45....and pregnant.....bollocks

[Mexicantortilla]

Just that, how fucking crap is this at my flamin age,
Any advice?

jice? nice

Huh! I'm a scientist and I know my biology and I had a shock pregnancy at 45 and no matter how many times I do the maths I still can't understand how I got pregnant. My sympathies Mexican.

He is lovely though - a total surprise after three girls - a gift from the gods No regrets!

Take it outside Sandwich and Oscar. This isn't AIBU, and your posts are highly combative, unhelpful and rude.
The OP has come on here for support, not to be told off for being careless, that she is insensitive because of yadda yadda whatevs you say, or that she'll be some kind of granny mix up.
Christ on a bike ladies- why, just why are you posting here? No, don't answer that. And pregnancy brain, or extreme youth, or some engrained soap box habit to post your unhelpful POV is no blardy excuse for shitting all over someone who is looking for support and help.

I also wish there was a hide poster function.

OP I wish you the very best of luck with this. Please take care of yourself, and take double the folic acid. I was going to say keep us posted, but I can understand if you don't.

Know that I'll be keeping you in my thoughts anyway.

"do the grown-up thing and look into permanent birth control options."

The NHS isn't wildly keen on permanent birth control options. Go to your GP in your late 30s/early 40s to ask about permanent birth control and you'll be pushed not-at-all subtly towards the Mirena instead. And if that fails you will apparently have been "trying to have another baby". In the way that you do by having a contraceptive coil inserted, which is of course the first step that anyone takes when trying to have another baby.

How lovely for your 4 year old to have a sibling closer to her age. Your family will be half teens and half littlies.

Of course there will be a couple judgemental sneer-in-the-boxes but the vast majority of people won't think anything of it, as evidenced by this thread.

My friend had her first at 45. She looks younger than ever and her boy is the light of her life.

I am 45 OP, and had my 5th at 40. I'm pretty tired, have a bad back and as DH works away a lot, I do all childcare and housework. Oh, and I work. But guess what? I wouldn't change it. I am sure you will be delighted with a new arrival OP

At last YR mums drinks there were only 2 of us still in our 30s (just), and even we were 'advanced maternal age' when our PFBs were born. We'll be well into our 40s by the time DC2s start school and we're the youngest. Honestly, round here, any woman in her 20s at the school gate is quite obviously the nanny. No mix-up with grannies, either, they're all 70s or 80s.

What other people think isn't the issue, though. It's what's right for you. I had 3 MCs - I'd still assess every pregnancy on its own merits, even the much-wanted ones. Sometimes life grows a curveball and you get to be thankful you live in a progressive democratic society, notwithstanding idiots like sandwich and oscar. Walk a mile in another woman's shoes and all that...

I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make, but age shouldn't be the biggest factor - unless you want it to be.

Good luck with whatever you decide, OP. FWIW, I know tons of mums who had their first child(ren) in their 40s, some who had surprise babies after having teenagers/adult kids. I'm in awe of them-I'm 30 and have one. I'm fucking exhausted.

My great-aunt was nursing her newborn son at her oldest son's wedding. Everyone agreed, she was a champion.

We all do what works for our family.

Honestly op lots of women are starting families later so if it's shame that's stopping you being excited about this please don't let it !

Oscar feck off with the attitude

Other women might be doing it, but a woman can be the mother of young children for only so long!

Be at bit more careful if you don't want to fall pregnant at your age? Contraception fails. And stop with the no sympathy! OP is unexpectedly pregnant, that can have huge impact on your life. She cannot be expected to think of others when she posts asking for help. It isn't op's fault your friends are struggling to get pregnant! FWIW, one of mine is too, she now know she will never have children. She also knows that no one else is responsible for her situation, or should feel guilt at not wanting a child they might be unexpectedly carrying.

There is nothing insensitive about not knowing how you feel about a late, unexpected pregnancy. What IS insensitive is you shitting all over op's thread, where she is asking for support. One of the people who supported me MOST while having to go through a termination (which came about after failed contraceptive, before you dare to judge me too) is someone who had to have termination to due medical reasons herself. Of a baby she VERY much wanted.

