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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding in front of others...

85 replies

Ilovemyboy · 23/10/2006 10:57

Hi girls

I am due my first baby in the next few weeks and will be breastfeeding.

I wanted to ask those of you who have done this before, how comfortable were you breastfeeding in front of others? Specifically male family members, your DP's pals and the ILs?

I think if I went round to their houses, I would probably excuse myself and sit in another room and do it. If they came round to mine though I don't think I should have to. I would feel uncomfortable with people having a good old gander at my huge lactating boobies though...esp mates of DP's and the ILs (who I don't get on with).

What did you guys do?

Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

OP posts:

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franca70 · 23/10/2006 14:36

congratulations.
no, I've never felt unconfortable, with anyone. Do what makes you feel confortable, and soon, you'll do it with so much discretion that noone will realize that you are feeding.

1stTimeMummy · 23/10/2006 18:54

Great thread girls. I'm definately worried about Dad and FIL. Think both me and them would find it uncomfortable but then I'm the first of this generation to be pregnant so its all new to everyone.

Come to think of it, I don't know if I'm completely dense or something, but I have never ever been out in public and noticed a woman breastfeeding. Must have been as it wasn't on my radar.

Plibble · 23/10/2006 19:46

I felt uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of my FIL, but that was because every time I whipped one out, he would pull out his camera and attempt to photograph the event . Fortunately he has now left the country and baby Plibble is fed whenever and wherever.

MumtoBen · 23/10/2006 19:57

Hi Ilovemyboy,

I dreaded b/f-ing in front of my grandparents! It turned out fine though as they really weren't bothered. Once you get the hand of it after the 1st few weeks, you can manage to b/f really discreetly.

Lots of people came up to me to look at the baby when I was b/fing, as they didn't even realise what I was doing. I never really minded doing it while I was out, once I got over the 1st time.

I hope it all goes OK for you.

lemonAIIEEE · 23/10/2006 20:06

When I was still in hospital (the first 4 days as had a c/s) I turfed out any visitors other than DH when bf as I was still getting the hang of it and didn't want an audience. By the time we were home I was in the swing of it and wasn't bothered about feeding in front of anyone (well, I had a few brief qualms about DH's grandparents, but even those soon passed). I think it helped that I'd had friends who had routinely breastfed in front of me before so I was used to it as something normal for a woman to do in public IYSWIM.

Until they get to the easily distracted stage at 6/7 months or so, I think very few people even notice that you are bf in public. I had complete strangers come up to me, pat DS on the head and make conversation without them even noticing that he was feeding at the time. Once they are latched on you're not normally exposing anything much.

moaningpaper · 23/10/2006 20:12

It's really about what you feel comfortable with

For the first couple of weeks I was mainly topless to help my sore nipples, so then I mainly avoided visitors

Personally I have always preferred to bf in private, but I have had EASILY distractible babies and there is nothing worse for me than a baby suddenly turning away to stare at someone and them being greeted with a big squirty nork

I like the excuse of having a quiet few minutes with baby as well - so I usually excuse myself

binkacat · 23/10/2006 21:08

I was quite happy bf my dd anywhere and everywhere, infront of relatives, on a bench in the middle of the high street, in restaurants. I think once you've got the hang of latching on you'll be fine as when baby is latched on its all very discreet.
While you're still a bit new to it maybe don't go out too much. Then you can concentrate on getting the feeding technique sorted without getting flustered 'cos you think people are watching.

LadyOfTheFlowersAKA2Babies0Bum · 23/10/2006 21:10

will be breastfeeding?

Gemmitygem · 23/10/2006 21:36

I'm with fillyjonk on the 'don't give a bugger' side of it.. That's what breasts are for, and frankly I feel it's a right to feed LO in public or at home; if someone doesn't like it they don't have to look. You see far worse sights in public, like teenage girls' thongs protruding, builders' bums etc, at least this is a natural thing which benefits our kids! I also don't think you should feel you have to be discreet and hide it away: be proud! If they make nasty remarks you can just squirt milk in their eye! (hmm, that wasn't very mature.) [grin}

Whoowhoobewhooooooh · 24/10/2006 14:02

I don't think it was worrying so much what other people thought, more how comfortable we're going to be.

