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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

The funny thing about pregnancy is....

150 replies

ImpatiencePersonified · 27/02/2015 09:44

Please can we start a lighthearted post about the funny, potentially disgusting things that our bodies are doing just now. Please. It would make me feel less of a freak. Here's my list of shame so far

1 - Fanny snotters - Not to be confused with discharge, I've had proper gelatinous snotters at least 3 times since being preggo. Midwife assures me its all fine, after she stopped laughing.

2 - Turning into Jim Royle off of the Royles. I fart and blench without warning. If I had balls, I'm sure I'd be adjusting them often too

3 - Gluttony... Right now, I want to eat everything and vast quantities. I'm sure I can blame the 10 week old fetus thats inside me, I mean it's like 4cm's so clearly needs to leech enough from me to feed an entire playgroup... sounds legit no?

4 - Concrete tits - I'm SO sure someone is pouring cement into my once lovely bouncy mammories. When I take my bra off... I could punch someone.

5 - 9pm? BEDTIME! Whats up with that? I'm 34 for fucks sake, I should be able to at least catch the 10pm news?

I'm only 10+1 so I know that this is the beginning of a very mortifying ride...

it started with his jizz
never thought it would come to this Grin

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Number3cometome · 27/02/2015 14:31

sianihedgehog

Mine is coming out of my piles

Original poster
ImpatiencePersonified · 27/02/2015 14:59

lolololol

Oh girls,

We're a total mess

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 27/02/2015 15:14

OH said to me last night

"your eyelashes look nice, you look like you have eyes now"

That's a good as a compliment I'm going to get for a while.

Dollyemi · 27/02/2015 15:21

Ok, so nobody else has foot long pubes? Just me then.........

Original poster
ImpatiencePersonified · 27/02/2015 15:25

Always had them Dolly... Grin

Ahhh lovely eyes now eh Number3? What a charmer!

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 27/02/2015 15:28

I hope he meant lovely eyes and not just 'eyes' haha!

sianihedgehog · 27/02/2015 15:54

dollyemi I'm less worried about them than the full thick pelt I'm growing in my butt crack, tbh.

BumWad · 27/02/2015 15:55

i look like a little gorrila with the hairy was, particularly on my belly.

BumWad · 27/02/2015 15:56

Hairyness*!

THEworrywart · 27/02/2015 15:56

Is anyone else sick of their nails? I always have mine really short I cut them next day they've grown Angry

NutellaLawson · 27/02/2015 16:00

I'm the opposite. I seem to lose my ability to grow body hair. I can go weeks between shaving my legs while pregnant. I forget this and then 3 months after having the baby I look down and think I'm wearing mohair tights.

Perhaps the inability to grow hair is the reason I don't get that fabled pregnancy glow. I have 9 months of bad hair days.

Cockbollocks · 27/02/2015 16:00

Not being able to get out the car in a parking space.

Inability to sleep in any position other than sitting up.

Squeaky mini farts when I walk.

Leaking wee (third child)

Swollen legs.

Night sweats.

Leaky boobs.

I'm 31w and could go on forever!!!!

Number3cometome · 27/02/2015 16:04

Oh good, I'm glad it's not only me who has developed pubic bum hair!

Lilydreams · 27/02/2015 17:05

Love this thread! Making me feel so much better!

At 16+2 I have progressed from being sick daily to going a few days/ a week without only to violently throw up a meal I'm usually happily in the middle of chomping- with NO warning whatsoever! Confused

Hairy belly and hairy nips!!

Scalp soooooo dry and itchy I keep getting DH to check if I've got nits! (I've not!)

Having to have at least 3 breakfasts before 10am or being sick!

Waking up in the middle of the night hysterically laughing- which woke up dh who shouted at me which inly made me laugh even more- till tears were rolling down my cheeks!! Remembered next day it was because I'd had a dream that I had said we were having shepherds pie for tea but dropped it and so said shattered pie....Confused not even funny!!!

Spots! My face, my back! What the hell- never been one for spots!!

The fact that my lovely MIL who I usuay get on amazingly well with is possibly going to end up in a ditch somewhere if she refers one more time to it as 'our baby' or introduces me to another person as 'this is lilydreams and this is MY baby' whilst pointing at my belly!! I am so so so close to screaming 'it's not "our" baby it's effing mine- I don't seem to remember "us" being awake all night or "us" throwing up all day or "us" having spots everywhere' arghhhhh!!!

mrsdos · 27/02/2015 17:29

These have made me chuckle! Smile Apart from crying over my perfectly cooked eggs dh caught me sobbing at the new Kfc advert (along with panicking about brian the robot and baby oleg being left in Africa!) I have also developed the pointest most sensitive nipples known to mankind which dh thinks is hillarious, so much so he now asks if it cold in a room/outdoors by asking me how my nipples are feeling... This would be fine if were not in Tesco's fridge section and said in a very loud voice!! Shock

FeelTheNoise · 27/02/2015 17:41

My extra chin, and spotty face! I look and feel as if I have a permanent hangover (I don't).
I finally have brilliant boobs, but they hurt so much!
Am super horny, but scared of my own orgasms again Grin
I let off enough wind to fly a hot air balloon every day, although that has got slightly better this week
And my moods! DP looks constantly wary at the moment Grin

Threesoundslikealot · 27/02/2015 17:47

Moods, moods, moods. I feel very cross very easily, especially with poor DH. Who also now has offensive breath and noisy irritating eating skills.

Also, he does most of the cooking, and serves up healthy, nutritious food, and all I want to eat is pork belly, followed by chocolate. For every meal.

Also, for the first time in three pregnancies, I am MASSIVELY resenting the no drinking, and keep ending up around people getting pissed, and feel really depressed and cross.

Am 30 weeks tomorrow.

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 27/02/2015 18:04

mrsdos DH was very concerned for Brian's welfare. They are now giving away mini Brian, but I never saw how big Brian got away from the scrapyard!

Tattersail · 27/02/2015 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBairn · 27/02/2015 18:25

That the sensation of hair stuck in your throat is not in fact hair that's your uvula touching your tounge. It happens after 7 months of constant reflux.

gingerbreadmam · 27/02/2015 18:25

went to buy lunch today, didnt know what i wanted, again. ordered chicken burger and chips. asked if wanted sauce. nope.

got back to desk, open chicken burger and fill up as i would have quite liked sauce actually. wtf? crying over sauce. im somewhere between 6-7 or just over 7 as i have dated myself lol!

LittleBairn · 27/02/2015 18:26

Tongue

LittleBairn · 27/02/2015 18:28

Oh and you will spend 2 months pissing in a potty by your bed. But its worth it.

Aquarius1 · 27/02/2015 18:43

Great thread- good idea OPGrin

For me, at 14 +6, it's mostly:

Itchy nipples - really flipping awkward to manage in the office

Smelly farts - see comment above

Constipated & bloaty - gaaah I want my bowels back

catsofa · 27/02/2015 19:09

OMG I could get a potty by the bed! Genius, thanks LittleBairn!

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