Breastfeeding in front of others...

[Ilovemyboy]

Hi girls

I am due my first baby in the next few weeks and will be breastfeeding.

I wanted to ask those of you who have done this before, how comfortable were you breastfeeding in front of others? Specifically male family members, your DP's pals and the ILs?

I think if I went round to their houses, I would probably excuse myself and sit in another room and do it. If they came round to mine though I don't think I should have to. I would feel uncomfortable with people having a good old gander at my huge lactating boobies though...esp mates of DP's and the ILs (who I don't get on with).

What did you guys do?

Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

I left the room at my IL recently cause my FIL would have taken pictures & stared!! I also felt baby & I needed some peace. Was followed by my MIl who was telling me I was feeding wrong & why was I doing it on demand, why not 10 mins each side etc- interstinly she has never BF! I wouldnt BF infront of my BIL though as he was over the other day talking about how huge BF womens boobs where, how he couldnt help staring & what a great excuse for women to get their boobs out. Far from impressed he was asked to leave the room as I needed to feed the baby!!
Fed LO in the back of the car the other day at an out of town retail park as there where no facilities that where decent. Got a few looks through the window but nothing too bad.
Visiting my mum for the 1st time since birth this weekend & dreading it as she keeps telling me baby is putting on too much weight, she can hear him gupling when shes on the phone & I leak all over the place & she doesnt think that is normal
Must say though loving the BF

I know exactly how you feel on this one and all I can advise is that you need to do what feels most comfortable for you but be brave as after the first couple of times it does get easier and you feel more comfortable and less paranoid that people are staring at you.

I spent about 4 weeks feeding in private (apart from opening the door to delivery men whilst ds1 was on the boob ). Then my first 'feeding in public' took place in a cafe where a friend of mine had said they were child and breastfeeding friendly and with a friend of mine from my NCT course for support. It all went really well the only awkardness was that the girl behind the counter kept looking over as ds1 was crying for food and I was waiting for her to turn away so I could get him latched on. I gave waiting in the end and as soon as she saw what I was doing she turned away.

My advice would be to practice being discreet whilst at home as I am typically much less discreet whilst I am at home with just my dh around. And think about what you are wearing as some tops/blouses/jumpers make being discreet quite difficult.

Good luck and enjoy feeding your baby as it's the most wonderful/special thing in the world.

P.S. I think my dh finds bf in public more awkward than I do.

This is my first post - how exciting!! DD1 is 3 yrs and DD2 is 6 mths - 1st time around I used to excuse self when BF at ILs but mainly because they get on my nerves so good excuse! Now utterly shameless and routinely whip breast out over Sunday lunch. With both kids I've had sore nips and blocked ducts on and off for a few weeks so tend to feed alone if need to apply Vaseline or massage boobs. Have a few purpose built BF tops but find the trusty loose vest top and shirt / jacket combo works best for discretion. Went to a NCT BF group with DD1 for 1st public feed and that was great as we were all at it. Main concern is mislaying soggy breast pads in public and on other folks sofas as I do that ALL the time.

I am horrendously shy,have never gone topless etc etc but when your baby is crying for milk all other considerations go out of the window and you just don't care. Have fed both ds all over the place in front of all and sundry including fil (82) and never once felt wierd about it. So don't worry about it at all - it will be great. Nobody will see anything. Good luck.

I never felt wierd about it! The only time someone else felt uncomfortable, he left the room discretely. Took a while for me to make the connection between him wandering off and me b/f. It's so natural and I think you stop thinking of your breasts as sexual bits. Baggy tops with cardigans or something similar make it relatively easy to b/f without exposing your whole midriff/breast!!

Just bobbed on to say what a positive thread! When i read the title I thought uh oh, here we go, someone will be jumping down Ilovemyboy's throat about why on earth you should feel uncomfortable etc about breast feeding but so far so good

I hated feeding in public but I think that's due to having huge boobs and just not being able to do it discretely!! I also didn't like nursing bras as they had so little support so had to unhook the whole thing to feed!! Both my DS spent more time feeding under blankets etc when out in public!
When people came to the house I was fine but often left the room as Mandplatypus says to go and read and have a rest!!
Good luck

I didn't take well to b/f at first, publicly or privately! Took me a few weeks to get comfy, organised etc, so discretion came far down the list! My boobs were so huge (still are despite b/f for 18 months under the misconception that dd would somehow 'eat' them small for me ), that I couldn't hide what I was doing, also my dd was a real stop and have a good gawp baby who didn't concentrate. I had the choice of locking myself away or just getting on with what I knew was best for my baby and pretending I didn't care if people were watching. After those first few weeks, I came to love b/f and saw it as my time to sit down and rest, sharing a cuddle. I used to warn people around me that I was about to start and they then had the option to stay and chat or disappear. Worked for me - only dad would vanish to make a cup of tea while I got started! I never completely got over feeling self-conscious though...

