular highlight was throwing up so forcefully that not only did I piss myself but the sick bounced off the toilet straight back into my face. Yep, it's a magical time...

No periods. Apparently all the blood is coming out my nose instead.