What is my subconscious doing eh!!
Went to yoga this morning and chatted to yoga lady afterward, she knows I am pg. I told her my scan is next week and I'm starting to brick it a bit because of all the uncertainty. She has a little boy but told me she had a miscarriage and found out at the 12 week scan! Eek. She wasn't trying to make me feel bad and was just sharing about that & being pg. She said when it happened she hit rock bottom and became really bitter and angry esp at people being pg. She said the worst was the nurse she saw when being told options was 8 mths pg!! It was sort of nice to actually share how cross seeing everyone fall pg so easily around you makes you and you just want to tell them all to f* off!! She said I'll need my Tuesday class to calm down and hopefully she'll see me at the Thursday class. I am feeling a bit anxious about it. I think what is making me a little worried is that I don't feel particularly pregnant. I haven't had any morning sickness, any weird food aversions or obsessions, I just seem to want to eat more and more often and I've had a few twinges and a heavy feeling in my abdomen but that's it and even the twinges seem to have gone quiet. I will just be very relieved to get to Wednesday and hopefully see baby bushy doing it's thing. We're having nuchal fold etc done on same day.
Popped round to next door neighbours yesterday to give card and saw baba. Namegate avoided as it's not a name either of us would want. They seem to be doing really well and all appears v effortless. I had to watch what I said ,not to give the game away but the bloke was saying about how lovely the weather is and how they could get out for walks and would be no good in the winter and that January babies would be the worst!! Ha ha!! Found out that the hospital was fab and staff brilliant. She did have to have a Caesarian in end but looks really well. I can't imagine myself or the house looking that good when I get to that stage.. Apparently lots of her friends have had babies or are soon to, so she has ready made buggy club. Bleurgh!! All I could think was, if I wasn't pregnant ,how much it would be killing me to listen to all this. I think it's coming from having had a tough time ttc that it sounded all so easy and perfect. Think they are bottle feeding as bloke said he would get a bottle ready and that baby is pretty good and wakes at 1, 4 and 7. I did want to ask about it but it's a bit personal so didn't.My dh looked shocked at the waking up but I told him that that is good! Do you think it's easier bottle feeding? Also what happens to all the milk in your boobs if you don't?
I didn't get the impression they'd been trying for a long time and here's the baby and all her baby friends, with perfect house and skinny body that'll ping back oh so easily, until we decide we want baby no 2 which will, bing, magically appear and childcare is all sewn up with mummy doing 2 days and bloke home working and nursery for rest. Just seems v perfect and together. Good lord , I have surprised myself at the rant!! Oh dear, not v nice to be projecting those feelings but perhaps sharing will make me feel better. I sound like a bitter, envious beehatch!! 
I think I have a case of coveting your neighbours ox or whatever that commandment was!! Wang me please.
Anyway enough introspection, how are the rest of you? Please feel free to share jealous bitch stories to make me feel better