You don't have to do it, op.

most people would assume you'd know the basics of birth control CONTRACEPTION FAILS.

A vasectomy? Very simple, effective in-patient procedure You do know they have a failure rate, don't you? Not to mention that they aren't actually always that simple & effective. There is a poster on here suffering a great deal after a vasectomy.

It takes a man AND a woman to have a baby, Stop

I think we know that! We are pretty clued up here on MN you know!

I was not trying to be nasty, just realistic well, realistically, CONTRACEPTION FAILS, and it is a bloody shock when it does so!

Babies are only babies for so long. This is far less about the potential baby than what is right for Mexican and her family.

Continuing with this pregnancy may not be what Mexican wants and that is a perfectly valid feeling.
Wrt to contraception: does anybody here actually feel they can tell her anything she is not likely to have told herself since this shock discovery?! Get a grip and show some compassion.

I suspect there is a lot of projecting going on here. I too have had fertility problems and had 4 MCs, but was not in the least offended by the OP's posts. Her problem is very much her own and not for me to judge.

Whenever I hear of unplanned or unwanted my overriding feeling is one of relief and 'there by the grace of god go I'.

We too have a family of 2 halves: the older 2 are 11 and 10, they younger 6 and 4 and yes, sometimes that creates added challenges. But they love and beat each other and I love my little pack

This thread is vile!

OP, don't be ashamed. If you are fertile enough to be pregnant you are young enough to have a baby. You'll be fine!

I'm 47 and would feel the same, it would be a massive shock, no advice as such, but sympathy .

Stop being mean to Oscar. It's not her fault she doesn't have the intelligence to understand a situation which hasn't happened to her personally. It is unfair to enter into a battle of wits with the unarmed.

Oh I am sorry. Was that rude?

OP, the absolute best of luck to you whatever route you take. There is no shame to be had.

mexican, do what is right for you. If you want the baby, than have the baby. If you don't, you can look into option such as abortion and adoption and see what is right for you.
My first advice would be to go to your gp and talk to him about this.

OP, if you feel ashamed at having fallen by accident just tell people the pg was planned! You and your DH are the only ones who know for sure if it was or wasn't so if/when you've wrapped your head around it tell everyone (midwife/Dr/family/friends/ransoms at the school gate) that you wanted a sibling for your youngest..... Puts you in control of what people might say and stop you feeling judged?

Good luck!

I hope the OP ignores the unpleasant posting and does come back. Contrary to the intentions of a couple of posters, the rest of us are interested in giving support not making idiotic judgements.

How lovely for your pre-schooler to have a sibling close in age .

Ignore all the immature people on here.

I am 42 and would be terrified but would also be really excited so of course, you are going to have mixed feelings when you are faced with a huge situation. You would be a robot not too.

Do not be embarrassed. Nothing to be ashamed of at all.

There is absolutely no shame in it at all.

DP's cousin had a DS2 at 43.
She had DS1 when she was a teenager & has a grown up DD as well.
She says its the best thing she ever did.

Just give yourself time to process it, it must be a hell of a shock.

Oscar You wouldn't have a cousin named Pirate would you?

I can't see why there's anything to be embarrassed about. Are you not meant to have sex over the age of 40? I don't understand at all.

I hope you are ok, what a shock. If you do go ahead with the pregnancy, as others have said, then it does fit well with your 4yr old.
I found looking forward a few years has helped with decisions about whether to have more children, that and working out whether it would totally break us to get there.

Good luck on making the decision that's best for your family.

I hope you feel reassured from this thread if nothing else that you won't be on your own in your forties.

I am knocking on fourty and I thought I would be a bit older than other mums, and I am average, there are plenty older than me.

Don't give that any consideration at all,

You must have a lot of think about but I hope you don't take the two posters on here to heart, they obviously have their own little agendas. Ignore them.