calling all mature mums - pregnant at 43

[cora]

Hi - have 2 kids already 9 and 4 and am pregnant with a third at 43. All is ok so far but feel so aprehensive about being a new mum again at my age - if there are any older new mums about my age out there who can share their experiences with me - I would be so grateful.

Anyone ?????

Had DS2 when I was 42 and pg/birth went as smoothly as anything. Am knackered most of the time (have another son who I had when I was 40)but no more so than my friend of 27 (whose mother is only three years older than me )
I think it'll make a positive difference having a bigger age gap between your children too.
Congratulations!!

I feel for you, cora!

Have a look in the pregnancy section, there's a thread for "older" pregnant ladies

will link if I can find it.

Fatfox is also pregnant and 43 but she's away in morrocco bump in a week or two for her...

older ladies

I had dd3 (now 2) when I was 41, so not exactly a new mum and slightly younger than you.
I had a pretty problem free pregnancy (everyone kept commenting on how well I looked but maybe that was amazement on their part that I didn't look at deaths door at my advanced age)and straightforward birth.
Yes, I was pretty knackered for about the first two years but this was partly due to dd's nature - she was quite a demanding child to say the least and the logistics of coping with 3 other children and a job. Oh and it was hard going back to the baby-stage after a gap of 6 1/2 years. And the lack of money (expensive childcare, extra mouth etc) was a bit of a bummer.
But, despite all that I've generally found it a very positive experience. Dd is a real character who we wouldn't be without now and she keeps us young - I feel much younger than a lot of my counterparts who don't have a young child (probably don't look it though )
Anyway congratulations to you and try not to let the negative comments (you'll probably get a fair few) get you down.

Thanks folks - feel a bit better now - will try and call fatfox.

Thankd bogwobbit and yes I have had the raised eyebrow treatment and the question "Was it an accident ?"

I was 41 when I had dd - my first (and only) - and had a pretty healthy pregnancy. dd is now one and I do feel tired, but I don't know that it's much worse than it would have been ten years ago. I also feel less of a freak than I expected to. In my part of London, you see pregnant women who make ME feel young. Yes, I was the granny of my NCT group, but three of us were in our 40s, and none in their 20s.

So huge congratulations

Hi Cora, I had dd (my first) at 43 after years of trying and about to give up...apart from worrying about my age, there haven't been a great many differences between me and the other new Mums in my antenatal groups. I got pregnant again at 45, to my utter amazement and slight shock, and am now 33 weeks at 46....yes, more tired than last time, but then I'm running around after a nearly-three year old.
Both my pregnancies (so far) have been pretty smooth - I had high bp postpartum last time, but thats not particularly age related, and so far so good with this one (apart from insomnia, grr).
All my friends and family knew how hard we'd been trying for a family, so no raised eyebrows for me...and, perhaps because I live in SW London, no raised eyebrows in the community either. I worried about being the granny at the nursery gate when dd started pre-school recently, but there are lots of women in their early forties and plenty of Dads much older than me! And besides, when you read articles in the Times about 50 year olds coping as well as younger mothers...makes me feel like a spring chicken well, almost.

And hopefully, I make you feel like a spring chicken

Oh - and my BF was 45 on Monday, she had her first dd at 40 and her second at nearly 44. She's a brilliant Mum, had two straightfoward births and is coping fine.

I should add, though, that I do have a lot of help from DH...he's very hands on, and also works unusual hours (self-employed) so is at home at odd times during the day.

I'm 41.

Had ds at 38 and am due in December about the same time as elliboo with baby #2.

You'll be fine! Like elliboo, dh is around a lot to help out which is nice. He's 58 btw which should make you feel quite young

Hi Cora, Congratulations I had no9 at 43y9m. Straightforward pregnancy. I did have an amnio. Although I had to be induced (14 days overdue) I had a quick and straightforward delivery. Postpartum no different to the other births I've had and quick recovery. Age didn't make any difference. Forget about your age. As they say it's only a number. Enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to meeting your new family member.

Yep, amnio here too. with both pregnancies.

