calling all mature mums - pregnant at 43

[cora]

Hi - have 2 kids already 9 and 4 and am pregnant with a third at 43. All is ok so far but feel so aprehensive about being a new mum again at my age - if there are any older new mums about my age out there who can share their experiences with me - I would be so grateful.

Thanks Anglaise1. We certainly won't give up. dd was a complete surprise - we were imminently due to start IVF/ICSI when I found out I was pregnant naturally. We just need to decide whether to hang on and hope it happens naturally again, or whether to go for IVF before I get too old .

Find the tiredness a major issue and sort of assume this gets worse with three. Any oldi mums find this ?

i had ds at 41,my only complaint is total exhaustion.
Girlfriend recently had her 2nd at 49yrs.

I wish you well

Hi Cora

Just been given your link by Suejonez. Will read it properley later (am at work) but wanted to make contact.

I'm 43 and PG with third - 22+2 weeks. Was paranoid about defects but baby looks fine. Am completely knackered as also working f/t.

Found out whilst in Morocco that the prophet Mohammed's wife was 40 when they married and she went on to have six kids!!! Reckon you and I could both fit at least another four in before menopause!

Will get back later for a chat.

Hi Cora, another 'older' mum here, having had dd1 at 35 and dd2 at 38.

I had (naively) assumed it would be so easy to conceive, how wrong I was! DD1 seemed to take forever (actually it was 9 months), this was then followed by a very early miscarriage when we started trying for dd2. Eventually, after almost giving up, dd2 came in Arpil this year and we feel extremely lucky.

Regarding the amnio question, I didn't have one with dd1 but I did have a private consulation at Bart's Hospital in London where my risk was very low (1 in 50,000). Had the same test done almost 3 years later and my risk was much higher, 1 in 1200. Contrary to all the advice given, I went ahead and had an amnio, mainly because we realised that these figures are purely 'risk' assesments and therefore not conclusive. We are need to know types I suppose so it was the right decision for us at the time. I must add, we did choose the consultant performing the amnio carefully, well, as much as we could - I found it all quite intimidating.

How do I find being an 'older' mum? Frequently tiring, sometimes frustrating when I realise how much free time I had before children! Having nursery care really, really helps and a 30 minute swim or just a walk in the fresh air usually restores my sanity. That, and radio 4, which I swear has kept my brain from going to mush since becoming a sahm.

Very many congratulations on your pregnancy, hope all goes well for you!

Hi Cora,
I'm not tired, but am getting more aches than I did from the first pregnancy. I walk a lot and remember in my first pregnancy doing a 20 mile hike easily when six months. Now even half hour walks leave me slightly out of breath and my middle really hurts, like having a permement stitch. I'm no fatter than I was first time round, so it must be the fact I'm six years older!

I'm 42 and 10 weeks pg with no.2 No.1 is 2 and 8 months. Feeling fine most of the time, just a little tired but generally sleeping much better than normal! First time I had a straightforward pregnancy but had to be induced because of premature rupture of the membranes. A bit apprehensive about coping with 2 children, as no.1 will have had 3 years of being an only child! Not looking forward to the sleepless nights but hopefully that will be a short-lived phase. I am feeling a lot more clued up about parenthood generally and am hoping to get the new baby into a regular routine from day 1. I do worry about what the nuchal scan will throw up but it won't change anything, our baby will be loved even if it is a bit different from normal.

pacinofan, I so understand about your need to know. That is the same with us. I just didn't feel that I could go the whole 40 weeks wondering about the baby.

gemmasmummy, we are in the same predicament. I went part-time after ds was born and dh works from home, so ds gets lots of attention. I think a sibling will ultimately be a good thing for him, but do worry about the initial reality shock. It's definitely going to rock his world. Of course, that will probably be true for the entire family. Dh has been quite nervous about having two vs. one (he's 58). I keep telling him it will be fine - hope that's true!

Hi Angliase - didn't realise you are an older Mum too! I agree on the walking front, I get really knackered walking and very out of breath with this PGcy.

Eliboo - which borough do you live in? I'm in Richmond. Are you anywhere nearby?

Evenhope - I have a similar situation to you. I have no choice but to go back f/t as DH is due to retire next year ! Therefore I will be the main breadwinner. At the moment, am seriously contemplating re-mortgaging the house for a few grand, so I can take 9 months off rather than 5! If this is my last baby I want to spend some quality time with him.

