45....and pregnant.....bollocks

[Mexicantortilla]

Just that, how fucking crap is this at my flamin age,
Any advice?

I was asked if I was DD2 grandma ... I just laughed. I AM old enough to be her grandma, but my great friends were all horrified on my behalf, cue lots of compliments (well some are older than me so they would wouldn't they!)

My mums best friend had her last baby at 46 and BF til he was 5, that caused comment, but he's fine and she's still fab (he has now has 2 PhDs so something worked).

You do what YOU want, you can't live your life for others.

oscar you're so funny, I do love people that strike the right note on these boards.

Jesus there are some fuckwitted comments on this thread.

OP, I would be horrified to be pregnant at 45, but mostly because I plan for my youngest to be 10 by then and couldn't face going back to baby/small child. No reason other than that. If you already have a 4 year old then that will be less of a shock if you do decide to continue.

My last pregnancy was unplanned. I agree with those who have said that you should let it sink in for a few days. When I was going through this someone said that you shouldn't feel you have to find the perfect solution. Sometimes it will feel the least worst option at the time you make the decision. That made me feel a lot better.

I AM old enough to be her grandma

I could be a grandma if I had a family when I was younger. My friend was a grandma BEFORE she was 40, is it is possible :)

No shame in being anyone's grandma

Cateblanket thanks for that! I am nearly 40 and trying for second. Made me feel happy seeing so many women leaving it until my age too.

Op I have friends older than you with a first baby, no shame here. My friend thought she was going through menopause (47) and her lovely DD is a gorgeous and happy child. No one mistook her for a Grand parent ever. Her pregnancy was fine, no complications, labour natural with just gas and air. I also have a friend who had an unexpected third baby and her older siblings dote on her.

Take folic acid and chat to your DH and decide what to do. All the best, eat some chocolate.

I am 35. Perfectly possible I could be a grandma. Except that my eldest is 5. Grandma is just the number of generations below you, not an age in itself.

MIL was 45 when I was pregnant with dc1. She was horrified. Most people assume she's dd and ds's Mum when she takes them out.

I'm almost 45 ( tomorrow!) and I would be gutted to be pregnant as my son is thirteen on Friday so my baby days are long gone! Please ignore the fuckwits on this thread, they aren't worth a thought. As you have a smallie already perhaps another baby isn't such a hideous thought? As others have said give yourself a few days to get your head around the shock, you do have a little time to think of your options. And good luck whatever you decide. My mum had a termination after a late shock pregnancy, she had been taking medication that could have harmed the baby too, it was absolutely the right thing for her to do.

As for young grannies, one of my aunts by marriage had 7 kids by the age of 22, and was a granny by 32 and a great granny by 48!

CONTRACEPTION FAILS. My DH is not keen on having a vasectomy, I am not keen on being sterilised - we might decide to knock out another couple of kids in five or ten years (unlikely but possible). Or I might die and DH might remarry and want to have more kids with his new wife. Or DH might die and I might want to have another. Not to mention vasectomies fail and sterilisation fails (horribly sometimes, my DM had a pregnancy in her abdomen which had to be surgically removed). My coil fell out. The condom failed.

I slightly regret being so open that this was an unplanned pregnancy. I think if I were doing this again, I would simply say it was planned. I took prenatal vitamins before we had decided to go ahead too, just in case. Found out at six weeks so drank, smoked and took no folic acid before then, and at twenty week scan, baby looked fine.

Oscar you are making yourself sound like a complete tosser.

No need to be ashamed OP. These things happen and I don't think you're too old for this, if it is what you want.

Fwiw, I would look at a family with kids of 19, 18, 4 and 0 and assumed you'd enjoyed it all so much the first time that you decided to do it all again.

I asked to have my tubes tied in my mid 30s after 3 mc, 3 dc and a termination. They said no twice
Reasons given
Too young
Might meet someone else without DC
3 Dc could be killed in a car crash
I have 3 dds but might want a son
If i want a reversal i would have to pay for one.

From asking for it done then having a termination they still wouldnt do it. I also have a friend who fell pg using contraception, went through with the pg then asked again. They said no too young in early 30s.

As far as i know woman cant have a vasectomy so if their partner doesn't want one and they cant get their tubes done they have to rely on contraception. No form of contraception is 100% as i know very well.

Have to say that at 43, I wish that I were you. You have to do what is best for your family, whatever that might be and I wish you luck with making the decision. Don't be embarrassed, though. Being fertile rocks!

I have a 3 year old and am sure that everyone would see you with a 4/5 year old and a baby and just think how well planned it all was...I for one would look at you with envy!

OP, I found out I was pregnant (completely unplanned and unexpected) at 42. I did a lot of stomping round the house going "fuck fuck fuck" for a couple of days - we were planning to slide into disgraceful middle age while doing up the wreck of a house we'd just bought. We decided to keep it though, we're both looking forward to becoming parents in the next month or so, and my pregnancy has been pretty easy and straightforward (although I am really, really tired).

Drawbacks are the increased levels of risk/worry with regards to the baby's health, and reduced levels of choice for birth (home births are generally out, so are midwife led birth centres). But generally I've had great support from everyone in the NHS and certainly no judgement from anyone.

Just wanted to let you know that if you want to keep the baby, it's not necessarily all crap! And if you don't then that's your decision and completely understandable. Good luck with making the decision.

Just turned 40 and found out I'm pregnant. This thread is making me think that I'm old and there's something deeply problematic about it, whereas back in the real world…

Whoever said as long as you are young enough to be fertile then you are young enough to have a baby is spot on.

In terms of getting tubes tied, the NHS only now tend to offer this if you are having a cesarian and have a compelling medical reason, such as for example, a number of previous sections or an underlying health condition which could make pregnancy disastrous for you.

Good luck OP. A baby is always a blessing. It might be hard work but lovely for your 4 year old to have someone to play with and in 5 years time you aren't going to wish that you hadn't had the baby, whereas there is always a lot more room for regret and what-ifs post-termination.

But 2 days after original post, there is no rush to make any decisions. Let it settle. Congratulations. All will be well.

I am 43 with a 3 year old. I am never offended when people ask if he is my grandson. To be fair they only ever say it if I'm with my 19 year old and it is a fair assumption. After all, he could be my grandson. I'm happy to say that he is my son, not embarrassed.