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Original poster

Breastfeeding in front of others...

85 replies

Ilovemyboy · 23/10/2006 10:57

Hi girls

I am due my first baby in the next few weeks and will be breastfeeding.

I wanted to ask those of you who have done this before, how comfortable were you breastfeeding in front of others? Specifically male family members, your DP's pals and the ILs?

I think if I went round to their houses, I would probably excuse myself and sit in another room and do it. If they came round to mine though I don't think I should have to. I would feel uncomfortable with people having a good old gander at my huge lactating boobies though...esp mates of DP's and the ILs (who I don't get on with).

What did you guys do?

Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

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Original poster
Ilovemyboy · 23/10/2006 11:00

I am aware I will master the art of discretion before long.

It is just the first few weeks when everyone will surely get a flash of knocker everytime I go to do it.

OP posts:
ludaloo · 23/10/2006 11:03

hmm I was quite nervous with my first, I used to go and sit in the bedroom, or find a descrete place to do it if we were out. By my third I did it anywhere and everywhere! You can be very descrete... a lot of the time people didn't even notice!!!! I do have fairly small boobs though!
You can always carry a muslin square or blanket, to hang over your shoulder while you do it, them you can cover the bits of flesh up.

lucy5 · 23/10/2006 11:05

I found it easier just to feed wherever I was. You really can't see anything, some people use a muslin or blanket. I just used to stick dd's head up my top. i felt a bit strange around my dad but he used to avert his eyes for a couple of minutes.

JessaJackOLantern · 23/10/2006 11:05

During the first coupel of weeks I was so spaced out post-birth, and so desperate to stop ds making his high pitched "hungry" noises that I sat and got my boob out with BIL sitting right next to me ( not my usual style! )

JodieG1 · 23/10/2006 11:47

You get used to it. I wouldn't move to another room as you're just feeding your baby. You can't see anything while the baby is feeding anyway, it's all well hidden.

TwigTwoolett · 23/10/2006 11:50

Was totally comfortable feeding in front of others .. really you don't show anything at all .. once you're used to it

the only person who left the room occasionally was my father but then he's 86 .. but sometimes he would stay in the room too

I wouldn't leave a room to breastfeed .. much as I wouldn't leave a room to formula feed although will admit that when DD got bigger (around 9 months) I personally felt better if family members weren't around (but then that's my thing and theirs .. not meaning its wrong) .. didn't give a hoot about strangers

but do what makes you comfortable

Whoowhoobewhooooooh · 23/10/2006 11:52

Glad you asked this Ilovemyboy. I'm PG with my first, and have been thinking about this. Really want to give BFing a good go, and have been watching the 'visiting after birth' threads with interest, as I want to try to get at least a little bit comfortable with it before trying it in front of gawping relatives.

I know they'll be gawping at the baby, not me; but my norks have grown to gargantuan proportions, and won't be that easy to hide.

Was anyone self-conscious? How about those who had problems/pain with BFing? Did it make it more difficult having people around?

Apologies for hi-jack seems silly starting a new thread to ask same question.

notsogummyanymaaargh · 23/10/2006 11:53

i was really embarassed, i used to go and sit in another room as well. hope to be a lot braver if i have another though! i'm sure it does get easier in that way the longer you do it. i only managed about 8 weeks. hope you can manage better than i did. more power to you etc...

hope you had a good weekend too!

cg25 · 23/10/2006 12:00

Message withdrawn

MadamePlatypus · 23/10/2006 12:08

I never BF infront of IL's mainly because it was a fabulous excuse to go off and be antisocial and read a book. I got most of my BF in public tips from discretely watching some of the mums in Starbucks. Anybody who wasn't watching them very closely would just think that they were cuddling their babies. Practice infront of a mirror for a bit and try out different tops to work out what is most comfortable.

moomimin · 23/10/2006 12:09

I fed dd anywhere, as everyone says you do get very good at doing it discretly. Try not to go off to another room. I think it is very sad when people feel it is not appropriate to feed. It is the most natural thing ever!