Jabber - we met on the other thread; my DH is even older than yours!

Juuule - did you say you had nine children? If so, that's really impressive.

Cora - I haven't had an amnio, but had nuchals. For this one I went to the Fetal Medicine Centre for one of their special nuchal/bloods, which very much reassured me. The risk of losing a healthy baby after an amnio is scarier to me than the risk of a Downs baby (my brother has Downs and is a sweetie).

I'm also worried about how to spread myself between three children , but reckon we'll all just adapt. DS and DD are feircely competitive at the moment, so another child may help or hinder that situation. I think health is more crucial than age really, though like you have had a few negative comments from "friends" like, "oh no! why do you want another child at your age?". People can be so rude and insensitive.

I just keep thinking of the prophet Mohammed's wife and her six kids, with her aged in her 40's and no washing machine!

Also, have to face the fact of having an ageing husband, but again, he's pretty healthy and active too.

(Cora ps I am fatfox in halloween mode)

Oh, yes, fox, I remember now! It's funny you mentioned your dh retiring. I just told mine that he can get social security benefits for the boys when he retires in 4 years (we're in the US). He looked rather shocked at the whole concept

Like yours, he's really fit and I've always felt he could easily pass for 10 years younger. He does worry about it though, and feels sad sometimes that he won't be around for as long as he'd like. OTOH, he works part-time from home and so gets to spend lots and lots of time with ds. So, ds will have plenty of good memories of time spent with his dad, I think.

DH also goes all wistful and misty eyed when I talk about "when they grow up" as he probably won't be around. He's even said to DS "make sure you look after your Mummy when you grow up". Its terribly sad but he's a fantastic Dad, which is the main thing isn't it?

Absolutely, there are so many men out there who missed out on their kids childhood b/c they were working so much, sowing some leftover wild oats, etc. Dh has so been there, done that, that he really appreciates having a child now. It is a bit sad, but then children lose parents who are young at an early age through accident or illness, so I tell him, it's all a crapshoot, my love. You just have to take it one day at a time

Jabber - DH had children in his first marriage (they are now in their 20's) and feels he really missed out as men weren't "allowed" to get involved in childcare in those far off days. He's really enjoying it now and is also much more patient than me!

Yes, dh has much more patience than I do although he never had children in first marriage. I am many times in awe of how he can cope with ds's little tantrums while I have to leave the room before I go crazy!

Jabber - we seem to have taken over this thread?

Hi fox - thanks for the post. How old are you kids and DH if you don't mind me asking ? May have to get back to post tommorrow as am sooooo pooped at the mo. My kids are 9 and 4 and am 11 weeks at the mo !!

Hi Cora - DS is 6, DD is 3, DH is 64 but looks younger than me

Am 22 weeks and expecting a boy

Thanks for starting this thread, I love it! Its so good to meet some other women my age who are PG

foxinbubbles, I'm in SW13 - very nearby.

And we're in the right borough: Richmond has the highest proportion of older Mums in the UK apparently....

And my dd will be 3 in December!

Eliboo - fancy meeting for a coffee one day? I work Mon-Thurs, but will be on Maternity leave from Feb. I bet my DD would love to meet your DD!

I am 43 and 11 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. I am having a NT scan and blood tests next week. Really don't want an amnio. DD was born when I was 38 and I did not have an amnio with her.
I am very tired, and seem to have expanded at an alarming rate this time around.
hello all you other older mums.

Hello Gingerbear

Fox, yes, sounds good! I've just been told I am likely to have section 24th Nov, which is very soon....and I'm very unready...so may have to be once you are on maternity leave and I have Bump out and settled. But definitely sounds good! Should we CAT contact details, d'you think?

Hey, fox, we did do a take-over for a while there I had to head off to work, though - interrupted my MNing time!

Eliboo - how many weeks will you be when you deliver? I had a dream last night that I was arguing with my Consultant about the fact that Queen Charlotte's want to induce me at 38 weeks ('cos of my age) and I don't want them too. In my dream I got thrown out of the surgery!!!

Yeah, good idea to CAT, though sometimes I don't get the CAT's. My mobile number is 07779-289-041, so you could text your details instead if you like?

Hi Gingerbear and congrats on your pregnancy! Welcome to the thread!

Jabber - I had loads of meetings at work yesterday - most annoying as I couldn't sneak onto MN! I worked a 14 day by mistake and forgot to take my lunch. Think I had jet lag!!