I BF my DS for 9 months but agree with some of the others above that you should not expect yourself to be comfortable doing it in front of everyone for a while. My advice would be to give yourself a few weeks when you sidle off and deal with latching on problems, sore and spurting nipples etc, but once you're into the groove then you should feel pretty confident about popping the baby on wherever you are. In my experience, most people are pretty cool about it and a lot don't even notice what you're doing. Good luck with it and at the end of the day if you feel uncomfortable just take yourself off and BF in peace!

Oh - just remembered - first big NCT meet up with the dads there too after we'd all produced, was feeding dd (quite discreetly I thought too!) when my breast pad fell out of my bra onto the floor. Without a break in his conversation, one of the dads reached down, picked it up for me, put it on my knee and carried on talking! I didn't feel as noticeable after that and

I found it depended on the people I was with and the situation I was in.

No problem at all bfing in front of female friends or relations. With male friends of my dh I would be a bit more discreet, and cover myself up with a blanket while doing it. My FIL had a real problem with it, and I would always go into another room to bf at their house, or ask him to go into another room at our house. Out in public, I always took a pashmina/shawl with me, and draped that over myself while feeding.

I do it differently depending on who it is but one thing that is quite good for being in public places is having a poncho. Not so discrete when I have to shove my head inside when DD fails to latch on properly but in spite of being very out of fashion now, once she gets going nobody can tell what I'm doing underneath.

Ilovemyboy, I hope it all goes really well for you.

I wanted to echo moaningpapers post actually, just as something to maybe consider; I always preferred to feed ds on my own if poss or in a very quiet environment, as from quite early days he was easily distracted. I bottlefed (not through choice ) so I was able to see how much more he would take on our own, than when others were around or we were in public. I was always keen for him to have a good, solid feed as this made us all of sunnier temper

I will step away from the breastfeeding area now, where I know I have no right to be just wanted to let you know that this could be an issue; you may end up wanting to be quiet and on your own anyway!

Hi, congratulations on the imminent arrival of your wee one! I breastfed all 3 of my chldren. Admittedly, the first time I was a bit more conservative about where I did it, but by the third I fed her whereever and whenever I needed.

If I was around someone's house I'd always ask first though, and if I had company in my house I would let them know I was about to feed. But it can be done so dicreetly that alot of the time people don't even realise you're doing it. At the end of the day you are feeding your baby, it's the most natural thing in the world, if people have a problem, then tell them not to watch - as they are often staring at you when they make their remarks!

Good luck with the birth!

My 5-month-old dd is still exclusively breastfed. In the early days when she fed frequently, I found it easy to cover up with a cardigan/muslin/sling. Now, I'm less self-conscious and will bf anywhere and everywhere. I can't say that I really enjoy it, or feel inconspicuous but it just has to be done. Now she's started to get easily distracted whilst feeding so if there's a lot of noise or people around, I'll try and find somewhere quieter - it just makes it easier for both of us.

I feel very strongly that women should be able to bf anywhere, anytime their baby needs to be fed. As another poster has said, if you would feel comfortable whipping out a bottle, you should feel comfortable whipping out a breast. It seems sad that while family members love to 'coo' and 'ahh' around the baby, they feel uncomfortable being around them when they're getting the nourishment that is keeping them alive! I just don't get it and if any member of my family - IL's, dad, grandparents etc - asked me to bf elsewhere, I'd flatly refuse. It can be done discreetly - good luck!

Interesting thread.

I was never embarressed in front of my family, as b/f is family norm - mum & g/parents all b/f - in fact, think my dad was the first person I b/f in front of. Felt totally different with inlaws, as b/f NOT 'normal' in that family. I did tend to go upstairs -with the excuse that he would concentrate better, but really, to save all our blushes...After a few months of this, took deep breath and stayed put. By that stage, I knew I was confident with what I was doing/able to do everything quickly/discretely. With dd, didn't even think about. Fed her in the middle of the Oxo Tower Restaurant, surrounded by plate glass windows without a second thought Whilst I agree with many posters that you shouldn't feel you HAVE to leave the room, I think, at least to start with, you may find you feel more confortable doing so. Teh other thing is strangers are by far the easiest to b/f in front of - so you might want to 'practise' in Starbucks!!

Friends, even male friends - embaressed them more than it did me, tbh!