If people feel uncomfortable about it they will make an excuse to leave for a bit. I used to make a bit of a joke out of it and depending on who it was, warn them before. If you don't want an eye full of breastmilk then look away now.

btw good luck, those first two weeks are the toughest. I did 6 weeks with my first but 8mths with my second, only stopped then cause she wasn't interested anymore, I was gutted. It definately gets easier.

disemboweledbint · 23/10/2006 12:15

for the first month i did used to take my self off to our bedroom if visitors were around, no matter who they were. this was only because i was still really learning how to breastfeed, and i squirted out so much milk and made so much mess, i wanted peace and privacy to get sorted with it. once i was happy with what i was doing i just do it in front of people. at other people's houses i'm the same, but then i don't have friends or family who would stop me or say anything. FIL gets embarassed, but he just takes off his glasses or leaves the room.

rubles · 23/10/2006 12:15

I had a tricky time with dd and breastfeeding.
I found that although once 'latched' it was very easy to cover myself up, for me the whole latching process was rather fraught. Lots of scrabbling hands and bobbing her head all over the place. I also had a very leaky 'other' boob which I would pour everywhere.

As a result I was often in another room struggling on my own while visitors all sat and chatted and drank tea together. So if possible it is best to try to avoid the embarrassment in order to not feel isolated.

KellyKrueger1978 · 23/10/2006 12:17

I fed my singles in front of people, but not the dts, as they were impossble to do discreetly! I jsut fed them under my jumper or whatever I was wearing and I refused to be moved elsewhere. My db had a bit of a problem with it, but I said if he had a problem he could go elsewhere, as I was happy feeding my babies on the nice comfty sofa. I also did not fancy feeding them in toilets when out, so just fed them wherever I was. It is easy to do discreetly once you have the hang of it, and I have never flashed my norks about in public. I never encountered any problems neither, even when feeding in public. I think if you are discreet and don't make a big issue about it, neither will most people you encounter. I really wouldn't feel the need to make a joke about it - it's jsut something natural that you jsut do!

Original poster
Ilovemyboy · 23/10/2006 12:22

woohwooh - congrats on your pregnancy. When are you due? Glad I'm not the only one thinking about this.

I even think I will be embarrassed in front of my dad and brother but no one has ever breastfed their babies in my immediate family before so it's something they have never experienced. I know it is their problem (not mine) but part of me is just thinking sod it - I am feeding my baby for God's sake. That is what our boobies are for although I have it on authority from some male friends who are in their mid-twenties that regardless of whether a baby is suckling on the end of a boob, a knocker is still a knocker at the end of the day.

They even admitted it was immature but I think men are just programmed to think that way. LOL!

One of them said that he was on the Tube and a lady got her breast out to bf her baby. He said she was attractive and was just short of asking her to get the other one out so he could suckle on that. Cheeky sod!

Anyhow, I'm sure I'll get used to it.

Thanks for your tips girls.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/10/2006 12:23

I did feel a bit self conscious with DD (my first), but after a few weeks got used to it. People really cant see much anyway because the baby's head covers everything.

The only thing i was worried about most for the first 4 months was inadvertent spraying of milk at people - which, I only found out was easily remedied by having a muslin square close to hand at all feeding times.

It is up to you if you want to excuse yourself to feed your baby whilst visiting, but, you should NEVER feel like you have to because others "may not like it".