As fillyjonk said, though: we will be fine.

crimplene · 24/10/2006 20:12

I was really worried about this when I was pg. I thought I'd be the fearless type, but I felt more and more wobbly. I would advise checking out all the good private feeding facilities where you live so you don't feel that you have to do it in public at first.

Arm yourself with a really good book about bfing, so that you can use it to remind yourself that you really are doing the right thing whatever anyone else thinks - and find a bfing support group for the same reason. Specially made tops are good cos you can avoid exposing much (especailly the squashy stretch-mark-covered belly)

I'm now fine in public, despite living in an area where nobody bfs (I've had a couple of bitchy comments - from middle-aged women!) and a request from a drunk bloke to have a try...and they really didn't bother me, but they would have done at first.

I still feel wierd in front of my parents, dunno why. But I just grit my teeth.

Donkeyswife · 25/10/2006 01:29

Hm, Ilovemyboy, when i first came back home from hospital and 1st flood of visitors arrived i felt very self conscious bf in front of them, especially partners of my female friends. When hubby's mates came round, i bf upstairs as not only wld i be embarrassed but they moreso. This worked for me and also usually do when ILs come round - great excuse to escape for a while! No probs bf in front of my family and friends though.

A couple of times i have misjudged ds's feeding times and have had to bf on the bus which although now 6months on, i just do not care about people staring (though most are unaware of what i'm doing), bf on a bus is not ideal as i just found it physically uncomfortable.

In the early days I used a muslin cloth when feeding in cafe's etc, but now am much less self conscious and find that baby covers my bosoms anyway.

threebob · 25/10/2006 01:36

If I had visitors I took myself off the bed and had a little snooze whilst ds fed. Lo and behold - no visitors when I came out. Sometimes I just "went to feed him" and went to bed and popped him in his cot to get rid of people.

I got sick of being left on my own in the living room at inlaws house so I could feed and told dh he had to stay too to keep me company, or I would turn on the TV or take a magazine so I didn't feel like a billy no mates.

I was totally comfortable feeding in front of people, but the other side of the coin is that it is useful to get some peace and quiet and for not having to see people you don't like.

eidsvold · 25/10/2006 03:05

at first cause I thought other people would be more concerned than I was - I used a muslin - but after a little while just fed dd2 wherever I was.

I had a friend who was very shy about it and she bought one of these capes

here

said it made her feel less self conscious - but then again she had a more patient baby than I did

eidsvold · 25/10/2006 03:06

the site is fromthe australian breastfeeding assoc but they do deliver overseas.

Ringrosey · 25/10/2006 07:55

When I think back to the number of times I sat in front of my FIL with both boobs out in the early days after my DS was born, I'm absolutely mortified!! Not my usual style at all, but both my nipples bled the first time I fed in hospital and I was told to let the air get to them!! At the time, I was in such a daze I just didn't care.

Galmum · 25/10/2006 08:32

I not that bothered about what people think normally, but I preferred to bf in private for the first weeks, while I was getting the hang of it. It made me self-conscious to have people watching me whilst I was trying to bf - it was a much them watching my technique as well as the breasts! You need to be relaxed when bf - that's the most important thing, so if feeding infront of the ILs will make you self-conscious wait until you feel sorted. My boobs are big at the best of times and were enormous after my son was born - I was worried he might suffocate in them! To be honest it was a great excuse to chill out for a bit away from my father-in-law when they came to visit anyway. I did end up feeding in front of everyone and anyone once it got established, but I often sat in a corner spot or had a scarf or muslin to help me feel more comfortable. Don't feel obliged to get your baps out in front of everyone just because some people do!!

thehairybabysmum · 25/10/2006 08:42

Cushions are your friends....only works at home obviously but i find they are good for helping to hide everything. I used to put one on my lap and one down by side by the arm of the sofa.

I did feel self concious but you do get more confident as time goes on.

Kerelene · 25/10/2006 09:30

I had problems with breastfeeding initially as my baby was tonguetied, so it was painful sometimes and she bobbed on and off a lot. This did make it more difficult to feed her discreetly to begin with.

I think it depends how much you want to get out and about - on reflection I would probably stay at home more in the early weeks than I did as it's just easier and more relaxing for you and baby, but for some reason I wanted to try lots of trips to see how easy they were to do with a baby - but going to the local shopping centre etc could have waited until she was a few weeks older and more settled!