Hi Cora,

I am 42 and just had my 3rd child last week. I have 2 ds - one aged 3 and the other is only 15 months. So all my children have arrived slighly later in life. It is tiring but I wouldn;t swap it for the world.

I did find the third pregnancy a little harder going than the other two but I think that's because my other children are so young.

I only had an amnio with my second child as I felt a bit pressurised to do so...didn;t bother with the third as I feel it just adds to the stress. I had nuchal scans with all of them - the last 2 as expected were not great odds (1 in 88 for my most recent) but I weighed this up against the fact that my age was always going to stand against me.

I don't think 43 is too old at all, especially nowadays. Have a great pregnancy and don't worry about it.

Hi Cora,
I'm also 43 and 9 weeks pregnant with my 4th all being well. I have 2 older ones from my first marriage and a dd who was 2 in August. Feeling very apprehensive as I've had 3 m/c before having my last. Just taking one day at a time....
Angie

Hi Cora

I am 43 and 19 wks pg. My other kids are 15 to 20 so I feel very much like a fish out of water. Everything's changed since I last had a baby!!

Thanks so much ladies for all your support
Angie and evenhope perhaps we can keep in touch and wools - can't believe you can cope with 15month old AND newborn and Juule WOW no.9 !!!
Eliboo and jaberthefriendlyghost thanks for sharing your news - so glad am not alone.
I AM worries about problems with the health of the baby as am still reasonably early on - but will probably NOT have amnio. Just worries aboout being oldie mum in play ground and the fact everyone I speak to assumes it is donor eggs or IVF I have used. When I tell them otherwise and that I did not really try to get pg and it was a natural conception - I get many a raised brow. Some people even say it was a shame I got "caught" at my time of life !!!!

Anyone else find this !!!

Another worry I have ios that I find the demands of TWO kids hard and worry that with a third I will be unable to devote sufficient attention to each child - if anyone else has found this or not would be grateful of some shared thoughts.

Cora I did have an amnio because my DH was adamant he couldn't cope with a child with DS, so we know that there are no chromosomal problems. We are also worried that our age will be a problem as the child grows up- this is something we'll all have to wait and see. At least your others aren't that much older than your new one. Mine will all have left home before she starts school, so she won't have that same sibling relationship that the others had. And of course the grandparents are that much older too.

We were asked by the consultant if this was the first child between us and she looked very surprised when we said no, the older children belong to both of us and this isn't a second marriage. Yet my mw and other professionals I've spoken to say it is actually very common for women of our age with teenagers or even grandchildren to find themselves unexpectedly pregnant. They call it the "last flush of the ovaries"!

My biggest worry ATM is I work full time and with the best will in the world we can't pay the bills on any less than we are getting now. It's looking like going back to full time work with a 6 month old baby, which feels all wrong

know what you mean about the work thing - I work part-time and my DH has been made redundant - feel this means if he does not get sometihing soon - I may have to go full-time. Again would NOT like this with a baby and 2 young ones. Feels wierd that so many mums are younger than me ie; In the surgery but I am learining to ignore it. Have you had any other tests other than the amnio ?

I had the nuchal scan, which showed a good result (1.5mm I think but can't remember- preg brain) then the triple bloods which came back high risk 1:24 for Downs, which is worse than the age-related risk 1:33 for 43. With hindsight, and after posting here, I should have skipped the bloods because at 43 they will always come back high risk.

I've got an anomaly scan next week when I'll be 21 weeks, and prior to the amnio they did a pretty thorough scan looking at the baby's heart and the blood flow in and out (in colour), and its nasal bone and the length of its limbs- all soft markers for DS, plus checked the spine for gaps.

Think that's pretty much all the tests I've had.

Had my first at 40, just get a bit weary with it all sometimes. However, it does rather depend on the temprament of the child as to how much you enjoy the experience.

I love this thread! I'm 38, had my dd at 36. We are definitely planning to have another child if possible, but have fairly major fertility problems. I'm so glad to read about all your successes. It gives me such hope for the future.

Littlefish, I had my first at 35 and am now pregnant with second at nearly 41, but it took a long time! Had fertility problems, clomid didn't work, but as soon as we gave up trying and stopped thinking about it and decided we were happier only having one, it happened, so don't give up!