With my DS (2nd), i wasnt bothered at all right from the outset. Which was just as well because i had problems with his latch and feeding him and had a HV come round a couple of times to help which meant her grabbing at my boob and positioning it in DS's mouth etc. It really isnt anything to feel embarrassed about - its all very natural. You will get used to it I'm sure

PinkTulips · 23/10/2006 12:24

for me it very much depended on who was in the room. my dad never bothered me as he's dutch so has very differant attitudes to nudity and bf-ing and would think i'd lost my mind if i left the room! he was there for dd's first ever feed in hospital taking pictures proud as punch.

my mom and other women don't bother me but some men do. dp's bf i won't feed around as he's a gobshite who would make comments and make me uncomfortable so i leave the room, and dp's dad has a small nervous breakdown if i feed in front of him and doesn't know where to look so i tend to save us both the embarassment and leave the room for him too.

with dd i didn't feed in public as she was an incredibly messy feeder and would stop every now and again to throw up (reflux) and i'd be left with my boob hanging out spraying milk and vomit all over me! i'm more comfortable feeding ds in public as he's happy to just latch on, feed and latch off 10 mins later so i can be quite discrete with him!

FrannyandZooey · 23/10/2006 12:25

I felt shy at first and would ask if it was ok to breastfeed if I was not at home. I think pretty soon you just do it without thinking and I assumed if people had a problem with my breastfeeding then they would not ask me round.

At home like you I felt it was other people's problem if they didn't like seeing me feeding - however I would always leave the room if my FIL was there as he clearly felt very embarassed and would make an excuse to go and stand in the garden otherwise - even in winter, poor man

Do whatever feels comfortable and right for you, and I would bet that after a few months it will become a non-issue for you, as it does for most of us.

Tutter · 23/10/2006 12:27

was relaxed in front of friends and strangers

tbh i always felt a little awkward in front of my brother and dad, but they tended to find somethign interesting in a nearby magazine whenever i started faffing with pillow and bra clip

ils always left the room, which annoyed me a bit but i know they were doing io to put me at ease

felt an eejit being left in a room on my own though - next time i may say to them that if they feel unconfortable, then fine, leave, but not to do it on my account (all women in dh's family ff so they were a bit confused by it all i think)

good luck. bfing rocks

TheBlonde · 23/10/2006 12:33

I have trouble remembering the early weeks as it was all a sleep deprived haze

I wasn't very confident feeding when out and about to start with - mostly as latching DS on was tricky
However a few coffees etc out with other moms with babies soon sorted that out

Inlaws were fine - very Swedish so pro breastfeeding & pro nudity!
My Dad & bro were possibly slightly uncomfortable to start with but they soon got used to it.
DP's best mate - his LO was bf so wasn't worried about that

Whoowhoobewhooooooh · 23/10/2006 14:00

ILMB: I'm due early March. . Really looking forward to BFing, but a little nervous having read on MN about all the potential problems.

I wouldn't leave the room on other peoples' account - more my own. If I'm struggling to get it established, I'd rather deal with it by myself iyswim. Especially if I'm finding it painful.

When are you due ILMB? Congrats to you too!

Original poster
Ilovemyboy · 23/10/2006 14:06

Hi

I am due on 23rd Nov so only a few more weeks. I can't wait. Starting to get really excited (and impatient) now.

Hope all goes well for you hun.

OP posts:
mammaduck · 23/10/2006 14:07

well done Ilovemyboy and whooobewhooo for deciding to breastfeed!

all suggestions here are fab - i didn't used to go to another room when i had visitors round and needed to bf because i thought - 'it's my house, i'll do what i like in it!' most people (even blokes) were fine with it (except my dad, but he was the one who used to leave the room, not me!)

a muslin over the shoulder is good, but i actually invested in a couple of breastfeeding tops from blooming marvellous which are very discreet and can give you extra confidence if you're feeding in public.

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 23/10/2006 14:23

I must admit I don't get worried when I am actually bf about flashing a bit of flesh. Am not discrete, I'm afraid. Anyone who has a problem with that can either a. bog off or b. sort out my crying baby.

Between babies, when not bf, I did marvel at how I managed to flash may norks around cardiff several times a day without batting an eyelid. But then I had dd and just got on with it again.

you will be fine

Whoowhoobewhooooooh · 23/10/2006 14:25

ILMB: I'm dead jealous. .

Was looking forward to being pregnant, but I hate it. (Like it when LO kicks though).

Oh well - halfway through now.

Thanks mamaduck: think those flappy tops are probably the way to go.