I was nervous about feeding in public at first, but after giving birth with 7 people in the room, then various consultants checking my stitches ('what a lovely job') I figured that bf in public would be nowhere near as embarrasing! John Lewis in Southampton has a lovely bf room, and there's a real feeling of sisterhood in there. I actually found that no-one has ever objected to me feeding anywhere. A lot of my family and dh's family seem to like watching her feed, which I find more disconcerting now dd is 14 months. But, for someone who would never go topless, it's never bothered me.
Good luck with everything.

I fed dd anywhere and everywhere. I quickly learned that I didn't want to leave the room every time I had to feed dd, wanted to stay in the thick of things and not feel isolated and resentful. The best advice I can give you is to be relaxed and natural about it, anyone who feels a bit awkward will take their cue from your attitude and demeanor (sp?) Anyone who doesn't is free to leave the room

I was very self conscious in front of family and some friends and people who knew me but ok with strangers. I would BF in the park or out and about places but not in my own home with visitors. I could do it outside a cafe on a busy main road with a double decker bus pulled up outside but not at home in front of my in laws! I would like to think with no.2 due soon that I will feel more confortable at feeding in front of family etc as it was only me that felt conscious, I'm sure no one else would have minded

Good luck.

Echo what others have said. In early day's with first it is nice to go else where if you have visitors who would make you feel self consious, also nice to have a break from it all and a good excuse to have a cuddle and lie down with your baby. I think a poncho is a great idea, No 2 is 2 weeks old and am feeding her all over the joint, but spend lots of time in windswept parks, due to mad 2.7 DS a nice way to keep us warm any pointers kismet ? . DS was a spring baby and had an enormous sun hat which effectively hid everything from view and kept the sun off his face, you can be v. discrete with a muslin / shawl and if you use it to feed then they can comforted by it in their cots.

Good luck with it all

Ds is six months old and has been exclusivly breastfed since birth. I admit I was a little bit anxious at first especially as he has the most terrible latch (he feeds like he has a tounge tie but he hasn't iyswim!!) but now I have no qualms at all. I am finding as he is so distracted these days that I am actually having to find somewhere very quite and fairly dark if he is to have a good feed as looking around far outweighs feeding in his book and I'm left with an exposed and spraying boob.

Just one other thing, Milly how old is your LO? Please don't let your mum get you down about wieght gain. Ds fed for England for the first 10 weeks or so and put on weight at an amazing rate, on average 1.5 lbs a week. It then settled down to feeds every 2-4hours depending on his mood and his weight gain is slowly settling down. I still leak after six months and ds is weighing in at 25lbs!! But I have only just started him on solids so it is all breastmilk and my HV is delighted with him and his progress

I was really self conscious for the first month or so, then again I didn't go out very much anyway, but when DS was about 6 weeks, we had a day trip out to London, and I ended up feeding him right in the middle of Trafalgar Square (those steps in front of the National Gallery). It was really rather liberating, and after that, I've fed just about anywhere, from quiet rooms in Mothercare to the middle of Windsor High Street. I reckon as long as it's done discreetly and not all out flashing one's boobs in public, it shouldn't be a problem. DS is 6.5months now, and still breastfeeding.

I found if people stared at my huge momma breasts, then I'd try and stare them back. People are less likely to bother you then, as you've made them realise you're human, too, and that's staring's uncomfortable.

A pashmina's great for hiding babies under, though - used my to great effect on lunches out and trips to the pub!!!! (Yes - there is life after babies)

She's too bit and wriggly, now though, so enjoy these first few months while you can (and while you know where your baby is!!!)

I was very self concious to begin with, but have found that if people are uncomfortable they generally don't look, my sis and her boyfriend avoided the room ( until they realised it didn't involve stripping my whole top off).I have become more efficient at feeding (12weeks) without flopping out my boobs on the table. If you are not a breastfeeding mother, I'm not sure you really notice someone breast feeding, well unless you are really nosey, and even then I have't been stared at, most people glance and then move on!

I have been breastfeeding my ds for 8 months everywhere and anywhere. i cant believe it really cos i would never have thought i be like this. it really helps in public if you just concentrate on the baby and do it without making eye contact with anyone. i live in a very snooty non breastfeeding place (the centre of madrid) and i have never had anyone say anything to me. most people avert their eyes too and you just get on with it. i always remember what a friend's mother said to me, she is iranian. 'my dear, in iran it is against the religious law to let a hungry baby cry, you MUST feed the baby whereever you are' so if they do it in tehran i can do it here! also your norks become a cafeteria rather than a lust object so you become less precious about who sees them anyway. GOOD LUCK