I am also usually very modest and like many others am surprised how little I cared if I did flash a bit when feeding in public - my theory is that the hormones drive you to worry more about feeding your hungry baby and prevent embarrassment from getting in the way so that baby gets fed!

I am still breastfeeding now my daughter is 15 months, she is obviously more fidgety at this age but as she only feeds 3-4 times a day I just do it at home rather than bother when we are out. It is a lovely way of re-connecting with her when I have been at work all day and she really ejoys it and smacks her lips afterwards!

Best of luck to the expectant mothers with the breastfeeding and everyhting else. My advice is don't have too many visitors in the first two or three weeks - we all do it though! - just enjoy your baby and get to know each other without all the distractions.

katyjo · 25/10/2006 09:44

Hi girls, congrats on the pregnancies!
I reckon you are best to just go for it, start of feeding in front of people you are comfortable with then trying feeding when you are out and once you get the knack don't worry about feeding in front of people, just choose carefully where you sit to do it and what you wear, I found boobs bf tops were great with a baggy jumper over the top - almost impossible to show anything then.
I was really worried about feeding in front of male friends and family, so I used to leave the room, but I wish I hadn't started as once I got the hang of it I hated feeling I had to go out of the room and miss the conversation etc.

Pollybloodyanna · 25/10/2006 09:50

I remember that when I was having difficulty latching on in the first week or so, I did used to leave the room, or my mum who was staying with me would ask others to leave the room. I was often naked from the top up though as i was having difficulty with feeding.

after that I didn't leave the room, even if there was a brief glimpse of nipple! most of my male relatives/friends were comfortable with this, although my bil woudn't look at me when I was feeding

tutu100 · 25/10/2006 10:13

I did feel uncomfortable about bf ds in public but as I refused to feed him in the toilets I had to. My Mum was always great and said if anyone complained she would make a complaint about them. The rest of my family were so amazed at how easily my son fed and how well he grew whilst I was bf they thought it was amazing and no one minded. I never bf in front of mil boyfriend, but only because he is very shy. The thing to remember is that you are getting you breasts out for a very good reason, and there should be no reason to get embarassed. If other people are embarassed then they can leave to room, but I found most just politely avert their eyes. I have seen other mothers breastfeeding in public, but you can only ever spot it if you know what to look out for. Soon you will be really confidant and breastfeeding in front of the financial advisor in the Halifax! (she was female and very kind - recommended lots more comfortable places to feed).

nappiesLaGore · 25/10/2006 10:24

im sure loads of people have said the same thing (no time to read thread, sorry ) but:

it prob will feel a bit wierd to start with, but when the baby is all snuffly and looking for it (rooting) and then rapidly getting antsy if they dont get it fast, that kind of wins out over your discomfort IYSWIM.

and once youre already doing it, most people just try to not look or act like they havnt noticed, you know? (its funny when you can tell they have a voice in their head saying 'be cool, be cool, i know its her breast, but dont look man!' hahaha)

tip: i always had low cut tops to access from the top (iyswim) the first time, but if you have layers so you can lift something up to reach the boob, then by the time the baby's head is in front of it, no-one can see anything.

and if anyone ever does stare, just stare right back and ask what they are looking at!

you are right tho: in your own home you should feel comfortable to do it whenever wherever (and I feel, outside your oen home too, but thats entirely up to you)

caterpiller · 25/10/2006 10:55

I felt a bit shy with the first. With the others though, I did it anywhere. I don't see why you should ask if anyone minds to be honest. It's also hard to find a nice mother and baby room that doesn't have a stinking nappy bin right next to the seats and I refuse to feed somewhere dirty or smelly.
Just always feed from under a fairly loose top.
If anyone does look disapproving it's usually one of those tight lipped grumpy OAPs and I don't mind winding them up anyway

2labs · 25/10/2006 12:19

I had a lot of problems with bf to start with so gradually lost all my shyness (I was very self-conscious) due to every midwife in the hospital coming to help me feed, squashing my boobs into interesting shapes, squeezing out colostrum, commenting on the shape of my nipples etc . By the time I got home I had to be reminded to wear a top at all...

It still takes me a lot of concentration (at 11.5 weeks) to latch ds on properly which makes discreet feeding difficult, but when you are out and about and your lo demands feeding you soon decide that your self-consciousness takes second place.

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